how to start off a speech for a funeral

How to Deliver a Heartfelt Funeral Speech: A Step-by-Step Guide

Funeral speeches play a crucial role in honoring the life of a loved one who has passed away. They provide solace to grieving family members and friends, while also sharing the essence of the person’s life and their impact on those around them. A well-crafted eulog y captures the unique qualities of the deceased, allowing attendees to relive fond memories and celebrate the individual’s life.

Writing and delivering a heartfelt eulogy can be a daunting task. The pressure to create the “best eulogy ever” can be overwhelming, especially when you’re dealing with your own grief. The internet is filled with various funeral eulogy examples, from funny eulogy examples that highlight the person’s wit to deeply emotional tributes. Famous eulogies like Earl Spencer’s eulogy for Princess Diana, John Cleese’s eulogy for Graham Chapman, and Oprah Winfrey’s eulogy for Rosa Parks have set the bar high.

Finding the perfect balance between honoring the person’s life and providing comfort to loved ones can be challenging. In this step-by-step guide, we will explore how to write and deliver a heartfelt funeral speech, drawing inspiration from eulogy examples and famous eulogies to help you pay tribute to your beloved family member or close friend.

II. Understanding the Purpose of a Funeral Speech

A. honoring the deceased.

A funeral speech is an opportunity to honor the deceased by highlighting their unique qualities, accomplishments, and the impact they had on the lives of others. The best eulogy ever would capture the essence of the person’s life and character, creating a lasting tribute that resonates with attendees. Famous eulogies, such as Earl Spencer’s eulogy for Princess Diana, John Cleese’s eulogy for Graham Chapman, and Oprah Winfrey’s eulogy for Rosa Parks, serve as inspiring examples of how to pay homage to a loved one.

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B. Comforting the bereaved

One of the primary purposes of a funeral speech is to provide comfort and solace to the bereaved family and friends. Sharing fond memories, funny eulogy examples, and heartfelt stories can help lighten the atmosphere and offer consolation to those in mourning. A well-crafted eulogy helps celebrate the person’s life while acknowledging the pain of their passing, striking the perfect balance between grief and happy memories.

C. Sharing memories and stories

A funeral speech allows you to share personal experiences and stories about the deceased, creating a tapestry of memories that paint a vivid picture of their life. Drawing from short eulogy examples and famous eulogies like Mona Simpson’s eulogy for Steve Jobs and Frank Oz’s eulogy for Jim Henson can help illustrate the impact one person can have on the lives of many. By sharing these stories, a funeral speech can create a sense of connection and closeness among the attendees, reminding us all of the special bond we shared with our beloved family member or close friend.

III. Gathering Information and Memories

A. talking to family and friends.

Before diving into writing the best eulogy ever, it’s essential to gather information and collect memories from family and friends of the deceased. This can help provide a more comprehensive understanding of the person’s life, character, and impact on others. Conversations with close friends and family members can reveal heartwarming stories and funny eulogy examples that might not be known otherwise. These anecdotes can help paint a vivid picture of the deceased, making the eulogy more authentic and relatable.

B. Reflecting on your own experiences with the deceased

In addition to gathering information from others, take the time to reflect on your own experiences and earliest memories with the deceased. This will allow you to recall fond memories and special moments you shared together. Consider how much one person’s life has influenced your own and what lessons you’ve learned from them. Personal stories and experiences can make the eulogy more genuine and create a deeper connection with the audience.

C. Organizing your thoughts

Once you’ve collected stories and memories from family, friends, and your own experiences, it’s time to organize your thoughts and determine the structure of your eulogy. Review various funeral eulogy examples, including famous eulogies like Earl Spencer’s eulogy for Princess Diana, John Cleese’s eulogy for Graham Chapman, and Oprah Winfrey’s eulogy for Rosa Parks. Draw inspiration from these examples while keeping your eulogy unique and tailored to the person you are honoring.

As you organize your thoughts, consider incorporating elements from short eulogy examples, such as quotes, poems, or specific phrases that capture the essence of the person’s character. For instance, Cher shared a beautiful eulogy at Sonny Bono’s British memorial service, where she provided hope and comfort through her words.

By combining the gathered information, personal experiences, and inspiration from various eulogy examples, you can create a heartfelt tribute that honors the memory of your beloved family member or close friend.

IV. Structuring Your Funeral Speech

A. the opening: setting the tone.

Start your eulogy with an opening that sets the tone for the entire speech. You may choose to begin with a quote that represents the deceased, a personal anecdote, or simply an expression of love and admiration. Take inspiration from famous eulogies like Earl Spencer’s eulogy for Princess Diana, John Cleese’s eulogy for Graham Chapman, or Oprah Winfrey’s eulogy for Rosa Parks. The opening should capture the essence of the person’s character and create an emotional connection with the audience.

B. The body: sharing stories and memories

Personal anecdotes.

In the body of your funeral speech, share personal anecdotes that illustrate the person’s life and the impact they had on others. These stories can be drawn from your own experiences, as well as those shared by family and friends. Personal anecdotes help paint a vivid picture of the deceased and offer a glimpse into their personality and values.

Humor and light moments

While grief is a natural part of any funeral speech, incorporating humor and light moments can provide relief and comfort to the bereaved. Funny eulogy examples, such as John Cleese’s eulogy for Graham Chapman or Frank Oz’s eulogy for Jim Henson, demonstrate how laughter can be a powerful healing tool. Be sure to balance humor with sensitivity, ensuring that your jokes and anecdotes are appropriate for the occasion.

Lessons learned and values cherished

Share the lessons learned and values cherished by the deceased throughout their life. This can include their beliefs, passions, and the wisdom they imparted on others. Referencing short eulogy examples or famous eulogies like Mona Simpson’s eulogy for Steve Jobs can provide inspiration for this section of your speech.

C. The closing: expressing gratitude and hope

In the closing of your funeral speech, express gratitude for the time spent with the deceased and the happy memories you shared. Offer hope for the future by sharing how the person’s life will continue to impact others, even in their absence. Use powerful words and phrases to create a lasting impression, aiming to make your eulogy one of the best eulogies ever.

Drawing from funeral eulogy examples, like Cher’s beautiful eulogy at Sonny Bono’s British memorial service, can help you find the perfect balance of heartfelt emotion and hope. By incorporating elements of famous eulogies and personal stories, your funeral speech will pay tribute to your beloved family member or close friend while providing comfort and solace to those in attendance.

V. Tips for Writing a Heartfelt Eulogy

A. be authentic and genuine.

When writing a eulogy, it’s essential to be authentic and genuine in your words and emotions. The best eulogy ever is one that comes from the heart and truly reflects the person’s life and character. Draw inspiration from funeral eulogy examples and famous eulogies like Earl Spencer’s eulogy for Princess Diana, John Cleese’s eulogy for Graham Chapman, and Oprah Winfrey’s eulogy for Rosa Parks, but make sure to infuse your own unique voice and perspective.

B. Use descriptive language

Using descriptive language in your eulogy helps paint a vivid picture of the person’s life and experiences. By employing vivid imagery and evocative words, you can bring memories to life and create a more immersive experience for the audience. Descriptive language can enhance even short eulogy examples, making them more memorable and impactful.

C. Focus on the positive aspects of the deceased’s life

While acknowledging grief and loss is important, focusing on the positive aspects of the deceased’s life can provide comfort and solace to those mourning. Share fond memories, happy moments, and the positive qualities of the person to celebrate their life and legacy. Funny eulogy examples, like Frank Oz’s eulogy for Jim Henson or John Cleese’s eulogy for Graham Chapman, show the power of humor in highlighting the positive aspects of a person’s life.

D. Keep it concise and organized

An effective eulogy is concise and well-organized, guiding the audience through the person’s life and experiences while maintaining their attention. To achieve this, make use of keywords and phrases that capture the essence of the person and their impact, such as “fond memories,” “beloved mother,” “best friend,” or “so much fun.” Drawing inspiration from famous eulogies and eulogy examples can help you structure your speech and ensure that it remains engaging and focused. By following these tips, you can create a beautiful eulogy that pays tribute to your loved one and leaves a lasting impression on those who hear it.

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VI. Preparing for Delivery

A. practice reading your speech.

To ensure that your eulogy flows smoothly and resonates with the audience, practice reading it aloud several times before the funeral. This will help you become familiar with the text, allowing you to convey your message with confidence. As you read, consider the pacing and tone of your speech, ensuring that it aligns with the examples of great eulogies you have researched.

B. Anticipate emotions and have a backup plan

Delivering a eulogy can be an emotional experience, especially when recounting fond memories of a close friend or family member. Anticipate the emotions that may arise during your speech and have a backup plan in place, such as pausing to compose yourself or asking someone else to continue reading on your behalf if needed. By preparing for these moments, you can ensure that your tribute remains heartfelt and genuine.

C. Speak slowly and clearly

When delivering your eulogy, speak slowly and clearly to ensure that your message is easily understood by all attendees. As you share stories and memories, use descriptive language and keywords like “best eulogy ever,” “funny eulogy examples,” and “fond memories” to paint a vivid picture of the person’s life. Drawing from famous eulogies like Earl Spencer’s eulogy for Princess Diana, John Cleese’s eulogy for Graham Chapman, and Oprah Winfrey’s eulogy for Rosa Parks can help you find inspiration for your delivery style. By speaking with clarity and conviction, you can create a powerful tribute that honors the memory of your loved one and leaves a lasting impression on those present at the funeral.

VII. Delivering the Funeral Speech

A. establish a connection with the audience.

Begin your speech by establishing a connection with the audience. Acknowledge the shared sense of loss and grief, and express your gratitude for their presence. This will create an atmosphere of empathy and support, setting the stage for your eulogy.

B. Maintain eye contact and use body language

As you deliver your speech, maintain eye contact with the audience and use appropriate body language to convey your emotions. This will help you engage with the attendees and create a more immersive experience. Be mindful of your posture and gestures, ensuring that they reflect the tone and content of your eulogy.

C. Be mindful of your tone and pace

When delivering your funeral speech, be conscious of your tone and pace. Use keywords like “best eulogy ever,” “funeral eulogy examples,” and “fond memories” to guide your delivery. Draw inspiration from famous eulogies such as Earl Spencer’s eulogy for Princess Diana, John Cleese’s eulogy for Graham Chapman, and Oprah Winfrey’s eulogy for Rosa Parks. Speak slowly and clearly, allowing your words to resonate with the audience.

As you share stories and happy memories, adjust your tone to match the emotion of each anecdote. Strive to strike a perfect balance between honoring the person and acknowledging grief, taking cues from examples like Mona Simpson’s eulogy for Steve Jobs and Frank Oz’s eulogy for Jim Henson.

In conclusion, delivering a heartfelt eulogy is an important task in honoring the life of a close friend or family member. By following these tips and drawing inspiration from famous eulogies and eulogy examples, you can create a beautiful tribute that captures the essence of the person’s life, character, and special bond with their loved ones. Remember to be authentic, use descriptive language, and pay tribute to the person’s life and fond memories while providing hope and comfort to those in attendance.

VIII. Example Eulogies

  a. sample funeral speech for a parent.

Good afternoon, everyone.

Today, we come together in shared sorrow and collective admiration to bid farewell to a wonderful woman, my beloved mother, Susie. We gather here not only to mourn her passing but, more importantly, to celebrate the truly exceptional life she lived and the countless lives she touched in her time with us.

Susie was a woman of endless charm, warmth, and resilience – characteristics that deeply influenced my upbringing and those of my siblings. She had an uncanny ability to bring a sense of joy and peace to any room she walked into, even in times of chaos and confusion. With her radiant smile, she had a way of making people feel seen, heard, and appreciated. She was our North Star, the one who always guided us, always there to help us find our way back when we were lost.

When I think of my mother, a few memories immediately surface.

There was the time, in the depths of a harsh winter, when the neighborhood children were all huddled inside their homes, escaping the frosty chill. On that day, Susie gathered us all for an impromptu snowman-building competition. It wasn’t about the competition, but the unity, the shared laughter, the frostbitten fingers, and the warm cups of hot cocoa after that made it memorable. It was an embodiment of what she was to us all – a beacon of warmth, love, and unity.

Then there was the instance when I came home heartbroken from a failed math test. I remember the tears streaming down my face, the feeling of utter disappointment in myself. But Mom, she didn’t judge or criticize. She held me close and said, “In life, my dear, it’s not about the mistakes we make but how we learn from them.” And with her unwavering support, we tackled those equations together until they were no longer foreign to me. That was Susie, always there to pick us up when we stumbled, to turn our setbacks into comebacks, to show us that failing wasn’t the end but rather a chance to rise stronger.

Susie was also the core of our family, the glue that held us all together. She kept us rooted, reminding us about the importance of love, respect, and understanding in the family. Despite her struggles, despite the storms life threw at her, she never faltered in her dedication to her children and her unwavering faith in us. She was our greatest cheerleader, our most profound teacher, and our fiercest protector.

Losing her has created a void in our hearts, a silence in our lives that cannot be filled. But as we grieve, we also remember. We remember her laugh, echoing in the corners of our home. We remember her wisdom, imprinted deep within our hearts. And we remember her love, a love so powerful and so encompassing that it will continue to guide and strengthen us, even though she’s no longer physically with us.

As we say our final goodbyes today, let us remember Susie for the remarkable woman she was. Let’s honor her memory by embodying the values she taught us: compassion, resilience, love, and unity.

Susie, our dear mother, you are gone but never forgotten. Your spirit will live on within each of us, a guiding light in the dark, a comforting whisper in the wind, a constant reminder of the strength and love we carry within us, because of you.

Thank you for everything, Mom. We love you, and we will miss you always.

 B. Sample funeral speech for a sibling

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Today, we stand united in grief and solidarity, as we bid farewell to a life that touched ours in ways words can barely encapsulate. A life that was too short yet immensely vibrant, filled with love, laughter, and countless shared moments. Today, we remember my brother, my confidante, my friend, Jack.

Growing up with Jack was nothing short of an adventure. He was the peanut butter to my jelly, the yin to my yang. As kids, we were inseparable. We shared not just a room, but countless secrets, dreams, laughter, and even the occasional sibling squabble. But through all the highs and lows, there was always an underlying foundation of unwavering brotherly love.

One story that springs to mind, encapsulating the spirit of Jack, was our great ‘Treehouse Escapade’. We were just about ten and twelve then, and had set our hearts on building the perfect treehouse in the large oak tree at the end of our garden. We had no idea what we were doing, armed only with a sketch on a crumpled piece of paper and the confidence that only children possess. It took us the entire summer, hammers slipping, nails bending, and more than one accidental thump on a thumb. But Jack, ever the optimist, would laugh off the blunders, transforming our little project into a whirlwind of joy.

That treehouse wasn’t architecturally sound, nor was it a spectacle to behold. But it was our haven, a testament to our shared dreams, our determination, and the magic that Jack brought into every task he undertook. He was always the beacon guiding us towards laughter and fun, turning even the most mundane activities into cherished memories.

Jack had a heart larger than life itself. He was the first to lend a hand to anyone in need, the first to cheer you up when you were down. His sense of humor was legendary, his laughter infectious. When he walked into a room, you couldn’t help but feel the energy change – brighter, lighter, better.

But Jack wasn’t just my older brother; he was my mentor, my guide, my protector. I remember when I was about to head off to college, nervous and unsure of what the future held. It was Jack who sat me down and said, “In life, you’re going to face challenges and make mistakes, but always remember that it’s these experiences that shape us. Embrace them. Learn from them. And remember, no matter where you are, you’ll always have a piece of home with you.”

Losing Jack feels like a chapter of our shared book has abruptly ended. Yet, I find solace in the memories we created together. Every shared joke, every heart-to-heart conversation, every shared dream, and even the bittersweet tears, are all fragments of a beautiful mosaic that depicts a bond that can never be broken.

Jack, my dear brother, I am grateful for every moment we shared, for every laugh, every story, every life lesson. You were my north star in the darkest nights, my compass when I lost my way, my anchor in the roughest storms.

As we say our final goodbyes, we carry your spirit with us, your joy, your kindness, your unwavering zest for life. Your life was a blessing, your memory a treasure. You are loved beyond words and missed beyond measure.

Until we meet again, Jack, thank you for being the best brother I could have ever asked for. I love you, and I will carry you in my heart always.

 C. Sample funeral speech for a friend

Dear Friends and Family,

Today we gather to remember a man whose life was as vibrant and dynamic as the waves of the ocean – forever in motion, brimming with energy, and touching the lives of everyone he met. A man who, in his time on earth, defined what it truly meant to be a friend, a confidante, a brother in spirit. We are here to celebrate the life of Mark.

Mark was more than a friend to all of us. He was the epitome of an adventurer, a soul that was forever curious, forever willing to explore the unknown, yet always ready to provide the comfort of familiarity when it was most needed.

One of the most unforgettable adventures we shared together was our unplanned road trip. I still remember that day. It was the kind of day when you feel the world weighing heavy on your shoulders. Mark turned up at my doorstep with nothing more than a mischievous grin and his beat-up old van, affectionately nicknamed “The Wanderer.” He looked at me and said, “The world is wide, and we are young. Let’s go get lost to find ourselves.”

What was supposed to be a day’s escape turned into a week of spontaneity. We slept under the stars, got lost more times than I can count, sang at the top of our lungs to songs we barely knew the lyrics to, and shared stories that made us laugh until our stomachs hurt. The journey didn’t just lighten the load I was carrying back then; it showed me the value of friendship, freedom, and living in the moment. That was Mark, a tornado of spontaneity, pulling you into an adventure you never knew you needed.

Yet, despite his love for adventure, Mark also had a calmness about him that was almost infectious. He had an uncanny ability to quiet the storm inside you with just a few words or a reassuring smile. He was my confidante, the one I could call at 2 AM to discuss life’s quandaries or the latest episode of a TV show we were both hooked on. He knew when to offer advice and when to simply listen, offering silence as a refuge from the chaos of the world.

Mark, my dear friend, your passing leaves a void in our lives that can never be filled. Your laughter, your spirit of adventure, your comforting presence – they are now but cherished memories, echoes of a friendship that will continue to live on in my heart.

As we say our final goodbyes, we remember you not with tears of sadness but with smiles, recalling the joy and happiness you brought into our lives. We remember you as you were – a beautiful soul, an adventurer, a beacon of light in our sometimes-dark world.

In honor of Mark, let’s not dwell in the sorrow of his departure. Instead, let’s celebrate the life he lived and the person he was. Let’s remember his unquenchable thirst for life, his deep and resounding laughter, and his unwavering loyalty as a friend.

Mark, you were the echo in the forest, the breeze on a summer day, and now the whisper in our hearts, forever reminding us of the bond we shared. Though we part ways today, the footprints you left on our hearts will remain. You will be greatly missed, my dear friend. Rest in peace, until we meet again.

Thank you, Mark, for the memories, the adventures, and most importantly, your friendship. We love you and will remember you always.

IX. Conclusion

A. the impact of a heartfelt funeral speech.

A well-crafted and heartfelt funeral speech can have a profound impact on the audience, providing solace and comfort during a time of grief. By incorporating elements from famous eulogies like Earl Spencer’s, John Cleese’s, and Oprah Winfrey’s, as well as drawing from short eulogy examples and funny eulogy examples, you can create a powerful tribute that captures the essence of the person’s life and character. A funeral speech that shares fond memories and celebrates the entire life of a loved one can be remembered as the best eulogy ever, leaving a lasting impression on those who hear it.

B. Final thoughts on honoring the memory of a loved one

Honoring the memory of a close friend or family member through a funeral speech is a significant responsibility. Writing a eulogy that strikes the perfect balance between paying tribute to the person’s life and acknowledging grief can be an emotional and challenging process. However, by focusing on the person’s life, their impact on others, and the fond memories shared, you can create a beautiful eulogy that truly honors their memory. Remember to draw inspiration from examples like Steve Jobs’ eulogy by Mona Simpson or Sonny Bono’s eulogy by Cher, and always speak from the heart. In doing so, you will not only pay tribute to your loved one but also provide hope, comfort, and healing to all those in attendance.

At MemoryCherish, we understand the importance of honoring your loved one’s memory with a heartfelt and professionally crafted eulogy. Our team of experienced writers is dedicated to helping you create a beautiful tribute that captures the essence of the person’s life, character, and the fond memories shared. Let MemoryCherish be your partner in honoring your loved one’s memory with a professionally crafted eulogy. Reach out to us today and let us help you create a touching tribute that celebrates their life and provides comfort to those in attendance.

What makes the best eulogy?

The best eulogy is one that captures the essence of the person’s life, character, and impact on others while providing comfort to those in attendance. Key elements of the best eulogy include:

• Authenticity: Speak from the heart and share genuine emotions and experiences.
• Personal anecdotes: Share stories that highlight the person’s personality, values, and relationships.
• Balance: Strike a balance between honoring the person’s life and acknowledging grief.
• Positive aspects: Focus on the positive aspects of the deceased’s life, including accomplishments, passions, and happy memories.
• Emotional connection: Establish an emotional connection with the audience by using descriptive language and conveying empathy.
• Organization: Structure the eulogy with a clear beginning, middle, and end to guide the audience through the person’s life and experiences.

What is the best speech for a funeral?

The best speech for a funeral is one that pays tribute to the deceased while offering comfort and solace to the grieving family and friends. This can be achieved by:

• Sharing personal stories, anecdotes, and memories of the person.
• Focusing on the positive aspects of their life and the impact they had on others.
• Acknowledging the grief and loss felt by those in attendance.
• Using appropriate humor and light moments to provide relief and healing.
• Ensuring the speech is concise, well-organized, and delivered with sincerity and emotion.

What is the best closing line for a eulogy?

The best closing line for a eulogy is one that leaves a lasting impression, encapsulates the person’s life and legacy, and offers hope or inspiration to the audience. Some examples of powerful closing lines are:

• “May we carry [deceased’s name] memory in our hearts, allowing their spirit to live on through us.”
• “As we say our final goodbye, let us remember [deceased’s name] life and the love they brought to all who knew them.”
• “In the words of [deceased’s name], ‘Live fully, love deeply, and make a difference.’ Let us honor their memory by following this guiding principle.”
• “Though our hearts are heavy with grief, we find solace in the beautiful memories of [deceased’s name] and the impact they had on our lives.”

Choose a closing line that reflects the person’s character and values, and leaves the audience with a sense of comfort and inspiration.

Writing a eulogy during this difficult time is hard. Our professional writers are here to help you capture your loved one’s essence and life beautifully.

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A Guide to Writing a Funeral Speech: 8 Heartfelt Examples

By: Author Camila Steinfeld

Posted on Last updated: October 20, 2023

Categories Writing Prompts

With the passing of a loved one comes the responsibility of making arrangements for their funeral. This includes deciding who will be saying a funeral speech at the funeral service.

Saying a funeral speech is not something that should be undertaken unprepared. It requires some forethought and planning.

A funeral is an emotional occasion and delivering a speech, unprepared, in front of the congregation is a recipe for disaster = one that will not soon be forgiven.

The ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ of a Funeral Speech

When you sit down to decide what you’re going to say in your eulogy speech, there are a few factors you need to take into consideration.

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In writing your speech , it’s important to demonstrate the personal relationship you shared with the deceased. It’s necessary that you give the congregation an insight into the person’s life as it related to your own.

If you want to relate a situation or event that occurred in the deceased’s life, do so tastefully.

Your aim is not to deliver a stand-up comedy routine, but rather, a poignant and potentially somewhat humorous view of who the deceased was and what they meant to you.

A funeral speech is difficult to deliver if you’re feeling over-emotional. You cannot afford to break down and cry in the moment.  

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That’s not to say that you cannot show your emotions and grief. But you must be able to get through the speech you have prepared.

Finally, don’t use a funeral speech as an opportunity to settle old scores or tell others about unfinished business between yourself and the deceased.

Outline: How to build a funeral speech

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Here are some examples of a funeral speech that celebrates the deceased’s life but at the same time expresses the grief of the speaker.

A Eulogy for a Mother

The last thing I imagined myself doing today was delivering the eulogy at my mother’s funeral.

Despite the fact that she was ill, and we knew her passing was inevitable, it has still come as a shock to us as a family.

My mother was a phenomenal woman who possessed reserves of strength and patience that seemed to be infinite.

We, her children, were her pride and joy; she regarded us as the greatest accomplishment of her life. That doesn’t mean that raising us was easy, nor always enjoyable.

My siblings and I gave her a lot of gray hairs along the way. But, regardless of our misdeeds, she would always find it in her heart to forgive us.

And not only that, she would have enough faith in us to believe that we would not transgress again.

One of my fondest memories of my mother is watching her sit down and relax after a long day. She worked hard at her job and came home to run her household. That meant that she had very little time to herself.

And even with the little ‘me time’ she had, she never used it for herself. She’d always be knitting or sewing or making something that we needed.

What our family lacked in money, my mother more than made up for with love.

My mother was the heart of our home, the center of our universe, and the greatest example of unconditional love we could’ve hoped to have.

A Eulogy for a Father

My father was a quiet man. He seldom said much. That’s why, when he did have something to say, we listened.

That may make him sound like he was distant, but nothing could be further from the truth.

He was always interested in what was going on in our lives and was extraordinarily proud of our achievements.

Whether it was scoring a home run in a Little League baseball game or getting a bursary for a university, he delighted in our successes.

As a child, one of the places I felt the safest was in the arms of my father. In fact, right now, that’s the place I wish I was more than anything else.

He was a hardworking man who set a great example for my siblings and me. We learned from him that, regardless of the task, it was not worth doing if you didn’t want to do it properly.

My father had an incredibly dry sense of humor. It took us a while to grasp it because, as children, we didn’t get it.

But as we grew up, we began to understand his wit and laugh at the things he said.  

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He presided over family dinners with a quiet dignity that spoke of a patriarch who took that responsibility seriously.

He was the mediator in our disputes as siblings and always took the high road, refusing to take sides.

He’s left a gap in our lives that we can’t even begin to contemplate filling.

A Funeral Speech for a Best Friend

Jennifer and I met, two gap-toothed first-grader’s, on the first day of school – ever.

Something drew us to each other though. We could never quite figure out what it was, but it’s lasted a lifetime.

As children, we would spend hours with each other without talking that much.

We just understood each other. Even if you put us on either side of a big room full of people, Jennifer and I would always find our way back to each other immediately.

We survived high school together. I’m not sure if either of us would’ve made it without the other. We laughed and cried together so many times.

There were crushes and boyfriends that caused heartache and heartbreak. But, throughout it all, we were always there for each other, no matter what – no matter how many times I needed a shoulder to cry on, Jennifer was there.

We went to different colleges after high school and the careers and lives we pursued after our studies were poles apart. We lived far away from each other and I’ll be honest, we sometimes went for long periods without talking, which I regret.

I’ll be honest, we sometimes went for long periods without talking, which I regret.

But every time we spoke or saw each other though, we picked up where we left off, and it felt like we’d never been apart.

It’s that mutual love and respect that makes me know Jennifer was the best friend I could ever have had.

A Eulogy for a Wife

I don’t know where to begin to tell you about the enormous gaping hole that Samantha’s passing has left in my life.

It feels like half of me has vanished in an instant, and I’m not sure I’ll ever feel whole again.

Samantha was an amazing woman. She had such an infectious zest for life that she could always find the humor or a silver lining of any situation, regardless of the gravity. Anything seemed possible with her attitude.

The way she attacked the obstacles she encountered with such strength and determination was inspirational.

Samantha and I met quite by accident. I walked into her office in error – and there she was: the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She seemed to radiate some kind of magnetic attraction.  

40+ Other Ways to Say I Love You Dearly

I knew there and then that I would never be able to stay away from her, and that my life would not be complete without her in it. She didn’t make it easy.

I had to ask her out several times before she agreed. But when I look back on the life we’ve shared, it was more than worth it.

Our children were the center of Samantha’s world. She took her role as a mother seriously and did an amazing job of raising them to be the adults they are today.

I wish I’d had more time with her, I really do. But I will treasure the years I had with her in my heart for the rest of my life.

A Funeral Speech for a Husband

The thing that made me fall in love with Stephen was his sense of humor. He always made me laugh, even when all I wanted to do was cry.

Whenever I’d get angry or upset with him – for whatever reason – I’d always wind up laughing because he could always make me see the funny side of it.

As a husband, Stephen was supportive of everything I did.

Like when I decided that the patio needed to be refurbished. He was right by my side working so hard to help me, even though I’m sure the last thing he felt like doing was revamping the patio.

In fact, I know he would have preferred to spend his weekend resting and relaxing. But he never let me down. Tired or not, he’d help me with all my ‘projects’.

Stephen endeared himself to me even more when we became parents. He was so proud to be a father and a wonderfully hands-on partner.

I couldn’t have asked for a better father for my children. In fact, there were times I had to ask him to be a bit more hands-off so that I could get to my babies!

The lives of our children and their achievements gave Stephen an enormous amount of satisfaction.

He supported them every step of the way. He picked them up when they fell or failed.

He encouraged them to keep going. And he showed them how to be the resilient adults they have become.

My life was better that I could have ever imagined, and fuller that I ever dreamed because of Stephen’s presence by my side.

A Eulogy for a brother

I’m not going to stand up here and tell you that it was all sunshine and roses between David and myself growing up.

There were times I wished he wasn’t my brother. And I’m sure there were times he wished I wasn’t his sister.

We seemed to have a knack for pushing each other’s buttons, sometimes with some amusing consequences, sometimes not.

From the outset, David stood out as an individual. He did not march to the beat of society’s drum. He had his own internal drumbeat, and he remained committed to it.

One of my favorite memories of David is the one-and-only time my mother asked him to water her indoor plants. True to form, David came up with a plan to make the job easier.

He brought the hose and sprinkler indoors and turned it on. I’ll never forget the look on my mother’s face and the mischievous grin on David’s.

As we grew older, I began to see David for what he truly was. He was a caring brother who’d do anything to protect me.

He let me cry on his shoulder when I went through my first break-up. He was the only one who understood my hurt and confusion when our parents divorced.

David was a loyal and kind person who’d never let you down.

He’d have given anyone the shirt off his back. I’m proud to have called this incredibly special man my brother.

A Funeral Speech for a Sister

My sister Janet never met a challenge she didn’t conquer.

Even as a baby, she showed an exceptional amount of determination. She would turn her mind to an obstacle and work on it until she’d overcome it.

Of course, she drove me crazy. Having a little sister who wanted to tag along was, at times, infuriating.

She would go through the things in my room and leave a mess. When she was about ten years old, she got into my makeup drawer and went completely overboard.

When I caught her, she had rainbow-colored eyelids, forehead and cheeks. Her lips and teeth were full of lipstick, and there was mascara everywhere. I was furious at the time. When she saw how angry I was, she began to cry.

Anytime she’d open those beautiful big brown eyes of hers, silently reminding me that she was my flesh and blood, I couldn’t stay angry with her.

She’d open those beautiful big brown eyes and remind me that she was my flesh and blood. And I couldn’t stay angry with her.

Janet was an exemplary student. She had an incredible work ethic. If she didn’t understand something, she’d work at it until she did.

Losing my sister is so heartbreaking. She had so much left to offer the world.

But wherever she is, I know that she’s looking down on me now with those gorgeous brown eyes and that beautiful smile.

A Funeral Speech for a Close Acquaintance (e.g., a teacher, boss, coworker)

I’d like to start by offering John’s family my sincerest condolences.

Your loss is so great. You had a special man in your midst, and I’m can’t imagine the depth of loss you must feel.

John was my high school English teacher, so you might wonder why I refer to him as John and not as Mr. Robinson; it was at his insistence, as soon as I graduated.

When I first called him Mr. Robinson after graduation, he’d turned around and said, “Is my father standing behind me?” When I replied in the negative, he’d said, “Then why are you saying his name?”

John taught me so much more than English. He taught me how to think critically, and not to take things at face value.  

40 Best Examples for a Thank You Note to Teacher

He showed me the value of questioning that which was placed before me as fact. Thanks to him, I developed analytical skills that I continue to use today.

John’s work ethic influenced me greatly. He would always show us the value of hard work and diligence. I took those lessons to heart.

His passion for teaching English was contagious. I fell in love with the language on a different level thanks to him. He made the written word come alive in class.

He may not have known it, but John fulfilled an important role in my life. He was like a father, an uncle, and a big brother all rolled into one.

He shaped me into the man I am today. There are no words I can use to express my gratitude, which I know would disappoint John. After all, he made sure he taught us a wide vocabulary

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Funeral Speech Examples for a Heartfelt Eulogy

We hope our funeral speech examples will inspire you to write a heartfelt eulogy to honour your loved one.

Delivering a funeral speech can be a daunting task.  Quite apart from the challenge of speaking in front of people while in a highly charged emotional state, the task of actually writing the funeral speech can be overwhelming. 

We are here to help you tackle this important job especially if you are in a state of shock from the grief of losing your loved one.

Further down the page there are links to example eulogies for all loved ones, friends or colleagues to give you inspiration.

Sales from links on this page result in a small commission to us, which enables us to continue to provide free content to help the grieving.  

Guidelines for Writing Funeral Speeches:

First of all, we have put together the following simple guidelines to help you to think of things to say: 

• Speak from the heart and say how you feel about the person
• Describe the person's qualities
• Talk about their career, jobs, hobbies and passions
• Talk about their relationships with family, friends and colleagues
• Mention things that you inherited or learned from them
• Perhaps mention some people who will be at the funeral
• Mention a couple of funny stories if appropriate
• Keep it real and don't be afraid of mentioning their less good points - you don't have to put them on a pedestal
• Thank people for coming to the funeral and for their support

Next, read the following two pages to give you step by step instructions on writing the eulogy and giving the speech:  

'How to write a eulogy'  

'How to give a eulogy' 

Eulogy Sample Speeches

All the following links are sample eulogies written about real people.  The ones for a father were written by myself and my brother when my Dad died.  The one for a mother was written by my mother (founder of this website) about her own Mum.  

Many of the others have been written for us by guest writers about their own lost loved ones.  

We hope they will give you some ideas for writing your own moving tribute.  

Eulogy Examples for a Father

Eulogy for a Father-in-Law

Eulogy for a Mother

Eulogy for a Mother by a Daughter

Eulogy for a Mother in Law

Eulogy for a Husband

Eulogy for a Wife

Eulogy for a Grandmother

Eulogy for a Grandfather

Eulogy for an Aunt

Eulogies for an Uncle

Two Eulogies for a Brother

One More Eulogy for a Brother

Eulogy for a Sister

Eulogy for a Best Friend

A Humorous Eulogy for a Friend

Eulogy for a Mentor

Eulogy for a Friend

Printable Eulogy Templates

Finally, to help you with your task of writing your funeral speech, we have some printable templates as a guide to write eulogies for adults and for children. 

Print them out and then fill in the information and stories for your own departed loved one.  

Free Eulogy Templates

Related Pages: 

Planning a Funeral - Step by Step

Funeral Music

How to Deal with Grief

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How to Give a Meaningful Funeral Speech

• The Speaker Lab
• April 11, 2024

Table of Contents

Standing before friends and family to deliver a funeral speech (also known as a eulogy ) can be daunting. But don’t worry—we’re here to help you navigate this emotional task with poise and sincerity.

In this article, you’ll find practical advice for writing and delivering a eulogy that pays homage to your loved one’s unique journey through life. Learn how to use personal anecdotes to create an intimate connection with your audience, giving voice to shared grief. Whether you want to capture favorite memories or impart lessons taught by the departed, this guide will help you write and deliver a funeral speech that leaves a lasting impression.

Crafting a Heartfelt Funeral Speech

When you’re faced with the task of crafting a funeral speech, it can feel like trying to navigate through a thick fog of emotions. It’s not just about finding the right words; it’s also about painting a picture that captures the essence of your loved one’s life.

Speaking from the Heart

Tips for writing a heartfelt funeral speech often start with digging deep into personal reflections and fond memories. A eulogy is not merely an opportunity to bid farewell but also to celebrate and pay tribute to someone who made our lives richer.

The secret sauce? Sincerity. When you share stories—whether they are funny or poignant—you allow others at the memorial service to see facets of their dear friend or family member perhaps only you knew. This could be as simple as recalling mundane tasks that brought out their big smile, or sharing how this kind person taught valuable lessons simply by being themselves.

The Art of Eulogy Writing

Eulogy writing is more than stitching together notable life events; it’s creating narrative threads from various chapters of an entire life—a tapestry rich with color and texture uniquely theirs. Crafting these narratives means weaving favorite memories into something tangible people can hold onto long after they’ve left the funeral service behind.

You might worry about disrespectfulness when including humorous anecdotes within your short eulogy, but don’t let this deter you. While it can be tricky to pull off, a touch of humor can bring lightness amidst grief. If done thoughtfully, it won’t detract from the solemnity of the occasion.

Finding Inspiration

• A walk down memory lane : Spend time reflecting on moments shared; sometimes inspiration hides in unexpected corners like old photographs or familiar scents that remind you of memorable stories.
• Talk it out : Conversations with other close friends or family members often unearth amazing memories which capture multiple perspectives, making every minute spent recounting tales worth its weight in gold.
• Literary aid : When you’re finding it tough to put feelings into words, lean on free templates for guidance. They spark ideas and make sure nothing’s missed when emotions run high. For a helping hand, check out these free eulogy templates .

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Delivering Your Funeral Speech with Confidence

Standing before a group of mourners to deliver a funeral speech is no small feat. It’s about more than just reading words; it’s about conveying the essence of someone dear who has passed away, while managing your own emotions and connecting deeply with those around you.

Connecting with Your Audience

The key to delivering an impactful eulogy lies in forging a connection. Making eye contact can bridge the space between speaker and listener, drawing everyone closer into shared remembrance. It’s not just about looking up from your notes but really seeing the faces before you, recognizing their grief as part of yours.

Your body language speaks volumes too. Open gestures invite listeners into each fond memory or story told. A comforting smile during a lighter moment or respectfully bowed head at somber ones can enhance every word spoken, making sure they’re felt as much as heard.

Tackling Nervousness Head-On

Facing nervousness head-on allows you to channel that energy into your delivery rather than letting it undermine you. If public speaking makes you anxious, try grounding yourself beforehand: take deep breaths, feel your feet on solid ground, and remind yourself why you’re there.

To further calm nerves and steady focus during this emotional task, consider having a trusted friend or family member nearby. They could be someone who shares funny stories about the person’s life alongside you or simply provides silent support through their presence—a reassuring anchor amidst stormy seas of emotion.

The Role of Humor in Eulogies

When we bid farewell to a loved one, the funeral speech serves as a bridge between our grief and their legacy. It’s where humor can gently find its place, celebrating life amidst sorrow. The eulogy becomes not just an ode to the departed but also a canvas for painting smiles through tears.

Balancing Humor and Respect

Including funny stories within a eulogy is like walking a tightrope—you aim for laughter without losing footing on respect. Sharing humorous anecdotes does more than evoke chuckles; it captures moments when our dear friend or family member made us feel special with their unique qualities.

A well-crafted joke or amusing tale can demonstrate how laughter was part of the journey you shared with the dearly departed. It’s a testament to the lasting impact they had on lives around them. But always keep in mind that timing is key—funny should never overshadow fond memories at such sensitive times.

A Humorous Eulogy for a Friend

Making someone laugh during these emotional tasks may seem daunting, yet think about all those times spent together. Remembering happy times spent with your dearly departed brings comfort at memorial services. It helps everyone remember the person’s vibrancy.

To ensure your speech strikes this perfect balance, consider these steps:

• Reflect on memorable stories that show off their sense of humor—did they have any catchphrases or signature moves?
• Select tales appropriate for all attendees while ensuring they’re true reflections of who your loved one was throughout his entire life.
• Weave funny elements seamlessly into deeper narratives about lessons taught and amazing memories created over time.

Impact of Laughter in Grieving Process

Humor has healing powers—it’s scientifically proven to relieve stress even amid profound loss. As people gather to mourn at funeral services, sharing funny stories can serve as a brief respite from grief.

Personalizing Your Funeral Speech

Crafting a funeral speech that’s as unique as your loved one was isn’t just about paying tribute. It’s about capturing their essence and sharing it with others who feel the loss deeply.

Incorporating Unique Qualities into a Eulogy

The heart of personalization lies in those quirks and characteristics that made your dear friend or family member truly themselves. To write a eulogy that reflects this individuality, think beyond dates and milestones. Remember how they made mundane tasks laughable or turned ordinary days into adventures? Start by jotting down these little things—their big smile, how they could make anyone feel special, or even their notorious love for burnt toast.

A memorable story can sometimes say more than an entire list of accomplishments. Did you spend time together working on cars every weekend? Or maybe there was that unforgettable trip where everything went wrong but somehow felt so right? These stories allow for laughter through the tears and help celebrate life despite mourning.

Expressing Gratitude in Funeral Speeches

An emotional task indeed is expressing gratitude in your funeral speech. It goes beyond thanking your loved one for being part of your life. It delves into acknowledging the lasting impact they’ve had on you—how lessons taught have shaped decisions made years later or how shared experiences now serve as solid foundation stones upon which lives are built.

To express gratitude effectively in writing funeral speeches involves reflection on moments shared, from significant events like weddings to everyday occurrences like weekly phone calls catching up on each other’s news. Alternatively, it might involve simply appreciating all those times when support was given without needing to ask for help directly because they always knew when it was needed most.

Sharing Memorable Stories in Eulogies

Tapping into favorite memories often reveals much about someone’s character. Perhaps your loved one demonstrated generosity displayed through charity work or kindness through encounters with strangers. Anecdotes like these capture hearts better than mere recitation of facts.

As we carry on, the essence of their spirit guides our steps. We weave their legacy into our daily lives, finding solace in the love they shared and strength in the wisdom they imparted. Their laughter echoes in stories retold, ensuring that although they are no longer physically with us, their influence remains as a beacon for generations to come.

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FAQs on Giving a Funeral Speech

What do you say in a funeral speech.

Acknowledge the loss, share fond memories, celebrate their life, and offer comfort to fellow mourners.

How do you start a speech off at a funeral?

Begin with gratitude for gathering together, then ease into cherished stories about the departed.

What is the best opening for a eulogy?

An impactful opener might quote something meaningful or recount an anecdote that captures their spirit.

What is a speech about someone who passed away?

This type of speech pays tribute by reflecting on their life’s impact and expressing shared grief.

Embrace the challenge of a funeral speech. Remember, it’s your chance to honor a life well-lived. Reflect on fond memories and share them with heart. As you speak, consider using laughter to celebrate your loved one’s life and aim to capture their essence through personal anecdotes that resonate. Your words can comfort others by reminding them of what made your loved one unique.

Hone these tips into a heartfelt eulogy read at the final farewell, creating an enduring tribute that keeps their memory alive for all who gather.

• Last Updated: April 11, 2024

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37 BEST Tips on How to Write a Speech for a Funeral (Easy)

• Step-By-Step Guide
• Research Quotes and Poetry for a Heartfelt Tribute
• Structure the speech with an introduction, body and conclusion
• Rehearse the speech multiple times before delivering it
• Focus on positive memories and qualities of the person being honored
• FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
• Should I use notes or a script when giving a funeral speech?
• Please note

Losing someone we care about is one of the most difficult things we face in life.

And while nothing can ease the pain of grief, delivering a heartfelt and fitting tribute to someone we loved can go a long way in offering comfort to those in mourning.

If you've been asked to deliver a eulogy or funeral speech to honor someone who has passed away, it's natural to feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to begin.

But with a bit of preparation and thought, you can create a touching and meaningful tribute that celebrates the life and legacy of your loved one.

Here's a step-by-step guide on how to write a speech for a funeral:

Reflect on the life of the person you are honoring.

Before you begin writing your speech, take some time to reflect on the life of the person you are memorializing.

Think about their accomplishments, their passions, their quirks, and the memories you shared together. Jot down any thoughts or memories that come to mind.

Decide on the tone and theme of your speech.

Consider the preferences and personality of your loved one, as well as the mood of the ceremony. Do you want your speech to be celebratory, humorous, or solemn? Are there any themes or recurring motifs that will tie your speech together?

Structure your speech.

A well-crafted speech should have an introduction, body, and conclusion. Start by introducing yourself and your relationship to the person you are honoring.

Then, move on to the body of your speech, where you will share anecdotes, memories, and reflections about the person’s life.

Finally, wrap up your speech with a memorable conclusion that ties together the themes and overall message of your tribute.

Use anecdotes and stories to illustrate the person's life.

One of the most effective ways to bring a speech to life is by using stories and anecdotes that illustrate the personality and passions of the person you are honoring.

Pick out a few specific memories or experiences that you shared with the person, and share them in detail.

This will help to paint a vivid and memorable picture of the person in the minds of those who are listening.

Focus on the positive.

While it's natural to feel sadness and grief when someone we care about has passed away, it's important to focus on the positive memories and qualities of the person you are honoring.

Avoid dwelling on negative aspects or regrets, and instead, strive to create a message of hope and celebration.

Consider using quotes or poetry in your speech.

If you are struggling to find the right words to express your feelings, consider incorporating quotes or poetry into your speech.

Browse through books or online resources for inspiring passages related to grief, love, and life to help you find the perfect words.

Practice and rehearse your speech.

Once you've written your speech, practice reading it out loud several times.

This will help you to become familiar with the flow and pacing of the speech, and allow you to tweak any areas that feel awkward or cumbersome.

If possible, rehearse your speech in the location where the funeral will take place, so you can get a feel for the acoustics and any potential distractions.

When it comes to delivering a speech for a funeral, the most important thing is to speak from the heart.

Trust your feelings and your memories to guide you, and take comfort in the knowledge that your words will offer a lasting gift of comfort and tribute to the people who loved the person you are honoring.

Gather memories and anecdotes about the person

When it comes to honoring a loved one who has passed away, gathering memories and anecdotes about the person is a crucial step in creating a heartfelt and meaningful tribute.

Memories and anecdotes not only help you reflect on the life and legacy of the person, but they also serve as a way to share their unique story with others.

The process of gathering memories and anecdotes can start as early as possible, even before the person has passed away. Consider setting aside dedicated time to talk with the person about their life, accomplishments, passions, and memories.

Ask them questions about their childhood, their career, their hobbies, and their relationships. Take note of any stories or details they share, as these can serve as valuable material for your tribute.

If the person has already passed away, don't worry. There are still plenty of ways to gather memories and anecdotes about them. Reach out to family members, friends, and colleagues who knew the person well.

Ask them to share their favorite memories or stories about the person, or any unique qualities or quirks they possessed.

You can also consider accessing old letters, emails, or social media posts that the person may have written, as these can offer a glimpse into their thoughts and feelings.

When gathering memories and anecdotes, it's important to aim for a mix of both humorous and serious stories.

While it's important to honor the person's achievements and legacy, it's also important to celebrate their unique personality and quirks. Perhaps the person was known for their witty sense of humor, or their love of a particular hobby or interest.

Sharing stories that capture these qualities can help paint a vivid picture of the person in the minds of those who are listening.

Another important factor to consider when gathering memories and anecdotes is the audience.

Who will be attending the funeral or memorial service?

Will there be young children present, or mostly adults?

Tailoring your stories and anecdotes to the interests and ages of the audience can help ensure that the tribute resonates with everyone who hears it.

In addition to gathering memories and anecdotes, it's also important to consider how you will organize and structure them in your tribute.

Will you follow a chronological order, highlighting major milestones and achievements in the person's life?

Or will you take a more thematic approach, focusing on the person's unique personality traits or passions? Whatever approach you choose, be sure to practice your tribute a few times to ensure that it flows smoothly and naturally.

Ultimately, gathering memories and anecdotes is about celebrating the life and legacy of the person you have lost. It's about capturing their unique story and sharing it with others, so they too can appreciate the impact the person had on the world.

So don't be afraid to dive deep into the memories and stories of your loved one. The more you discover, the richer and more meaningful your tribute will be.

Creating a tribute for someone who has passed away can be a difficult and emotional task.

Gathering memories and anecdotes is an important step in creating a meaningful tribute, but incorporating quotes and poetry can also add depth and emotion to your words.

Quotes and poetry can help convey the emotions of grief, love, and life in a way that you may find difficult to express on your own.

When it comes to finding the perfect quote or poem for your tribute, there are many resources available to you.

Here are some tips for researching quotes and poetry that will resonate with your intended audience:

Start with a general search

A quick Google search for "quotes about grief" or "poems about love" will yield thousands of results. It can be overwhelming to sift through all of them, but don't worry. Start by reading through a few of the top results that catch your eye. You might find the perfect quote or poem right away.

Focus on your intended message

Think about the message you want to convey in your tribute. Are you focusing on the life and accomplishments of the person, or are you trying to offer comfort to those who may be grieving?

Are you celebrating the love shared between the person and their family and friends?

Once you have a clear message in mind, look for quotes and poetry that reflect that message. This will help ensure that your tribute is focused and effective.

Consider the tone of the person's life

When selecting quotes or poetry, consider the tone of the person's life. Were they known for their humor or their wisdom?

Were they adventurous or more introspective? Let the tone of their life guide your search for a quote or poem that is both fitting and meaningful.

Explore different sources

Don't limit yourself to just one source when researching quotes and poetry. Look for inspiration in books, social media, songs, and other multimedia.

You may find the perfect quote in a novel that the person loved, or a song that was special to them.

Here are some examples of quotes and poems that relate to grief, love, and life:

"On the death of a friend, we should consider that the fates through confidence have devolved on us the task of a double living, that we have henceforth to fulfill the promise of our friend's life also, in our own, to the world." - Henry David Thoreau

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy." - Eskimo Proverb

"Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glint on snow." - Mary Elizabeth Frye

"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure." - Unknown

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller

Incorporating quotes or poetry into your tribute can help convey the emotions of grief, love, and life in a powerful and meaningful way.

By taking the time to research and select the right words, you can create a tribute that truly honors the person you have lost.

Remember, the words you choose will help keep the memory of your loved one alive for those attending the funeral or memorial service.

Structuring your speech with an introduction, body and conclusion is a great way to ensure that you communicate the message of your tribute in an organized and meaningful manner.

By taking the time to research quotes or poems that reflect the tone of their life, as well as considering how each section should be structured, you can create a powerful memorial tribute for someone special.

Doing so will not only honor them but also provide comfort to those who are grieving.

It’s important to remember that while words may never fully capture all they meant to us, expressing our love through thoughtful tributes helps keep their memory alive forever.

Rehearsing a speech multiple times before delivering it is a crucial step in ensuring that your tribute is well-received and effective.

By taking the time to practice, you can identify any areas that need improvement and gain confidence in your delivery. This article will go over some tips and tricks for rehearsing your speech.

First and foremost, it’s important to practice your speech out loud. Reading it silently in your head is not enough to prepare you for delivering it in front of an audience.

You want to get used to the sound of your voice and the pacing of your delivery. Try practicing in front of a mirror or recording yourself so you can see and hear how you come across.

You should also pay attention to your body language during your rehearsal. Are you slouching or fidgeting? Do your hand gestures match your words?

Practice standing up straight with your shoulders relaxed and your hands at your sides.

Use deliberate, purposeful gestures that complement your words. Remember that your body language can convey just as much meaning as your words.

Another important aspect of rehearsing your speech is timing. You don’t want to run out of time or, even worse, go over your allotted time.

Time yourself during each practice run to make sure you’re within the time limit. If you find that you’re running too long, consider cutting out some less important points or shortening some of your quotes or poems.

It’s also a good idea to rehearse in the setting where you’ll be delivering your speech, if possible. This will allow you to get a feel for the space and the acoustics, as well as give you a chance to adjust to any distractions or unexpected noises.

If you can’t rehearse in the actual space, try to find a similar setting, such as a conference room or a church hall.

During your rehearsals, pay attention to how you come across emotionally. Are you able to deliver the tribute without breaking down in tears or losing your composure? Or do you struggle to get through certain sections?

If you find that certain parts of your speech are too emotional for you to deliver, consider asking a friend or family member to read those parts for you.

Finally, it’s important to be open to feedback during your rehearsals. Ask a trusted friend or family member to listen to your speech and provide feedback on your delivery, pacing, and body language. Take their feedback into consideration and make any necessary adjustments.

In conclusion, rehearsing your speech multiple times before delivering it is essential to creating a powerful and meaningful tribute.

By practicing out loud, paying attention to your body language and timing, rehearsing in the actual setting, monitoring your emotional state, and being open to feedback, you can give an effective and heartfelt tribute to your loved one.

Remember that the goal is to honor them and keep their memory alive for years to come.

Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things we ever have to go through. However, celebrating their life by delivering a touching tribute can help keep their memory alive forever.

Tributes can come in many different forms, but one of the most popular is giving a speech at their funeral or memorial service.

When giving a tribute speech, it’s important to focus on positive memories and qualities of the person being honored.

This can be challenging if the person played a complex role in our lives, but highlighting the good they brought can ultimately help us heal.

For example, if the person was known for being strong, but also stubborn, you could talk about how their strength helped them overcome obstacles, even though it could be difficult for them. This way, you are acknowledging their flaws without dwelling on them.

One great way to incorporate positivity into your tribute is by sharing memories of the person that emphasize their unique personality traits. If they were known for their sense of humor, share an anecdote that highlights that quality. If they were a compassionate and empathetic person, tell a story that showcases how they helped others.

It’s also important to talk about their accomplishments and what they meant to those around them. Mentioning how much they were loved and how much they will be missed is a great way to let others know how much they mattered.

However, it’s equally important to emphasize what they did while they were alive, whether that was helping others, achieving great success, or making others laugh.

Additionally, it can be helpful to share how the person impacted your life specifically. This allows you to talk about the good times you shared, but also lets others know that they made a significant impact on you.

Remember that a tribute is a way of honoring the person and celebrating their life. Therefore, it’s important to keep your words positive and uplifting.

While it’s okay to acknowledge the difficulties and challenges the person faced, ultimately, the focus should be on what made them special and how they will be remembered.

In conclusion, focusing on the positive memories and qualities of the person being honored is vital when giving a tribute speech.

By highlighting their unique personality traits, accomplishments, and impact on others, we can create a meaningful and touching tribute that celebrates their life.

Through our tributes, we can keep their memory alive and honor them for years to come.

What should I include in a funeral speech?

A funeral speech should include anecdotes, memories, and reflections about the person's life, focusing on the positive aspects and sharing heartfelt sentiments with those gathered to pay their respects.

How long should a eulogy be?

A eulogy doesn't have a set time limit. however, most people aim for a length of 5-10 minutes, keeping in mind the attention span of the audience and the overall length of the service., what tone should i use in a funeral speech.

The tone of the speech should reflect the preferences and personality of the person being memorialized, as well as the mood of the ceremony. It can be celebratory, humorous, or solemn, depending on what feels appropriate.

Using notes or a script can help you stay on track and feel more prepared, but try to strike a balance between preparation and spontaneity. You don't want to sound stiff or robotic, so aim to deliver your speech in a natural and authentic way.

How can I prepare for giving a eulogy?

Preparing for a eulogy involves reflecting on the life of the person being honored, organizing your thoughts and memories, writing the speech, and practicing it beforehand.

Can I include religious elements in a funeral speech?

Yes, if it's in keeping with the beliefs and traditions of the person being memorialized and the audience. A funeral speech can be a time for spiritual reflection, prayer, or other religious elements, if appropriate.

Should I use humor in a funeral speech?

Humor can be a powerful tool for bringing joy and lightness to a somber occasion, but use it sparingly and sensitivity. Be mindful that not everyone may appreciate the same type of humor, so avoid anything that could be construed as insensitive or inappropriate.

Can I include other people in my speech?

Yes, sharing memories or stories that involve other people can be a great way to honor and connect with those who are gathered. Consider asking others for their memories and incorporating them into your speech.

What is the goal of a funeral speech?

The goal of a funeral speech is to honor and celebrate the life of the person being remembered, to offer comfort to those in mourning, and to provide closure and perspective for those who are wrestling with grief.

How can I make my funeral speech more engaging?

Use personal stories, anecdotes, and reflections to make your speech more relatable and engaging. Also, make sure to maintain eye contact with your audience, speak clearly and evenly, and use pauses for emphasis.

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7 Tips For Writing A Memorial Speech (With Sample Speech)

Hrideep barot.

• Speech Writing

Maybe you’re someone who does a lot of writing. Or maybe you’re someone who doesn’t. Either way, no matter whether you’re a seasoned writer & speaker, nothing quite prepares you for the task of writing a memorial speech. 

Most often, when people are writing memorials and eulogies, they are in the middle of a personal tragedy. If you’re writing a eulogy for someone, they were probably someone who was very dear to you and likewise. Even if the loss was expected, it doesn’t make things any easier. 

All of this makes collecting your thoughts & organizing them into a coherent speech all the more difficult. It even sounds absurd at times. 

And yet, it is your task to write a memorial speech for your loved one, no matter how difficult or absurd it might feel. And so we are here to help you out & make things a bit more easy for you. 

You can write a memorable memorial or tribute speech by keeping in mind a few things. This includes speaking to family members, including personal anecdotes, making sure its not cliched, including visual aids and ending on a heartfelt note.

Now, let’s get into the nitty-gritty of it. 

Tips For Writing A Memorial or Tribute Speech  at a Funeral

1. Speak To Family Members 

While a memorial speech is also a speech, the setting makes it different than any other speech you’ll ever have to give in life. This can cause a lot of confusion about what’s appropriate to include in your speech & what isn’t–especially if you’re not a family member. 

Even if you’re a family member, you might feel overburdened by the prospect of summarizing a person’s entire life after their death into a couple of paragraphs. 

So, it’s wise to seek the counsel of family members of the person you’ve passed away. Their insights will also allow you to enrich your speech. 

2. Write A Short, Personal Biography 

What were the person’s greatest achievements? What did they love and what did they hate? 

Before you begin writing your speech, jot down the most essential features of the person’s life. This can act as a starting point for the rest of your speech & you can then include all of these points while writing them down so that you don’t miss out on anything important. 

For more guidance on why writing down a speech is important, check out our article on 9 Reasons Why Writing A Speech Is Important.

3. Make It Personal, Not Cliched 

Cliche is definitely not something you want to aim for while writing your speech. Remember that death is a very personal experience. For all the people grieving in the room–including you–the loss is personal & incomparable. 

That’s why it’s important to make the speech personal to the deceased. Instead of making universal statements, you need to focus instead on the personal aspects of the deceased. 

For example, maybe the deceased was an excellent Jazz Musician when they were young. Or maybe they loved ballet even though they were terrible with it & couldn’t dance for one million dollars. 

Now would be the time to include things like this. 

4. Include Poems & Quotes 

Poetry and quotes are things that can touch us in ways other things might not– and that’s the case with most words. 

That’s why you’re delivering a memorial speech, after all. So, it’s a good idea to include poems & quotes in your speech, as it will make a more lasting impact on the minds of the people who’re attending, and make it more likely that they will remember your speech. 

5. Include Visual Aids 

This might sound odd at first, but it’s actually something that might have the most impact on the minds of the people attending. 

Was there something the person just loved wearing–maybe a t-shirt that’s on the verge of falling apart? Or is there something they gave you as a keepsake? Maybe there’s an object that you commonly associate with that person. 

Now would be a good time to bring them in. This would be a truly heartful thing to include in your speech. 

6. Include Special Anecdotes 

Was there any memorable moment that you shared with the person? Maybe an incident that other people haven’t heard about before. Or maybe it’s an incident that everyone has heard about before. 

Including personal anecdotes will make your speech more special & memorable for everyone attending. They can also act as an outlet for emotions–for both, you and the others. 

After all, it is a tribute.

7. End On A Heartfelt Note 

The ending of any speech is something that people tend to remember for longer than any other part of it. This goes for eulogies too. 

Instead of ending on a negative note, you want to conclude your eulogy on a note that’s comforting. You want to acknowledge the loss, yes. However, in the end, the entire point of the memorial is to give people closure. And how will they get that without comfort? 

Tips To Keep In Mind While Delivering The Memorial Speech

1. speak conversationally.

Remember that you’re not here to give a professional speech. You’re here to commemorate the life of a person who touched the lives of the people in the room, probably yours as well. You don’t want to go for a formal tone when you’re speaking.

Instead, talk naturally, and as you would if you were having a conversation with other people.

2. Don’t Worry If Emotions Overcome You

It’s alright to feel a surge of emotions when you’re giving your speech. In fact, it’s quite natural. Even if you get overwhelmed with emotions and feel yourself start to choke up, don’t worry. It’s okay to be vulnerable.

Pause. Take a deep breath. Collect yourself. And then go on with your speech.

It’s an emotional day for everybody.

3. Take A Moment To Collect Your Thoughts

When you’re called up to deliver your eulogy, take a moment to collect your thoughts. Take a few deep breaths. Drink a couple of mouthfuls of water. Maybe hug another person who’s close to you.

This will allow you to get your emotions in check, and to organize your thoughts. It will also help you brace yourself for the big task ahead: delivering the eulogy.

4. Have A Standby With You

Another thing that you can do in case you’re overwhelmed with emotion is to have a standby with you. This can be anybody, from your sibling to your parent to a close friend. You can give them a copy of your speech so that they can help you out by finishing it in case you’re too overwhelmed to continue.

Make sure to give the person the copy well in advance so that they can be prepared. Alternatively, you could simply give them an overview of your speech & they can pick it off from there.

5. Look Your Loved Ones In The Eye

Another tip would be to look your loved ones in the eye when you’re delivering your speech. You don’t have to necessarily continue maintaining eye contact with them throughout your speech. Instead, look at them intermittently throughout the speech.

This will not only help them make a better connection with you, but it will also help you get emotional support and get through your speech.

How To Begin Your Memorial Speech 

1. Start With A Quote 

This is an age-old way to start off a eulogy and for good reasons. There are many types of quotes that you can go with. 

Maybe you could speak a quote that the person loved. Maybe it’s something from a book or movie. Alternatively, you could also start off with a quote from the Bible or Koran, if the person was religious. 

For Example: 

2. Start With A Lighthearted Story 

Often, the mood in a memorial service is heavy & sad. This can make it difficult for people to care about your speech, and to use it as inspiration to talk about the person’s themselves. 

One way to lighten up the mood is by reciting a lighthearted story. Maybe a funny incident from the person’s life, or something the two of you witnessed together. 

For example: If there’s one thing that Joe loved more than food, it was jokes–and bad ones at that. Let me tell you my favorite.

3. Start With A Song Or Poem 

Another way to start a eulogy would be with a song. This can be something personal to you and the deceased. Maybe a song that had a special place in their lives. 

Similarly, you could also start off with a poem. This can be something you’ve written yourself–or even a poem which you read. 

You don’t want your song or poem too to on for too long. Remember that you’ve to include words, too. 

4. Start By Saying Something Not Commonly Known 

Was there something the deceased frequently did that other people didn’t know about? Maybe even though they were a strict army parent at first glance, they were actually perpetually late to things. 

What are some things about the deceased that are at contrast to what other people know about them? You might want to start off with an unknown fact about them.

If you’re not sure what to include, you can ask their family members to help you out. 

For Example: For someone who worked in the Law Department for so long, Amy sure did love breaking rules when she was younger. 

5. Start With A Personal Prop 

Remember how we mentioned bringing an item you associate with the deceased to the memorial? Now would be a good time to bring it out. 

This will help you make a unique impression on people’s minds right off the start. It will also immediately connect with other people & make them remember the deceased themselves, encouraging them to speak out too. 

For example: Bring out the deceased’s favorite baseball cap & tell a story you associate with it. 

Sample Memorial Speech

Sample Memorial Speech from a Son to a Mother

“For someone who worked over three decades rescuing dogs, my mother was quite terrified of puppies when she was younger. In fact, she was so terrified of dogs that as a sixteen-year-old she once climbed a tree when a little puppy barked at her. Imagine that… A twelve-year-old five-foot girl climbed to the top of a tree thrice her height because a little puppy was barking at her! And the story doesn’t end here. Not only did she scale the tree–which, by the way, she had never done in her life before–but she also refused to get down . My grandfather had the entire neighborhood out of their homes attempting to convince her to get down from that tree. Because, of course, while adrenaline had managed to boost her up the tree, she had no clue how to get down from it. In the end, it was only four hours later when the fire department came along that they were able to get her down. For almost a week after my grandfather told me this story–despite my mother’s vehement protests, by the way–I couldn’t get the picture of my twelve-year-old mother clinging for dear life the branch of a tree out of my head. And it’s this picture that stuck with me as I sat down to write this speech. Because you see, there’s no other picture or story that better sums up my mother. She always did things without thinking them through, as most of the people in this room might already know. She was the most intuitive, the most instinctive, and spontaneous person that I’ve ever met in my entire life. And yet things always seemed to work out for her, in the end. My mother lived a long, happy, and fulfilled life. Two decades of this life she spent working with animals–the very same thing that awakened her inner Tarzan in our tree-climbing story. And she loved them–or, at least, grew to love them. You see, after this incident, my grandfather had her volunteer at a local animal shelter. It was over there that she learned how to overcome her fear of animals–little puppies, too. And slowly, that fear turned into love. Many of you in this room know her from this time in her life. My mother was a vibrant soul. My father used to say that she could light up an entire room when she stepped into it–although, of course, that’s probably because he was hopelessly in love with her. Even though raising four boys was most certainly not the easiest thing in the world, she never backed down. She raised us with love–and respect. She never forced us to be anything that we’re not, and she never let anyone else pull any of us down for being a little different sometimes, either. But the fact that so many of you are here today to pay respects to her shows her immediate family wasn’t the only ones whose lives she touched. She would never turn anyone away, didn’t matter whether she herself was going through problems or not. She would be beyond happy to see all of you here–and she would let you know that, too. Never ran out of words, my mother. When I moved away for University, she would make the eight-hour drive from my little hometown to my apartment every month so that she could chatter my ear off for an entire weekend–not counting the hour-long talks that we had every single day. She could keep a dead conversation alive for hours–I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. And this is how I remember my mother: as a spontaneous, hard-working, happy soul who is probably chattering with all the other souls up in heaven about her own memorial. And if she’s watching–which I know she is–then I simply want to thank her for everything that she’s done for all of us, and to let her know that she’s still loved and remembered and will always be. To repeat the words she said at my dad’s funeral: To live in the hearts of those we love is not to die.”

To sum up, writing a memorial speech is something that nobody really prepares you for. And yet, if you keep a few things in mind, you can outline a memorial speech that will connect with the people who’re there with you. This includes speaking to family members, including personal anecdotes, making sure its not cliched, including visual aids and ending on a heartfelt note.

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Eulogy writing guide, funeral speeches for a work colleague, tribute speech to dad from daughter, funeral speech writing advice, how to write a funeral speech: a step-by-step guide.

• April 4, 2023

Table of Contents

1. Reflect on the person's life

2. choose a theme or focus, 3. write an engaging introduction, 4. detail the person's life and attributes, 5. include meaningful quotes or poems, 6. offer condolences and support.

Losing someone dear to us is one of the most challenging experiences we face. Amidst the pain, grief, and a whirlwind of emotions, comes the responsibility of honoring their memory through a funeral speech. For many, it can be an intimidating task - especially when it seems impossible to encapsulate the essence of your loved one in a few short paragraphs. But fear not. In our step-by-step guide, we aim to make the process of writing a funeral speech a more manageable one. We will also introduce Eulogy Assistant , which can help turn your thoughts and feelings into a heartfelt tribute.

Before you begin writing, spend some time reflecting on your loved one's life. Think about the moments you shared, their qualities, interests, and achievements. Consider the memories that stand out and the impact they had on others' lives. This process can help you gather your thoughts and provide you with inspiration for your speech.

A well-structured funeral speech revolves around a central theme or focus. This can be a quality of the deceased, an anecdote that represents their life, or even a life lesson that people can learn from. For example, if your loved one was passionate about helping others, you could use this as the central theme and share stories of their compassion and kindness.

An engaging introduction sets the tone for your funeral speech and captures the attention of the audience. You can start by expressing your gratitude for the opportunity to speak, acknowledging the relationship you shared with the deceased, or sharing a brief anecdote that highlights the essence of your loved one.

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For instance, an introduction might begin with, "I am grateful for the opportunity to stand here today and pay tribute to my dear friend, [Name]. To know [Name] was to know love, laughter, and the true meaning of friendship. Today, I would like to share a few stories that may help you understand why [Name] was so special."

The body of your funeral speech is where you delve deeper into the life and qualities of the deceased. It is essential to provide a balance between storytelling and personal reflections. Share anecdotes and memories that illustrate your loved one's character, kindness, or sense of humor. You can also mention their achievements, hobbies, and family life.

For example, you might say, "As many of you know, [Name] was an incredible musician. He brought joy to people's lives through his performances and spent countless hours nurturing young talent in our community. Music was not just a hobby for him; it was his way of bringing people together and creating a sense of unity."

Including a quote, poem, or a reading that holds special significance to your loved one can enrich your funeral speech. It adds depth to your words and gives a sense of comfort to those attending the service.

For example, "One of [Name]'s favorite quotes was from Maya Angelou, who said, 'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.' I believe this encapsulates the essence of who [Name] was, always leaving lasting impressions through his kindness and compassion."

As you conclude your funeral speech, offer your condolences to the family and those affected by the loss. You can also extend support and encourage everyone to remember the deceased fondly.

For instance, "As we gather here today to say our final goodbyes to [Name], let us remember the love and laughter we shared. To his family, our hearts are with you in this difficult time, and we are here to offer our love and support."

With the steps mentioned above, you can create a heartfelt funeral speech that pays tribute to your loved one. Writing such a speech can be an emotional journey. To further simplify the process and ensure your speech is a fitting testimony, consider using Eulogy Assistant to guide you. This software can help turn your thoughts and memories into a beautifully crafted eulogy, making it a little easier to honor the person who meant so much to you.

Looking For Examples? Here Are Some of The Best Eulogies

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Writing a eulogy: what to say at a funeral speech

Have you been asked to write a eulogy? And deliver it at the funeral? You might have questions about how to get it right. Here are some tips on writing a eulogy and speaking at a funeral to help you give a heart-warming funeral speech. 

What is a eulogy? 

A eulogy is a piece of writing or a speech that commemorates a person’s life. It’s also called a funeral speech and is usually shared at a funeral or memorial service. You could see it as a tribute to someone who’s passed away and a way to share memories of them. It’s an opportunity to look back at their life and talk about what made them unique.  

How to write a eulogy 

Knowing how to write a eulogy won’t necessarily come naturally. It may feel like a big responsibility. But remember that your funeral speech doesn’t have to be perfect, or formal if that doesn’t feel right. When you’re planning what to put in a eulogy keep in mind that it doesn’t have to follow a set structure or have a sad tone. You can adapt your funeral speech to reflect the personality of the person who passed away and add a little humour if you think it’s appropriate. 

Below is a short video on how to write a eulogy. It’ll give you some ideas about how to write a funeral speech that feels right. 

Writing a eulogy step by step 

If you’re writing a eulogy for a loved one here’s one way of approaching it. It’ll help you take it step by step to make things a little easier. 

Preparing a eulogy 

When you’re preparing the eulogy it’s a good idea to think about it in different sections (start, middle and ending) and then focus on writing each one in turn. You could write one section a day if you’re finding it difficult to sit down and write the whole eulogy at once.  

Before you start writing anything at all, you might like to chat to other friends and family members to hear their memories too. There might be specific things they’d like you to mention in the funeral speech. And if there’s more than one of you saying a few words at the funeral then you might want to get together to talk about what each of you would like to include in your speeches. This’ll help you avoid repeating the same stories and it could help you come up with new ideas too. 

"I did a eulogy for her on behalf of her children [...] I’d spent a long, long time writing and rewriting the eulogy. I wanted it to be spot on, honest and authentic."

How to start a eulogy 

How do you start a eulogy? It can feel like the hardest part. One easy way to begin is with a story about the person who’s died. You could talk about how you met them or share a story that shows the kind of person they were. To find some inspiration, try writing down some of your favourite stories about them. They can be touching, funny, emotional or inspiring. 

Here are a few things you could think about to get started: 

• The first time I met them… 
• The thing everyone always said about them… 
• The last time I saw them they said… 
• The thing I will always remember about them… 

What to say in a eulogy 

Keeping to a basic eulogy structure will make it easier for you to say, and easier for people to follow. Try to have 3-5 main points, then give yourself 1-2 minutes to say each point. 

Things you could include in your eulogy: 

• Stories that show the personality and best qualities of the person 
• Share the person’s favourite poem or song lyrics 
• Share something that the person said, and that you will always remember 
• Talk about their favourite interests or hobbies 
• Celebrate the biggest achievements in their life 

Rather than simply writing a funeral speech that tells the person’s life in order, consider basing the eulogy around the stories and moments that stand out. 

How to end a eulogy 

It’s best to end your funeral speech with something memorable and meaningful. You could end with an uplifting quote from the person who has died, or you could finish with a final story. You could even end the eulogy with a sentence about what you think the person would say to everyone if they were still here. Alternatively, you could finish with a poem, a song or a well-loved quote. 

Quotes to end a eulogy

How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

Only a moment you stayed, but what an imprint your footprints have left on our hearts.

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

Tips for speaking at a funeral

In the video below, funeral celebrants Alison Regan, Lyndsey Conquest, Karen Nutton, and Stuart Atherton offer their tips for speaking at a funeral:

Practising how to deliver a eulogy is just as important as writing it. It’ll help you feel more confident about speaking at the funeral and give you the time you need to fully prepare. 

• Practise the funeral speech as much as you can. Ask someone to listen to you read through the eulogy and give you advice about where you need to slow down or speak more clearly. 
• Use something to help you remember your words. You may prefer to have your funeral speech written down word-for-word. Others prefer short prompts or cue cards. 
• Don’t worry about faltering. Nobody expects you to get through a eulogy without crying. You may stumble over sentences, you may become upset. No need to apologise – just take a deep breath and move on when you can. 
• Bring a copy of your funeral speech written out in full. Even if you don’t plan to use it. That way, if you don’t feel you can deliver the speech on the day, you can ask someone else to read it for you. 

Examples of famous eulogies

Diana was the very essence of compassion, of duty, of style, of beauty. All over the world she was a symbol of selfless humanity.

It is the end of 95 glorious years of a freedom fighter, a dedicated and humble servant of the people of South Africa.

My Daddy was my hero […] He was working to change the world so everyone would love wildlife like he did.

Eulogy FAQs

Have a specific question about writing a eulogy? The answers below could help.

A speech at a funeral is called a eulogy because when the word is broken down it actually means praise. The Greek roots of the word eulogy are eu which means good and logos which means speech. So when you are delivering a eulogy you’re praising the person who’s died, and speaking about the good they have done in their life. 

Close family or friends typically read the eulogy at a funeral. For example, children might give a eulogy at a parent’s funeral. But it can be anyone who was close to the person who died. Speaking at a funeral can be an overwhelming experience, so if you think reading the eulogy will be too much on the day, the celebrant (the person leading the service) can read it for you instead. 

Eulogies are usually quite short. Try to write a speech that lasts between 5 and 10 minutes, as a guide. But it’s important to think about how long you feel comfortable speaking for. If you only want to speak for a couple of minutes, that’s fine too. 

Yes, a eulogy can be funny if you think it’s appropriate for the person you’re commemorating. Writing a eulogy is a good opportunity to celebrate a life well-lived and share funny anecdotes that’ll put a smile on people’s faces. But it’s also worth keeping in mind how other people attending will react to a more light-hearted funeral speech.  

You don’t have to have a eulogy at a funeral if it’s not the right choice for you. Each funeral service is unique, and so you might choose to play a song in tribute instead of writing a funeral speech. Or someone could recite a poem that feels appropriate. Alternatively, you don’t have to speak at a funeral at all, if it’s too much. And if you wanted to keep the service simple or have an unattended funeral (a cremation or burial without a service), a eulogy might not be appropriate at all.  

Yes, you can have more than one eulogy. Or you could have 2-3 speakers each delivering a part of one eulogy. Ultimately, it’s your decision as to how many eulogies or speakers you have at the funeral. 

A eulogy and an obituary are both written to commemorate someone’s life but a eulogy is usually the speech you’ll hear at a funeral service, and an obituary is written specifically for publication in a newspaper. 

The eulogy will be given during the funeral service or memorial service. Lots of people choose to deliver the eulogy towards the end of the service, as a final way of paying tribute. But this is completely up to you. If you’re unsure, your funeral director or celebrant can offer some advice about the order of service .  

If you can’t face delivering a eulogy at the funeral, that’s perfectly OK. You can ask a friend or the person leading the funeral to read the funeral speech for you. They can also help you to write it, if you’re finding that difficult too. Hopefully our eulogy ideas have helped you understand how to write a funeral speech. You’ll find more tips and advice about planning or going to a funeral in our advice hub. 

Ultimately it doesn’t matter which stories or quotes you choose to put in the eulogy. And it doesn’t matter if you choose to keep things formal or go with a lighter tone. As long as your funeral speech is respectful and celebrates the person who passed away everyone else in the room will be grateful for it. If you’re still not sure where to start and need more eulogy ideas our  hub of poems, songs and readings  might help. 

Writing a eulogy for a difficult person: finding the right words to say

Funeral readings and quotes from literature

Writing an obituary

How to make a funeral order of service (with examples)

Photo by The Good Funeral Guide on Unsplash

Ace the Presentation

Eulogy Guide: How to Write and Give a Heartfelt Funeral Speech (with 4 Eulogy examples)

Eulogy definition.

According to the dictionary a eulogy is simply a formal expression of praise for the deceased. It is a way of saying good bye while telling some of the most vivid memories and deeds of the deceased, as well as what he/she meant to the speaker or those in attendance.

Death can come at any time and because of the trauma of that circumstances and the time constraints which is placed on the remaining loved ones, this is placing a real burden on the person who has been selected to make a speech at that funeral service. Nevertheless, one owes it to the person who has died to ensure that everything is well organized and memorable.

One also has to consider the mourning family who would only want to have the very best for their lost one. This is why it will require a substantial amount of careful consideration when it comes to the writing of the eulogy.

It has to give praise where praise is due but it also has to provide attendees with an adequate version of all the accomplishments of the person who has passed away. 

Before we move on to the outline different tips and pieces of advise on how to make and deliver a heartfelt eulogy, I’d like to emphasize that this will be the 14th in a series of posts on several types of speech that one has to deliver at some point or another in life. Please find the link below;

13 Different Types of Speech (How and When to Deliver them and get Desired Results)

Eulogy Outline Guide

A eulogy should never be confused with an obituary. An obituary is the death notice which appears in newspapers which is providing the essential and basic facts regarding the passing away of a person. However, and eulogy provides a loved one with the opportunity to elaborate somewhat about everything which the deceased person has been and how they have conducted themselves in various circumstances.

Even though there is no formal structure when it comes to the writing of a eulogy it can still be helpful to follow certain simple guidelines. One of the most effective ways is to approach this eulogy just like you would approach a letter which is written to an actual person. This can make the writing process a lot simpler and easier.

It is very important to keep the whole process personal and this is also why the letter-writing approach can help with the preparation of an interesting eulogy.

An easy way to keep that personal touch is to look through old photo albums or read old communications from the deceased. You could also visit the Facebook page of the deceased person and have a look at their social media profiles. This is a very effective way to remind yourself of many things which have happened over the years.

Alternatively, you can pay a visit to the place of precedence of the deceased. This can also help to bring back old memories. It is best to write everything in chronological order because this can really help to better organize your thinking process and therefore the speech delivery will be more effective.

Always remember that every person wants to feel that they have made a meaningful contribution while they have been living. This is why we should attempt to point out all those things which the deceased has done to impact people’s lives and to contribute in their profession and in society. This is an excellent way to honor the memory of the deceased person.

Eulogy Writing Guide

Eulogies originated in ancient Greece and through the millennia this practice has remained popular. It should be noted, however, that it is not supported by all religions and cultures.

Basically, a eulogy is simply a way of saying goodbye to a person who has passed away. It provides a person with an opportunity to express feelings, thoughts and experiences that will show respect and honor to the deceased person.

There is no rigid blueprint when it comes to the writing of eulogies. With every new event, one has to look at the different circumstances and also the person for whom that eulogy is intended.

In some cases, it might be necessary to present a formal speech that will touch on the history, achievements and professional career of the person who is passed away.

Alternatively, one can use a more personal approach where interesting stories and touching memories are shared. It should be noted that either of the two can be used but it might also be possible to use a combination of these two approaches depending on the situation as it is unveiled.

For some people, the writing of a eulogy can seem like a daunting task but many who has come through that process has found that it actually helps with the healing process.

Eulogy Etiquette Guide

Many people have completed excellent eulogies by simply communicating memories and ideas from their hearts and they have continued to express all those things which has been meaningful to them personally.

Success is also more easily achievable when you request the inputs from many different people. These people might remember things which you might have forgotten or might not have been personally involved in.

Keep your eyes open as you walk through the residence of the deceased and pay particular attention to photographs and other things of interest that can provide interesting material which can be used in the eulogy.

In many cases, the gardens of deceased persons can also be a treasure house of information which can provide valuable source material which can be used when writing the eulogy. Never make the mistake of disregarding the value of other relatives and friends who might have had interesting experiences with the deceased.

As far as eulogy etiquette is concerned it is not all that different from good old fashion morals and good manners and behaving properly. It should be noted that funerals have their own particular set of etiquette rules. There are many things that might be acceptable in normal life which can be considered as inappropriate when it comes to funerals.

One way to show respect for the deceased and their loved ones is to turn off all cell phones. Your business is never more important than what is taking place at that funerals service.

When someone passes away it is important to carefully consider whether you should attend or not. If there were known issues between you and the deceased, then you may offend family members and friends when you attend that funeral. Furthermore, being punctual is important because it shows respect for the deceased.

Lastly, the emotions of attendees should be kept in check so that it never diverts attention from the family of the deceased.

Eulogy Speech Delivery Guide and Examples

Keep Time: While writing that eulogy it is important to aim for something which will consume between three and five minutes but never more than ten because then you start to stretch the attention span of people attending.

Chronological Order of Events/Memories: Start with the basics such as biographical information relating to the deceased such as dates and places. Most of this information can be obtained from family and friends. It is important to write everything down in chronological order and it is important to focus on memories that are able to reveal the character of the person who has passed away.

Meaningful Ending: It is always a good thing when the eulogy is concluded to let people know what the deceased has personally meant to you and your family.

One example of how you can end your eulogy speech is to say that…

‘you are gathered together to celebrate the life of John Watson. You can also introduce himself by saying that you are Peter Smith and that you are the cousin of John Watson who was known by everyone as Johnny. You can then say that John was a truly incredible person who was well-loved by friends, family, and associates. He was a solid and a very good friend and also a hard worker who has contributed extensively in his professional endeavors. You can then elaborate on some of the specific things for which this person was so much appreciated.’

Example of a Eulogy for a father

When the deceased person is the father of the person presenting the eulogy then it may be meaningful to mention all of the advice which has been provided by that father to his children.

This might include advice regarding parenthood or dealing with the challenges experienced in life. It can also be advice on how to keep a marriage happy or on how to provide better for the family.

Share a little about who exactly that father was and how little he expected from those around him while he gave so much in return.

The speaker can also say that although live has been busy and pressurized the critical bond between father and son has always been healthy and strong. Also share some of the personal traits of the deceased person such as their ability to listen and their patience. 

Example of a Eulogy for a friend

Likewise, when that eulogy concerns a friend examples relating to the relationship between those friends have to be shared in order to illustrate how that friend has distinguished himself and how he has made himself meaningful and special to everyone with whom he has come into contact.

Under certain circumstances, it may be acceptable to use humor in that eulogy as long as it is ensured that no offense is given to anyone present. The use of such humor must always remind those in attendance of how special the person has been and why they will continue to b remembered so fondly by everyone remaining behind.

Example of a Eulogy for a Mother

There can be no doubt that when your family has to say goodbye to a mother who has passed away, then this can be one of the most difficult things for any family to do.

The writing of a eulogy for a mother is something which can come easier and more naturally to most people because there is so much personal information to share and therefore the writing of that eulogy can flow more naturally, is often longer and also completed quicker.

For most people, there is a lot that can be said such as how vibrant and loving the mother was. A person can share how easily she connected to people and how she had the ability to put people at ease.

That eulogy can also share how that mother dealt with the challenges of old age in a courageous and very brave manner. There were countless times when she was available to assist the children with all of the many challenges which they were facing as they go through life. Even when those situations seemed impossible she always had a word of wisdom which was able to give the person a fresh perspective relating to that problem.

One can also share how the mother divided her attention equally between the many children and a husband ensuring that no one is ever neglected. Despite her own difficulties and numerous challenges, she never turned anyone away. She never complained even when she had to do things that were difficult and challenging.

She always had a kind word for new acquaintances even those which were complete strangers. She was always ready to receive those strangers and to provide them with a high standard of hospitality and friendship.

Example of a Eulogy for a GrandMother

Grandmothers are also ranking very high on the list of people who have to be greeted for the very last time. These wonderful old ladies have been placed in our lives in order to help us to better understand our place in the universe.

Very often, they established themselves as one of the most vital parts in that personal and individual universe. There is so much which can be said about a beloved grandmother.

One can comment about the wisdom of that grandmother and some of the advice which she has dispensed. One can also share how that advice has been implemented and how it has simplified life for the one to whom it was given.

A Grandmother might not always be right but everything she has done was always done for the right reasons desiring only the very best outcome for everyone who approaches her for advice.

Grandmothers are often very closely involved in the lives of those around them and therefore there is endless pieces of information which can be shared in that eulogy.

Parting with a loved one is never easy. Knowing that the person is gone forever can be very traumatic especially in the case of a close family member or close friend.

The eulogy is going to be one of the last meaningful thing you will ever be able to do for your departed loved one and this is why every effort has to be made to make it super special. Just remember to keep it real and totally natural and ensure that everything in that eulogy is always focusing on the deceased and no one else.

Even when you share memories of how the deceased has interacted with others you must ensure that the deceased always have the limelight and no one else.

If you had tried your best and the eulogy still does not seem worthy of your loved one, then it is probably best to seek professional help from someone such as your minister.

However, there is also a lot of advice available online and you can even make use of freelance eulogy writers who can provide you with a professionally written eulogy for a relatively small fee. Browse some of these sites for excellent advice on all things relating to eulogies. 

READ MORE ABOUT TYPES OF SPEECH

Part I. 8 Persuasive Speech Techniques & Topics

Part II . 9 Tips for Writing and Amazing Informative Speech and 120+ Topic Ideas

Part III. 5 Quick Tips on how to Give an Effective Motivational Speech

Part IV. 15 Demonstration Speech Ideas and Techniques

Part V. How to Give an Effective Special Occasion Speech?

Part VI. 6 Key Tips for a Memorable Entertaining Speech + Topics and Ideas

Part VII. Explanatory Speech: 7 Key Tips to Help You Deliver an Effective Speech

Part VIII. 5-Step Strategy for an Effective Debate and Speech Delivery

Part IX. 7 Oratory Secrets: How to Deliver Effective Oratorical Speeches

Part X. Public Speaking Contests: 7 Ways to Nail at Forensic Speech Competitions

Part XI. 80+ Impromptu Speech Topics & 7 Ways to Nail One

Part XII. 13 Ways to Effectively Deliver Pitching Presentations

Part XIII. Farewell Speech – An 8-step guide to help you deliver a Memorable one

Part XIV. Eulogy Guide: How to Give a Heartfelt Funeral Speech (with 4 Eulogy examples)

REFERENCES & FURTHER READING

https://www.write-out-loud.com/free-sample-eulogies.html

How to Write a Eulogy and Speak Like a Pro

Preparing a Eulogy: A Step-By-Step Guide

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How to Start Off a Eulogy: Examples and Etiquette

As a college instructor and communication expert with extensive nonfiction and educational writing experience, Mary shares tips and advice related to a wide variety of topics.

Learn about our Editorial Policy .

Being asked to deliver the eulogy at the funeral of a beloved friend or family member is an honor, but it can be difficult to find the words to begin. Reviewing a few examples can help you figure out what to say at the start of a meaningful tribute to honor the memory of a loved one.

How to Start a Eulogy

There isn't just one right way to start a eulogy, but there are a few basic etiquette guidelines to consider when deciding how to begin.

• It's possible that not everyone in attendance will know who you are, so introduce yourself at the beginning of your speech.
• Express appreciation to those who are in attendance, while also acknowledging that they too have lost a friend or loved one.
• Specify your relationship to the deceased, so that attendees will have an idea of the context of your relationship with the deceased.
• Provide insight into the overall theme of the eulogy before transitioning to the body of the speech.
• What to Say in Funeral Thank You Notes: Examples, Tips, and Etiquette

Eulogy Opening Examples

To open, say something like: "Good afternoon. My name is [insert your name]. Thank you so much for attending this ceremony honoring the life of [insert name of the deceased]. [She/he] was my [specify coworker]." This will address the first three bullet points listed above. From there, decide how to move forward based on the overall tone and theme of the eulogy. For example:

Sharing Fond Memories

This day is a profoundly sad one, though even in this time of grief I cannot help but reflect on the many wonderful experiences that I - and the rest of you - shared with [insert name of the deceased]. In navigating this loss, it's important for us to remember how much richer our lives have been as a result of our relationship with [insert name of the deceased]. Several of [his/her] closest friends and family members have shared their fondest memories with me. With their permission, I'll share those with you today...

Funeral Poem or Quote

I am heartbroken by the loss of my [specify relationship], but honored to have the opportunity to reflect on [his/her] life with you today. It's important that we acknowledge and fully experience the emotions of this day, on which we have gathered together to say goodbye to [insert name of the deceased]. I'd like to open with a meaningful [ poem , quote , or bible verse ] to reflect on the human experience of grief and this moment in time, as we gather together to say goodbye to [insert name of the deceased].

Family-Focused Eulogy

To [insert name of the deceased], family always came first. I'm proud to have been able to call [him/her] my [insert familial relationship], and to have had the experience of loving - and being loved by - someone who set such a good example of what it really means to put family first. Today I'll share with you just how much [he/she] meant to this family and ask all of you pray for us as we learn what it means to move forward without [him/her] in this life.

Deliver a Meaningful Funeral Tribute

Once you decide what to say at the very beginning of the eulogy, the next step will be to put together the body of the speech. Consider reviewing a few sample eulogy speeches for inspiration.

• Games, topic printables & more
• The 4 main speech types
• Example speeches
• Commemorative
• Declamation
• Demonstration
• Informative
• Introduction
• Student Council
• Speech topics
• Poems to read aloud
• How to write a speech
• Using props/visual aids
• Acute anxiety help
• Breathing exercises
• Letting go - free e-course
• Using self-hypnosis
• Delivery overview
• 4 modes of delivery
• How to make cue cards
• How to read a speech
• 9 vocal aspects
• Vocal variety
• Diction/articulation
• Pronunciation
• Speaking rate
• How to use pauses
• Eye contact
• Body language
• Voice image
• Voice health
• Public speaking activities and games
• About me/contact
• Resources for eulogies
• How to write a eulogy

How to write a eulogy - step by step

Guidelines to help prepare a loving funeral speech 

By:  Susan Dugdale  

Having a eulogy or funeral speech to write is a gift, and a privilege. Despite the circumstances. 

And perfectly understandable and reasonable questions like the two below can make the task seem extraordinarily difficult.

• Just how do you squeeze a lifetime's worth of memories into one six-minute speech?
• And make it a special, memorable, unique speech to capture the essence of a person?

However, there is a way through. If you follow the step-by-step guidelines below  you  can and will give a sincere and fitting funeral speech or tribute.

I understand about being caught in the maelstrom of feelings triggered by the death of someone you love. I know finding the clarity to make decisions about what to write in a eulogy can feel overwhelmingly impossible.

There is so much we want to say . Trying to compress a whole life into a few minutes seems ridiculous, almost an insult.

But you can do it, and do it well. Let me show you how to write a eulogy, step by step.

What's on this long page

You'll find:

• help to understand the importance of spending time carefully crafting a eulogy
• help to understand the purpose and value of a eulogy
• the background information you need before you begin to write
• what to include in a eulogy  (and what to leave out)
• how to collect the material you need to write it
• the step-by-step process of writing the eulogy
• a free printable fill-in-the-blanks eulogy planning template with examples. (It will guide you through the whole process of collecting material, structuring and writing: making it easier.)
• links to a diverse collection of 70+ sample eulogies to read to help inspire you and give you courage to begin
• how to rehearse and prepare yourself for delivering the eulogy as best you can
• People also ask | 13 FAQs about eulogies with answers (and examples) to set your mind at ease: e.g.,  how to start a eulogy , how to end a eulogy , what makes a powerful, heartfelt eulogy , do you read a eulogy , how to stop yourself from crying while giving the eulogy ...

Please don't rush. Take your time and, go gently. 

Why go through the process of writing a eulogy?

Some people question the need to go through the step-by-step process of writing a eulogy: organizing their thoughts and putting them down on paper or into a document.

They say they would prefer to stand up and speak spontaneously, from the heart, letting inspiration and love for the person they're talking about carry them through.

While that sounds fine, there is a very good reason to sidestep that temptation.

It's because, for many people, giving any type of speech without conscious careful preparation is a challenge. They tend to drift off topic or lose the thread connecting their ideas.

Now, add to that the pressure of the occasion and, understandably, feeling upset. Do you see what might happen?

Preparation will give your eulogy structure - a definite pattern, a beginning, middle and end. That structure will help you contain and express your feelings as you choose to, lessening the likelihood of being overwhelmed by them.

Without the safety of form your funeral speech may become a tearful ramble with no obvious purpose or direction. That is distressing for everybody: yourself as well as those listening.

Taking the time to fully prepare the speech is the best way to express all you want to, the way you want to.

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What is the value and purpose of a eulogy?

When you understand what a prepared eulogy can do you'll realize it's a gift to the living. Your words will help everyone, (yourself included), on their journey through the grief of loss.

A eulogy is a reflection

In many ways a good eulogy is like a mirror or a reflection. We listen to the stories told to hear and see in our imagination what the life of our loved one was all about. We want to understand, to have it make sense to us.

A eulogy may not provide answers to difficult questions, but it allows us to focus more clearly.

A memorable speech prepared with loving care celebrates the  whole person : their strengths, their joys, challenges and achievements.

At a time when many are emotionally fragile your courage to stand in front of friends and family and speak will be truly appreciated.

Take a deep breath and follow the steps.

How to write a eulogy: preparation

Before you actually begin writing anything down there are number things to think about and do. Considering each of them prior to starting will make the process easier and your eulogy more effective. 

1. Who are you writing for?

When you stand to give your eulogy, does what you say represent other people beside yourself?

For instance:

• Are you writing on behalf of the immediate family?
• Have you been asked to be the principal spokesperson, or will others be talking too?
• Are you writing as a work colleague, a close friend...?

The answers to those questions put you, the eulogy giver, in context which is important to those listening. If they don't know, they'll want to know how you fitted into the life of the person you are celebrating. It provides them with the background to what you share.

The answers also help you, the eulogy writer, because it defines the scope of what you talk about.

For example, if your relationship with the deceased was primarily work based, you'll reflect on achievements and events drawn from your time working together. You'll leave talking about close family relationships alone because they're not within your sphere. 

If you are the principal or only spokesperson your scope is much broader. You'll want to cover important relationships: family and significant friends, as well as major achievements, and life changing events, leavened with a few well-chosen stories.  

When doing the writing yourself is too difficult

We know life stories can be complicated. And grief can make them harder to tell. If you'd like help, talk to professional eulogy writer, Theresa Sjoquist .

2. How long is a eulogy expected to be?

The general rule is somewhere between 3 to 7 minutes. If you're unsure ask for guidance from the person conducting or organizing the service. It can change depending on the number speakers.

The time allowance governs how much material you can fit into your eulogy.

3. What to include in your eulogy

• A brief introduction of yourself and where you fitted in the person's life.
• Personal stories: anecdotes, songs, poetry, reflections ... Anything at all that speaks true.

4. Subjects to bypass

Be honest without dwelling on or re-living negativity.

The eulogy is not an occasion to 'get even', air unresolved conflicts  or expose private family secrets.

If the person was bowed down with unresolved challenges, talk about them compassionately, if you must. 

Remember a funeral speech is an opportunity to honor and even the most difficult personality or life will have aspects worthy of celebration.

(And while we're discussing what subject matter it's best or diplomatic to avoid: political opinions or religious differences don't belong in a eulogy either.  Neither do cliches: "Time will heal all wounds", "It was for the best", "Their suffering is over now" and so on.)

5. Make a special folder 

Set up a special folder on your computer to store all the material you need to write your eulogy. This is where you'll put your notes for stories you think you might use, scraps of poetry, and so on. Labelling everything clearly and putting it in one place will help when it comes time to write.

6. Ask for contributions

If you're speaking on behalf of others ask friends, family or work colleagues for their recollections and stories to add to your own.

Get them to write their ideas down in a document and send it to you which you can then file in your eulogy folder. If they can't do that, talk with them, and note their thoughts yourself.  

There is no need for you to carry the responsibility of putting together the eulogy alone. Let others share in the privilege of shaping the speech to honor your loved one's life.

7. Do you want to include a poem or a quotation?

Many people want a piece of poetry or a quotation to help them express what they wish to say.

Here are three possible sources to explore:

1. Browse through my collection of funeral poems and a large selection of widely diverse inspirational quotations . I've made recordings of a number of the most frequently read. Here's the link that will take you to them, including Funeral Blues by WH Auden: 8 readings of best-loved funeral poems .

2. In your quest for a quotation don't overlook the person whose life you're celebrating. Perhaps there are memorable phrases that were uniquely their own. May be it was a line from a song or a poem.

For example, my mother had a signature saying. "Let there be peace and let it begin with me"  inspired her throughout many years of a sometimes very difficult life.

3. What about writing your own poem? It's not as difficult as you may think and you'll have something very special and original to offer. You can find out here how to write a poem in free verse.

8. Writing the eulogy: tone

What tone do you want to use? Do you want it to be solemn? Do you want it to be lighter, perhaps even humorous? Or do you want a balance of both?

To help decide, ask yourself: what would your loved one have wanted? Be guided by your answer.

There are no "right" or "wrong" ways. This a decision for yourself, the family and friends.  A life contains joy as well as sorrow and laughing through tears can be a real reflection of that.

9. Please tell the stories!

Do resist the urge to list in chronological order achievements or milestones. These can be dry, dull facts.

Instead tell the stories about the achievements or milestones. They may have been heard many times but in their retelling the essence or life force of your loved one lives on. This is the real person who people want to hear about and remember. Lists don't give that.

10. Ordering the content you've collected

Once you've got everything together you think you need, go through the collection of reflections, stories, quotations and poem fragments etc., selecting what gives an accurate and balanced portrayal. You won't be able to include everything but what you do choose, you'll want to resonate with the 'truth' of the person.

Put your choices of material in the order you want them to come in when you write the eulogy.

(If it helps either print out all the documents in your folder or put the headings of each one on post-it notes and move them around until you are happy with how they are sequenced.)

The order might look this:

Introduction:

Statement of who I am and relationship to loved-one Verse or quotation

• Story one, or reflection, or poem or song or reading
• Story two, or reflection, or poem or song or reading
• Story three, or reflection, or poem or song or reading

Conclusion:

Restatement of main message or theme from body of eulogy Closing snippet of poetry or quotation

Where to start writing the eulogy

Begin with the body of the funeral speech.

This is where you will be sharing the stories you've selected and ordered making this person unique, special and loved.

If you have notes but can't get straight into writing, telling your story to yourself or to another person while recording it may help kick start the process.

Remember to go straight to the core of each story. Long preambles are not needed. Include enough to make sense and no more.

For example:

(This is a true story. I didn't use it for my Mother's eulogy but telling it here is a little like giving her another small one years later.)

Leaving home and the yellow blouse

"I'm going to tell you the story of the yellow blouse.

I was 18 and leaving home. We had very little money and certainly none for luxuries and that's what new clothes were. Ours were hand-me-downs from cousins. 

What money Mum got from her government paid widow's benefit each week was carefully placed in a series of jars in a cupboard above the sink in the kitchen. Each had a label. This was for 'Food', that for 'Electricity' etc. The jars were often empty but miraculously, our stomachs never were.

The day came for going. I had made 'new clothes' from old ones. They were folded, ready for packing. As I closed the lid on my suitcase, my mother gave me a parcel. Inside was a new store-bought yellow blouse, beautifully sewn and made of fine cloth. 'A girl must have at least one quality garment.' she said. It was extraordinary. I knew the path to that blouse had been 5 cents by 5 cents by 5 cents over months. I also knew this was love."

Link your stories/poems/songs/readings/quotes together so one leads into another. Think of them as beads you are threading to form a necklace. Each is part of the whole.

Write the conclusion

What enduring message do you want your listeners to carry away with them?

It may be a simple thank you for the life you've shared with your loved one or it could be a special quote expressing an idea or feeling you know is appropriate. As this is the last opportunity to pay tribute think carefully. You'll want to get it as "right" as you can.

Write the opening

Now you have the rest of your eulogy it will be easier to write the opening.

Unless you're being introduced by someone else be sure to include who you are at the very beginning.

Once that is done think about the major events, relationships  and general characteristics making up this life special.

"Sophie was my Mother but she was also Mother to four more: Fred, Isobel, Warren and Gwen. Many of you know her as aunt, cousin, friend and colleague but whatever the relationship, we all know her as the woman who played many roles.

She was the bright and beautiful young women who married my father after a war-time whirl wind romance. She was the determined young bride who taught herself to cook and sew.'  (And so on ...)

'We all have memories of Sophie. I want to share some of my most precious with you now ...":

This leads into the body of the speech comprised of the specific stories you plan to tell.

Would you like to read a few eulogy examples before you begin?

They may help you decide what you want to do, and give you the courage to start. Reading what others have done is a good thing to do. 

Here are two eulogy examples written by me and we also have a growing and wonderfully diverse collection of 70+ funeral speeches contributed by site visitors from all around the world.

Would a printable eulogy planning template help?

I've taken all the information on this page about the step by step process of writing a eulogy, and put it into a free 15 page printable.  You'll find instructions and examples alongside fill-in-the-blank slots for you to enter what you want to say. 

Complete it and you'll have a well structured first draft. Of course, you'll still need to edit, polish and rehearse it, but you'll be well on your way.

Make your task easier: get the eulogy planning template .

Writing a eulogy: practice & rehearsal

Use the record function on your phone and read your first draft out loud as if you were delivering it. This will help you make sure that what you've written makes sense. 

(It also helps if you have someone listen to you to give you feedback. A pair of independent ears will pick up things you might otherwise miss.)

Play back your recording and listen carefully.

• Does your material flow smoothly from one idea to the next?
• Are the opening and closing remarks fitting?
• Have you varied your language and sentence length to keep it interesting to listen to?
• If you hear yourself repeating the same phrases over and over again, either cut them out or find other language to express the idea.
• Listen to hear if you are rambling without real point or direction  or  you've repeated the same or a similar story without realizing it.
• Does your speech fit the time allowance? (If you've not been given a time allowance, approximately 3-7 minutes is about average. Although this may seem very brief, it does have advantages. Firstly, it gives other people who may be speaking time to do so. Secondly, it focuses your speech and helps you to decide what is important to say.)  

Now make any adjustments needed and write your second draft.

Go through the same recording/timing process again and if possible, get someone whose opinion you trust to listen and give you feedback. 

When you're satisfied, prepare your final copy.

You'll find comfort and support in this free series of inspirational messages. They're my gift to you.

Suggestions for delivering your eulogy

These will help ensure you give your eulogy the way you want to.

Prepare your notes for printing

If you've written your eulogy in a word document on your computer, BEFORE YOU PRINT IT OUT:

• Make sure the font is large enough to be easily read at a glance.
• Double space each line for easy reading.
• Number your pages clearly.
• Select single-side printing.
• If you're using a poem or reading include the text in the body of your notes.   It's simpler to deal with one item (your notes) rather than try to manage several under pressure.  But if you must use the original text, make sure you bookmark your place clearly, so you do not have the added pressure of trying to find the right page while everybody waits.

At the venue

• If it's available, use a lectern or stand for your notes rather than hold them. You can either stand to one side or behind it. When you hand-hold notes the temptation to rattle, or mask your face with them, might be too much to withstand.
• Practice breathing deeply before you stand to talk to calm yourself. You'll find more information on how to breathe to release tension here.
• Have a glass of water available.
• Do not worry if you "wobble" or falter. Tears and being unable to speak for a moment or two are natural. Do not fight them. Have a tissue handy. Blow your nose, wipe your eyes, have a sip of water and carry on. People will not judge you. Instead, they will admire your courage and a few tears are not a loss of dignity. 
• If you do have to stop, do not apologize. Nobody is expecting a flawless performance.   The British have a saying: " stiff upper lip" . It means concealing or keeping feelings under control. In the midst of great emotional or physical pain a " stiff upper lip"  hides the inner turmoil. This is not being asked of you and is expected less and less of the British too! Being able to acknowledge and show feeling openly is healthy and honest. The ideal is to  ride the wave  and continue.
• If you want to, take a support person to stand beside you. Their presence will be a steadying influence, and if you have to take a moment or two out, they'll give you the strength to carry on.
• If you have time, practice in the venue. There are fuller guidelines on  how to rehearse a speech  here.

People also ask: 13 FAQs about eulogies with answers

Below are some of people's most frequently asked questions about eulogies. I've answered each of them with examples and ongoing links to either pages of my own or others I found offering good useful information.

(N.B. Some of the questions have already been answered above.) 

How do you start a eulogy? Give me an example introduction.

There is more than one way to begin a eulogy. Have a look through these four example openings to see if can find one you’d like to adapt to fit the eulogy you are writing.

1. Use a habitual phrase or saying

Use a habitual phrase or saying that everyone who knows the person will immediately recognize.

As an example, my mother had, ‘Let there be peace and let it begin with me’ written out on numerous note cards. She placed them in prominent positions everywhere: on the dashboard of her car, the fridge door, on the kitchen windowsill, in her bag... That saying could easily be used as an opening. E.g.

‘Let there be peace, and let it begin with me’. That was Pauline’s signature saying. Those cards were everywhere: in any of her cavernous handbags, in the pockets of her coat, on the back of the toilet door...

I’m Susan, her eldest daughter. Thank you for coming together today to celebrate her life.’

2. Use a rhetorical question

Use a rhetorical question that you know will trigger happy memories in many of the people present.

‘Who can ever forget Aunt Mary’s special occasion cakes? Birthdays, Christmas, christenings, anniversaries and more. As she said, anything went better with cake.

Hers were off the scale good: good to taste, good to look at, good to share. Sublime.

I’m Henry Smith, Mary’s nephew. I was lucky to be on the receiving end of quite a few. And now it’s my privilege to give her eulogy.’

3. Use a list of qualities and habits

Use a list of qualities and habits that everybody will recognize as being true of the deceased. For example:

"Kind, lover of ridiculous hats – the sillier the better, fearless, honest, and for many of us, an inspiration. That’s my Uncle Andrew.

I’m Lucy. My Mother, Stephanie, is Andrew’s older sister.

4. Immediately establish your connection or relationship

Immediately establish your connection or relationship to the deceased. This is useful if you are talking to a very large group of people, many of whom don’t know you, or where you fitted in their life.

"My name is Robert Naido. I was extremely fortunate to work alongside Ben for many years at Timberlake High school. As a young inexperienced teacher, he was my mentor, and inspiration. He is why I am still teaching, and it’s also why I feel privileged to be asked to share my memories of him with you today."

What should I say in a good eulogy?

A ‘good’ eulogy is one that both satisfies and serves the people listening to it. As you speak your words allow them to connect with their own memories and feelings.

You’ll see them nodding their agreement, smiling, and perhaps wiping away a tear or two because what you’re saying is an honest, sincere, moving combination of humor and seriousness that genuinely reflects the person they knew and loved. It’s a careful selection stories and reflection, perhaps anchored around specific milestones, that will be particularly meaningful to everyone present.  That’s vastly different from a simple recitation of key milestones.

For example, something like this:

Amy was born in 1962 in Brooklyn, New York. She is the eldest child of Fred and Myrtle Black. The family moved to...etc., etc.

A good eulogy also has structure, a beginning, middle and end. It is not a shambling collection of hastily collected thoughts, and it is approximately 3 – 7 minutes long.

Following the guidelines above and using the printable eulogy planner will keep you on track.

What are some examples of a eulogy?

There are over 70 examples of eulogies on this site. They’ve been sent to me by people from all over the world: UK, USA, South Africa, Philippines, India, Australia, and more. There are eulogies for mothers, fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers, sons, sister, brothers, colleagues, and friends. Some are brief. Some are longer. Some are a poignant mix of humor and grief. All of them have been submitted by their writers to help people who had a eulogy to write. They understood having examples to read lessened the burden. Use this link to find them: examples of a eulogy .

What are the three parts of a eulogy?

The three main parts are a beginning, a middle section and an ending. This is the same three part structural format that underpins any successful speech.

In the beginning (introduction) you will acknowledge or greet everybody present, introduce yourself, state your relationship to the deceased, thank people for coming, and use a quotation/signature saying, rhetorical question or some other opener if you choose to.

In the middle section what you share will depend on whether you are the only person giving the eulogy, or one of several.

If you are the only person a brief biography covering date and place of birth, key childhood/birth family members and events, plus giving the names of the person’s spouse/partner, children and grandchildren is useful. This information provides context for the those who met the deceased outside of their immediate friends and family circle for example, in a workplace, as a member of a club etc.

Then add stories, memories, significant achievements, note talents, hobbies and passions, including any unique and special qualities.

If there are multiple people speaking, you can go straight to your stories and memories.

In the ending talk about what the deceased meant to you, what you gained and learned from them being in your life. If you choose to, add a brief reading or quotation before closing with a last farewell. *

* If you’re representing the whole family, or any other group of people, you will need to broaden what you say to make sure you include all the people who need to be. For instance, if it's family, what they meant to their partner, daughter, grandchild, and what was learned by those people. They need to see the importance of their relationship with the deceased reflected in what you say.

How to end a eulogy

Answer:   Here are four examples of ways to end a eulogy. Each is a heartfelt, sincere summary of the speaker’s loving regard for the deceased. They all come from eulogies their writers sent to me to share.

1. Eulogy for Dad by Byron Tweedy

This is the closing paragraph from Byrona Tweedy’s eulogy for her Dad.

“I’m so fortunate and grateful that I had a father so capable of expressing his love for our family and me. Although he will be forever missed, I feel comforted knowing that he accomplished more than he could have dreamed in life. I’ll hold you in my heart forever, dad; I love you.”

Read the whole of her eulogy for her father: Eulogy for Dad

2. Eulogy for my Grandmother Bertha

Here’s the last part of Craig Curran-Morton’s eulogy for his Grandmother.

“...Perfect She was perfect. Perfect in every respect. - Her laugh - Her smile - Her big kisses - Her hugs They were perfect and she was the perfect grandmother. And we are all a little closer to perfection to have had her in our lives. I love you grandma. You will be missed.”

Read Craig's funeral speech: Eulogy for my Grandmother 

3. Eulogy for my Grandad, my Friend

Corinne McPartland added some lines of a poem to the ending of her eulogy for her grandfather:

'Seeing as you loved a poem to fit an occasion, I will now leave you with a few lines of one I found, which I hope describes how you may have passed from death to eternal life:

"On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined; No sleep 'til morn, when youth and pleasure meet, to chase the glowing hours with flying feet." I love you, Granddad and am glad we have shared a friendship that has overlooked age, created so many wonderful memories and one that will last a lifetime - until we meet again.'

Read Corrine’s eulogy for her grandfather:  Michael McDonnell: my Grandad, my Friend

4. Eulogy for my co-worker Donna

James Lang wrote this as the ending to his eulogy for his colleague and friend of many years, Donna:

“Over the last year and a half of her life, whenever I saw Donna, on parting she would say, “Love you much”. Donna, I love you much. I am a better person for having you in my life. Thank you for everything that you did for me.”

Read eulogy for my co-worker Donna

What makes a powerful, heartfelt eulogy?

This is a similar question to the one above: What should I say in a 'good' eulogy?

A powerful, heartfelt, or good eulogy shares the same core characteristic. That is bringing the person to life in the imagination of listeners through telling carefully selected stories everyone can relate to. They can be funny, poignant, about significant milestones...Stories well told are much more powerful than a list of dry 'did this', 'did that' facts.

Have a look at these for examples of great storytelling. They’re each powerful eulogies in their own ways.

• Eulogy for My Mother-In-Law and her Lasagna   by Jo Lloyd-Davies
• Eulogy for my brother with Downs Syndrome by Cyprian Payne 
• Jimbo Bro - my wee brother  by Chery

What should you not put in a eulogy?

Answer: A eulogy is given in public: to anybody who decided to come along to the remembrance service.

What doesn’t belong in it are private matters concerning the deceased, their family members, your personal judgments about aspects of the deceased’s life, comments about differing philosophical, political or religious beliefs, cliches like ‘it was for the best’, their ‘suffering is over now’, and ‘time heals all wounds’, tales of raucous or bad behavior, accounts of unresolved conflict, or stories focusing on yourself.

What you say needs to be appropriate for everyone to hear which doesn’t mean minimizing or hiding from difficult truths. It means considering why you’re speaking (giving the eulogy) and choosing your words to fit the occasion: respectfully.

What are the steps to writing a eulogy?

Briefly, the 3 principal steps to writing a eulogy are:

• collecting the material you need: the stories, readings, poems...,
• writing it using a 3 part structure: introduction, body (middle) and conclusion,
• rehearsing it

The guidelines above will lead you through the entire process from beginning to end-delivery – giving the eulogy. 

Do download and use the eulogy planner. It will make the process less stressful, simpler and easier for you.

How long should a eulogy be? How long should a eulogy be at a celebration of life?

Whether it’s a celebration of life, or a funeral service, the optimum length for a eulogy is between 3 – 7 minutes. If you are the only person speaking that could perhaps be extended to 10 minutes.

To be sure, before you prepare the eulogy find out from the person organizing the celebration/service what time allocation has been put aside for your speech. Then use that as a guide.

For more see this article: How many words per minute in a speech . You’ll find a helpful quick reference guide for number of words required for a 1 through to 30 minutes, depending on whether you talk at a slow rate, a medium rate or a fast one.

Please note, it’s only by saying your speech out loud as if you were delivering it, and timing it as you do, that you’ll find out how long it actually takes.

Who usually gives, or says, a eulogy?

Answer: Who gives a eulogy at a funeral service varies hugely. Sometimes there is one speaker, and sometimes there are many. It depends entirely on the type of service it is, as well as how it’s being organized.

For a full answer please see: Who speaks at a funeral? Who gives the eulogy? 

What do you say at a celebration of life?

Answer: What you say depends on what’s fitting for the role and the relationship you had with the person who has died. You could, for instance, offer a short speech (eulogy), a poem, a song, an amusing story, or a favorite memory.

The key thing to remember about what you choose to say, is that the event is a celebration.

A celebration of life service is an opportunity to give thanks, to honor and acknowledge the positive presence of the deceased in your life. It’s about the special qualities and talents making them a unique person.

If you’ve been asked to speak, or want to speak, and don’t know what to say, or where to begin, ask the person organizing the event for more information. For example:

• How long to speak for - one minute?  Two minutes? Three minutes?
• What they’d like you to cover
• Where you come in the speaking order, if there is one.
• And then, read some eulogy examples to get an idea of the kinds of things people talk about.

Do you read a eulogy?

Answer: For many people the safest way to deliver a eulogy is to read it. That means having everything they want to say written out word-for-word in a document, and then printed off.

When they stand to speak, they’ll read from a copy of their eulogy placed on the lectern or pulpit in front of them. If they become temporarily overwhelmed by the enormity of the occasion, the complete text is a reassuring presence, enabling them to pick up from where they left off to take a breath, wipe their eyes, or blow their nose, relatively easily.

Opting to read rather than give the eulogy from either memory or extemporaneously using note, or cue, cards does not mean that you don’t need to practice. You will deliver your eulogy so much more effectively if you rehearse it. That means reading it out loud as many times as you can before you have to actually deliver it.

When you are familiar with the flow of the text, you’ll be far less likely to get flummoxed, overcome by emotion, when you come to particularly difficult passages to say, and if you do, you’ll recover more quickly.  Repeated practice helps a great deal.

For more on how to read a speech effectively

How do you get through a eulogy without crying?

Answer: The very first thing to acknowledge and accept is that tears at a funeral service are natural. They’re a very normal response to grief.

The fear lying behind the question is not so much will you shed a few quiet tears and have to pause to catch your breath before you go on.

It’s more along the lines of, will I stand up to give the eulogy and then be completely overwhelmed by grief? Will I sob uncontrollably, be unable to get any of the words out and have to sit down?

Feeling anxious about that happening is totally understandable. You want to do your very best to honor your loved one, and yet you feel so utterly vulnerable.

Here are a few suggestions I know will help.

• Remind yourself tears are part grieving. If you cry no one is going to think ill or less of you at all. Be kinder to yourself. There’s no need to bite back your emotions.
• Practice a lot out loud. Hearing yourself say the words makes them familiar. Even the difficult parts become easier to say. The shock you feel is a little less each time. It no longer sweeps you away. You may wobble a little, but you can recover and continue.
• Breathe. When we are tense or anxious, we hold our breath and unfortunately, that makes us feel even more anxious. To help yourself, as you are practicing reading aloud from your script, use the punctuation as an opportunity to take a breath. At the end of each sentence there is a period, or full stop. Use it to take a breath. When you see a comma, take a breath. Between paragraphs, take a breath. (My article How to use pauses effectively  explains the process in more detail.) And if you do feel the emotion rising, your eyes beginning to tear up and your throat tightening, stop. Take a moment to take a long slow in-breath, followed by a long slow out-breath. Repeat if necessary, and then, when you’re ready, pick up from where you left off. For more on breathing well and breathing exercises  
• Make sure the copy of your eulogy is very easily read. You don’t want to be scrabbling around trying to find your place if you had to stop for a moment. Each page needs to be printed single sided, numbered clearly, with 1.5 line spacing, and in a large clean font you can read at a glance.
• Either have a support person to stand beside you as you speak for reassurance or have one sit where you can see them. Their role is to encourage, to give you strength, to remind you to breathe. If absolutely necessary, they can take over from you.

What is the most comforting thing to say at a funeral?

Answer: Many of us struggle to find the right words to say to those who are recently bereaved. It’s not because we don’t care, but because we do.

So what can you say, that is genuinely comforting?

For examples of what not to say, and what to say please see: Funeral words: examples of comforting things to say at funerals .

You'll find out how to avoid using platitudes and to say something meaningful, honest, and kind.

In conclusion:

Remember having a eulogy to write is both a gift and a privilege.

It's a gift twice over. Once because you are giving your energy, time and love to honor the life of your loved one. And secondly because it will aid the healing process for everybody including yourself.

Giving a eulogy is a privilege because it signifies your value or importance in the life of the loved one and in the lives of family and friends. Being asked to speak shows trust and respect. You are being trusted to encapsulate a life fittingly and deliver the unique essence of the person everyone loved publicly.

I hope these notes are of service to you. If you have questions, ask them through my contact form here. I would be happy and honored to assist.

The quote above is widely attributed to Goethe. Despite disagreement over its origin, the sentiment expressed is fitting for your task. Have courage, and begin.

Sharing your writing

If these pages helped you to write - the sample eulogies in particular, please consider sharing what you wrote.

People are always searching for eulogy examples to help them begin their own writing process. If you could share, it would be very much appreciated.

Your eulogy would feature in a special section - free sample eulogies It would have its own page and appear just how you want it to.

Do think about it. If you have any questions, please ask them.

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7 tips from celebrants on writing a great funeral speech 0.

Giving a funeral speech can be a nerve-wracking experience. Public speaking isn’t everyone’s forte — and there’s always the question of what you should (and shouldn’t) say.

So, what makes a great speech at a funeral? We spoke to four experienced celebrants — people who write and deliver eulogies professionally — to get their top tips on writing a funeral speech that feels right.

How to write a funeral speech, according to real celebrants

We spoke to Clive, Melanie, Kate and Adrienne for their tips on writing a brilliant funeral speech.

Work out the length

“A five-minute speech would typically be 600 to 650 words,” says Clive Pashley, from Premier Celebrants. Most people talk at a rate of about 125 words a minute, he explains. But the more nervous you are, the faster you’ll speak.

If you get to choose how long your speech will be, ask for only as much time as you can manage. “Remember: you’re grieving, and the longer you’re up there, the harder it gets,” says Melanie Sopp, celebrant and interfaith minister. “Even two minutes can feel like an eternity.”

Choose a topic

“Start by sorting out what the theme is,” says Adrienne Hodgson-Hoy, a celebrant from East Yorkshire. “What do you actually want to get people to understand, what is the whole basis of the speech?”

• Eulogies are where you tell the life story of the person who has died, from beginning to end.
• Tributes are typically shorter — 5-minute speeches on a treasured memory, anecdote, or theme from the person’s life.

“When you’re talking about somebody’s life, you talk about their passions: follow what they loved and what their strengths were,” says Kate Mitchell, who leads ceremonies in the South East. Eulogies follow a certain pattern (from birth to death), so it’s simply a case of pulling out those key moments that really reveal something.

For tributes, Melanie recommends writing about “things that mean something to you — whether it’s a personal memory, an anecdote, gratitude, or acknowledging somebody’s courage in the face of a long illness.” Family gatherings, holidays and first meetings are all good starting points for a funeral speech.

“ The most important thing is to tell the truth as you see it,”

Follow your instincts

Not sure what to say in a funeral speech? Go with your gut.

“Just sit down and write what’s in your head, even if it’s a jumbled mess,” says Melanie. “Then go back through it to revise it and pick out what needs to be said on the day.”

Clive adds: “Don’t second guess yourself. If you think of a memory and it feels right, it’s important to you and it’s something that you shared — and if you think your friend or loved one would like you to share it — then I would go ahead and include it.”

Be even-handed

“Make sure your speech is as unbiased as possible,” says Adrienne. “Gather information from different parts of the family, so you actually get an accurate picture of what happened and what [the person who has died] was like.”

To get the information you need for your funeral speech, you may have to put your own opinions to one side. “Don’t be argumentative when you are taking the information, and don’t put your viewpoint first,” Adrienne stresses.

Clive agrees. “Some people use their time at the microphone to try and settle a score or get one up on someone. That’s obviously a real no-no,” he says, adding that such funeral speeches can be “excruciatingly embarrassing.”

Be honest — even about the difficult bits

Talking about someone with a complicated or difficult history? All our celebrants agreed on one thing: not to flinch away from talking about it.

“That doesn’t mean a litany of things that they did wrong — and it doesn’t have to be the gory details. It’s about telling the truth but being kind.”

“Acknowledge that they did have issues,” says Adrienne. “I lead a funeral service once for someone who was an alcoholic, and the family said that yes, he had issues with alcohol, and he tried to turn away from it, but unfortunately the issue was too big a problem for him to overcome. There are tactful ways of saying these things.”

Honesty can be cathartic. Melanie gave a difficult eulogy for her father and says that the experience was “Liberating. It was an honest account of that relationship. I don’t regret it.”

Remember, it’s not all about you

“Just be careful not to make it too centred on yourself, and make sure it really does focus on the person who’s passed away,” says Clive.

When talking about others, specific names also are important, he stresses. “Try to avoid saying ‘we’ or ‘they’ unless it’s obvious who you’re referring to. Otherwise, it can be a little ambiguous and hard to follow.”

Don’t be flowery, be specific

A lot of people feel that since a funeral is a serious occasion, funeral speeches should use serious, impressive language. Not so, say our celebrants.

“If their name was David, but they were known as Dave, call them Dave! Keep it personal,” says Adrienne.

“Don’t try and be clever and write flowery phases! Everybody thinks that they need to, but someone isn’t suddenly different because they died,” Kate explains. “If you can be specific, and base your speech on real things that happened, that’s best.”

“The songs you used to listen to together, the ways he used to stir his tea — those are the sorts of details that are specific to that person, and that’s what makes a great eulogy.”

For more inspiration…

For more ideas on things to say in a funeral speech, you can’t go wrong with our article on  funeral speech examples . It’s filled with touching and sometimes even funny eulogies from real people.

Feeling nervous about an upcoming funeral speech? We followed up with Melanie, Clive, Adrienne and Kate to find out how to overcome your jitters. Check out their tips and tricks here.

  Meet the celebrants

Clive Pashley started Premier Celebrants with his friend, James Greely, in 2016. They were later joined by Rachel Nussey. He and his team offer professional and bespoke funeral service planning across the Midlands.

Rev. Melanie Sopp is a celebrant and interfaith minister, working across the Midlands and the South coast. Melanie runs the excellent Celebrant Academy, which trains celebrants to create ceremonies and lead services of all kinds.

Adrienne Hodgson-Hoy was inspired to become a celebrant after losing her husband. Now, she leads unique, personal funeral services across Hull and East Yorkshire. With a friend, Adrienne runs Memories of Me, a service that allows people to plan their own funeral services.

Kate Mitchell is a creative independent celebrant working in the South East: her stomping grounds include Kent, Surrey and Sussex. As well as funerals, Kate leads thoughtful wedding and baby-naming ceremonies.

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9 Creative Ways to Remember Someone Who Has Died 0

When you lose someone, one of the scariest things about it is the idea that you might forget them. Or that the memory of losing them will overshadow the happier times you spent together.  The good news is this: you won’t forget them, ever. We promise. And there are ways of remembering someone who has died that can help you celebrate all the great things about them. Here are some suggestions…

9 special things to do to remember someone who has died

Not sure how to remember someone who has died ? We hope you’ll find some inspiration here.

Start a tradition for their birthday

Find something that helps you feel close to them, and do it each year. For example, you could:

• Do something your loved one liked to do
• Take a trip to a place that meant something to you both
• Have a big family dinner and raise a toast – and invite their close friends
• Light a candle for them in the evening

Build on what you know about them. Take a class in something they knew well. Go on their favourite dog walk. Take the day off and make all their favourite foods.

“My sister and I go to a 40s event on Mum’s birthday each year,” explains Rachel, a funeral arranger at our Aylesbury branch. “She was a child of the 40s, and it helps us remember how life would have been for her growing up.”

Talk to them

While this might feel a little odd at first, a lot of people find comfort in these talks. After the 2011 tsunami in Japan, one bereaved relative set up a disconnected ‘wind telephone’ in his garden so that he could talk to the family he lost. Since then, people from all over the area have come to talk to their loved ones.

Take a trip 

Go somewhere your loved one always wanted to go, do something they always wanted to do. A once-in-a-lifetime trip can be a fantastic way for a family to heal together after a rough year.

Keep something of theirs close by

Another (slightly more unusual) way of remembering someone special who has died is to get their ashes made into jewellery. Specialist craftspeople can suspend the ashes in glass or resin beads and place them in pendants, earrings, bracelets or rings. 

Go big with a firework display

A memorial fireworks display can be a lovely way to remember someone special. Team it with plenty of friends and family, some of your loved one’s favourite music, and some toasty hot drinks for a unique and cosy celebration of life.

The important thing here is safety. Always buy your fireworks from a registered seller or licenced shop and check that they are suitable for home use. Make sure bystanders are standing back as far as is recommended for that firework. You can find more safety advice here.

What about balloon, lantern, butterfly and dove launches? Here, it’s important to do your research to minimise the impact on local wildlife and pets. Always use biodegradable materials.

Get something dedicated to them

Not sure if the traditional park bench is the best way of remembering someone who has died ? There are all kinds of alternatives…

• For lovers of the performing arts, you can dedicate theatre, opera, or concert hall seats
• Football ground seats are a great way to remember fans of the beautiful game
• For music lovers, you can call in to your local radio station and dedicate their favourite song to them on their birthday
• You can get a rose named in memory of someone special , and give cuttings to family and friends
• Or dedicate a tree (or an acre of woodland ) to them with the Woodland Trust

Write to them

Not much of a letter writer? You’re not alone. When writer Rax King tweeted about the emails she sent her dad after he died, thousands of other people came forward to say that they did the same. Or sent texts, or g-chat messages.  While it’s best not to actually press ‘send’ on these (numbers can be reallocated to other people, email accounts closed) just the act of writing can bring comfort. 

Support a cause that mattered to them

Is there a cause your loved one cared deeply about that you could support? Or would you like to raise money for a charity that fights their final illness, or supports families like yours?

One of the best ways to remember someone who has died is to build something positive with their legacy. You could…

• Set up an online crowdfunding obituary that asks friends and family to donate
• Organise a fundraiser or do a charity run to raise money
• Sign up to donate a small amount each month in their memory
• Set up a scholarship or endowment at their old school, college or uni
• Launch a charitable trust or foundation of your own to lobby for a cause
• Sponsor a child (or even an animal) through a charity

Visit their grave or scattering place

If you like, you can also bring a wreath, bouquet or (land owner permitting) something to plant.  In Victorian times, people would often use flowers to send messages: each one had a special meaning. This old mourning custom is still a lovely way to express how you feel. E.g. rosemary for remembrance, white periwinkle for happy memories, an oak-leaved geranium for true friendship or marigolds for grief. 

Then again, a bouquet of your loved one’s favourites is an equally thoughtful gesture. At natural burial grounds, where planting rules are strict, a scattering of native wildflowers can also be a beautiful way to remember someone who has died.

Share your favourite ways to remember someone who has died

How do you remember the special people you’ve lost? Share your suggestions with other bereaved families in the comment section below. We’d love to hear your stories.

10 Funny Funeral Poems for an Uplifting Service 0

‘Funny funeral poems’ might sound like a bit of a contradiction. But humour isn’t always out of place at a farewell. When we celebrate someone’s life, we celebrate all of it, all of the best things about them — and that can mean laughter as well as sadness.

Here, we’ve gathered together 10 popular funny funeral poems to inspire you. We hope you’ll find something your loved one would have giggled at.

Pardon Me For Not Getting Up by Kelly Roper

There’s puns galore in this poem by Kelly Roper, writer and hospice volunteer. It’s a popular light-hearted reading, especially in funerals for people who were always taking care of others.

Told from the perspective of someone who has died, Pardon Me For Not Getting Up asks funeral guests to excuse them from hosting this time — and asks them to go ahead and celebrate their life nevertheless.

  A Long Cup of Tea by Michael Ashby

Is this the most British funeral poem of all time? Perhaps. Full of sly jokes (‘Please pick the biggest mug you can find / Size really does matter at this time’) Michael Ashby’s funeral poem is perfect for someone who loved to kick back with a cuppa. And who doesn’t?

The Busman’s Prayer by Anon

You can, of course, also write your own. Simply swap out the London locations for local landmarks with a similar sound.

Death by Joe Brainard

This wry, matter-of-fact poem by Joe Brainard has a lot of simple truth in it. And some very black humour. Noting that visualising death might help us not to be afraid, he adds:

“Try to visualize, for example, someone sneaking up behind your back and hitting you over the head with a giant hammer.”

If your friend or relative was a straightforward sort of person with an appreciation for the darker variety of jokes, this could be the one.

Warning by Jenny Joseph

It’s also an excellent message for us all: don’t let respectability get in the way of doing all the (silly) things that make you happy.

On a Tired Housewife by Anon

This anonymous poem has something of a dark backstory. But it’s now one of the nation’s favourite comic poems.

In it, the reader explains that after a lifetime of hard work, she’s actually looking forward to a restful eternal sleep. This makes it one of the more fitting funny funeral poems for a friend or parent who was always busy looking after their family.

Untitled jisei by Moriya Sen’an

Death by Sean Hughes

This poem, which describes Sean Hughes’ idea of a good funeral, is ideal for any ‘celebration of life’ style funeral service.

With free drinks and new friendships being forged, it actually does sound like a great way to send someone off. The poem was in fact read at Hughes’ own funeral.

I Didn’t Go To Church Today by Ogden Nash

Although light-hearted, the poem does have comfort for those at a funeral. As Nash shares, God will likely understand. After all, ‘He knows when I am said and done / We’ll have plenty of time together’.

Last Will and Testament by Will Scratchmann

One last note on funny funeral poems…

Giving a ‘funny’ reading at a funeral can be a bit nerve-wracking. What if it goes down badly? The best thing to ask yourself is what the person who has died would have thought. Does the poem sound like them? Is it something they might have found funny? After all, the day is all about them. And if you need advice on public speaking, take a look at our top tips from funeral celebrants.

Didn’t find the right funeral poem today? Not to worry. We have a round up of 33 beautiful non-religious funeral poems here to help you in your search.

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How to Give a Speech at a Funeral

Last Updated: October 20, 2023 Fact Checked

Writing the Eulogy

Practicing the speech, delivering the speech, expert q&a.

This article was co-authored by David I. Jacobson . David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy.  This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 251,143 times.

Eulogizing someone can be a very difficult thing to do. You want to talk with affection about someone you've lost, but you don't want to fall apart. You may fall apart a little, but you'll see in the end that it's okay to let the other people present know how much this person meant to you.

Things You Should Know

• Base the time of your speech or eulogy on the number of people attending the funeral. Typically, speeches are between 2 and 10 minutes long.
• Plan ways to help calm your nerves during the speech. Try taking deep breaths, drinking water, or looking at a loved one for support.
• Focus your speech on happy memories with the person, or talk about their life, passions, and talents.

• If you're having trouble getting started, brainstorm. Set a 15 minute timer, think about your loved one, and write down anything that comes to mind.
• Use photographs, scrapbooks, and other mementos of the person to inspire you as you write.

• A five minute speech will be around 650 words long.

• You might list their best qualities, their most particular quirks, their fervently held beliefs.
• Say what you'll miss about the departed, but don't talk too much about how devastated you are. Your feelings are relevant, but they are not the primary focus of the speech.

• For instance, if your loved one always stuck up for the underdog, you might tell a story about the time they stuck up for someone. If they were exceptionally clever, you might tell a story of the time they got the two of you out of a bad situation with quick thinking.

• Identify struggles that they faced and conquered. For example, if they lost someone close, talk about that loss and how it affected them.
• Describe the important relationships of the departed, including your own relationship with them. For example, you can talk about how much they loved their daughter.
• Talk about their passions, hobbies, and talents.

• The quotation should not take up more than a minute of your speech—your words will ultimately be more meaningful.

• Next, say your speech without reading, though you may glance down whenever you forget what's next.
• Do this many times. Focus on areas where you forget what to say, and practice them extra.
• You aren't required to memorize the speech, and it might even be more natural if you didn't.

• Take deep breaths.
• Drink water.
• Look at a friend or family member in the audience for support.
• Command yourself by name. Giving yourself short mental commands while addressing yourself by name helps you stay in control. If you start to lose it, think "Patricia, calm down."

• Don't stare down at your notes or at the podium.

• When you talk about someone, look at them.

• Speak in a conversational tone. There's no need to pitch your voice for drama—the situation will speak for itself.
• Speak more slowly than you normally would. Not only will this help the audience understand you, but it may keep you calm as well.

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/how-to-give-a-eulogy-that-truly-celebrates-the-person-youre-honoring/
• ↑ https://www.grammarly.com/blog/how-to-write-a-eulogy/
• ↑ https://www.artofmanliness.com/skills/how-to/write-deliver-eulogy/

About This Article

While speaking at a funeral can be difficult, remember that it's okay to show your feelings when talking about the departed. Tell stories and describe them in a way that helps the audience members frame their own memories. You might list their best qualities, most endearing quirks, or their deepest held beliefs. Say what you’ll miss about the departed, but don’t focus on how you feel. Instead, tell stories that showcase your loved one in the best light. You can describe your relationship with them and discuss their other important relationships and how widely they’ll be missed. To learn how to calm your emotions while delivering a eulogy, keep reading. Did this summary help you? Yes No

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Writing a eulogy: A step-by-step guide

Whether you have been asked to write and give a eulogy or you’ve decided yourself that you’d like to speak about a loved one at a funeral, delivering a funeral speech can be met with mixed emotions.

While it is an honour to give the eulogy for a loved one, it can also be an extremely daunting prospect. If you are not an experienced public speaker or writer, it can be hard to know what to say at a funeral, where to start and how to say it.

To help calm your nerves, inspire you and most of all guide you as you honour your loved one’s memory, we have put together this guide with tips for writing a eulogy.

How long should a eulogy be?

The right length of time for a eulogy is between 3 - 5 minutes. You want your speech to hold the audience's attention while really being able to convey what your loved one meant to you. By keeping the eulogy simple and concise, you’ll feel less overwhelmed when writing it and more confident when delivering it.

Is it suitable to use humour?

Yes, but only when appropriate. This will depend on various factors including, how the loved one passed away, how old they were when they passed and the person themselves.

It would be more appropriate to include humour for a eulogy of a grandparent who lived a long and happy life, compared to a child who passed away from an illness.

Use your best judgement and if you are unsure, ask advice from friends and family members before delivering the eulogy.

Before you begin writing

It’s important to take the time and consider the following before you start to put words on paper.

• Who are you writing the funeral speech for? On behalf of immediate family? Co-workers? Are you writing about your own relationship? Remember to introduce yourself in your speech and who you are in relation to the loved one who has passed. This will help give the audience context and better understand the memories that you are sharing.
• Is there a theme that would work when remembering the deceased? Were they a big part of the community? An avid sports fan? Did their life revolve around their family? Having the eulogy centred around a theme can often help to tie together your memories, anecdotes and stories about your loved one.

Examples of these can be statements like:

• “Grandpa was a family man. He gave the best advice, provided for his family and he loved us all greatly.”
•  “What will the town do now without Sonya running the toy drive, her avid fundraising skills and her incredible apple pie?”

If you can’t think of a theme, don’t stress, the most important aspect of a eulogy is sharing stories and memories and coming together to remember the life of someone you have lost.

• Are there family members and friends who could help you write the eulogy? If you feel stuck on what to say, reach out to those who also knew the loved one. Not only will talking with others help with the grieving process, but they may have stories or memories to add to the eulogy that you didn’t know yourself.
• Reconsider mentioning any negative, religious or political opinions. When speaking at a funeral, remember that you are there to celebrate the life of the loved one, not dwell on grievances or discuss topics that could spark debate. Focus on the positive and remember the deceased fondly. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for the other friends and family members who are there at the service

How to write a eulogy

Brainstorm ideas.

As mentioned above, speaking and brainstorming with friends and family members can be extremely helpful and will give you extra insight into the one you have lost. Not only will it give you great ideas for your funeral speech, but it can also help you while you grieve your loss. Write down all your ideas for the different stories and memories. Your friends and family can then help provide guidance on which stories or memories to shortlist for the eulogy.

Start with an introduction

This eulogy tip will help you to write the first paragraph.

For your opening statement, introduce yourself and who you were to the deceased.

For example:

• “Hello everyone, for those of you that don’t know me, I’m Jim and I’m Flora’s oldest grandchild.”
• “Hi everybody, as Lisa just mentioned, my name is Tracey, and Anthony was my best friend from the age of 5.”

Share stories and memories about your loved one

Once you have introduced yourself to the audience, the next few paragraphs should share some stories about the one you have lost. The right stories can tell the world exactly who they were and why you loved them.

Examples of stories and memories:

• “Sally was many wonderful things, though she wasn’t a good singer. But did that stop her? Of course not! Once a month, we would go the RSL for their monthly karaoke night and I would watch my wife belt out Bohemian Rhapsody, completely out of tune but with so much gusto she always had the crowd cheering for her.”
• “Mum’s life revolved around her family. She took pride in being a stay-at-home mum to us four kids and even more pride I would say in being a grandmother. The house was always stocked with toys, lollies, chips and ice cream for whenever the grandkids were visiting, and it was never a surprise when the kids would be crying for Grandma when they had to go home. She knew what it took to create a loving and fun home and we never felt any other way when we were with her.”

Talk about their childhood, education or career

Did they grew up in a different country? What did they study? Did they have different jobs or careers during their lifetime?

• “Dad spent his early years in England and then moved to Australia with his parents when he was 13 years old. He had a hard childhood with his parents struggling to make ends meet. After dad left school at 17, he worked hard for a couple of years so he could put himself through university. His hard work paid off and he was able to make dream a reality to become an accountant. I’ve always admired dad and his drive and determination. It’s because of dad that I pursued a career in law.”
• “I grew up with Fred in the outskirts of Toowoomba. We became fast friends and spent most waking hours together getting up to a lot of mischief. As we got older, he pursued a career in construction while I worked in the family business. Over the years we moved to different parts of the country, but we still kept in contact. When I got married, Fred was my best man and likewise, I was Fred’s best man at his wedding to Doris. Despite time and distance, Fred was the best mate I could have ever wished for.”

Mention any special talents, passions and hobbies

Did they have a passion for art? Were they secretly amazingly talented at chess? It could even be that your loved one was obsessed with a particular TV show. This further shows more wonderful sides to their personality which the audience will love hearing about.

• “One thing that many people might not know about Billy was that he was a mad cat lover. Due to his living circumstances he was never able to formally own a cat, but boy did he have a lot of visitors visit his porch every day! Every morning he would get up and place one or two tins of tuna and bowls of milk out for his feline friends on his porch and would sit and wait for them to arrive. When he found out that cats are actually lactose intolerant, he bought the lactose free milk for them instead. He had such a wonderful relationship with those cats and I know they will all be missing him now.”
• “Words were Gracie’s thing. Whether it was writing, reading or editing, words thrilled Gracie to no end. She didn’t like to be called a grammar purist, she thought that was too negative. However, there were so many times when she would correct her mother and I for the way we said a sentence or how we’d written something. After correcting us we always ended up in laughter as we joked about her love for good grammar. I’m sure I’ve written something wrong in this speech today and I know she’s up there sighing and rolling her eyes. But this is what Gracie special and one of the many reasons why we loved her so much.”

Talk about the special qualities our loved one possessed

Was your loved one funny? Easy going? Kind? Giving? This is an opportunity to mention their personal traits and characteristics to give a sense of the person and the life they lived.

Examples of special qualities to mention in the eulogy:

• “From the day Eva was born, she brought a joy and light to the room that nobody else could match. Her infectious smile and wicked sense of humour meant that she could tell some pretty terrible jokes, all while looking like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.”
• “Anyone who knew Dad would describe him as kind. All you had to do was take one look at his face and you could see the kindness radiating out of him. He always, always taught us to never judge a book by its cover. That we should stop and think about why someone might look, act or talk a certain way. I’ve lost count of the times he would stop and speak to a homeless person in the city and just ask if they were okay and if they’d like something to eat. Most other people would just walk on by, but not Dad. He was the kindest person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing.”

If you’d like, add a special reading or poem

This is a personal choice and does not need to be included in all eulogies but it does add an extra special touch. If your loved one had a favourite song or poem that would be fitting for the speech, add it in.

If you’d like to say a reading or poem but aren’t sure what to recite, a few examples are below:

But Not Forgotten by Dorothy Parker

I think no matter where you stray, That I shall go with a way. Though you may wander sweeter lands, You will not forget my hands, Nor yet the way I held my head Nor the tremulous things I said. You will still see me, small and white And smiling, in the secret night, And feel my arms about you when The day comes fluttering back again. I think, no matter where you be, You’ll hold me in your memory And keep my image there without me, By telling later loves about me.

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die.

“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” Winnie the Pooh, A.A. Milne

“Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.” -       Rossiter Worthington Raymond

Finish the eulogy with a goodbye and words of comfort

For the last paragraph of your eulogy use comforting words or phrases to help say goodbye to your loved one. You could use one of the above examples or find one of your own.

If your loved one taught you a life lesson, include this in the paragraph.

• “Aunty Bev taught me to live life to the fullest, never take yourself too seriously and to above all do everything in life with love.”
• “Although Glen was taken from us far too young, I have learnt that it’s never too soon to tell someone how much they mean to you and to never take a day for granted. Glen lived in the moment and really loved life and I know that’s what he wants us to do today, no matter how hard it is to do it without him.”

Finally, end the eulogy by saying goodbye to your loved one. This can be just from yourself or a send-off on behalf of everyone gathered at the service.

Examples are:

• “Goodbye my sweet, sweet boy. I know you’re now in a better place and are spending your days playing with Nanny and Poppy who would have been waiting for you with open arms. I know I will see you again. I love you now, forever and always.”
• “And so now as we say farewell to Mary, we will remember her for outgoing personality, the ability to see the best in people and the best hugger we will ever know. Until we meet again Mary.”   

You're ready to deliver your eulogy

By following our guideline and using the tips here, you should now be more confident in writing a funeral speech.

Make sure to practice a few times before you  deliver the eulogy  at the service. A good way to get over your nerves is to say it out loud not only on your own, but in front of a good friend or family member. This will also help you in picking up any mistakes made in the speech.

Have someone who knew the loved one go over your eulogy as well to make sure that all the details are correct.

Remember, it doesn’t need to be perfect as long as it is heartfelt and personal. The fact that you are standing up in front of an audience to honour the memory of your loved one will mean so much to everyone there as you bid farewell to the one you have lost.

Further tips are available to help you  deliver a eulogy.

Related articles

How to deliver a eulogy

Delivering a eulogy is a great privilege, but for many people it can be overwhelming. Here are our tips to help you deliver a good eulogy.

Eulogy examples

These sample eulogies are here to help inspire you and help put pen to paper and start your own collection of thoughts and ideas on what to say.

Funeral songs

If you’re finding it hard to find songs, we’ve compiled lists of some of the more popular songs to play at funerals.

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• Condolences & What To Say

What to Say at a Funeral Service or Wake: 15+ Ideas

Updated 12/27/2022

Published 12/12/2019

Sam Tetrault, BA in English

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

Attending a funeral isn’t always easy. Funerals are a chance for the family to come together to mourn and remember a loved one. Paying your respects is a way to show your support. However, feeling unsure of the words to say at a funeral is a common experience. How do you approach someone who’s mourning a loss? How do you avoid saying the wrong thing?

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Jump ahead to these sections:

What to say if your loved one died, what should you avoid saying at a funeral, what to say to close family and friends at their loved one’s funeral, what to say to acquaintances, colleagues, or clients at their loved one’s funeral, what to say at a funeral visitation or wake.

• Quick Tips for Public Speaking at a Funeral

Funeral Speech Examples

These answers aren’t always straightforward. Offering your condolences is an integral part of the funeral process, but it’s also one of the hardest things to do comfortably. Understanding proper funeral etiquette goes a long way towards helping you know what to say. The better prepared you are, the easier it is to find those perfect words of sympathy. 

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If you’re close to the deceased, you might find yourself the center of attention at the funeral. Guests usually reach out to the close family to offer words of kindness and support, but these aren’t always easy to handle. 

What do you say if your loved one died? How do you avoid being overcome with emotion? Because this is often a challenge, follow these tips below:

• Practice makes perfect - Don’t be afraid to practice what you’ll say in advance. Practice with yourself and with other close family members. The more you say what you’ve prepared, the easier it will be. 
• Make sure you have the right tech for online guests - If you chose to use a virtual funeral  using a service like  GatheringUs , you can still speak to your online guests. Coordinate with your planning team and ensure you have the right AV equipment.
• Keep it short and sweet - Avoid the pressure to say more than you need to. Keep your comments quick and to the point. 
• Set boundaries - It’s okay to have boundaries about what you’re willing to talk about. You don’t have to answer any uncomfortable questions or say more than you feel comfortable with. 
• Find your support system - Lean on close friends and family at the funeral for support. It’s okay to distance yourself from those you don’t wish to speak with right now. This is your time to grieve. 

Tip:  Figuring out what to say is just one of the many challenges you can face when someone you love dies. Our post-loss checklist can help you face and overcome those challenges, whether they're legal, financial, or personal.

Examples of what to say

Since words aren’t always easy to find, it helps to have a few examples of what to say. Again, short and simple is almost always best. Here is what to say to your friends and family if your close loved one died.

• This is a difficult loss. I was very close to [Name].
• [Name] a large part of my life. I’ll never forget their kindness. 
• [Name] will be missed by the entire family. 
• We are all so sorry for this loss. [Name] was loved by many. 

It’s important to realize that not everything is appropriate for a funeral. Some phrases can do more harm than good, even if they’re coming from a kind place. Some outdated phrases might be well-intentioned, but they send the wrong message to friends and family in need. While it’s understandably difficult to find the right words to say, the wrong comments only make matters worse.

With that in mind, what should you avoid saying at a funeral? Anything that could be seen as making light of the situation or poking blame should be avoided at all costs. You never want to place blame on the deceased, their family, or anyone else associated with the funeral. No matter the circumstances around the death of this person, you should be aware of the power of your words.

Examples of what not to say

What phrases should always be avoided? Though there are many variations on these below, you’d be surprised how common they are. It doesn’t take much thinking to recognize why these are completely unacceptable to say to a grieving individual, no matter how much time has passed since the loss.

• It could always be worse. 
• I’m not surprised they died. 
• It was fate/destiny. 
• His/her death was a part of God’s plan.
• Everything happens for a reason. 
• It was his/her time. 
• Death is a part of the circle of life. It’s only natural. 
• You still have it better than others. 
• It was harder when I lost my own loved one.
• You’ll get over this soon. 
• You’re still young.

In general, always avoid any phrases like “it’s better…” or “at least…” since these make unfair comparisons. There’s no way to measure loss. You should never compare your own experiences to someone else’s, no matter how hard these were for you. Similarly, never suggest that someone mourning should feel any differently. Grief takes many forms, and it’s okay to process these feelings in your own way. 

When in doubt, use these phrases below. You never want to say anything that could be taken the wrong way. When in doubt, it’s best to keep your response simple. There’s never anything wrong with saying you’re sorry for someone’s loss. Above all, people just want to be heard and understood. You don’t need to make any bold claims or comparisons. 

If you’re attending the funeral to support friends and family in their time of need, it’s a good idea to give thought to what you plan to say. Offering sympathy to those you’re close to might mean the world to them. Yet, knowing what to say to someone who lost a parent or a close relative is difficult. 

If you haven’t experienced a similar loss for yourself, you might have a hard time understanding what he or she is going through. Follow these tips to stay courteous and respectful:

• Practice your tone - Again, this is a situation where practice makes perfect. Aside from practicing what you’ll say, practice your tone. You want to make sure you sound sincere but not overly emotional. An even tone is ideal. 
• Don’t overly sympathize - If you’ve never experienced this type of loss, don’t try to compare your situation to someone else’s. Keep the focus of your sympathy messages on them. 
• Avoid the afterlife - Even if you know someone’s religious background, it’s best to avoid talk of the afterlife in what you say. That means avoiding phrases like “he’s in a better place” or “she’s in heaven now.” Again, limit your comments to the person you’re speaking to and not on what’s happened to the deceased. 
• Don’t make light of the situation - Keep from telling jokes or making light of the situation. Grief affects everyone differently, and everyone is entitled to their own feelings. 
• Give a gift - If you’re not good at finding the right words, offer a gift instead. Funeral flowers , a sympathy gift basket , or other kind gestures are other ways to be respectful. 
• Let them grieve - Last but not least, let your friend or family member know it’s okay to grieve. Be the emotional support they need. 

It’s best to have your best speech filter on when attending a funeral. Be mindful of your words and how they come across. When in doubt, say one of these sympathy messages below. 

• I’m sorry for your loss. 
• [Name] was a loved community member. We will all miss them.
• Your family is in my thoughts and prayers at this time. 
• Let me know if you need anything right now. I’m here for you. 
• I have fond memories of your [relationship to the deceased]. 

What do you say when you’re not very close to someone who lost a loved one? If your acquaintance, colleague, client, or other relation recently suffered a loss, it is polite to offer sympathy. Since you don’t know this person well, keep things simple. You don’t want to overstep. 

Fumbling over your words isn’t uncommon when you’re faced with someone else’s grief. These tips will guide you in being respectful and kind:

• Timing matters - Your condolences should be given at the time that’s best for the individual, not you. If you wish to say something to a coworker, for example, the end of the day is usually best. 
• Don’t bring it up yourself - If you know someone recently suffered a loss, saying something unprompted might bring up painful feelings for that person. If you decide to check in with their wellbeing, do so carefully. 
• Join with others - If you don’t know the person very well, it might be better to offer sympathy in a communal way. For an office, having everyone sign a card is a gentle way to give support. The recipient still knows everyone is thinking of them in their time of need. 

It’s better to say something than to avoid saying anything. Though it might be uncomfortable, don’t let these feelings get in the way of this person’s grief. Here are some polite things to say when the timing is right:

• “I’m sorry for your loss.”
• “My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.”
• “Is there any way I can help?”

At a funeral visitation or wake, the body is typically present. In many cultures, a visitation or wake is a chance to pay initial respects to the family and say goodbye to the deceased. However, it can be confusing to know what to say. Wakes are an opportunity to be present in the moment, using your words to bring positivity and compassion.

There are many different types of funeral visitations or wakes. In some cultures, these are informal events that take place inside the home of the deceased. These are usually only open to close friends and family. If you’re invited to a home wake, be sure to deliver your condolences briefly and avoid overstaying your welcome. 

Additionally, you might be invited to a visitation before a funeral. This is usually more formal than a wake, and the family will be present. Many funerals also include a receiving line in which you greet each member of the immediate family directly before visiting with the deceased. All of these are somber events, so you should be prepared with appropriate ways to pay respects. 

What should you say when offering condolences at a wake? While your exact words might depend on your relationship with the deceased and his or her family, there are a lot of ways to show respect. When paired with flowers, a sympathy card, or other condolence gifts, these truly show how much you care. 

• “While I wish we were here under different circumstances, I’m honored to be present here today with your family.” 
• “You’ve organized a very special wake in honor of [Name]. I know how much they meant to you. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
• “You’ve done a great job putting together this wake in honor of your loved one. Is there anything I can help you with? I’m always here for you.” 
• “I just wanted to remind you how much I care for you. [Name] was an amazing person, and I’ll never forget them.” 
• “It’s clear just how loved [Name] was. Their loss will be felt by all.” 
• “I can’t begin to express how sorry I am to hear about your loss. Please know I’m here for you today and always. If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to reach out.” 
• “Even though I didn’t know [Name] very well, I know how much they meant to you. I’m so sorry for your loss.” 

Quick Tips for Public Speaking at a Funeral 

It’s common for the family to ask if any guests wish to speak at the funeral. Speaking at a funeral is a great way to express your feelings about the loss of a loved one, particularly if you were close to this person.

You also might give a speech if you’re close to a family member of the deceased. He or she might ask you to speak on their behalf or to talk about their relationship with their loved one. However, public speaking when emotions are running high isn’t always easy. 

No matter your comfort level with talking in front of others, this is an intimidating situation. You want to handle the situation with grace and confidence, even if you have to fake it until you make it. These tips will help you with public speaking at a funeral. 

1. Write what you’ll say in advance 

The best way to prepare is to write what you want to say in advance. For this, learn how to write a eulogy . Eulogies are a type of praise honoring someone who’s passed away. By writing a eulogy or other speech, you make sure you don’t leave anything out during the delivery. 

While writing down your speech is a great idea, avoid reading directly from the paper. Jotting down notes or practicing in advance gives you more confidence. 

2. Tell a story

When in doubt, tell a story. As humans, we communicate through stories. This is a sure way to gain the audience’s attention while expressing something significant about the deceased.

For example, you might share how the deceased helped you in a time of need or a special trip you took together. Either way, keep the focus on the deceased and the family. 

3. Don’t speak for too long

While a speech is an amazing way to pay respects to a loved one, you don’t want to take too long. The ideal time frame for a funeral speech is between three and five minutes. Anything more than that risks losing the audience’s attention.

You also don’t want to take away from the rest of the service or anyone else's opportunity to say a few words. 

4. Do calming exercises

Public speaking is intimidating under the best of circumstances. When also dealing with a loss, it’s hard to stop feeling overwhelmed. If possible, perform calming exercises before speaking. These put you in the right frame of mind to speak. Here are some tips to help you feel calm and help you to hold back unwanted tears :

• Take deep breaths
• Rely on a friend or family member for support
• Drink water
• Go for a short walk in the hallway or nearby

5. Address the family

When giving your speech, make sure you’re addressing the family. Speak to the front row. These are the ones who were closest to the deceased, and they’re the ones who listen the most attentively.

When addressing someone directly, such as a close friend or family member, look at them. This makes your speech much more personal.  

Giving a speech at a funeral can be intimidating, especially if you’ve never given one before. Using a funeral speech example as inspiration can help you approach this challenge with ease. The tribute for every speech has a basic flow, and it doesn’t have to be perfect. The most important thing is that your funeral speech comes from the heart. 

Below, you’ll find funeral speech examples for a variety of situations. If you’ve been given the honor to speak at a funeral, don’t stress about finding the “right” thing to say. The words are inside you already, and you just have to speak from your heart.

For a parent’s funeral

For anyone who doesn’t know me yet, I am Johnathan’s daughter, Mandy. Thank you for joining me today to say goodbye to my dad. From my earliest days, my dad was one of my best friends. He was the loudest one cheering me on at my tennis tournaments, and he was the person I always looked to for guidance. His kind of love was unconditional. Even in the bad times, he knew that a hug and a warm cup of tea had the power to turn the whole day around. 

Though I like to think I’m the favorite child, I know my dad didn’t play favorites. He loved me and my sisters equally, and holidays will never be the same now that he’s gone. As you know, my dad had a love of 80s rock music that couldn’t be beat. In conclusion, I wanted to read some of his favorite Queen lyrics in his honor. Thank you for listening. 

For a grandparent’s funeral

Today, I’m honored to celebrate the life of my grandpa, Abe, though we all knew him as “Poppy.” Born in 1935, he was always a storyteller. Whether he was entertaining his uncles in his early childhood or his buddies at college, he was never caught without something to say. He always said that’s how he won over Grandma—with a story. 

Above all, Poppy was a family man. He knew it was important to put family first in all things, and this is a lesson I hope to carry with me for the rest of my own days. A devoted husband, father, and friend, there’s no one I admire more than my grandpa. His life with Gran was inspirational, and I feel relief knowing he’s finally at peace after a long battle with cancer. Family dinners might never be the same, but he’ll always be remembered. Here’s to you, Poppy!

For a partner or spouse’s funeral

As most of you know, my name is Janice. I met Scott, my husband, over two decades ago. I had just moved to Toronto, and he was one of the first people I met at my new apartment complex. I’ll never forget him showing me around the city for the first time. We were married within the very same year, and I count my blessings for meeting him every day.

We had 15 years of marriage together, and we shared so much love. He gave me two beautiful children, and they love him just as much as me. Scott and I might not have gotten our entire lives together, but the time we did have was so worthwhile. Being his wife made me the luckiest woman in the world. Though things will never be the same, I see him living on through the resilience of his children and the kindness of our friends and family. Thank you for being here with me to celebrate his life.

For a sibling’s funeral

When asked about my brother, Dylan, I always say he has a sixth sense. Even as a child, he always knew when I was having an off day or when he could press me even farther with his teasing. I have a vivid memory of him around 13 years old stopping a neighborhood game to invite one of more quiet kids to hang out with them. This was a simple gesture, but it just goes to show how observant he was. 

Even as an adult, Dylan and I always had a connection. My only brother, he was always just a phone call away for me or anyone else in the family. I’ll miss my brother like I miss the summer sun. Though it can’t stay forever, I can always feel its warmth. A fearless, kind man, I am so thankful to have been blessed with him in my life. 

For a child’s funeral

Though I’m sure we all wish we were gathering today under different circumstances, thank you for being here. My name is Susan, and I’m Jamie’s aunt. I’ll be speaking on behalf of my brother, James, and his wife, Melissa. I’ll never forget the day my brother called to let me know Melissa was pregnant with Jamie. I knew she was a special blessing right from that moment. 

Once Jamie was here, she instantly brought light to our lives. She was always a happy baby, and her smile is something we’ll never forget. Endeared to everyone who met her, she was an absolute angel. Though her life was short, her warmth was felt by all. Even when she and her parents spent so many days at the hospital, she never once wavered in her courage. I invite anyone who wishes to share some of your favorite memories of Jamie with us all.

For a best friend’s funeral

Hi all, thank you for coming today. My name is Jessica, and I’ve been friends with Kelly since I first moved to her neighborhood in kindergarten. We lived just a few houses apart, and we must have spent almost every day together from elementary to high school. When I think of Kelly, I think of someone who loved to explore and laugh. Whether we were sneaking out after curfew or hosting an infamous movie night, Kelly was my partner in crime for everything. 

More than an adventure-seeker, Kelly was also a generous soul. I could always count on her to drop everything to help anyone in need, whether it’s a close friend or someone she just met. She put her family first, and she knew what really mattered most in life. Though I’m sad to have lost my best friend, I am happy to have been blessed with so many years by her side. I know she’ll always be with me, and I hope I make her proud. Thank you.

For a colleague’s funeral

Today, we gather to honor our dear College Louie. We were all saddened to hear of his passing last month. The community has lost a warm, hard-working individual. Many of us here counted Louie amongst our friends and with good reason. Quick to offer his help, knowledge, or a funny quip, Louie was a friend to all. 

At our company, Louie served with compassion for over three decades. His work affected every department and level. As a leader, he fought for innovation and change without putting others down. In his honor, we will be dedicated a special volunteer program each year towards a cause he cared greatly about: education. Let’s all remember Louie’s hard work and what he meant to our team.

Discover the Right Words of Sympathy

While it might seem insignificant, how you express your sympathy to those you love really matters. Those words and gestures might mean everything to them in their time of need. Yet, finding the right words to say isn’t always easy. Funerals are often uncomfortable or even awkward because of this.

These events don’t have to be this way. But, you’ll never be in the dark about what to say if you use these tips and tricks above.

Have you given much thought to your own end-of-life planning ? There are tons of options, from having a virtual funeral service to turning ashes into a cremation diamond . Thinking about how you’d like to be remembered might inspire you to offer kind and generous condolences to your loved ones when they need it. 

Post-loss tip: If you are the executor for a deceased loved one, the emotional and technical aspects of handling their unfinished business can be overwhelming without a way to organize your process. We have a post-loss checklist  that will help you ensure that your loved one's family, estate, and other affairs are taken care of.

Categories:

• Funeral Etiquette

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