growing up with a single parent essay

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Being a single mom is the hardest, most empowering thing I’ve ever done

It isn’t easy—but it does teach you how strong you are.

By Sydney Hutt Updated April 27, 2022

When I told my own mother that my husband and I were splitting up , the first thing she asked me was, “Are you sure?” She’d raised my three siblings and I almost single-handedly and insisted that it was “the hardest thing she’s ever done.”

However, I didn’t take her worries too seriously. At the time, I was so jazzed on the idea of independence, too busy scream-singing The Pussycat Dolls’ “I Don’t Need a Man” in the shower that I regarded my mom’s advice about being a single mom as a bridge for Future Sydney to cross.

Related: To the mama just starting the co-parenting journey: The handoffs were the hardest part for me

Well, that future came soon enough. Once I was on my own, I realized that even if I’d already felt like I was doing 90 percent of the parenting and cleaning and general household running many of us moms take upon ourselves, that 10 percent made a huge difference.

1. It’s so much harder than I thought it would be

My husband and I had a routine where he would do the kids’ bath and put them to bed so I could get a break after he got home from work. After he moved out, suddenly that was completely on me, no matter how burned-out I felt .

And not only was I doing all the work during the day, but then once they were asleep there was no one there to help me clean up the hurricane-house, or fold the endless baskets of laundry or to remember to turn the dishwasher on before bed. There was no one to get up with the kids in the middle of the night either, to help soothe their tears, or put them on the toilet , or give out Tylenol for sudden fevers or scrub puke out of the carpet. No one to pick up the prescriptions or forgotten groceries, to catch the things I’d dropped or missed. I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t overwhelmed at first.

2. It’s empowering

Last week, after I killed the second spider I’d found in my house in a matter of days, I sent my mom a triumphant text bragging about my courage. After all, I’d always been able to shriek and have a man rush to crush whatever creepy-crawly had sent me fleeing onto the furniture. In response, my mom texted me back: “Living alone is empowering because it’s not easy.”

And that’s the truth: Being forced to rely entirely on myself for the first time since I was 20 has caused me take on a level of responsibility that’s ultimately made me much, much happier (though also more wrinkly).

3. It’s lonely

One thing I really didn’t expect was the intense isolation that comes with being a single mom. When you’re married, you’re often so used to your partner’s constant presence that you can crave having the house to yourself—an evening alone seems like bliss from a distance.

But quickly I discovered that aaaall that quiet was a huge adjustment. After I put the kids down each night, I was forced to face the long, empty hours before bed that seemed impossible to fill without a companion. The silence was unnerving, and I fantasized about moving into my mom’s house where I could be sure of conversation. But I resisted, and recently, amazingly, I’ve noticed that for the first time ever I’m actually learning how to be alone—and loving it too! But, the odd time I do want to go out…

Related: Motherhood can be lonely, but I want my child to understand the importance of community

4. It’s really tough to get a night away

When I was still married, after my husband got home I’d often take off to the grocery store solo. I’d take my time and stroll down the aisles, pushing my cart like I was a celebrity and they’d closed the store just for me. Sometimes I’d stop by a friends’ house for wine and child-free conversation or go for a drive just to enjoy not reaching backwards groping blindly for a toy as nursery rhymes blare through the speakers. Now that I live alone, I’ve lost that free child-minding a marriage partner offers, and I spend more evenings on the couch yelling at MasterChef Canada than I’d like to admit.

5. The time off isn’t really “off”

Most Friday nights, my ex will swing by and pick up our kids so they can spend the weekend with him. He brings them back on Sundays, meaning I have about one full day without them. Initially, I had ALL the feelings about this arrangement. (What would I do with so much free time?!)

But it turns out, that day off is usually just me catching up on the things I didn’t get a chance to do during the week−a list that is now much longer than it used to be.

Related: What do moms do on their days off? Work

6. You compromise more

There is one fewer parent to go around now and my kids definitely feel it. They act out more than they used to and it seems they’re very aware of the fact that they outnumber me. I’m also unable now to give them each as much of that all-important individual time they enjoyed before my husband and I split. The guilt about this can weigh pretty heavy at times, but I’m learning to recognize that while I’m not giving my girls everything, I really am doing the best I can—and that has to be good enough.

Related: 10 ways to get past conflict with your co-parent

7. You compromise less

Marriage is all about compromise, whether it’s agreeing on paint colors, or household chores or how to spend your money. Since I’ve moved out on my own, I’ve discovered that there is absolute liberation in not having to consider anyone else’s opinion.

My bedroom is the girliest it’s been since I was a teenager, I have books stacked in every corner of my house and if I don’t want to wash the dishes at the end of the night I really don’t have to. My home is entirely mine and it’s a freedom I plan on savoring, along with sleeping smack-dab in the center of the bed and hogging every last pillow.

8. You begin extreme vetting of potential partners

With all this independence and empowerment, I’ve become very unwilling to give up or even share my new life with anyone. I’m being cautious. I’m wary of needing someone too much, of leaning on them instead of myself—it would probably be an easy habit to slide back into. And even now that I am seeing someone, I’ve set serious limits, most of which equal moving about as fast as frozen molasses in terms of how much time and space I’ll devote to our relationship.

I’m not looking for someone to take back that 10 percent and make my life easier—after all, it’s the tough stuff that reminds me what I’m made of.

A version of this story was published July 16, 2017. It has been updated

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What I Learned From Growing Up With A Single Parent

Growing up with a single parent is special, but it's not easy. If I've learned anything throughout my 23 years on this planet, it's that a single parent will do anything it takes to make you happy and give you the best possible life they can. But doing any major task alone is stressful and difficult; you'll have your rough patches that are unique to a single parent household. However, that doesn't mean growing up with a single parent is any worse than growing up with any other type of family. In fact, from my experience, it may even be better.

A single parent is often not home

I grew up the only daughter of a single mother, so it really was a unique, one-on-one relationship. (Yes, I love Gilmore Girls .) As I got older, I always knew I could go directly to her for any advice on any topic, from struggling friendships to sex. Nothing was off limits. But because she worked long hours to be able to provide for me, she didn't have the time or energy to do things that the average parent would do when I was younger. She wasn't able to take me to school in the mornings, she wasn't able to play much with me after grueling work weeks, and we never once sat down at the same table for a home-cooked meal.

To a person who grew up in a two-parent household with a bunch of siblings, this may seem pretty sad. And I'm not going to lie, parts of it did make me sad, especially when I compared my home life to other kids'. But not getting to see my mom all the time was also my "normal." Every family is different and has a different daily routine. When you're the child of a single parent, you get used to the fact that they can't always be there. But the best part of my day was always when she came home from work at seven o'clock and I could finally see her and hug her and jump on her. It made me deeply appreciate the moments we did have together, and it made them more precious to me.

Other people play a huge part in raising you

Since my mother couldn't always be there, the people who did do the usual parental activities with me were my aunt and my grandfather. My grandfather took me to and picked me up from school and made me all kinds of food special to our Armenian background. My aunt was a flight attendant, so on the weeks she was home and not in the skies, she would read to me (which ended up being the reason I fell in love with writing) and play made-up games. While my relationship with my mother was special to me because it was just the two of us as parent and child, it was my grandfather who gave me the comfort of home and my aunt who instilled in me a sense of wonder.

A single parent just has to work, work, work — there's no way around it. So while you sometimes miss out on spending time with your parent, you also get to grow up with a network of people around you who chip in and care about you. It wasn't only my grandfather and aunt who watched me and raised me; it was babysitters, too. To this day, I'm still good family friends with my favorite babysitter, who now has a husband and two kids. As an only child of a single parent, I got to branch out and keep lasting relationships with others, even if I didn't have the luxury of spending more time with my mom.

You sometimes doubt how much your parent cares

Like I said before, being the only child of a single parent isn't easy. They're gone a lot, and when you move along into your teen years and don't need to be under constant watch all the time, you can get very lonely. When I was a teen, I had my close group of friends that, to me, was my family. However, since my mom was always working and tired when she came home, I felt very isolated and distanced from her. No one's teenage years are easy — frankly, they suck. For me, though, teen angst and turbulent emotions were amplified because I often felt like my mom didn't care. I translated her absence and lack of communication into apathy, which really troubled me for a long time.

As an adult, I know now that she was far from apathetic as she worked relentlessly to provide me with anything I wanted. No family, no matter how many people it is composed of, is ever 100 percent happy 100 percent of the time. The kind of unhappiness I dealt with was particular to a single parent home, but other kids have their own kind of unhappiness with their home life, too. It's just different.

It's stressful for the both of you

When you're a child, all of your attention is focused on yourself and your life. As a kid and then a teenager, you don't take a lot of time to imagine life from another person's perspective; you zero in on what you want and what you feel. But there comes a time when you realize that being the child of a single parent isn't all about you. You may go through some rough patches because of the structure of your home life, but guess what: your parent isn't exactly hanging out on a beach every day either. For me, that revelation came at a very critical moment in my adolescence.

Since a young age, I've always struggled with depression and anxiety — it's just part of who I am. My mother knew this, too, as I had been in child therapy as early as eight years old. So one day when I was about 14 and I refused to answer any of her phone calls — for whatever stupid teenage reason — she absolutely lost it on me when she came home. She bolted upstairs to my room, busted through the door and was visibly freaked out. I had never seen her so upset and scared before. She had thought the worst, that something had happened to me, and it was then that I realized how hard it is for her to be a parent all on her own. I learned it wasn't just about me. I learned my mother had feelings, pressures, and stresses too, which is something you don't think about when you're young and your parents seem invincible to you.

You learn independence at a young age

The negative side of growing up with a single parent is feeling a sense of neglect at times. The positive side of that same issue, though, is that you learn independence at a very young age. Since your parent is often away from home and working, you have to grow up a little bit faster than your peers. You have to be the adult in the house when your parent isn't around. Because my mom was frequently absent, I had to learn how to be strong on my own. I had to learn how to be responsible for myself and for others. When my mom couldn't field an electrician's visit because she was at work, I had to do it. I also had to make sure the dogs were fed and properly taken care of. Simultaneously, it was about adopting a lot of self-discipline, because I needed to be the one who made sure all my work was done. My mom didn't pester me about my responsibilities because she had her own. As a result, I became more mature more quickly and learned things about the world and about growing up that my peers didn't learn until much later. Thick skin and independence is absolutely invaluable as you become an adult.

You realize exactly how hard they work for you

Ever since I was born, my mother has worked her ass off. I literally don't know how she did it and still continues to do it. We've always lived in northern New Jersey, so she has always commuted into New York City for work. Her daily routine consists of waking up at 3:30 a.m. to get ready, feed the dogs breakfast, and then make it on to the 5:30 a.m. bus. She works a full day and then gets home during the late evening and repeats this process day in, day out, using the weekends not for relaxation, but to do errands and keep the house running.

When I was little, I often asked the question, "Why isn't she here for me?" Now that I'm grown, I look at my mother in awe and ask the question, "How the hell does she do it all?" Not only is it impressive from on objective standpoint, but it is the best model for hard work that I've ever seen. Watching her work so hard ceaselessly has pushed me to do my absolute best. I'm always looking for more work to do and I never think that anything is impossible so long as you keep grinding away at it. I always want to give as much of myself as I possibly can to my work, and even still, I feel like I pale in comparison to the effort my mother has put in over the years. She's taught me that nothing worth having in life comes easily, and it's one of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned.

A two-parent household isn't automatically better

Even now when I tell people that I'm an only child of a single mother, at least half of them project a sense of pity for me. They ask me about how I felt about "missing out" on having a father and if I ever think about how much better it would have been if I'd had one. Honestly, that is one of the most offensive and insulting things that people have ever said to me. By starting that conversation, they imply that somehow my mother wasn't enough for me, which is so far from the truth that the Hubble telescope can't even see it.

Growing up with a single parent came with its challenges, but I also grew up seeing what other kids' family lives were like. If I'm being frank, a lot of two-parent households I knew of were way worse than my own situation. Parents would fight or be estranged from each other, causing problems for their children. I've seen two-parent households with much less income than my single parent household had (not that we're rich, though), simply because they lacked motivation to do better in life. So no, just because a person has two parents doesn't mean they're better off than someone with a single parent. I've seen parents who are absolutely lazy and dysfunctional, and I've seen my mom who is a go-getter and a highly moral, kind person. You tell me what's better.

They're always going to be your superhero

My mom and I don't have a perfect relationship, but there's not one day that goes by that I don't see her as my superhero. I still deal with lingering feelings of neglect sometimes, but I also have a friend — not just a mother — that I can always go to. She doesn't know all the answers, but to me she is infinitely wise. She can't be everywhere at once, but she can do anything. If I've learned anything from growing up with a single mom, it's how to be a strong woman, a woman who is not afraid to strive and persevere when life gets tough, and a woman who will never back down even on her weakest day.

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The Struggles of Single Parenting Essay

Introduction, financial challenge, finding competent childcare, the world on your shoulder, feeling lost and alone, introducing your child to those who you are dating, works cited.

Parenting is the central role of family, which is the basic unit of society. Thus, a society is characterized by the quality of parenting achieved at the family level. The stigma surrounding single parenthood is borne out of the contemporary notion that family comprises a father, mother and children (Hanson, 44). Single parent families are thus vilified on the notion that they are deficient.

In some instances, weakened gender-identity and poor self-esteem culminates from the existence of single parenthood. Parenting involves responsibilities and resources, which one individual cannot avail at the desired time and in the required proportion. Despite the significance of parenting to the life of an individual, little or no formal grounding is available for would-be parents on how to best execute the job (Hanson, 45). The concept of single parenthood highlighted is that of a single motherhood. As a result, most families characterized by single parenthood comprise of a single mother (Bornstein, 56). Growing up under the care of single parent has its influence on the personality of an individual.

In spite of the challenges facing single parents, the implicit differences in an individual’s personality cannot be accurately attributed to the type of parenting they receive. However, as postulated by McLanahan & Sandefur p1,

“Children who grow up in a household with only one biological parent are worse off on average than children who grow up in a household with both of their biological parents, regardless of the parents race or educational background, whether the parents were married when the child was born and …of whether the resident parent remarries”p1.

Single parent households face numerous challenges as discussed hereunder. However, these challenges are relative to the situation faced by families headed by both parents.

The ability of a single parent to avail sufficient financial resources for upbringing of a child is limited. Hanson (p56) posits that poverty limits the ability to look after children in addition to personal needs of the parent. It also has far-reaching adversities such as poor performance at school, youth delinquency and poor self-concept. The associated unavailability of proper housing, insecurity and abuse increase the influence of single-parenthood to development of a child in spite of the fact that wealth is no guarantee of positive outcome in character of the children.

However, resource availability boosts the affordability of some necessary amenities. As outlined by McLanahan & Sandefur (p 10), in 1980, the overall dropout rate was 19%, with 13% of the children residing with both parents. Most single parents experience compounded issues relating to finances. The inability to gain entry into the jobs market is borne out of socio-economic constraints. Most of them are non-literate or semi literate.

The lack of skills and competencies in income-generating activities contribute to their scenario in most cases. Single parents who are financially stable have higher chances of remarrying as well. Thus, most of the single mothers who experience financial constraints sink into a downward spiral into poverty. Single parents are in a dilemma when it comes to dealing with unemployment and scarcity of resources or having time for themselves and parenting their child. As observed, poverty is major contributor to inability to remarry after divorce or getting married in the first place.

Gone are the days when a neighbor would assist with household chores without asking for some form of compensation (Walsh, 138). Each individual is involved in income generation and it is common-practice for people seeking services of others to offer competitive pay. At the backdrop of financial constraints, a single parent finds themselves unable to afford childcare according to McLanahan & Sandefur (p 8). Since the single parent has to attend to her work responsibilities, part of the day’s prime hours are spend away from the child. Most workplaces are not considerate of such scenarios and do not have flexibility regarding day care (Hanson, 50)

Children require a father figure to which they can relate and adore. A single-parent family presents a scenario where the parents are not living together and takes away the opportunity of the child to experience the nurture of two parents. As a result, there is loss or absence of social capital. McLanahan & Sandefur (p 3) describes social capital as the scenario where a relationship develops out of trust and commitment.

If the absentee parent is alive, the child is bound to feel that the parent who lives apart does not love them enough to afford time and financial resources to support their needs. As articulated by Hanson (p115), uncertainty about the future is bound to breed deviant tendencies and undesirable personal traits. The ability of the child to succeed and grow to a productive adult is severely compromised due to lack of this form of guidance.

The arrival or departure of the father figure is associated with problems, while strong home environments are associated with perceptions of positive behavior (Hanson 50). Thus, support of a fatherly figure is of utmost necessity. As posited by Walsh, “Although single parents are likely to have more stress and a fragmented household, these parents and children can learn how get their needs met within their networks. With support from extended family…useful connection with community members…”p127

Data reveals that single parents are more likely to sink into depression than their married counterparts are (Walsh, 124). The unavailability of a caring partner to strengthen the single parent against the challenges of parenting is bound to exert immense pressure on the single parent. However, this relies on the level of support from friends, relatives or support groups. The changing roles of the single parent, in addition to the other challenges of parenting are bound to cultivate ground for loneliness. The parent has to divide their resources between their love and that of the child. As a result, decision-making becomes a challenge, since a second opinion may only be available from the child he or she is upbringing.

The dating scene presents another challenge to a single parent. Many times, the bond between the prospective partner and the child may fail to develop leading to the child disapproving of them. This occurs since the child feels that the prospective ‘partner’ has come to take the place of the absentee parent. As a result, the child develops barriers to frustrate the individual, culminating into tensions that compromise the success of the relationship (Moore et al, 103). On the other hand, the parent is unsure about the longevity of the relationship from the onset. Incase the child develop a bond with the prospective partner, it is possible that the child will be distraught in case the relationship does not work.

Single parenthood is a major challenge even in the absence of the above stated difficulties. However, the outcome of parenting is not necessarily related to the presence of two parents as observed from both cases of parenting. In spite of the challenges faced by single parents, no evidence is conclusive relating to the adverse impact of one-parent families to the personality of the children in adult life. As a result, parents should strive to avail the best possible care and nurture to their children regardless of their scenario

Bornstein, Marc H. “Handbook of Parenting: Being and Becoming a Parent, Volume 3” USA: Routledge, 2002, p 50-60

Hanson, Shirley M. “Single Parent Families: Diversity, Myths, and Realities, Volume 1” New York: Routledge, 1994, p 30-150

McLanahan, Sara and Sandefur, Gary D. “Growing Up With A Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps” USA: Harvard University Press, 1994, p1-100

Moore, Kristin A et al. “Choice and Circumstance: Racial Differences in Adolescent Sexuality and Fertility”Transaction Publishers, 1989 p100-105

Walsh, Froma. “Normal Family Processes: Growing Diversity and Complexity”, New York: Guilford Press, 2003, p 120-128

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Study Today

Largest Compilation of Structured Essays and Exams

Essay on Growing Up with a Single Parent

March 19, 2018 by Study Mentor Leave a Comment

Blessed are those children who receive the gift of love and togetherness from their parents. Parents play a key role in shaping the overall development of a child by nurturing them generously and shaping up their personalities.

The caring of father and love of mother helps in the physical and mental growth of the child.

However, not every child is fortunate enough to have both parents by his/her side and the task is not easy for bringing up the child single-handedly by the parent either.

There is always a sense of emptiness that lulls around however there is another side of the coin, not every family is perfect and at times children raised by single parents turn out to be much happier and emerge victorious in their lives.   

Ability to sustain a relationship  

Children brought up by single parents are much more mature as compared to those brought up by both parents.

As they are brought up single-handedly, they value relationships when they grow older, to them each and every relationship is precious.

They have a sense of perseverance and though at times they might look strong and rigid, but they have an emotional and vulnerable side which they do not show to others easily.

Since they have grown up by learning from their own experiences they understand the meaning of holding to a relationship and hence they will never intend to break away from a strong bonding.   

Table of Contents

Understanding the value of patience and tolerance  

Children brought up by single parents have a lot of patience in them as they have been exposed to the complexities of life at an early age.

Since the single parent has to look after both the family as well as professional responsibilities, the child at an early age understand the value being patient and always tries himself/herself to adjust to the situation.

Such children value the meaning of being calm and composed even under severe circumstances. They have an in-born tendency to never give up things easily and they can tolerate a lot of pain and hardship.   

Being independent and quick at decision making 

Children are often pampered by both the parents and are always looked after their needs by their parents.

Children possessing caring parents receive all the love, care and attention but children of single parents learn it from their growing phase that their parents won’t be by their side all the time.

Thus, such children learn to do things by themselves. As no one is in the house to look after they participate in domestic responsibilities dutifully. It might look to be difficult at times but under such situation, the children learn to become independent earlier, they can look after themselves and can take quick decisions.   

Tensed situations often arise between single parent and child 

Often situations turn hostile between the single parent and child as sometimes the child demands attention while the parent has other responsibilities to look for.

Under such conditions the child broods and feels lonely and isolated and on the other hand, the parent while in his/her work regrets for not being able to provide quality time for the child.

It is a common phenomenon and differences arise between the child and the single parent, particularly when the child is still young and unable to take right or wrong decision by himself/herself.

However, as they grow older they understand the situation. Nervousness and dejection always haunt at different points of time up on such children.   

Reliable companions

Even though the majority of children of single parents tend to be lonely and emotional but they are more reliable, particularly one can trust upon them as they have already seen much more difficult obstacles in their lives.

Since maturity hits them earlier, they understand where their strong and weaker points lie.

They can also provide some sound advice to others due to the personal experiences they face in their lives. They have a helpful and caregiving nature. They can be counted as best friends to whom one can rely upon under complex situations.

Being more cautious in terms of commitment  

Nobody wants to break a beautiful relationship at his/her own will, when things do not work out as they were supposed to be, the relationship fades away.

Children of single parents are always aware of it, they are extra cautious and hold them back from committing into a serious relationship often.

The reason behind such an action is obvious because of their own personal experiences at home.

They have already faced the broken relationship effects and hence think twice before going in a relationship as a fear psychosis often works in their mind with the probable assumption of relationship going wrong.

It should not be looked upon as if they are commitment phobic but they take a little time to enter into a relationship, until they are completely sure they refrain from it.   

Children idolize their single parents 

Children born and brought up by both the parents develop a neutral and balanced view of life, however, children of single parents generally get inclined to their single parent’s perspectives.

For example, if a boy child is raised by a single mother, he will be more aware of the needs and psychology of a woman and similarly if a girl child is raised by a single father, she will get to know more about the psychological traits of men.

Single parents become the role models of their children, they become their buddies, caregivers and best friends with whom they can share their feelings and emotions.   

  Even though the fact lies that children brought up by single parents often feel neglected and get lonely at times but not every children who are brought up by both parents are happy either.

There are unhappy families where the parents fight every single day with each other and it is the child who goes through the mental trauma.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Children — Single Parent Struggle

Single Parent Struggle: Why Single Parenting is not Worse than Two-parents Family

• Categories: Children Single Parenting Traditional Family Roles

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Published: Dec 5, 2018

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Introduction, single parent struggle: argumentative essay.

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