the fear of growing up essay

Keeping Up With Dave!

MY FEAR OF GROWING UP, MATURITY AND RESPONSIBILITY: AN ESSAY KIND OF RANT

A series of uncoordinated thoughts and unrelated pictures to give this letter life..

The thing with being self-aware is you realize how much you don’t know yourself – every single day.

I think it’s because we are constantly changing, and our conscious mind is too slow to keep up with the changes that we’re making, or maybe it’s too tired, or too bored.

I'm scared of growing up.

I'm scared that if I grow up and change into a person capable of achieving all I need to achieve, people won’t accept me anymore.

This fear is exacerbated by the fact that it feels like people aren’t accepting me now.

I’m also scared of growing up because I fear it will make me “not fun anymore.”

I want to be fun.

I remember that I’ve always had the childhood fear of being rejected. This is apparently a common fear, but every person – you and I – experiences it differently.

I thought I had gotten over this fear, but apparently, I haven’t.

The question is why am I scared of being rejected. I already know that not everybody will like me.

Intrinsically, I think it comes down to the fact that I want the people I like, admire and accept to like, admire and accept me too.

I don’t know if that makes sense.

My Childhood

I was not a popular kid. I don’t think I was. I differentiated myself a lot, and I was never concerned with the idea of trying to fit in.

I wasn’t made into an outcast though, in fact when people got to know me they found me amusing and interesting. I was easy to talk to, and in my own way, very funny.

I used to like that about myself. Now, it feels like that person is far away from the person I am now.

So, I guess in a way, I want to get back to being that person.

On Being Smart

I want to get back to being that Dave who is weird and fun and surprisingly very smart.

I say “surprisingly” because I always did my best to not appear smart as my first impression.

That’s not how it is anymore, intelligence cannot be toned down forever,

But I'm thinking now and I want you to engage in this thought process with me;

Do you realize how people don’t like other people who act ‘smart?’

It’s not that they don’t admire intelligence; they just don’t want to be reminded of their own lack.

This sentence isn’t enough to walk you through my thought process, allow me break it down a little further.

You probably don’t like people who act like they know everything.

That’s because those people are usually proud, pompous, always in their heads and never concerned with the feelings of others.

But it may even be more than that,

Why is it that most of the time, it is the smart kids who are the ones always bullied, left out and turned into outcasts?

Most of these intelligent kids were just trying to socialize by talking about the things they loved and were genuinely interested in – values we want everyone to have.

Yet they were mocked and rejected for it.

But here is where it even gets deeper:

When other kids see that intelligent kids are being bullied and cast out for being so smart, their thought process goes

Well I shouldn’t be smart either so that I'm not thrown out from the group and left alone. I don’t want to be lonely.

This is the way most people go on living their lives and hiding their full potential just so they can fit in.

They don’t try hard at the things they care about, some don’t even try at all – they do anything to remain a part of the group.

This brings me to this point:

Humans Are Social Animals.

You and I are social animals.

We need community to survive.

We need people to survive.

And while this doesn’t mean the same thing to everybody, we should accept that at our core, we need the presence of other human beings in order to thrive.

This is why in a way society is important.

People validate us when we can’t validate ourselves.

People accept us when we can't accept ourselves.

People see us.

They understand and love us.

They take us in for who we are, no matter how ugly, and we are happier because of it.

And that’s because we know they can be ugly too.

I think my fear of growing up and being rejected actually makes sense.

Because when you think about growing up, this is the thought process you get into (or at least I got into):

If I became a person who got what they wanted to get in a world where most people talk about their dreams and never put in the work to achieve them, would I be ostracized?

Would I be made into an outcast?

Would people think of me like they think of the heroes, the billionaires and role models we look up to on TV, but in reality never want to hang around?

Would they think of me as intimidating? Someone to stay away from before he gets angry at you for not doing the thing you know you should be doing.

I don’t know.

Maybe, I will.

Maybe I will find a new set of people.

But what if these ones don’t want me either?

These Fears Are Useless

A close friend once told me that if I continued to focus on how people are/would reject me, then I’ll get into a mental space where I exclude myself from groups and friendships, and then blame it on people for rejecting me.

She had a point.

Adulthood & Maturity

Adults aren’t fun people.

At least most of them aren’t.

And how can they be?

They’re consistently burdened with the responsibility of their selves, their loved ones, their jobs and what other personal obligation they work to fulfill.

It’s really hard to see these people happy.

Or maybe, they define happiness differently from the way we did when we were kids.

 I don’t know. It’s just a thought.

As a child you love your free time, games, friends, parties.

You become teenagers/young adults and you still love the same thing, but now you can add sex, drugs and alcohol into the mix.

The difference between childhood and maturity is responsibility .

And my god is responsibility scary.

Because it means we will change into people who aren’t fun.

And what are we scared of the most intrinsically?

Not being fun.

Self-sabotage behavior stops us from growing up.

Self-sabotage is when we destroy the effort we put into achieving something with our own hands.

You can see it in relationships, friendships and money.

Think of a girl who finally gets into the relationship she’s always wanted acting in irrational ways that gets her kicked out of her relationship.

Or a gambling man betting all the money he just won – as high as millions of dollars – knowing subconsciously that he will lose it, and still never stops being a gambler.

Self-sabotage behavior is tied to things unconscious negative associations you may have.

What do I mean?

If you grow up thinking that all rich people are assholes and bad people, then you will always sabotage yourself when you have the opportunity to make big money because you have associated rich people with being bad people.

And you’ve resolved in your mind that you don’t want to be a bad person.

Another example could be if you were constantly excluded as a child, you would begin to think people hate you or come to you only when they want something.

This means that when someone wants to genuinely be your friend you won’t let them because you’ve made the negative association that people are your friends only when they want something.

And when somehow, by some miracle, someone stays to actually be your friend, you project your negative emotions unto them and soon they leave.

You prove yourself right, by acting in ways that make sure that you are right.

It’s a vicious cycle, difficult to break.

Re-defining Happiness

My point being, at my core, I associate adulthood and taking responsibility as a thing that’s not fun and that does not make you happy.

And guess what?

I want to be fucking happy man.

I want to be happy all day, every day, or at least, on most days.

And the thing is I find happiness in people. I find it in their laughter, in their love, in their solidarity.

If I'm going to be rejected by people, then I'm not going to be happy…

And if I'm not going to be happy, then I don’t want to fucking grow up.

I don’t care about carrying the responsibility of the world on my shoulders.

The world can burn for all I care, as long as I am happy.

This brings me to another thought.

Does this mean I have to re-define happiness?

When the people I love and care about are happy, I'm happy.

And when they’re not, I'm not.

That’s how it is most of the time.

And I'm sure, in a weird cycle kind of way, when I’m happy, they’re happy too.

So I suppose what I should be thinking of is making myself happy so that they, too, can be happy.

I know that I'm my best self when I'm happy and in a good mood.

This means that if I'm intrinsically happy, I can find ways to make them happy without losing my sense of self.

I can get them to open up to me, to talk to me.

Ideally, it sounds legit.

In the end the question I still have to answer is what do I want for myself?

Figuring Life Out

Recently a cute girl with full lips made a statement in a judgmental kind of tone, she said, I already have my life figured out.

She made this claim because of my consistency in putting out these letters and my lack of fear on what I’ll do when I graduate.

It irked me a little bit, but I don’t blame her.

She, like I am, is scared of being an adult too.

She’s scared of carrying responsibility.

Hell, we all are.

Why do you think unhappy people are the ones with unplanned pregnancies and forced marriages?

They haven’t fully learned how to take care of themselves and now you're forcing them to take care of another human being?!

Don’t be ridiculous!

Anyway, that’s a story for another day.

My point is, young lady, if somehow you’re reading this, I haven’t had my life figured out yet.

I don’t know what I want from life yet.

I don’t know what I want for myself yet.

And when I figure that out, then maybe, just maybe, you can say that I have my life figured out.

I doubt it though; I’ve read a lot of things those successful people say.

And the most recurring thing they always confess is they’re trying to figure things out, every single day.

Maybe because they, too, are self-aware that they’re constantly changing, and their conscious mind is too slow to keep up with the changes that they’re making, or too tired, or too bored.

I don’t know yet,

What I do know is I’ll talk to you next week,

But until then,

P.S: if you liked this letter, please subscribe

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Why Teens and Young Adults Suffer From a Phobia of Growing Up

Teens and young adults are developing strong phobias around growing up. Fears over climate change, growing wealth inequality, and social isolation exacerbated by the pandemic have contributed to increased anxiety over entering adulthood.

By: Britt Brewer

Clinically Reviewed By: Don Gasparini Ph.D., M.A., CASAC

January 13, 2023

Table of Contents

Peter pan syndrome. Arrested development. These phrases are commonly used to describe young people who seem to have difficulty transitioning into adulthood. But these terms also carry negative baggage with them – painting a picture of a petulant child who refuses to grow up. 

What if the mental state underpinning a reluctance to enter adulthood is far more complex, rooted in genuine fear, and exacerbated by trauma? 

‍ Nearly half of U.S. adults , mostly in their early 20s, still live at home with their parents, numbers we haven’t seen since the Great Depression. The Covid-19 pandemic certainly contributed to this trend. But the larger issue is a collective anxiety roiling a generation of young people saddled by student debt, rising housing costs, and an imminent climate crisis . And it’s not just younger generations who’re doubtful over their future– most U.S. citizens agree that young adults are facing an uphill battle as they grow older.

Several mitigating factors have contributed to a recent uptick in young adults developing a phobia of growing up (like the Covid-19 pandemic and an appearance and age-obsessed social media ) which we’ll cover in a bit. 

What is the phobia of growing up?

A fear of growing up can be characterized by an inability or unwillingness to take on adult responsibilities, and a tendency to resist the transition into adulthood.

Young adults who experience this phobia may find it hard to commit to relationships, struggle with financial responsibility, and often view making long-term plans, or setting goals, as overwhelming. Though this phobia is not officially recognized as a psychiatric disorder, it can have a significant impact on a person’s life and executive functioning.

Although fear of adulting might not have an official diagnosis, an excessive fear of aging, or growing old, is known as gerascophobia. Patients who suffer from gerascophobia see the process of aging as a legitimate threat, and will go to great lengths to slow down, or hide growth. This condition is often a combination of cognitive, behavioral, and physiological elements, and can be intensified by different environmental factors like trauma and sexual abuse.  

It should be noted, however, that phobias about entering adulthood, and taking on adult responsibilities, are in no way symptoms of gerascophobia–a condition concerned with a specific fear around the physical and biological act of aging. 

It’s unclear if gerascophobia is anecdotally on the rise , or if it’s just being discussed more in recent years. There’s a distinct possibility people are becoming more aware of gerascophobia due to increased social media and internet usage, which may lead to more people seeking help for their fear.

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What makes an adult an adult.

The definition of adulthood varies from person-to-person and culture-to-culture. For the purposes of this article, we’ll define the period of the adult transition that occurs between the ages of 18-29 as “emerging adulthood” – a term coined by Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, Ph.D. from Clark University.

Arnett argues that the three biggest qualifiers for establishing an adult identity are: 

• Accepting responsibility for yourself
• Ability to make independent decisions
• Becoming financially independent

Those might sound like “normal” signifiers to older generations. But today’s young adults suffer more from social isolation , depression , and anxiety than others that came before them. These conditions can often make managing daily decisions difficult, let alone goal-setting for the future. 

If living day-to-day is a constant struggle for sufferers of depression and anxiety, then entering adulthood can feel like an impossible challenge. 

The pandemic’s impact on the phobia of growing up

The Covid-19 pandemic exacerbated existing mental health issues among teens and young adults – an age group whose rates of depression and anxiety were already high even before the pandemic, according to a recent Surgeon General’s report .

Studies have cited different reasons for this upward trend in reportage of depression and anxiety amongst young people. One rationale has to do with more discussions around mental health in the media, schools, and at home. However, a willingness to talk more openly about mental health is one small part of the story of the ongoing crisis. Other contributing factors are increased academic pressures, and an over reliance on digital media over real-life peer-to-peer interactions, which can lead to greater isolation.

The pandemic’s massive fatality rates, alongside the constant drumbeat of death in the news, ratcheted up pre-existing anxieties, more specifically death anxieties (defined by The North American Nursing Diagnosis Association as a feeling of being unsafe, or having a fear related to death or near-death). Additionally, separation anxiety in kids and young adults ballooned once schools reopened , and/or when parents or caretakers went back to work. The safe harbor of home in the midst of a global pandemic was threatened by this dramatic shift in routine – and many young people were afraid to leave their parents, or even their domiciles. 

And if kids and teens experienced high levels of separation anxiety when leaving home, they most certainly faced social anxiety when reentering in-person schooling after mostly interacting with peers over Zoom.  

An even more troubling statistic concerns the increased incidents of child and domestic abuse during the pandemic. Childhood trauma can lead to the development of unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as avoidance, denial, fawning , and escapism, which can further contribute to an individual’s inability to fully take on adult responsibilities.

Yes, depression and anxiety can cause those who suffer from them to have a gloomy outlook of the future, and even fear what’s to come. But that’s not the only reason young adults resist, or feel ill-equipped, to enter adulthood. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders inhibit the kind of thought and action necessary for gaining independence and responsibility –two key tenets of emerging adulthood. 

Social media effect and the phobia of growing up

It’s no secret that social media can be detrimental to growth and development. The negative effects of social media on kids, teens, and young adults has been widely documented – with reports correlating sleep disruption, ADHD, cyberbullying, and increased anxiety to high rates of social media usage.

Not only that, but social media can contribute to a “culture of comparison,” wherein young adults become increasingly obsessed with self-image, and often develop a preoccupation with youth and impossible beauty standards. This unhealthy obsession can curdle into mental and emotional distress, with drastic repercussions like higher rates of suicide and suicide ideation. 

Another striking data point is young people’s decreased satisfaction with life in general due to social media.

‍ A recent study reported that during early adolescence, heavy use of social media predicted lower life-satisfaction ratings in the subsequent year. Not only that, but increased usage of social media also can affect brain development in adolescents . 

Phobias 101

Alex Bachert, MPH

The culmination of these factors and distressers cannot be ignored, and likely are a major reason for young people’s increasingly dim outlook of their future. However, social media is here for the time being, so countering its negative effects is now more important than ever. 

If you’re a parent or caretaker, there are different methods of mediation to allay the negative effects of  social media – like limiting screen time, or having frank discussions with a young person you believe is being negatively impacted.

When it comes to this issue, there’s no magic pill solution – the process often relies on trial and error to find what’s best for the teen or young adult in your life. 

How Charlie Health can help 

Are you a young person struggling with a phobia of entering adulthood? Or, are you coping with distressing thoughts about taking on adult responsibilities? If so, Charlie Health may be able to help you.

Our personalized intensive outpatient program provides mental health treatment for teens, young adults, and families dealing with a variety of struggles, including phobias around emerging adulthood. In our program, you will be matched with a trauma-informed therapist who meets your specific needs, and connected with a group of peers from similar backgrounds who face similar struggles to help you remember you are not alone. 

Coping with trauma can be very difficult, but with trauma-informed care and a supportive community, you can push forward, grow, and even thrive after trauma. Help is here now. We’re available 24/7 to get you started on your healing journey. 

https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/sad-depression-affects-ability-think-201605069551&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1673494333284041&usg=AOvVaw1mU_tKJwyZNnAgCXqXITv8

https://www.chla.org/blog/adolescent-and-young-adult-medicine/how-help-teens-the-negative-impacts-social-media

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Why “Growing Up” is Scary (And 3 Ways to Battle Adulting Anxiety)

“You’re going to be an adult in less than a year.”

I’ll never forget the day I realized there were only a few months until I would turn eighteen. Only a few months until I would be a legal adult, which meant I needed to start acting like one. I needed to “grow up.”

For some, the idea of “growing up” means freedom–you can do whatever you want, no longer under parental restraints. Personally, however, “growing up” has always caused me anxiety. At any mention of “adulting,” I’d avert my eyes and change the subject.

And I think a lot of teenagers could say the same.

But what makes teenagers fear the future, and what can we do to fight those fears? Well, like Brett and Alex write in Do Hard Things , society often attempts to sell teenagers a series of lies about themselves, lies that lead to this paralyzing fear of “growing up.”

Here’s how three of these lies convince teens that “adulting” can be scary, and three ways to fight those fears.

SOCIETY TEACHES US TO FEAR THE UNKNOWN

The first lie society tells teens is that we should fear the unknown . Psychology Today claims, “Feeling scared of the unexpected [is] normal as adolescence gets underway.”

Notice the word “normal” here–-society expects teens to fear anything uncommon, a viewpoint that completely contradicts the “do hard things” mentality. But if we adolescents barricade ourselves within the realm of “normal,” we won’t make a difference in the world.

So yes, stepping out and doing hard things does require venturing into the unknown. And yes, that can be scary. But that doesn’t mean we need to stop.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.” When the unknown threatens to scare us, this verse is a perfect reminder that we were not created to fear anything –-including the unknown.

SOCIETY TEACHES US TO FEAR RESPONSIBILITY

The second lie society tells teenagers is that we should fear responsibility . Even the thesaurus shuns the idea, with words like “burden,” and “liability” topping the list of synonyms for responsibility.

But is responsibility really so bad? 1 Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child … When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways.” While as children we are free to imagine and play, Paul writes that once we “grow up,” we have to start acting like it.

This is where responsibility comes into the picture. But what would happen if you took an “adulting” responsibility like going to work and thought of it as a blessing?

You’re probably thinking, A blessing? How can work be a blessing? But just think–-right now, almost 15% of Americans are out of work. Yet, God has blessed you with the opportunity to serve Him with your talents every day!

So how can we combat the fear of responsibility? Start looking at your responsibilities as blessings, and your fear will melt away.

SOCIETY TEACHES US TO FEAR FREEDOM

Finally, society teaches us freedom is scary. No, you didn’t read that wrong. The same freedom Americans have fought for since the dawn of our nation often scares teenagers.

So why do adolescents find the freedoms of adulthood overwhelming? The Institute for Faith, Work, and Economics answers the question: “We are scared of freedom because the burden is heavy,” an article states. “We do not trust ourselves or others to carry [this burden].”

Even though freedom seems like it should mean we can do whatever we want, “freedom” from other people’s expectations means we have to create our own. Creating our own expectations means responsibility, and as we’ve already seen, responsibility can seem scary.

Considering this, what does the Bible say about responsibility? Well, the apostle Paul writes in Galatians 5:13 that freedom is not a burden, but rather an opportunity to serve. Instead of letting others dictate our behavior, teens should embrace the freedoms of adulthood and use them to spread the love of Christ.

THREE WAYS TO BATTLE ADULTING ANXIETY

So, now that we know why “growing up” often seems scary, what can we do? How can we get excited about maturing in a world that tells us we should do the opposite? Here are three ideas.

1. Prepare for your future

Like I mentioned earlier, the unknown can be scary. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but there are ways to limit how much “unknown” you have to deal with. The more familiar you are with the possibilities of your future, the closer you will be to conquering your adulting anxiety. For instance, if your fears are rooted in college, schedule a visit to a few campuses you’re interested in. If you’re scared of driving on your own, set aside time to practice with an instructor.

2. Explore God’s promises about your future

The Bible is called the Sword for a reason–-it’s an excellent tool for fighting against fear! Along with stories about adolescents who grew up to do amazing things (think David, Ruth, and Joseph), the Scriptures are full of encouraging promises about Christian teens’ futures. Some of my favorites are found in Philippians 1:6 and Jeremiah 29:11.

3. Pray about your future

Finally, talk to God about your fears. In Philippians 4:6-7, Paul writes that when we pray, the Lord replaces our fears with “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.” I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have peace like that than spend my days in fear!

So why do teenagers fear the future? Adulting anxiety occurs when teens believe the lies the world tells us about our lives and ultimately don’t trust God with our futures.

Knowing this and armed with tools to fight these fears, let’s step out as a generation of teenagers who will, instead of running away, embrace the freedoms, responsibilities, and unknowns that come with adulthood.

About the author

is a freshman at the University of Georgia studying English and Media Studies. When she’s not writing for her blog Anna Kay, Anna Kay . Anna enjoys reading memoirs and historical fiction, traveling, worship nights, and spending time with friends at Athens coffee shops. Anna hopes to someday work in the Christian media industry, hopefully writing/producing movies and social media. You can find Anna online on her blog or on Instagram, at @annakaywrites.

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I Don't Want to Grow Up: What Should I Do About That?

Ariane Resnick, CNC is a mental health writer, certified nutritionist, and wellness author who advocates for accessibility and inclusivity.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

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If you've ever thought to yourself, "I don't want to grow up," then you're not alone. Let's face it: being an adult can feel like a bit of a disappointment compared to what we pictured the future would be like when we were kids. The burden of adult responsibilities and the restrictions imposed by our realities can make being a grown-up downright unappealing compared to the freedom we imagined we'd have.

Back when we had bedtimes, couldn't choose our clothes, and had our meals decided for us by our parents or caregivers, many of us thought that one day, when we were grown up, everything would be better. We imagined a world where we could eat whatever we wanted, stay up all night playing video games, and watch endless television.

What we didn't picture was getting tired in the middle of the afternoon, being bogged down with responsibilities, and having to eat our veggies to keep our bodies healthy. In addition to these daily inconveniences, it doesn't help that reaching many of the milestones of adulthood is more challenging than ever before. For example, buying a house is much more difficult today than it was for previous generations—especially without help from parents.

At a Glance

If you think growing up sounds like a lousy thing to do, you're far from alone. However, just because many people feel this way doesn't mean it's conducive to a good or functional life. Ahead, we'll examine why a person might feel like they don't want to grow up, then look at some solutions to make being a mature adult a little bit easier.

Reasons Someone Might Not Want to Grow Up

There's no one main reason that any person feels like they don't want to grow up, but there are some commons ones. These are a few examples of why someone may be hesitant to grow up.

A Lack of Good Adult Role Models

Not having solid role models can negatively affect adolescent behavior. By the same token, having good role models can have a positive impact on youth behavior.

If you don't have the opportunity to witness how wonderful life as an adult can be, and you see only negative examples of adulthood, it's understandable that you don't feel great about the idea of growing up.

And while you might not have realized when you were young that you didn't have solid role models, it still may have affected your view of adulthood in important ways.

Adulting Isn't Always Fun

Even if you have a career you love and are passionate about, work can be challenging—and sometimes it just doesn't feel fun. It can also not feel fun to have to schedule your own appointments, to go to the dentist, to work through therapy , or to be a parent yourself and have to take care of others.

The fact that being a grown-up isn't always the great time we all hoped it would be can make a person feel like they just don't want any part in it. This may seem a little silly to those adults who are very responsible and love it, but it's a valid feeling.

We're programmed to seek new experiences, which in turn makes us happier as people —and being an adult, performing the same duties day in and day out can feel pretty repetitive and mundane.

Being Alone Is Scary

As a child, you're rarely by yourself. Parents or caregivers are who you start and end your day in the company of, and in between that you spend your time in school, which is full of peers and teachers.

As an adult, though, you may find yourself completely solitary, especially if you live alone and don't have a social job that involves working much with other people.

Being alone can feel scary, and it can make a person want to revert to younger days, when they were around friends more. It can also be much more challenging to make friends as an adult, or to find other people who also take part in hobbies you enjoy .

Childhood Trauma

Dealing with abuse, neglect, or other childhood trauma can age you before your time. You might not have had good adult role models, but even if you did, trauma can make growing up feel particularly unappealing.

Undergoing childhood trauma at the hands of adults can lead to confusion about the roles adults have in the lives of children, too. Also, children who experience trauma often feel like adults before they're of legal age, so it makes sense they aren't looking forward to adulthood when they do technically get there.

Aging Is Considered Unattractive

Our society is incredibly youth-focused. Twenty-something actors are often cast as parents to teenagers, who are themselves also twenty-something actors.

News outlets share photos of celebrities getting older in a way that age shames them, as if it was a crime to age.

We talk about people being "over the hill" and "put out to pasture" as if older folks have less value than young ones. Who wants to move from a young person to an older one, knowing that? It makes sense that the ageism in our society leads people to not want to grow up.

Fear of Death

A fear of death is called thanatophobia . While it's perfectly normal to have some fear of death or dying, getting preoccupied with the idea can lead you to worry about getting older or growing up.

Everyone will eventually die, but that fact shouldn't affect your life. After all, you're alive right now!

The more you fixate on being afraid to die, the more it might be intimidating to grow up. Growing up is synonymous with getting older, which bring you closer to the eventual inevitability of death.

What to Do When You Don't Want to Grow Up

Now that you understand some of the reasons why a person might not want to grow up, let's look at some action steps that might help give you better feelings about being an adult.

Keep Healthy Elements of Youthfulness

There's no rule book that says you have to give up everything about being young. In fact, members of Gen X, who are in their 40s and 50s now, are notorious for not dressing like adults. Many have tattoos, or colored hair, as well.

You can absolutely continue expressing yourself in the manner that feels best to you, even if you're an adult. Adulthood is about your actions more than it's about your appearance.

So, if your hesitancy of growing up is centered around you not being able to express yourself, you should be aware that as an adult, you get to dictate that yourself—and you can be as youthful as you want to be, while still being responsible and mature.

Focus On the Joyful Parts Of Adulthood

Sure, there are certainly difficult parts of growing up, but there are some pretty amazing ones, too. Getting to stay up late talking with a friend, spontaneously going out for ice cream, or taking yourself out to see live music are just a few examples of things adults can do on their own that kids cannot.

By focusing on the positive parts of adulthood rather than just the negative ones, you can reframe your attitude . And once you do, growing up might not seem all that bad after all!

Attitudes are known for shaping behavior, which means that by choosing to enjoy the happy parts of adulthood, you can bring yourself to take part in even more of them.

Discover the Beauty of Personal Growth

It may feel safe to be a child, but there is so much to be said for how proud you can feel when you experience self-growth.

The quest to be a better person is an unending one, and it can bring you joy. It can also be incredibly rewarding, because by growing as a person yourself, you can also improve the lives of others.

You can choose to grow in ways that directly affect other people, such as choosing to embark on an anti-racism journey . Or you can begin a gratitude practice, keeping tabs about what in your life you're grateful for. If you aren't sure where to start, you can look at self-help books to decide what path feels right for you.

Press Play for Mental Strength Tips

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares five mental strength exercises you can do right from your couch (like practicing gratitude). Click below to listen now.

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Sometimes, the desire to not grow up can also be a sign of a more serious problem. If these feelings are accompanied by other symptoms, for example, it might be a sign of a mental health problem such as depression or anxiety. Signs to look for include:

• Losing interest in things that used to bring you joy
• Not having the energy or motivation to do anything
• Withdrawing from friends and family
• Excess fatigue, changes in appetite, and changes in sleep
• Avoiding people, places, or situations due to feelings of anxiety or fear

If you are experiencing such symptoms, it is important to talk to a doctor or mental health professional about how you are feeling. They can evaluate your symptoms, make a diagnosis, and recommend treatments that can help (which might involve psychotherapy, medication, and/or lifestyle changes).

In some cases, avoiding growing up can take a severe toll on a person's life, relationships, and ability to function. Sometimes referred to as " Peter Pan syndrome ," such tendencies can lead to emotional immaturity and excessive dependence on others.

This can harm relationships and may lead to struggles with substance use and unemployment.

If you are struggling to deal with the expectations and responsibilities of adulthood, there are things you can do to get help. Talking to a mental health professional is a great place to start.

A therapist can work with you to develop coping skills to help you manage the things you find the most stressful about being a grown-up. Instead of avoiding these tasks, you'll be able to tackle them effectively without feeling overly stressed.

Examples of healthy coping strategies that can help you deal with the challenges of being an adult include:

• Leaning on your social support system
• Practicing mindfulness meditation
• Getting regular exercise
• Utilizing good sleep habits
• Journaling to cope with stress
• Using visualization to picture yourself dealing with challenges
• Developing your time management skills to maintain a regular routine and schedule
• Using conflict-resolution tactics to handle difficulties in your relationships
• Maintaining a sense of humor
• Developing a sense of optimism

Establishing a healthy work-life balance can also be beneficial. Managing the stresses of adulthood is that much harder when it feels like your work life is encroaching on your personal life.

Establishing and maintaining boundaries to separate your work and home life can give you the time and space you need to do things that bring you peace and joy.

Keep in Mind

Growing up can be incredibly daunting. Know that you aren't alone in having difficulties on this topic, and that there are many different avenues you can take to get yourself on the path of becoming a happy adult.

Doing things that help you feel young, focusing on the joyful aspects of adulthood, and staying on a path of self-discovery can help make being a grown-up more joyful. If you're still struggling, talk to a mental health professional about things you can do to manage the stresses of adult life.

Joint Center for Housing Studies of Harvard University. How many young homebuyers get support from their parents and how much of a difference does it make? .

Atif H, Peck L, Connolly M, et al. The impact of role models, mentors, and heroes on academic and social outcomes in adolescents .  Cureus . 2022;14(7):e27349. doi:10.7759/cureus.27349

Heller AS, Shi TC, Ezie CEC, et al. Association between real-world experiential diversity and positive affect relates to hippocampal-striatal functional connectivity .  Nat Neurosci . 2020;23(7):800-804. doi:10.1038/s41593-020-0636-4

Colich NL, Rosen ML, Williams ES, McLaughlin KA. Biological aging in childhood and adolescence following experiences of threat and deprivation: A systematic review and meta-analysis .  Psychol Bull . 2020;146(9):721-764. doi:10.1037/bul0000270

Dimitroff LJ, Sliwoski L, O’Brien S, Nichols LW.  Change your life through journaling--The benefits of journaling for registered nurses .  JNEP . 2016;7(2):p90. doi:10.5430/jnep.v7n2p90 

By Ariane Resnick, CNC Ariane Resnick, CNC is a mental health writer, certified nutritionist, and wellness author who advocates for accessibility and inclusivity.

11 Ways To Ease Adulting Anxiety And Beat The Fear Of Growing Up

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Let’s face it: “adulting” can be excruciating at times.

There’s work and family obligations, household chores, a seemingly endless array of bills, and nowhere near enough time to sleep.

One day, we’re carefree kids playing with friends during summer holidays, and the next we’re trying to figure out why our knees are making those weird sounds.

Sure, adulthood brings certain freedoms that we didn’t have when we were living with our families, but many people get seriously anxious about adulting in general.

Why is that? And how can one get over the fear of growing up? That’s what this article will aim to answer.

Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you get over your fear of growing up. You may want to try speaking to one via BetterHelp.com for quality care at its most convenient.

What is adulting anxiety?

In basic terms, adulting anxiety is the feeling of fear and worry stemming from one’s coming of age and the transition from childhood to a life of responsibility and obligation. In other words, it is the fear of growing up.

The belief that one can’t handle adulthood often accompanies adulting anxiety. A person may feel overwhelmed by the reality of becoming an adult and all the additional pressure that heaps on your shoulders.

What causes it?

Fear of failure..

The number one cause of adulting anxiety is the fear of getting something wrong, or of being a failure in a broader sense.

When you’re an adult, you’re expected to be able to fend for yourself. This means maintaining gainful employment so you can support yourself and take care of your family if you have one.

But what if you can’t get a job—the job market isn’t kind to everyone and it can take a long time to find any work, let alone work that you’d like to do.

And even when you do find a job, if you do poorly at it, you risk getting fired. The spiraling thoughts that start with that possibility don’t end well…

If you lose your job, you won’t have money. Not having money means that you won’t be able to pay your rent or mortgage, or buy food. The next steps after that include destitution, homelessness, and likely illness—both for you and your loved ones. All that’s left after that is death, which is inevitable for everyone, but we’ll touch upon that more later.

The desire to remain care- and worry-free.

Children don’t have massive weights of worry on their little shoulders: that’s what their parents deal with in order to keep the littles healthy and carefree.

When kids are aware of the crushing responsibilities that come with adulthood, they “grow up too fast” and may suffer from panic and depressive issues.

When they reach adulthood, the training wheels and kid brakes come off. Now, they have accountability and responsibilities of their own, and many people don’t like that at all.

As a result, many don’t want to grow up and will go to great lengths to avoid doing so. Some might self-sabotage in school or work so as to remain in a state of arrested development. After all, adulting is hard.

If their parents are still alive, they might try to stay at home as long as possible. That way, they can continue to spend their time playing games and hanging out with friends, and—most importantly—they can continue to be cared for by their parents .

Abdication of personal responsibility.

That last factor mentioned above is often the biggest draw, because it alleviates the weight of adult responsibility. If other people are responsible for them and their wellbeing, then if everything goes to hell in their lives, it’s someone else’s fault: not theirs.

As a result, they won’t have to deal with the stress that comes with the consequences of their actions (or lack thereof). Some people even expect their families to help raise their children if they don’t want to step up to the plate and take responsibility for the results of their own procreation. If and when the kids don’t turn out the way they liked, then that becomes someone else’s fault too.

Fear of dying.

To grow up means that one is aging, which is associated with old age and death. Many people seem to feel that if they cling to their youth by any means possible, then they’ll somehow stay young forever and cheat the Reaper.

Obviously, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Death can happen at any time, and behaving like you’re still a teenager isn’t a magical elixir against imminent mortality.

Some people are scared to grow up because they are terrified of dying. They try to avoid the mere thought of dying through orthorexic eating, surgery, and so on, but that’s all superficial.

How to overcome a fear of growing up.

Like all other fear-related issues, the best way to diffuse (and thus eliminate) the fear is to recognize where it’s springing from—the root source, if you will. Much like a disease, you wouldn’t treat the symptoms without trying to discern what’s causing the problem to begin with.

With that said, here are some things that will broadly help most people who suffer from adulting anxiety.

It is a good idea to seek professional help from one of the therapists at BetterHelp.com as professional therapy can be highly effective in helping you to work through your adulting anxiety

1. Look at the shinier side of the coin.

Many people who try to avoid adulting at all costs focus on the downsides and detriments to adulthood, rather than the benefits. If you’re dealing with adulting anxiety, then turn your attention to all the plus points that come with being of the age of majority.

First off, you are now a completely sovereign human being. Were you ever held back from doing things you wanted to do at your parents’ place because of the “my house, my rules” idea? Well, when you live on your own, you make your own rules. You don’t need to ask permission to order pizza at 5am on a Wednesday or have several people over for some late-night frolics.

As long as you’re not doing anything illegal, you’re quite free to live life on your own terms. Dress how you like, get tattoos and piercings, and date whoever makes you happiest. You don’t have to justify your choices to your family, nor do you require their permission or blessing to do anything anymore.

Your life: your rules.

This is especially important to remember when and if someone tries to guilt or manipulate you by informing you that you need to “take responsibility” for one thing or another. It’s important to look behind their words to their motivations if and when they pull this on you. Are they trying to get you to do something for them? Or shift you into a direction that you don’t want to take?

Whenever it comes to a responsibility or obligation, determine how you’ll benefit from it in turn. Think of it like an investment or a reward. If you take responsibility for cooking a meal, you’ll have tasty food to enjoy and share with others. But if you’re being asked to do manual labor for someone, what’s in it for you? Has there been an agreement regarding monetary compensation? Or are they just trying to get free labor out of you?

You have a set number of minutes to live, so choose how you spend your time wisely. Don’t let people try to force you into doing things you don’t want to do. You are the ruler of your own life and destiny, so take the reins and move in the direction of your own choosing.

2. Recognize that there is leeway as far as obligations go.

There will be some areas in which you have to take responsibility for things, but in many other cases, you can choose which responsibilities you take on. This will depend a lot on factors like income and living situation, but there are usually options other than taking everything on yourself.

If you live alone, you may have to do a great deal by yourself simply because there’s no one else to do it for you. That said, if you’re making decent money, you can delegate and outsource a bit. You can pay a cleaning company to come in a couple of times a month, or sign up with a meal service to drop pre-prepared dishes at your place a few times a week.

If you have a shared living situation—with housemates or a partner—you can divide up domestic work to suit everyone’s individual strengths. As an example, if one person loves to cook and another is a clean freak, then the former can take point on meal prep while the other does a lot of the tidying.

3. Practice doing easy adult-y things (and make them fun!).

This tip works well whether you’re still young and living at home or older and trying to regroup from a bout of paralyzing existential angst.

Yes, being an adult is hard at times, and there are a number of things we *have* to do in order to stay alive and reasonably functional. These include bathing, keeping our clothes relatively clean, and feeding ourselves. Since these are necessities that will have to be done by us, the best thing we can do is try to see them less as “chores,” and more like opportunities.

Basically, change the dialog from “I HAVE to do X” to “I have the OPPORTUNITY to do X.”

Make bathing and self-care more pleasurable by using products that you love. Spend a bit of extra money on body wash or shampoo that makes you feel amazing.

Do you hate doing laundry? Analyze why. Is it because you feel like it’s a waste of time? You could be doing something else you love instead? That’s not an excuse if you have your own washer/dryer, but is understandable if you need to go to a laundromat weekly to wash all your stuff. If you’re stuck doing the latter, try to make it as pleasurable as possible.

Take a book or tablet with you and do something you love while everything is washing and drying. Then take everything home, turn on the TV, and fold while being entertained. Before you know it, all will be folded and put away, and you’ll have caught up on your show.

How about food? Can you cook, or do you just get takeout? Expand your repertoire by learning how to make the dishes you love best. This might involve asking your parents or grandparents to teach you how to make that recipe you adore. Or you can find some great chefs and home cooks on YouTube and get busy in the kitchen. Make food preparation a pleasure rather than an obligation and you’ll be amazed at how much happier you feel.

The more you practice doing adult things, the less your fear of adulting will affect you, until one day it will be gone.

4. Learn to shift direction on the fly.

Doing the things above on your own will teach you to be more adaptive. Many people freak out when things don’t unfold the way they want them to, but those who can adapt to circumstances and find other solutions end up using that adaptivity in other areas of their lives.

As an example, let’s say you’re baking something but halfway through you realize that you don’t have any sugar. That’s cool… You can use honey, maple syrup, or even jam instead. Run out of laundry detergent? Grate bar soap and mix it with baking soda for a quick and easy solution.

Being able to adapt on the fly can be hugely beneficial across the board. It’ll train your mind to seek alternative solutions whenever you come across an obstacle, and you’ll soon learn that you can overcome any problem simply by finding a different way around it. If you can’t go through, then climb over or around. Or dig underneath. There’s always another solution, so there’s no need to panic. Simply change direction.

You may feel like you can’t handle adulthood, but the more you learn to adapt and roll with things rather than fighting against them or crumpling in a heap, the more emotionally resilient you’ll feel. Soon enough, you’ll be able to put your adulting anxiety behind you.

5. Stay present and focused on what you want to do now.

People often fall into anxiety spirals when they start to overanalyze everything. Their minds will drift into “what if?” land, and they’ll freak out about all the things that could possibly go wrong.

If you’re the type of person who worries about all the potential variables and is scared of growing up because of it, bring yourself back to the present moment. Do what you can with what you have right now, and deal with whatever happens when it happens.

And what if it all works out just fine? After all, how many things that you freaked out about in the past actually unfolded the way you feared they would?

Try to think back to when you were a child and were utterly engrossed in what you were doing. When you were a toddler, did you spend your time trying to figure out what training you’d need to do a triathlon? Or were you focused entirely on learning how to walk?

Furthermore, when you learned how to walk, do you think you were concentrating on placing each foot in front of the other? No. Your goal was to get yourself over to the cookie you were eyeing or the dog you wanted to pet. Your body followed your mind and did what was necessary to get you to your chosen destination.

Aim to get back into that mindset. If there’s something you want to do now, put your thoughts and energy toward attaining that goal—not all the maybes that may unfold down the line. You don’t think about inhaling and exhaling when you’re out for a walk; you just walk. Do the same with every endeavor you undertake, and you’ll feel a lot less anxiety overall.

On a similar note…

6. Enjoy the learning process.

Just about all of us have known at least one person who has held back from doing something they loved because they didn’t know how to do it already and didn’t want to screw up. The motivations and explanations behind these behaviors may vary, but ultimately the fear of failure is what held them back from a lot of joy and accomplishment.

After all, if they didn’t try it at all, then they wouldn’t fail for sure, right? But that’s a terrible way to live a life.

Remember the toddler making their way toward the cookie? How many times do you think you fell on your ass when you were learning how to walk? More times than you could count, most likely, yet you persevered. Furthermore, you probably don’t remember falling down much at all.

You once had to learn everything you know now, and this is pretty much the same for every skill on the planet. The unknowns that terrify us are swiftly forgotten after we’ve practiced them for a while. You may hate being an adult, but that feeling will subside the more you practice, the more you learn, and the more you master the things you must do as an adult.

Have you ever been nervous about all the skills you needed to learn at a new job, but then after a month or two, you did them all like they were second nature? Much of life is that simple. What initially seems daunting and scary ends up being the easiest thing in the world after you’ve done it a few times.

The key here is to…

7. Allow yourself to fail.

This is a vital part of the learning process, and it is pretty much inescapable. Just like little toddler you face planted when learning to walk, adult you is going to mess up in a lot of different ways.

Unless you’re juggling chainsaws to impress someone, there’s little that can’t be fixed after you’ve messed up. Mistakes at work can be rectified. Broken items can be repaired or replaced. Missteps in relationships can be worked through with communication.

Once you recognize and accept that you ARE going to mess up, then you’ll feel a lot less anxiety about it. It’s kind of like knowing that you’re going to get wet because it’s raining outside. Instead of avoiding every raindrop, you just let the rain fall and change into dry clothes when you get home.

As soon as you’re no longer bracing against a situation, it stops being a big deal. It’s a case of “yeah, this is going to suck, but it’s not going to last forever.” You’ve been through some uncomfortable or challenging things before, right? Are you still going through them? Probably not.

In fact, you might not even think about those things anymore at all. They might have terrified you when you were gearing up to face them, but now they don’t come to mind unless someone else actively mentions them or you find weird mementos that remind you of them.

Failing is actually a gift in your circumstances because it will remind you that what you imagine in your head as you battle adulting anxiety is always going to worse than the worst case scenario in reality.

8. The most daunting situations are almost always less insurmountable than you think.

Have you ever avoided doing something because you just knew it would be a massive bugbear? Maybe it was paperwork that you were nervous about attending to or a cleaning project that was so intense that you were overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. Either way, there are only two options when it comes to situations like these:

• Ignore it and let it build until it becomes atrocious to deal with
• Face it, and get it over and done with

I’ll give you an example here. For a few years, we’d had a ton of stuff accumulating in a storage room in the basement, and it was a nightmare in there. We had been avoiding even going into that room because the awareness of just how much work needed to be done to clear it out was too overwhelming. As a result, the mess of boxes, old TV sets, and various bits of detritus just sat there.

We kept avoiding taking care of the issue because there was always something “more important” or fun to do instead.

Finally, we agreed that if we didn’t take action, that room would remain unusable forever. So we set aside a few days to finally take care of the issue. We geared up with old clothes and rubber gloves, put on some great tunes, and resigned ourselves to the fact that we were about to “waste” about three days clearing that mess out.

Do you know how long it took us to clear it out entirely? A few hours.

What we had assumed would be a monumental task that would eat away days of our lives ended up being over and done with in less time than we would have spent watching The Return of the King . Best of all, we discovered some absolute treasures as we cleared that space out. There were childhood photos we had forgotten about, a favorite screwdriver we had given up as lost, and so on.

Best of all, the relief and sense of accomplishment we felt after clearing it out was indescribable. That was a massive task crossed off our to-do list, and unless some natural disaster strikes, it’s unlikely we’ll ever have to do that again. Even better, we now had more space in the house to work with!

Know that this type of experience is common as you move through life, and tackling it head on is almost always the best course of action. Face your fears and anxieties, and you’ll discover that they’re usually as easily transmuted as the previous tasks.

9. Work on discovering your inner strength, and know that you’ve got this.

One reason why so many people have anxiety about adulting is that other people have tried to take their personal power from them.

This often happens when someone has insecure or controlling parents. Instead of being taught vital life skills and being encouraged to take care of problems on their own, these folks are coddled and either overprotected or prevented from becoming more independent.

This is because the parent has made their children their reason for being, and if the kids develop a strong sense of self, then the parent doesn’t know what to do with themselves anymore.

The way to overcome this is to become your own pillar. Learn how to set boundaries, and defend them well. Become your own best advocate, and spend your time and effort working on the skills and strengths you know you have.

Pursue educational and career paths that are important to you, not other people. Develop hobbies and skills that make you happy, rather than pandering to others’ wants or suggestions.

Most importantly, know that you’ll figure it out. If others are trying to make you feel fearful so you stay dependent on them, don’t let their fearmongering hold you back. No matter what happens, you’ll get through it. People have been muddling through existence on this planet for hundreds of thousands of years, and they’ve been doing just fine. You will too.

10. Don’t be afraid to ask for guidance.

Are there older or otherwise more experienced people in your life whom you can turn to for instruction or guidance? If so, don’t hesitate to reach out to them for advice when you feel like you need it. After all, these are people who have a lot of life experience under their belts. They’ve been through a lot and have accrued a massive amount of life skills.

It can only benefit you to learn from their experience, as long as they aren’t going to treat you badly in the future because of it.

Some elders like to lord things over younger people and make fun of them for needing help. If the older folks you know are thusly inclined, then you’re likely better off to muddle through on your own, figure things out by watching tutorials online, or ask friends who can teach you instead.

That said, if you’re lucky enough to have parents or grandparents who have helpful skills and are eager to pass their knowledge on to the next generation, then let them do so. You never know when the skills they teach you may come in handy. I wouldn’t know how to handle an axe if I hadn’t asked my Grandpa to teach me how to chop wood, and my partner’s cooking skills were honed by her grandmother’s side.

If you don’t have family members like this, then see if you can connect with others in your community. There are usually learning opportunities at community centers or even meetup groups that you can join. At places like these, you have the chance to draw on the knowledge that others have accrued, while offering them your time and friendship in return.

Furthermore, even if certain methods seem a bit antiquated, you can either adapt them for modern needs or use them as-is if required. For instance, you may have the world’s most high-tech oven in your kitchen, but if an elder teaches you how to rig up an outdoor camp stove, you’ll still be able to cook if there’s a major power outage.

Yes, you’re a strong, independent adult, but that doesn’t mean that you’re all alone in the world. There are always resources available to you, if you’re open to them.

11. Make peace with the idea of death.

This isn’t meant to be a downer, and it shouldn’t make you feel afraid of anything. Far from it. In fact, we’re hoping to inspire the opposite effect, here.

Many people are absolutely terrified of the idea of death. As a result, they either live recklessly as if to thumb their noses at mortality or cling to an age in which they felt safe from the grim specter of death that’s looming on the road ahead of them.

When you make peace with the fact that all of us have an expiry date, however, it’s an immensely freeing experience. You don’t have to worry about avoiding it because it’s inevitable, so that’s a massive weight off your shoulders.

Furthermore, it’s freeing to realize that you have carte blanche to live your life to the fullest, in exactly the manner you want to, because it’s all going to end one day.

So many people say, “If I knew I was dying, I would do X thing I’ve always wanted to do.” They hold back from doing what’s authentic and important to them thanks to other people’s judgements or fear of potential failure. The only thing that would allow them the freedom to do what they wanted is if they knew it would all be over soon, and they’d only have a small window of opportunity to do that thing.

Do the thing. None of us know how much time we have left, but accepting that on a soul-deep level allows us to live life fearlessly. There’s nothing to be afraid of, other than an unlived life.

Remembering the phrase “memento mori” (remember death) isn’t meant to be scary, but is instead a reminder to be present and enjoy every moment, since we might never have another.

Rather than thinking of life as “growing up,” simply see it as “growing.” You’re here to experience amazing things and to have joy. Don’t hold yourself back from that due to fear of the unknown or failure. There is nothing to fear.

Still not sure how to stop being scared of growing up? Talking to someone can really help you to handle whatever life throws at you. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.

Speak to a therapist rather than a friend or family member. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can help you to challenge your thoughts and offer tailored advice to make you feel more comfortable about being an adult.

BetterHelp.com is a website where you can connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.

While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.

Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.

You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.

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About The Author

Finn Robinson has spent the past few decades travelling the globe and honing his skills in bodywork, holistic health, and environmental stewardship. In his role as a personal trainer and fitness coach, he’s acted as an informal counselor to clients and friends alike, drawing upon his own life experience as well as his studies in both Eastern and Western philosophies. For him, every day is an opportunity to be of service to others in the hope of sowing seeds for a better world.

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What to Read When You’re Afraid of Growing Up

Kendra allen.

• April 5, 2019

Two facts about growing up are forgiving your child self and picking out outfits everyday. I’m good at neither of these things—which is why When You Learn the Alphabet is what it is.

I essentially wrote all of it between the ages of nineteen and twenty-two—years when I had everything to say but knew nothing. I never felt like an adult, I only felt afraid. I describe When You Learn the Alphabet as a bunch of mad stories because once I began taking writing seriously, everything I didn’t realize I was angry about started to reveal itself in abundance. I thought I was simply completing assignments, but, surprisingly, I was crafting an essay collection.

I was (am) in a constant frenzy of having feelings about everything, remembering, unlearning, and reinterpreting. I was (am) looking for any way to express every wrong I felt happened to my bloodline and/or to me, and get it out of my body for good. I’ve failed tremendously along the way, but in taking on this task I learned that sometimes you wrong yourself the most. but the books listed below gave me solace.

Through these writers, I learned how to disguise my anger with sadness, to amplify my anger with politics, to suppress my anger with humor, and to simply experience my anger and live it. I’ve found myself constantly revisiting these books, hoping to cultivate a way to present my thoughts. Some of these books were introduced to me more recently, and others were found through decades of hiding behind books in order to avoid myself. I’ve chosen these books because of how well they get to their roots, and because I could feel the angry child in all of them.

Bone Black: Memories of Girlhood by bell hooks Few things make me happier than books that aren’t afraid to get to the point sooner rather than later, and bell hooks ain’t a beat around the bush kind of writer. This is the book that taught me that telling the truth don’t take that long. I read Bone Black my second year of undergrad and felt an immense jealously that I could never be so plain yet so powerful, especially in memoir. This book is the exact book I dream of writing someday. It changed all of my expectations of what story is, and could be, making me comfortable with simply moving on once I had nothing more to say. There’s not a chapter in Bone Black that is more than three pages. There’s not a chapter in Bone Black that’s not doing tremendous work for black folk and little black girls. There’s not a chapter in Bone Black that doesn’t take the air out of your windpipe.

How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others in America by Kiese Laymon I didn’t have a favorite book until I read this one. How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others in America was the first essay collection I read and it changed everything I previously thought about writing essays, and of what “personal essay” even meant. This is one of the most marked-up, most re-read, and most honest books I own. I had never encountered a writer who spoke how I spoke without their language being guarded and redirected, which was a big thing for me. And if we talking ’bout craft, Laymon found a way to make himself a border to protect the content; he found a way to make his content a conversation, and to make the essay cause the reader to question how they subscribe to America’s fabricated narratives. Endless gems. Endless laughs. Endless relatability. This was the first book to make me feel comfortable enough to use my own voice—no matter how grammatically incorrect it is, no matter its interests, no matter how passionate it can get—and to stand up in whatever I wrote on the page.

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison I don’t know how I can think about style, or writing, period, without thinking of Toni Morrison and the endless times she’s demonstrated the multitudes of ways to tell a little black girl’s story. The Bluest Eye is the perfect example. Being that it’s Morrison’s debut novel, the way she tackled the hard truths of Pecola’s particular girlhood through the secondary characters not only exemplifies that she’s on an entirely differently level when it comes to skill, but also that she’s on a different level when it comes to evoking a image and a feeling that ties you to every character in this book. It’s a timeless piece of work and a master class on craft and story. I love you, Ms. Morrison. Please marry me.

Flyy Girl by Omar Tyree I’m obsessed with coming-of-age stories no matter what medium they’re presented in. Flyy Girl was one of the first to come into my life. I remember being a child and all of the older, teenaged girls reading it while simultaneously living it. The book’s protagonist Tracy Ellison was the quintessential black girl. She was my best friend. She was my cousin. Some parts of her were even me. I thought Tracy was so fly and so flawed and I saw pieces of her in every girl around me. Omar Tyree made her real and a reflection. He mapped out her mental, physical, sexual, and emotional journey from the ages of six years old through twenty with style, grace, fun, pain, and most importantly, dialogue that felt like home. Every time I revisit Flyy Girl , it’s like I’m catching up to Tracy a little bit more than I previously had.

Loving in the War Years by Cherrie Moraga There are certain songs that have the ability to transport you to a specific time and place. Fortunately, there are books that trigger past lives as well. Loving in the War Years is one of few that do this for me. Words like “wow” cannot do it justice. What a woman. What a talent. The fear in the language, the fearlessness in the language, the loud activism—it’s suffocating and all-consuming. Loving in the War Years is genre-bending, multilayered, multiethnic brilliance. Moraga is doing something I didn’t know was possible: to make one thing everything only for it to be named a collage when in fact it is a life. Easily the most beautiful, infuriating, loving, and loveless book I’ve ever read and I’m so thankful to have found it.

White Girls by Hilton Als This book, although amazing in its entirety, is on this list for one essay alone. The first essay in this collection, “Tristes Tropiques,” is probably the greatest essay I’ve ever read. First, it’s eighty-four pages. I love the balance of seamlessly blending the personal with the cultural. I love all the questions. I love all the lyricism. I damn near am in love with Als himself. If we’ve ever had a conversation about nonfiction, I’ve more than likely mentioned “Tristes Tropiques” and pronounced it incorrectly. Every sentence feels like a privilege to read. Something I love about this essay, and this book for that matter, is I often feel like I’m not smart enough to read Als. Actually, I know I’m not smart enough to read him, but here, every line is doing the work to make me understand him. Just read this: “No one seemed to understand what we were talking about most of the time. There was no context for them to understand us, other than their fear and incomprehension in the presence of two colored men who were together and not lovers, not bums, not mad.” And Als doesn’t stray from providing the context, in a way that feels like a kiss goodbye.

Chasing Destiny by Eric Jerome Dickey I have a deep, deep, love for black ass fiction that doesn’t care about being too black or too niche. Chasing Destiny was one of the books I found on my mama’s bookshelf when I was about twelve. I had no business reading it. It’s too much sex, too much violence, too much trauma, too many drugs, too many mistakes. But I was hooked, because “too much” was just a reality. I read it over and over again. Each time, I could not wait to see what happened to all of the characters. There was not a moment that dragged on too long. It was exciting, and I quickly learned excitement is an imperative element in any reading experience no matter how daring a book’s concept is perceived to be. I’ll never understand why the masses refuse to take these “urban fictions” seriously, and are instead satisfied with being bored to death by books and calling them classics, but I digress.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley Speaking of classics, if I let my English teacher from twelfth grade tell it, I didn’t know how to read at all until she taught me how to read Frankenstein . This was the first book I had to take line-by-line notes on, and I book I’ll probably never read again because of this. But, in hindsight, I found deeper meaning in a monster; I found that monsters aren’t always the villain; and I found that authorial intention, and watching that vision unfold, can coexist while also being entertaining. I guess I should say thank you to that teacher for helping me search for an author’s intentions just as much as I search for a story’s meaning. Shoutout to Ms. Rob.

The Coldest Winter Ever by Sister Souljah All I’m gonna say is, The Coldest Winter Ever is my classic American novel and we gotta stop disrespecting Sister Souljah’s pen in these streets. The Coldest Winter Ever should never leave the best-seller’s list, if we’re being completely honest. Your favorite author couldn’t even fathom creating a Winter or a Midnight or a Natalie or a Bullet and making them human. Humanity isn’t even a word that would cross their minds. I’m still waiting for it to be adapted into a movie. Please let me cast it, or write it, or just be in the room while it’s made.

Men We Reaped by Jesmyn Ward I lucked out on finding this book because Jesmyn Ward’s reputation precedes her. I’d never read any of her fiction, but during a workshop someone mentioned Men We Reaped and said they’d read it in a day. When I got my hands on a copy, it took me longer than a day to read it, but that’s because I was too in awe of the time, intention, and discipline it must have took to write through this concept and not stray away from it. I was too busy taking in every line, too busy trying to keep these men—these boys—alive as long as I could. I didn’t want any of their stories to end. Out of the thousands of books I’ve read in my lifetime, Men We Reaped was the first book that ever made me cry.

Don’t Let Me Be Lonely by Claudia Rankine With most of Rankine’s work, the general consensus is: What is this? The first time I asked this was when I read Don’t Let Me Be Lonely. There’s pictures. There’s poems that could be essays that could also be stories. It’s unidentifiable, but it’s so striking you can’t help but participate in trying to figure it out. I admire Rankine’s lack of explanation. I’m envious of how freeing that must feel for her as a writer. I want to stop over-explaining, and Don’t Let Me Be Lonely helped to me realize it. Also, I’m not into naming things but I’m obsessed with titles, and Don’t Let Me Be Lonely is pure fire.

The Color Purple by Alice Walker Form can take a book from mediocre to innovative. The Color Purple is everything but mediocre, and Walker’s choice to tell this story through letters only amplifies her genius. I’m intrigued by the different ways we can write a chronological narrative and how to place the reader on a rollercoaster of emotions without exhausting them. When I come across books like The Color Purple , I have to admit that skill this flawless may be something that can’t be taught. Even with all the nuance and difficult content, The Color Purple is an easy and enjoyable read, and if any other writer attempted to do this, the bridge might be impossible to cross. If this book taught me anything, it taught me about the distribution of time and how to delegate it between your characters. And, it taught me to be loud.

Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin I adore Baldwin in any genre, but my favorite is fiction-writing Baldwin. I was introduced to his words, to his voice, later than any living thing should be. I’d never read someone who wrote exactly how they spoke. The long-winded sentences, the punctuation stacking, the pause that’s so present on and off the page. When I read Giavonni’s Room, I felt heartbroken by everything the book held in its less than two hundred pages. The things Baldwin does with time, with desire, with anger, are unmatched. Everything written feels like an uppercut to the chin. Take this dialogue between David’s parents, for instance:

“…all I want for David is that he grows up to be a man. And when I say a man, Ellen, I don’t mean a Sunday school teacher.” “A man,” said Ellen, shortly, “is not the same thing as a bull. Good-night.”

I mean, there’s really nothing more to say; we’re all just somebody’s child.

And to close out this wonderful list, we just had to include Kendra’s debut essay collection, When You Learn the Alphabet , forthcoming April 15 from University of Iowa Press!  – Ed.

When You Learn the Alphabet by Kendra Allen Kendra Allen’s first collection of essays—at its core—is a bunch of mad stories about things she never learned to let go of. Unifying personal narrative and cultural commentary, this collection grapples with the lessons that have been stored between parent and daughter. These parental relationships expose the conditioning that subconsciously informed her ideas on social issues such as colorism, feminism, war-induced PTSD, homophobia, marriage, and “the n-word,” among other things. These dynamics strive for some semblance of accountability, and the essays within this collection are used as displays of deep unlearning and restoring—balancing trauma and humor, poetics and reality, forgiveness and resentment. When You Learn the Alphabet allots space for large moments of tenderness and empathy for all black bodies, but especially all black woman bodies—space for the underrepresented humanity and uncared for pain of black girls, and space to have the opportunity to be listened to in order to evolve past it.

Kendra Infinite Allen is the author of award-winning essay collection When You Learn the Alphabet and poetry collection The Collection Plate . Born and raised in Dallas, TX, she loves laughing and leaving. Her work can be found on and in Repeller, Southwest Review, Frontier, The Rumpus , and more.

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Essays About Growing Up: 5 Examples and 7 Prompts

Essays about growing up help us view and understand various experiences from different perspectives. Check out our top examples and prompts for your writing.

How do you know when you’ve finally grown up? Me, it happened when I was in high school. I realized I matured when I had no qualms about looking for ways to help my family financially. I didn’t think I had a choice, but at the same time, I desperately wanted to aid my parents in ensuring we had food on the table. 

I was a fast food crew member, a librarian, and many other odd jobs I could talk about for hours. Some judge my parents’ poor financial literacy when I tell my stories, but I never did. All of it was a part of my growing up; without these experiences, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. 

Growing up is a unique experience for every person, influenced by our surroundings and influences. With so many variables, each person has their own story about growing up; take a look below to see the best example and prompts to begin writing your own. You might also like these essays about youth .

5 Essay Examples

1. social influences on children’s growing up by anonymous on ivypanda.com, 2. growing up in the 626 by katie gee salisbury, 3. growing up in poverty determines the person’s fate by anonymous on gradesfixer.com, 4. growing up on the streets by writer bernadette, 5. growing up with hearing loss by anonymous on ivypanda.com, 1. what does growing up mean, 2. the effect of my environment on my growth, 3. growing up rich or poor, 4. family values and growing up, 5. growing up with siblings, 6. your best memories growing up, 7. changes while growing up.

“Human growth and development is a complicated process which is inevitably impacted upon by socioeconomic circumstances within which an individual is growing up.”

To demonstrate the social influences that can impact a child’s experiences growing up, the essay offers several credible citations from professionals, such as Damon and Lerner, the writer and editor of “ Handbook of Child Psychology .” It looks at how social factors, such as living conditions, access to resources, and others, can affect a child’s overall development as they grow. Ultimately, the writer believes that parents play a huge role in the development of their children. You can also check out these essays about development .

“Something welled up inside my throat. All of a sudden I felt a burning urgency to stake a claim, to assert that I was one of them, that I too belonged in this group. ‘Hey guys, I’m Chinese too,’ I ventured. A classmate who carpooled with my family was quick to counter, ‘Katie, that doesn’t count.'”

Salisbury shares her experiences as an overachieving Asian-American, focusing on her grievances at being biracial, not connecting to her heritage, and people’s assumption of her being white. She talks about her life in 626, the area code for Arcadia, Southern California, where most Asians reside. At the end of her essay, Salisbury offers facts about herself to the reader, recognizing and accepting every part of herself.

Looking for more? Check out these essays about time .

“Economic mobility is the ability of someone or a family to move up from one income group to another. In the United States, it is at an all-time low and is currently decreasing.”

The author shares their opinion on how a family’s financial situation shapes their children’s future. To back up their claim, the essay provides relevant statistics showing the number of children and families in poverty, alongside its dramatic effects on a child’s overall development. The writer mentions that a family’s economic incompetence can pass on to the children, reducing their chances of receiving a proper education.

“As a young black woman growing up on the hardcore streets of North Philadelphia, you have to strive and fight for everything. The negativity and madness can grab and swallow even the most well-behaved kids.”

Bernadette opens her readers’ eyes to the harsh realities of being a young black woman throughout her essay. However, she also expresses her gratitude to her family, who encouraged her to have a positive mindset. Her parents, who also grew up on the streets of North Philly, were determined to give her and her siblings a proper education. 

She knows how individuals’ environments impact their values ​​and choices, so she fought hard to endure her circumstances. She also notes that the lack of exposure to different social norms results in children having limited thinking and prevents them from entertaining new perspectives. You might be interested in these essays about dream jobs .

“The world is not accommodating to people with hearing disabilities: apart from professionals, barely anyone knows and understands sign language. On top of that, many are merely unaware of the fact that they might be hurting and making a deaf person feel disrespected.”

The essay discusses critical issues in children growing up with hearing impairments. It includes situations that show the difference between a child growing up in an all-deaf family and a non-deaf environment. While parental love and support are essential, deaf parents should consider hearing impairment a gift and be aware of their children’s needs. 

If you are interested in learning more, check out our essay writing tips !

7 Prompts for Essays About Growing Up

Growing up is a continuous sequence where we develop and experience significant changes in our bodies and how we think and feel. It’s the transition between being a child and an adult, so define what childhood and adulthood entail in your essay.

Then, describe how an individual grows up and the indications that they progressed physically and intellectually. For a fun addition to your essay, include questions your readers can answer to see if they have matured.

Many studies show how people’s environments, such as home, community, and school, affect growth. These environments significantly impact an individual’s development through interactions. For this prompt, write about the factors that influence your overall development and explain how you think they affected you. For example, those who studied at a religious school tend to be more conservative.

Money is essential for survival, but only some have easy access. Most people act and make decisions based on how much money they have, which also influences their behavior. In this prompt, cite several situations where money affects parents’ decisions about their children’s needs and wants and how it affects the children as they grow up.

Discuss how financial constraints impact their emotions, perceptions, and choices in life. Choose high, average, and low-income households, then compare and contrast their situations. To create an in-depth analysis, use interview research and statistical data to back up your arguments.

Studies show that children understand rules and have already formed their behaviors and attitudes at seven. Before this age, children are surrounded by relatives who teach them values through experiences within the family. For this prompt, use real-life examples and factual information to discuss the importance of good parenting in instilling good values ​​in children.

Growing up with siblings is an entirely different experience growing up versus being an only child. Use this prompt to explain how having a brother or sister can impact a child’s progress and discuss its pros and cons. For instance, having siblings means the child has more role models and can get more emotional support. However, it can also mean that a child craves more of their parent’s attention. Discuss these points in your essay, and decide the “better” experience, for a fun argumentative essay.

In this essay, choose the best memories you had from childhood to the current day that has contributed significantly to your principles and outlook. Describe each memory and share how it changed you, for better or worse.

Talk about the changes people expect as they grow up. These physical, emotional, or mental changes lead people to act and think more maturely.  Add studies demonstrating the necessity of these changes and recount instances when you realize that you’ve grown up. For example, if before you didn’t care about your spending, now you’re more frugal and learned to save money. For help with your essay, check our round-up of best essay writing apps .

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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What Is a Fear of Growing Up & Do I Have It?

It’s ironic how kids, especially teens, want freedom, but many fear the natural process that brings what they desire. Growing up is an immutable part of life, and we must all go through it, regardless of our fears and doubts.

The responsibilities that come with being an adult aren’t fun at all, at least not for many young people. However, most people get over this type of thinking with time.

Unfortunately, a few people actually have a mental disorder that makes them cringe at the thought of growing up and may experience physical symptoms such as headaches and panic attacks. This phobia is known as gerascophobia – the fear of growing up or aging.

Although this phobia is rare , occurring in about 4% to 6% of the population, it can affect both children and adults. It is common for children and teenagers to fear growing up because of the responsibilities that come with being an adult.

On the other hand, younger and older adults with gerascophobia are concerned about potential drawbacks of aging, such as disabilities, loneliness, loss of vigor, loss of beauty, and other issues associated with aging.

Do you have a fear of growing up? What causes it, and how can you manage the phobia? Keep reading to find answers.

What Is a Fear of Growing Up?

The fear of growing up or aging is known as gerascophobia – an irrational and persistent anxiety about getting old.

A person with this phobia may recognize that their fear is abnormal but continue to experience it as real. That’s why telling someone to snap out of their fear hardly solves the problems.

Age-related anxiety is not limited to a specific age group. People in all stages of life can develop this phobia, although it shows up differently depending on a person’s age. Here is what gerascophobia looks like in children, teens, young adults, and older adults.

• Children : Kids may become fearful of increased responsibilities at school and home and may even develop negative attitudes because of this. The fear of growing up can also trigger separation anxiety in children . In addition to this, children may also worry excessively that their parents or primary care providers will grow old and die, leaving them without care and love.
• Teens and young adults : Teenagers and young adults with gerascophobia may experience anxiety about becoming less attractive, independent, and popular. They may also associate aging with depression, dementia, and unhappiness, so they will go the extra mile to stay forever young. This is especially the case with teenagers who are constantly exposed to negative messaging about aging.
• Older adults : Gerascophobia in older adults may manifest as constantly being afraid of death, developing chronic illness, and the uncertainty of retirement. It might also show up as being afraid to lose your independence because of a disability or lack of youthful vigor.

Negative Effects of the Gerascophobia

Although it is normal to have some concerns about growing old or experience some uneasiness about aging, most people come to terms with growing up. However, the phobia can take a toll on the physical and mental health of the few who don’t get over this fear.

First, it can lead to strong dissatisfaction with your physical appearance, which can cause poor self-image and low self-esteem. People who allow unrealistic beauty standards to put them under unnecessary pressure might have an underlying anxiety about aging. Some may even resort to cosmetic surgeries to reduce the signs of physical aging.

Left unchecked, negative perceptions about growing old can lead to increased stress and depression . This is especially the case with people who avoid social interactions to prevent situations that will trigger age-related anxieties.

Self-imposed isolation because you don’t want others to think you are growing older or unattractive can lead to loneliness, as it prevents you from maintaining healthy social connections.

Some people who fear aging can also develop poor eating habits, such as under-eating to slow down growth. The 14-year-old boy with a severe case of gerascophobia who attempted to prevent physical development by not eating much food is a prime example.

While this is an extreme case, many people under-eat in the hope of staying attractive. Unfortunately, poor eating habits can result in skin problems, hair loss, and falling ill more often.

How to Know if You Have Gerascophobia

Common symptoms of gerascophobia may include:

• Palpitations
• Inability to relax
• Panic attacks
• Excessive sweating
• Breathlessness

These symptoms are not specific to gerascophobia, so it might be difficult to determine whether your inability to relax results from the phobia or something else.

However, there is a strong indication that you might have an irrational fear of growing up or aging if, in addition to these symptoms, you observe that you:

• Persistently think of dying or death.
• Tend to avoid situations (such as birthdays) and people (such as old classmates) that may remind you of aging. 
• Steer clear of physical activities (such as hiking) that may cause physical wearing of your body.
• Tend to use anti-aging products and treatments excessively.
• Avoid seeing a doctor for a diagnosis of the condition because they may tell you that you are aging.

Common Triggers of Gerascophobia

It is unclear what causes the fear of growing up or aging, but what we believe about aging certainly plays a huge role in how we feel about the natural process. While experts aren’t sure whether or not the phobia is a genetic problem, many of the triggers are well-known.

Some of them include:

1. Personal Experience With Older People

Living with older adults in your home gives you a front-row seat to witness all the issues associated with aging. You get to see how these adults face mobility issues, financial difficulties, various health problems, and a general decline in vigor.

All of these can make any younger person a bit worried about growing older. And if you have gerascophobia, the situation will definitely increase your anxiety.

2. Age-Based Discrimination

Whether in the workplace, school, or social situations, certain considerations or opportunities might be limited to people within a specific age group. A person with a debilitating fear of growing up can easily get worked up or react badly if they are discriminated against because they are “too old” to be considered.

3. Annual Events

Death remembrance or anniversaries, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and New Year celebrations can trigger anxiety because they are yearly reminders that we are getting older.

Beyond growing older, these events can make individuals with an irrational fear of growing up see how the passage of time makes them more fragile, less attractive, and less independent.

4. Pressure from the Anti-Aging Beauty Industry

The beauty industry makes a ton of money from anti-aging products and treatments. Unfortunately, individuals with a heightened fear of aging are under continuous pressure to undo or fight the natural process of growing older because of the propaganda from the anti-aging beauty industry.

5. Negative Messages about Aging in the Media

Many young people are easily influenced by what they see in the media, especially social media. And youthfulness is often celebrated on social media, where most teens and younger adults spend a significant amount of time daily.

This explains why they are often self-conscious and worry excessively about physical appearances. Such exposure can trigger deep-rooted insecurities, particularly as it relates to feeling unworthy because they are growing older.

How to Manage Gerascophobia

What should you do if you think you have a fear of growing up? You probably already know that worrying isn’t very helpful, so you should look for a more practical solution to help you deal with the fear.

If you think your child’s fear of growing up is abnormal, consider empowering your child by exposing them to positive thinking activities for children.

But if you are the one facing this fear, here are a few strategies to help you cope with it.

1. Engage in New and Exciting Activities

Avoidance behavior and self-imposed isolation rarely help anyone feel fresh. On the contrary, these attitudes can lead to loneliness, boredom, and cognitive decline. A better way to manage your fear of aging is to find ways to participate in new activities and meet new people rather than hiding away from people. 

Whether it is a new hobby or interest, starting a new activity can make you feel challenged and help you feel alive.

2. Surround Yourself With Positive People

Spend time with people who are happy with their bodies and proud of themselves just the way they are. These supportive people will inspire you to love yourself – flaws and all – and will also nudge you back on track when you start worrying too much about the normal process of aging.

3. Think of Aging as a Privilege

Aging is a gift. If you are an older adult, pause and think about the people you knew at a younger age. Not all of them live long enough to experience the natural process of growing old and all the many blessings, experiences, and excitement it brings.

When you shift your perspective in this way, it can help you cope better with the idea of growing old.

4. Stay Healthy

Focus on eating a well-balanced diet rather than obsessing over cosmetic products to keep your skin supple and youthful. Your body needs real nutrients to stay healthy and not mere surface dressing.

Also, include regular exercise in your daily routine, even if it is for only 10 to 15 minutes. Regular physical activities combined with healthy nutrition can help you age gracefully, so you don’t have to worry about losing vigor prematurely.

5. Seek Professional Help

While most people will eventually get over their fear of growing up, a few others won’t.

The good news is that you don’t have to tackle gerascophobia all by yourself if your fear of growing up is persistent and abnormal.

I strongly recommend seeking professional help if the fear of growing up negatively affects your daily functioning.

Final Thoughts

The fear of growing up is far more common than many people realize. Nearly all of us are afraid of old age and its associated problems to some extent. You may not have full-blown aging anxiety or gerascophobia, but you may entertain a certain degree of concern about growing up.

Indeed, growing up can be scary for children, and aging can be worrisome for adults. However, it is a natural part of life that brings lots of prospects and adopting a more positive outlook on life can help you cope with growing up better.

Unfortunately, those with gerascophobia have a debilitating fear of growing up or aging, and the phobia interferes with their daily activities. If this is you, consider seeking professional help.

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Read This If You’re Terrified Of Growing Up

• https://thoughtcatalog.com/?p=654637

There’s this moment we have as children. It’s usually when we’re being told to do something we don’t want to, like chores or adhering to a strict bedtime. Or maybe it’s when we see a babysitter or some cool, older adult that seems to have it all. No rules! They’re in charge of their own life! It looks so awesome. And can’t wait until, one day, that’ll be us.

We’re so anxious to grow up.

…Until we actually start growing up.

That’s when reality hits. That’s when all those fantasies we had as little kids are brought crashing to the ground and we realize being an adult isn’t a free ticket to paradise. Being an adult is hard. It’s responsibility and sacrifice and this panicky feeling in your stomach that you’re behind everyone else your age.

But it’s also amazing. It just might not be what we envisioned.

Being scared to grow up is natural. Every day, you’re diving into uncharted territory. Every year, you’re changing and evolving and taking on new challenges. And as exciting as that is, it can also bring about a lot of fear. Where are you going? What are you doing? Are you on the right path?

Here’s the thing, EVERYONE feels that way. At least some of the time.

We all question ourselves. We all yearn for easier times, when it didn’t feel like life was all about paying bills and resumes and friends getting married.

Nobody has it all together. Even the person who is putting on a seemingly perfect show has doubt. Even the person you think has everything might be struggling in some unseen way.

As we age, it brings new heartaches and joys. That’s the duality of life. It’s not just one way or the other. When you cry out, “Adulting is so hard!” there will come a day when you get do something or have an experience that is so insanely amazing, and one you only get to do because you’re growing up.

It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to talk about it, too. You’d be surprised how many people in your life feel similarly.

At the end of it, every adult has that inner child questioning if they’re doing this right. Every adult is scared to screw things up.

Ari Eastman

✨ real(ly not) chill. poet. writer. mental health activist. mama shark. ✨

Keep up with Ari on Instagram and Amazon

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Duke TIP Navigator

The official magazine for TIPsters in 4th–6th grade

Turning Fear into Confidence—A Personal Essay

October 14, 2020

Facing obstacles throughout your life is inevitable, and the obstacles you overcome can define who you are as a person. Not only will this build character and self-confidence, it will show others how strong you remained and inspire them to overcome their own challenges.

But overcoming obstacles is no simple task. Most obstacles are incredibly hard and testing. Yet, by overcoming them, you will come to understand why they are important. The significance of overcoming obstacles in life is to make you more grounded, courageous, and wise. For me, one of these life-altering obstacles emerged during my undergraduate years.

I had a serious fear of public speaking. There were times where I would struggle with presentations and in-class discussions. When these sessions would take place, my fear built up in a pressure cooker of discouragement and convulsive anguish. I felt humiliated before my teachers, partners, and most of all, my close friends. I soon realized, however, that the same people who seemed to be the source of my fear became my lifeline, their inspirational words filling my mind and heart with positive thoughts.

Seeing my struggles, my peers tried to build me up, to increase my confidence in myself and convince me that anything, including overcoming my fear of public speaking, could be accomplished with enough enthusiasm and belief in oneself.

The obstacles we face in life can distort how we see ourselves and cripple our ability to face our fears. By facing these conflicts head on, though, we can completely flip their effect on us, transforming them into experiences that strengthen our resilience and push the boundaries of what we think is possible to achieve.

Taking everything into account everything I’ve learned from this experience and many others like it that I’ve encountered in my life, it’s clear that obstacles are impossible to avoid, and when you do encounter them, you must view them as learning opportunities. You might just surprise yourself at how easily you overcome them.

This post was written by Duke TIP’s outgoing Marketing & Communications intern, Christina Gordon. Christina graduated from North Carolina Central University in the spring of 2020.

About Duke TIP

The Duke University Talent Identification Program (Duke TIP) is a nonprofit organization that has served over three million academically talented students in grades 4–12 since it was founded in 1980. Collaborating with educators and parents, TIP helps gifted students assess the extent of their academic abilities with above-grade-level testing, recognizes them for their achievements, and provides them with a variety of enrichment benefits as well as accelerated face-to-face and online educational programs.

How To Deal With The Fear Of Growing Up

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Many of us have also tried, as children, to brew some sort of magical potion that will keep us as children forever, so that we don’t have to become an adult.

This is completely understandable, growing up and becoming an adult is scary.

Your life changes and the world suddenly becomes much harder because you are in charge of yourself, with all the responsibilities that it entails.

How can we deal with the fear of growing up?

On a basic level, the fear of growing up is equal to a fear of the unknown.

It is also a fear of things going badly, or of not living up to the expectations you have set up for yourself.

For some, this fear of growing up can be very severe, so it is important to develop coping mechanisms and to understand where it stems from.

At the end of the day, growing up is inevitable.

Time is unforgivable and does not stop just because you wish it.

You will eventually grow up and will be faced with all of those fears.

The good news is that reality is never as bad as fear makes it out to be.

You will survive. You will make it through. You will grow up, but you will be okay.

In this post we’ll go over some more ways you can use to help you overcome the dear of growing up.

Table of Contents

Why Do People Fear Growing Up?

The fear of growing up is a lot more common than we might think and is completely normal.

In fact, as it is so closely related to a fear of the unknown, it’s practically in our basic instincts to be afraid of what might come from the future and of our lives once we’ve grown up.

One of the main reasons for which the fear of growing up is so common is that growing up signifies change.

And not just small changes, but big life-altering changes that can impact the course of your life.

It’s a pretty big deal.

For many, growing up means getting separated from the familiar sense of security that comes from living at home or with your family, where everything is taken care of and is easy.

Moving away from the safety of your home and family means facing the world alone, and that’s pretty scary.

It signifies having to face the world with your own skills and resources, and with how tough the world is, there are many things that can go wrong.

This is why it’s completely normal to be afraid and to develop anxiety around the idea of it.

• Read now: Click here to learn 15 tips to improve your self confidence

The prospect of navigating an adult world can also be deeply unsettling because many feel unprepared for it or incapable of achieving success within it.

You are suddenly faced with concepts you don’t quite understand.

Like complicated procedures and errands that you haven’t been fully taught, and many responsibilities that can become overwhelming.

Overcoming Your Fear

In many ways, you have already overcome your fear of growing up.

You might be confused about this, but look at it this way.

You’ve already grown up, and you are still growing up, day after day.

Things now are different from say, three years ago. There has always been some sort of change happening in your life.

However, we understand that growing up and entering an adult world, is an even bigger change.

So how can you overcome this fear?

The first thing you need to understand is that this fear never fully goes away.

This isn’t a bad thing.

In fact, fear is a vital mechanism that humans have developed to improve the chances of survival.

Fear is a warning signal inside our brains, to let us know that we have to prepare for something.

Instead of letting the fear paralyze you, take is as that warning sign.

Acknowledge your fear of growing up, and take it as a chance to prepare yourself so that you can overcome that fear.

If you feel prepared for those changes, they won’t look as scary, and you will feel a lot more prepared.

Coping Mechanisms For Growing Up

The best way to overcome or cope with your fear of growing up is to use that fear as the push you need to start preparing yourself for the many changes that will come.

If you work towards that change of growing up, instead of hiding from it or avoiding any thoughts about it, it will stop being such an unknown.

Instead it will become a transitioning period in which you adapt to new circumstances and actively pursue the course that your life will take.

• Read now: Click here to see how your life is all about the choices you make

This active approach to change puts you in command of your situation.

And with fewer things left up to doubts and chance, you will feel a lot more secure.

A good exercise to do is to make a list of the things you are looking forward to when you grow up and your life changes.

You can also make a list of the things you want to accomplish, and start setting out plans or stepping stones for the journey ahead.

• Read now: Click here to learn how to achieve your goals

It is important to balance out the fear with excitement for positive and good things that change will bring.

Growing up brings about a lot of problems and difficulties.

But it also comes with a lot of positive new things that you will have access to, so try focusing on that!

Another thing you can do as a coping mechanism is to determine the things that won’t change.

It’s good to have a strong and secure base to fall back on.

Which are things that will stay the same no matter what the future brings?

Perhaps it is your family, and the love and support your parents will always give you, no matter what.

Perhaps it is a stuffed toy that you can always take with you, as a reminder that the past is not lost.

It is simply a bit further away because you’re moving to new phases in your life.

• Read now: See how the Johari Window helps with self awareness

Growing up shouldn’t be about losing something, but gaining many new things.

Final Thoughts

Fear of growing up is far more common than we think, and it is a completely normal reaction to change and an uncertain future.

It is that sense of the unknown, and the expectation of hardship and difficulties, that makes leaving the security and safety of childhood very hard.

However, it is important to take an active approach to growing up.

This make the doubts turn into projects, and you are placed in command of the changes as they take place.

Always remember that although growing up can be scary, it also brings about many exciting prospects in life.

And many new chances that you didn’t have access to before!

Jon Dulin is the passionate leader of Unfinished Success , a personal development website that inspires people to take control of their own lives and reach their full potential. His commitment to helping others achieve greatness shines through in everything he does. He’s an unstoppable force with lots of wisdom, creativity, and enthusiasm – all focused on helping others build a better future. Jon enjoys writing articles about productivity, goal setting, self-development, and mindset. He also uses quotes and affirmations to help motivate and inspire himself. You can learn more about him on his About page .

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How to Overcome Fear of Growing Up

My first apartment didn’t allow animals, but creepy critters don’t read a lease. One day I awoke to a bat upon my stomach.

“Fang Face” and I both freaked out.

After a bit of flailing around like bad Salsa dancers … the drama ended.  I was left with no permanent scarring—and one less freeloading furry roommate.

ARE YOUR CHILDREN FEARFUL?

Help them overcome fear by faith with these Scriptures and Strategies—designed as a beautiful, printable poster.

Fear of Adulthood

If adulting seems scary, take comfort; You’re in good company. Even God’s anointed responded with apprehension when faced with the tasks before them as adults.

Moses and King Saul come to mind.

When commanded to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, Moses replied in Exodus 4:13, “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.”   

In 1 Samuel 10, the prophet Samuel explicitly told Saul that God had chosen him to be King over Israel. Saul’s response? Instead of embracing God’s call upon his life, Saul hid “among the baggage.”

Fear might seem normal, but wallowing in it is not acceptable.  

Fear is the antithesis of faith and ultimately sinful. But praise be to God for His GRACE. 

Moses confessed his fear to God and was strengthened for the tasks before him.  Even Saul, who tried to hide from both God and man, was sought out and given a second chance.  

Fear of Separation

I need second chances daily. 

Years ago I had taken my young son to a water park. In the heat of the day I was blissfully resting on a lounge chair for over an hour— until I wasn’t.

If you thought I was gyrating in the presence of Fang Face, you can’t imagine what it looked like when I finally remembered that I wasn’t supposed to be alone at the water park.

Thankfully God is MERCIFUL and watches over our children when we’re incapable or incompetent.  We’re reminded in the story of Hagar in Genesis 16, that our God is El Roi — The God Who Sees Me.   

God is watching over each person at ALL times, unlike mom or dad who may be away or distracted or unavailable or just … human.

That doesn’t give us license to be neglectful.  However, when we may be physically separated from our children, we can rest in the knowledge that God is omnipresent, all-powerful, and unchanging.  

Fear of Being Alone

Our God is unchanging, but this culture is morphing at a frenetic pace. Facing daily battles, seen or unseen, can be daunting—especially when we feel isolated or alone.

The Sunday school mantra of “Dare to be a Daniel” isn’t especially encouraging when you realize that Daniel was brought into the King’s service because he stood out among the Israelite youth.

He was exceptional, not average.

Yes! We need that story of God’s faithfulness, but it may not resonate with you right now.

Surrounded by piles of laundry and math worksheets, you may not think of yourself as exceptional. More than likely you answer to “Mom,” an unnamed servant in a supporting role.  

But God is FAITHFUL.  He’s given us an unnamed servant in 2 Kings 6:15-17 to encourage us. Elisha and his servant were seemingly alone, under siege by the Syrian army:

“And the servant said, ‘Alas, my master! What shall we do?’   [Elisha] said, ‘Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.’ Then Elisha prayed and said, ‘O Lord, please open his eyes that he may see.’ So the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw, and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.”

You too may be under siege, but one thing is certain. If Jesus is your Savior, you were CHOSEN from before the foundation of the world, and you are not alone.  

Fear of Failure

Since we’re never alone, Christians don’t need to fear failure.

It is amidst the blessings of failure that God grows us. Ultimately, it is through incremental hardships and learning from our mistakes that we are refined into the image of Christ.

My son recently competed at a collegiate tournament at which “participation certificates” were “awarded.”

The sponsor decided to no longer have individual winners or team rankings. Some students even vied as “non-competitors.” At the closing ceremony those students were called across the stage to receive their “non-competitor participation certificates.”

Fear of failure has so permeated our culture that some young adults were scared to officially compete at an event at which there were no winners, losers, or apparent consequences.  

But there are consequences that accompany avoiding failure at all costs. 

When we don’t gradually build resilience and fortitude through both success and failure, we are unprepared when hardships come—and they will.

We need to encourage children to persevere through seemingly insignificant choices and child-sized trials because these are gifts from God to prepare them for the future.

Protecting your child from potential failure today hinders their potential success tomorrow.

Instead, let Luctor et Emergo (I struggle and overcome) become their anthem.

The Bible declares:

“ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor 12:10)

How To Help Your Child Overcome Their Fear of Growing Up

There’s no magic formula to learn how to get over the fear of growing up, but there are some fundamental things we as adults can do.

1. Remind Them They Have Already “Grown Up”

We grow every day. It’s important to mark milestones, celebrating incremental achievements in the lives of our children. 

• Moving from a crib to toddler bed  
• Swapping the Little Tike Coupe for a bicycle
• Transitioning from a bath to a shower
• Opening a bank account
• Cooking eggs or brownie mix
• Showing Grandma how to use an App or the robotic vacuum

Especially as homeschoolers, it’s important to create opportunities that allow children to demonstrate maturity-in-progress while showing parents where additional training may be needed. 

As the saying goes, “sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees” because we are with our children 24/7.

In our home, our children’s separation from mom or dad wasn’t always accidental.  We intentionally sent each of our children alone on a flight across the country in their early teens.

We watched them go through security and waited for the planes to take off. We checked that they made their connecting flights. We arranged for a family member to pick them up at the other end for a visit, and happily retrieved them after their return flights. 

Learning to navigate somewhat-controlled freedom incrementally builds character in both the parent and child. 

Most of the kids’ trips had no major issues. One teen was stranded for three days due to flight cancellations.

During the 72 hour wait I reacted at times like Fang Face, circling the room aimlessly. 

Our son, on the other hand, had survived being abandoned at the waterpark years earlier. Patiently waiting for a flight while dry, fully clothed and with money for food didn’t phase him in the slightest.  

2. Review God’s Perfect Design for Life

Thankfully, God redeemed my waterpark fiasco. When we experientially know that God can use even our failures for our good and His glory, our faith is strengthened.

Children witnessing God redeem our adult failures bolsters their faith, resulting in less fear of growing up too fast.

Yes, as a parent we are the gatekeepers who will be held accountable for how we train up the children in our care. But when we operate from a position of putting God first, decision-making and growing up becomes easier for the child.

Saint Augustine’s maxim “ Dilige et quod vis fac” stands the test of time:

Love [God] and do what you’re inclined to do.  

And 1 John 4:18 rings true for all eternity:

“Perfect love casts out all fear.”

Thus it stands to reason that—when we seek to love God as the basis for our decisions—our natural inclination to fear will dissipate..

3. Equip Them with Scripture

We’re also reminded that the goal of a good teacher is to make oneself progressively unnecessary. So give your children some Scripture to think on, and then send them on their way.

Three of my favorites are:

• “He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)
• “ For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Eph 2:10)
• “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (James 1:5)

Were You Ever Afraid of Growing Up?

In Judges 4 the Prophetess Deborah relayed a message from God to the leader of the Israelite military: Barak was to go to battle.

Instead of eagerly accepting his assignment, Barak replied to Deborah:

“If you will go with me, I will go, but if you will not go with me, I will not go.” 

Even as adults, the things we’re called to do may seem frightening.  What’s important is that we do what God has commanded. 

His quirky request aside, Barak did go to battle and is listed in what is commonly called the Hall of Faith in Hebrews 11.  

That’s encouraging.  Barak’s inclusion on the list of heroes shows it’s natural to have a fear of growing up, but God rewards those who are faithful and obedient.

Karen Mathew

Growing Up Essay: Guide & Examples [2024]

What does it mean to grow up? Essays on this topic might be entertaining yet challenging to write. Growing up is usually associated with something new and exciting. It’s a period of everything new and unknown.

Our specialists will write a custom essay specially for you!

Now, you’ve been assigned to write a growing up essay. You’re not a kid anymore, but not quite the adult. It would be interesting for your teacher to learn about your childhood memories or read what you think about the experience of growing up.

That’s why:

In this article, we will provide a guide on how to write an essay on growing up. Our team listed some topics to make your writing process more manageable.

• 📍 How to Write It

🏡 About Your Childhood

🧒 about someone else.

• 👧 Growing Up

🔗 References

📍 how to write a growing up essay.

Writing an essay about growing up can seem complicated, but it’s always easier to handle when you have a plan. In this section, we will talk more about how to write an essay on the topic.

• Reflective essays focus on the author’s attitude towards individual experiences. This type is often required during the college admissions process. For instance, one may write about growing up in poverty and how it shaped his character.
• Narrative essays focus on a specific event or sequence of events. For example, you might write about the most memorable trip from your childhood.
• Choose the topic on the familiar subject. It will be easier to reflect on the issue when you have a lot of relevant experience.
• Choose the topic of interest. Write about something that provokes a strong emotional reaction from you.
• Show a unique vision on the topic. Try to approach writing college essays about growing up from a different perspective. When writing a narrative essay, you need to remember that your work should tell a story. Your essay topic about growing up needs to agree with the paper’s length and follow the essay structure. Focus on a specific point in your writing.
• Think about the event in your life that provokes a strong emotional response;
• Write what you have learned from the experience;
• Consider writing about experiences with your friends or relatives. What those events taught you?
• Introduction : Your growing up essay introduction is an opening paragraph of the work. It grabs a reader’s attention and contains a thesis statement.
• Body Paragraphs : The childhood and growing up essay can contain three body paragraphs. In each one, provide an example of an event or situation that supports the general topic.
• Conclusion : In your growing up essay, the conclusion is the final paragraph. It summarizes the main points and brings the paper to an end.
• Revise your draft a couple of days after writing it. That way, you will be able to notice mistakes or typos you missed.
• Try to avoid passive voice . Rewrite the sentences in an active one, if possible.
• Read your essay out loud. If it doesn’t meet the set criteria, keep revising it.

👩‍👦‍👦 Growing Up Essay Topics

You may not know what your essay on growing up should be devoted to. If it’s the case, look at this section. Earlier, we talked about how to write, but here we will tell you what to write about.

Just in 1 hour! We will write you a plagiarism-free paper in hardly more than 1 hour

See the topics that can navigate an essay about your childhood experience:

• Your family values and how they have been shaping your personality. Engage in reflective writing to show how certain factors of growing up influenced your character . What do you think were the effects of your growing-up period?
• What various roles have you had in your family? How and why did they change? As children grow, the family adjusts accordingly. Remember your roles as a child, adolescent, and young adult . How did they change?
• Your personal changes over the course of growing up . Write an essay describing your personal development . What caused those changes?
• Sudden adulthood . Write a “growing up too fast” essay. Reflect on your feelings and emotions about growing up so suddenly.
• Growing up with siblings . Write an essay about your childhood experience in a house where you weren’t the only child. Remember what it was like growing up with blood brothers and sisters? Or, maybe you have step-siblings? How did it influence you?
• A short memoir . You don’t need to have a dramatic adolescence or an out-of-ordinary story to write about yourself. Share your most exciting stories from childhood.
• A significant event from my childhood.
• Personal experience of parenting styles .
• Describe the events that helped you to learn about life .
• Tell about the time you tried to challenge gender norms .
• Analyze your experience of growing up in another culture and the influence it had on your adult life.
• Most memorable Christmas of my childhood.
• Discuss how the relationships with your parents influenced your growing up and character formation.
• Describe the experience of self-disclosure in your childhood and the consequences it had.
• How I used to cope with stress at high school .
• Write about your family trips and the effect they had on the relationships within your family.
• Analyze how the relationships with your peers impacted your growing up and adult life.
• How I learned to ride a bicycle .
• Examine how different teaching styles you’ve experienced in childhood influenced your growing up.

In other words, try to focus on something that made your growing up experience memorable and tell about it.

What if you do not feel like talking about your own experience in the essay on growing up? Do not worry. There are many other ways to complete your paper.

What follows next are additional ideas for you:

• Write essays on growing up based on a work of literature or songs . Choose your favorite piece of literature or a song that talks about growing up. Write several paragraphs about the portrayal of the growing up period in music or literature.
• Write essays on growing up with a single parent . Write an essay about growing up without a father or mother . What is it like? What impact can it make on a person’s character?
• Write about growing up without parents . A childhood spent in an orphanage or with distant relatives can have lasting consequences . Think about the effects it can have on a person’s character.
• Write an essay about growing up in a small town. Think about the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small town . Why do you think it’s good or bad to live in a small town?
• Write about youth growing up fast. Children become adults quite quickly. Discuss the possible reasons for children to grow up faster.
• What happens to the mentally challenged children when they grow up?
• Examine how Nhuong depicted childhood in the book Water Buffalo Days: Growing Up in Vietnam .
• Discuss the changes digital technology brought into a growing-up process.
• Childhood’s effect on adulthood: the story of John Wayne Gacy .
• Explain how the environment influences the growing up and physical development of a child.
• Describe the relation between difficult childhood and personal development .
• Description of lost childhood in Night by E. Wiesel.
• Analyze the consequences being bullied or being a bully in childhood may have in adult life.
• Frank Conroy’s childhood in his book Stop-Time.
• Explore how childhood development and growing up shown in Born to Learn video .
• Examine the stories about coming of age and infantilism in literature.
• Discuss the peculiarities of growing up in multiracial family .
• Analyze the authors experience in Country Pride: What I Learned Growing Up in Rural America by Sarah Smarsh .
• Describe the problem of childhood obesity and the ways it influences children’s life.

👧 Growing Up Topics for College Essays

Writing a college essay about growing up essay is a great opportunity to reflect on the challenges and triumphs that made you who you are. Here are some compelling essay prompts and topics that will help you share your unique coming-of-age experience.

Receive a plagiarism-free paper tailored to your instructions. Cut 20% off your first order!

• Essay on how growing up has shaped my life. Describe the pivotal moments from your upbringing that have had an impact on your personality and aspirations. You may also reflect on the lessons learned from your family, friends, community, and cultural surroundings. How did these experiences shape your values and worldview?
• What are the effects of growing up in poverty? Essays on this topic can explain how growing up in financially disadvantaged circumstances shapes people’s lives. If it’s something that resonates with you, you can write about it in your college essay. For example, describe the challenges you’ve faced and the experiences that have fostered your resilience. You can also analyze how these circumstances have impacted your values, such as a passion for social justice.
• What are the challenges of growing up? Consider the impact of family dynamics and cultural influences on your personal development. You can also discuss how overcoming these challenges has influenced you as a person and how it made you stronger.
• Is taking risks a necessary part of growing up? An essay on this topic can discuss the potential benefits and drawbacks of taking risks at a young age. Is taking risks an essential part of maturing and gaining independence, or are there other ways to learn? Remember to provide examples to illustrate your point.
• Fear of growing up. For this essay, consider how young people grapple with the challenges of transitioning to adulthood. What anxieties are associated with leaving behind the safety of childhood? Discuss the potential consequences of the fear of embracing adult responsibilities and provide real-life examples.
• Explain how peer influence shapes a person’s identity.
• The challenges of being the oldest sibling.
• How does one’s cultural background determine one’s childhood milestones?
• Social media and the coming-of-age experience.
• How education shapes a person’s future opportunities.
• The impact of childhood experiences on adult development.
• Explore the influence of gender identity on your journey to adulthood.
• The connection between your childhood hobby and adult career choice.
• The importance of self-discovery in the process of growing up.
• Write about the challenges and joys of adolescence.

📝 College Essay about Growing Up: Example

For your inspiration, we came up with a growing-up college essay example. It will provide insights into the content and structure and help you write an outstanding paper.

I have always been captivated by the world of art. Throughout my childhood and adolescence, I have been experimenting with different forms of self-expression, such as painting and sketching.

As a child, I was fortunate to have a supportive family that nurtured my love for art. My mother enrolled me in an art class and was always ready to provide me with supplies. All this helped foster my creativity to the point where I decided to pursue an art education in college.

During my teenage years, I was surrounded by a diverse group of friends who shared my interests. We went to galleries, attended art events, and collaborated on projects. These friendships enriched my artistic perspective even further. They also taught me about the diversity of creativity and expression.

In addition to art, I have various hobbies that help me become better at what I do. In particular, I enjoy reading non-fiction about renowned artists. Aside from traditional art forms, I also experiment with photography and digital design.

My family and friends played a major role in my decision to pursue a career as a creative. Their support and my belief in the power of self-expression will help me contribute to our school and the whole community.

Thank you for reading this article! Hopefully, you found the information written here useful. If so, don’t forget to comment and share this article with your friends.

This might be interesting for you:

• School Days Essay: How to Describe a Memorable Event
• Childhood Memories Essay: Brilliant Writing Ideas
• Writing Essay about Someone Who Has Made an Impact on Your Life
• Excellent Remembering a Person Essay: Free Writing Guidelines
• Life Experience Essay: How to Write a Brilliant Paper
• Essays that Worked: Hamilton College
• Essay Growing Up: Bartleby
• Narrative Writing: Brigham Young University
• Reflection Essay: Kent State University
• My Childhood Memories Essay: Cram
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You push the snooze button once again and finally open your eyes. It is already 8:50, and your classes start at 9. “I’m going to be late again!”— you think, already in full panic mode. In a minute, you rush out the door half-dressed, swallowing your sandwich on the go.  ...

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Growing Up Too Fast? Early Adversity Affects Fear Responses

Research examines how early trauma affects the brain's response to dangers..

Posted October 3, 2017 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

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Fear can be adaptive, as noticing and avoiding potential dangers in the environment has obvious survival benefits. Yet, for some people, excessive fear and hypervigilance for threats can interfere with adaptive functioning, even developing into an anxiety disorder.

Emerging research on children who were exposed to deprivation, neglect, or abuse has begun to reveal how early experience shapes the developmental trajectory of the brain’s systems for responding to dangers. While it has long been known that attention to possible threats is sharpened by early trauma—for example , children who experienced physical abuse are faster to detect angry faces in a visual attention task—recent research has helped to illuminate the biological mechanisms of these changes in vigilance. The research findings have raised intriguing questions about whether such patterns should be considered adaptive or maladaptive.

The stress acceleration hypothesis posits that in children exposed to early trauma, the brain’s threat systems develop at an accelerated pace, potentially at the expense of other developing brain systems. For example, one study examined brain activity during a fear learning task among 89 children who had spent part of their early years in an orphanage and compared them to age-matched children who were never institutionalized. In response to a fear-evoking stimulus, both groups showed increased activity in the amygdala, a small almond-shaped brain structure well-known to respond to dangers.

The groups differed, though, in the extent to which other brain regions were activated together with the amygdala in response to signals of danger. For the previously institutionalized children, the amygdala was activated together with the hippocampus, a structure critical to learning and memory , and subregions of the medial frontal lobe, which are thought to help regulate emotions.

Interestingly, this broad activation of brain regions in response to threats better matched the typical adult pattern rather than the age-appropriate pattern for typically developing children. The findings, therefore, support the idea that the development of the brain’s threat-response system is accelerated after early-life stress.

Additional findings from the same research group have identified the role of stress hormones in these developmental effects. In this study , levels of the stress hormone cortisol partly explained the adult-like pattern of connectivity (co-activation) between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex in response to threats in previously institutionalized children. These children had stronger cortisol release in response to the brain-scanning experiment compared to the never-institutionalized control group of children.

This increased cortisol release statistically explained part of the precocious pattern of brain activation to threatening information in the deprived children. Thus, alterations in the activation of stress hormones following trauma or neglect may be partly responsible for differences in the pattern of brain maturation. (For a fuller discussion of the role of cortisol in early-life stress and deprivation, see here .)

A key question is whether these developmental differences in early- stressed children’s brains are best interpreted as pathological changes that put them at risk for emotional problems, or whether they should be considered instead as protective, adaptive changes in response to a more dangerous early-life environment.

Although children who are exposed to trauma early in life are known to have an increased risk of developing anxiety disorders, it may not be these brain mechanisms in particular that account for that increased risk. On this question, findings seem to conflict. One study found that stronger amygdala reactions to pictures of threatening faces predicted higher anxiety symptoms among children who experienced early neglect but not among typically developing children. This seems to fit with the idea that increased reactivity of this brain region is maladaptive.

Yet, other studies suggest that more adult-like connectivity between brain regions during fear learning may actually be protective. Previously institutionalized children who showed such increased connectivity patterns reported less anxiety two years later than those who did not show the patterns. One possibility, then, is that the more adult-like pattern of engaging frontal lobe regions during fear learning reflects an adaptive strategy, perhaps an attempt to regulate lower-level fear systems that are overactive.

A better understanding of these brain differences in the future may lead to a fuller appreciation of both the direct consequences of early trauma and the biological mechanisms of resilience that help children cope with both typical and adverse environmental conditions. Future research should also focus on better understanding the varied effects of different kinds of early stressors, such as physical abuse, poverty, and parental deprivation, which may have varied intensities and time courses. In the meantime, there is no doubt that early traumatic experiences leave their mark on brain development.

Callaghan, B. L., & Tottenham, N. (2016). The stress acceleration hypothesis: Effects of early-life adversity on emotion circuits and behavior. Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences , 7 , 76-81.

Gee, D. G., Gabard-Durnam, L. J., Flannery, J., Goff, B., Humphreys, K. L., Telzer, E. H., ... & Tottenham, N. (2013). Early developmental emergence of human amygdala–prefrontal connectivity after maternal deprivation. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences , 110 , 15638-15643.

Koss, K. J., & Gunnar, M. R. (2017). Annual research review: Early adversity, the hypothalamic–pituitary–adrenocortical axis, and child psychopathology. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry .

Pollak, S. D., & Tolley-Schell, S. A. (2003). Selective attention to facial emotion in physically abused children. Journal of Abnormal Psychology , 112 , 323-338.

Silvers, J. A., Goff, B., Gabard-Durnam, L. J., Gee, D. G., Fareri, D. S., Caldera, C., & Tottenham, N. (2017). Vigilance, the amygdala, and anxiety in youths with a history of institutional care. Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging , 2 , 493-501.

Silvers, J. A., Lumian, D. S., Gabard-Durnam, L., Gee, D. G., Goff, B., Fareri, D. S., ... & Tottenham, N. (2016). Previous institutionalization is followed by broader amygdala–hippocampal–PFC network connectivity during aversive learning in human development. Journal of Neuroscience , 36 , 6420-6430.

Rebecca Compton, Ph.D. , is professor of psychology at Haverford College.

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8 Bold Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Writing

by Sarah Gribble | 0 comments

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Today I want to talk about fear. Fear of writing, fear of sharing your work, fear of publishing—and how you can overcome it.

Writers face fear on a day-to-day basis.

The self-doubt . The fear of failure. And, oh, the vulnerability.

Writing is hard enough with all the self-evaluation and doubt about your abilities. But then sharing your work with other people so they can critique or review it? CRINGE.

When you sink into that fear it debilitates you. If you let fear hold you back, you’re ensuring you never achieve your goals. You’ll never write that book and you’ll never get published. All because you were too scared.

8 Ways to Overcome Your Fear of Writing

It’s time to stop letting fear control you and get writing. Here’s how:

1. Do what scares you.

When you’re up against something that makes you cringe, ask yourself what the worst-case scenario is. Is it actually  harmful? Unless it’s something like jumping from a bridge into a rocky river or stepping in front of a speeding vehicle, it’s probably not.

Fear is trying to keep you safe. It needs to learn that just because something is scary doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s detrimental to your health. Do what scares you, and keep doing it, and the fear will subside.

This includes fear of our own writing. I'm not saying you have to go write a 90,000 word novel. Start with a short story, or try out some writing prompts.

Aspiring writers might feel intiimdated because they don't think that they are a great writer. The reality is, you can never become a great writer unless you practice—and to practice, you have to write.

Embrace and overcome your fear by putting words down. Start writing, have patience with yourself, and worry about the rest later.

The blank page becomes way less scary as soon as you put words on it.

2. Stop procrastinating.

Your house is already clean enough. That TV show can wait. No, you don’t need to run to the store to pick up a bag of chips.

Figure out when the best time for you to write is and then write.

If you really, truly need a break to clear your mind, set a time limit. Ten minutes of scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush and then get back to your writing.

Ultimately, those who procrastinate will be more prone to writing off procrastination as writer's block—and the more time you spend away from writing, the scary it will become.

3. Learn from criticism.

Criticism is what everyone fears. Not just in writing, but in life. We all want to be liked, to be perfect, to be praised.

Your writing will not please everyone and that’s something you should realize and accept now. Criticism is much easier to take when you go into it knowing that fact.

Don’t just ignore criticism, though. Writing is like everything else in that it requires practice. You don't have to rank #1 on Amazon or make a bestseller list your first go (even though I won't argue that would be fantastic).

The first meal you cooked wasn’t a gourmet meal. The first time you dribbled a basketball wasn’t Lebron-level. Someone was there to point out what you were doing wrong and set you on the right path. They taught you how to get better.

That’s what criticism is: teaching.

It's not  rejecting your work, which might be why some writers fail to share their work: because their fear of rejection is mistakenly associated with getting critiques.

Yes, sometimes it’s mean-spirited, especially in this age of internet trolls. But even in those nasty reviews, there’s normally something to learn from.

Find it. Use it. And do better next time.

4. Stop revising.

You want every sentence in your work to be perfect . I have a secret for you: you’ll never get there.

Your writing will never be perfect. 

Not to you, not to your editors, and not to your readers. It’s impossible, so stop revising ad nauseam. At some point, you have to let it go and put the work out there.

Perfectionism can stunt your creative writing instead of empower it.

To avoid this, set a limit. I prefer three drafts. That’s it. Three and then I let it fly on its own.

What are you writing for? We'll never know unless you decide to share your work.

5. Set goals and move toward them.

Focus on milestones like daily word counts and deadlines (self-imposed or otherwise).

Writing a book is like summiting a mountain: you do it  one step at a time . When you reach the top you might be a little exhausted and out of breath, but you’ll look back at all you’ve accomplished and feel proud.

Without these smaller milestones, it might be hard to finish your piece of writing, or even find the motivation to keep writing each day.

Stories are finished one day at a time, with hard work and a desire to grow your writing process.

Don't sweat the small stuff in your first drafts, like word choice. Instead, set a long term goal of continually learning how to write better and smaller milestones that will help you finish stories you start.

All of this is accomplished word by word, and by turning real and irrational fears into manageable tasks.

6. Embrace the fear of writing.

You’re going to be scared frequently in this business. My stomach still flips every time I submit a short story , even though I’ve submitted hundreds of times. It’s going to happen.

The trick is to acknowledge it and move forward. It didn’t kill you.

In fact, that little tingle of fear should be your signal to celebrate. You did what scared you and that’s amazing.

One book that a lot of writers really love on this subject is The War of Art  by Steven Pressfield. If you're feeling discouraged or swallowed by your fear, check out this book for some motivation.

Even better, find and join a writing group like we have here at The Write Practice. Nothing helps you overcome your fears like a supportive community with a kindred creative spirit.

7. If your character can do it, so can you.

You don’t let your characters sit back on their heels because they’re scared, do you? I hope not, because if you do, you don’t have a story .

Your characters don’t have the luxury of sitting on the bench. They must make decisions and do something about the problem. And so should you.

Don’t let fear of writing take over your writing life. Decide to move forward, to write that book, to send out that manuscript. Decide and then do it.

8. Ask for help if you need it.

Don’t be afraid to ask for time to yourself so that you can write. Your family and friends will understand you need that time because writing is important to you.

Find a group of writers and readers that can go through your story and give constructive feedback. You can't improve in a vacuum.

Need to know what a day in the life of a flight attendant looks like, or the lingo of a truck driver? Ask them. Trust me, you’re not bothering them. People love talking about themselves.

In the same vein, if you need help with research, that’s literally what librarians are for. They’ll be glad to help.

Don’t let fear of asking for help stagnate your writing.

Embrace the Fear

I want to leave you with these words from Carrie Fisher:

Your fears are natural and normal. They're also not the end of the story.

Your task, the challenge for every writer, is to face that fear of writing, acknowledge it, and write, share, publish anyway .

Need extra motivation? Have you checked out The Write Practice’s 100 Day Book program ? It’s the best way to stop letting fear of writing control you and get that book done. Click here to find more information on the course.

What scares you most about writing and/or the business side of writing? What are some steps you can take to overcome that fear?  Let me know in the comments !

Today I want you to spend fifteen minutes writing about a time you were scared to do something but did it anyway. Describe the exact feelings of fear you had. How did you feel after you'd done what scared you?

When you’re finished, share your work in the Pro Practice Workshop here (and if you’re not a member yet, you can join here ).

Sarah Gribble

Sarah Gribble is the author of dozens of short stories that explore uncomfortable situations, basic fears, and the general awe and fascination of the unknown. She just released Surviving Death , her first novel, and is currently working on her next book.

Follow her on Instagram or join her email list for free scares.

Work with Sarah Gribble?

Bestselling author with over five years of coaching experience. Sarah Gribble specializes in working with Dark Fantasy, Fantasy, Horror, Speculative Fiction, and Thriller books. Sound like a good fit for you?

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'Bluey' fans worry the hit TV show is about to end. A lot of money's at stake — and there are challenges ahead.

• "Bluey" fans are worried the series could end with its third-season finale on Sunday.
• The "Bluey" brand is worth an estimated $2 billion but faces some challenges going forward.
• The kids TV show ranked among the most-watched streaming series in America last year.

Fans of the children's TV sensation "Bluey" fear their favorite show will end with the third season's finale this Sunday. There's a lot of money at stake and if the series does continue, it faces challenges down the line.

Winning hearts

"Bluey" is an Australian preschool show that stars a family of Australian Cattle Dogs or "Blue Heelers": Bluey, her younger sister Bingo, and their parents, Bandit and Chilli.

The show has become wildly popular in the US. It ranked as the top children's show in the country last year, and the second-most streamed series after Suits, per Nielsen data .

It has taken off among viewers because it's funny, appeals widely, and tackles real issues that many families face. Episodes focus on how children learn about the world through play , and how parents can join in the fun and help their kids navigate challenges while also dealing with their own issues .

"Bluey is relatable to both parents and kids and uses humor and realistic situations in its storytelling," Yalda Uhls, the founder and CEO of the Center for Scholars & Storytellers at UCLA, told Business Insider.

"Sesame Street is similar in that parents don't mind watching that with young children."

The show's creator and writer is Joe Brumm, a father of two young girls. It's produced by Ludo Studio, its distributors include the commercial arm of Britain's BBC, and it's available on Disney Plus.

Related stories

The latest episode centered on Bandit preparing Bluey and Bingo to move home, and concluded with the appearance of a foreboding "For Sale" sign on the lawn of their family home.

This weekend's season finale is titled "The Sign" and will be 28 minutes long, dwarfing the usual 7-minute episode length. The special's unusual size, game-changing subject matter, and the fact that a fourth season is yet to be announced have fueled concerns that this might be the show's end.

Making money and growing up

That's a big deal, not just for fans but also the business of "Bluey." One valuation expert told Bloomberg that the brand is worth an estimated $2 billion. Another source claimed Disney had explored acquiring the property.

Those behind "Bluey" have leveraged its immense popularity by licensing its characters. There's now endless amounts of merchandise — this father of a toddler already owns "Bluey" books and toys and has been eyeing a "Bluey"-themed doctor play set — if only he could trust the family dog not to chew the stethoscope.

If "Bluey" ceases playing on screens, a lot of money might be left on the table. Consider how Disney monetizes smash hits like "Frozen" by releasing sequels and spin-off TV shows, and by featuring characters like Elsa and Olaf across toys, books, clothing, video games, theme parks, cruises, and resorts.

But if "Bluey" lives on — which it almost certainly will in some form, given its huge popularity and relative youth as a franchise — it will have other hurdles to jump.

Capturing fresh viewers as existing ones move on is likely to be a big one.

"As with any show related to kids, the audience will grow up, and if it doesn't create storylines that hold the attention of a new audience, it may lose viewership," Uhls said.

The show's reliance on Brumm could also make it tricky to scale, and limit how much a buyer will pay for it. Too much success, too fast, might cause the show to lose its way too.

Whether Sunday's episode is a goodbye for now or a permanent send-off for "Bluey," it'll be interesting to see what happens next.

Watch: How Sesame Street stays relevant to every generation, according to the brand's marketing head

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EXCLUSIVE: Meghan Markle's fear for Archie and Lilibet growing up 'deprived' of key thing thanks to her

Meghan Markle is still 'furious at the way she was treated' when she worked in the royal family - but does fear her children Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet could grow to resent her for her position, a royal expert claims

• 03:21, 17 Apr 2024 Updated 03:24, 17 Apr 2024

Meghan Markle worries that her children Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet could grow up to "blame her" if they are "deprived" of the chance to be working royals in the UK, a royal expert claims.

The Duchess of Sussex is said to be missing "some aspects" of life in the UK while still remaining "furious at the way she was treated" - but also harbours concerns that her children may blame her for their absence from the country, according to royal author and expert Tom Quinn.

Meghan, who stepped back from Royal duties with Prince Harry in 2020 and relocated to Montecito, California with their two children, Archie and Lilibet, is reportedly still angry about her experience during her time as part of the Royal family in Britain.

But the former Suits star's distance from the UK and the Royal Family has led to her worries that her children might grow to resent her for their lack of relationship with their paternal grandparents and cousins.

READ MORE: Meghan Markle's first product from new brand has people all saying the same thing

Speaking exclusively to The Mirror , Mr Quinn claimed: "On the other hand, we should always remember that phrase - 'never say never,' because it will come back to haunt you when you change your mind, especially if you are a public figure like Meghan. A friend of the couple - one of Meghan's few aristocratic friends from her time in the UK - told me Meghan does miss some aspects of life in the UK and worries that her children will blame her if they never get to see their cousins and feel as adults that they have been deprived of what might have been a fun and meaningful existence in the UK as working royals."

However, Mr Quinn added: "It will be a long time before Meghan reappears in the UK. She has already publicly stated that she will not return to the UK, and her friends insist she is still furious at the way she feels she was treated during her time in Britain."

Hot on the heels of this revelation, Meghan has unveiled her first offering from her new high-end lifestyle brand American Riviera Orchard. The Duchess first teased her brand on March 14, but details had been scarce until now, leaving Royal enthusiasts eager for a glimpse at the promised homewares and condiments.

But the wait is over as Meghan has launched her inaugural product for American Riviera Orchard, with news breaking that she dispatched 50 jars of artisanal strawberry jam to friends and online influencers this Monday. Recipients of these exclusive samples have taken to social media to flaunt the quaint jars, complete with handwritten labels emblazoned with the American Riviera Orchard emblem and 'Montecito' below, plus the inscription "17 of 50", hinting at a limited edition run.

Meghan could potentially face competition from her estranged Royal family with her first product, strawberry jam. Internet users have noted that Meghan's brother-in-law, Prince William , already has a strawberry jam product from his Duchy of Cornwall estate on sale at Waitrose for £2.80 per jar.

The Mirror has contacted representatives for Meghan Markle for comment on this story.

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Rape, murder and hunger: The legacy of Sudan’s year of war

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Rape. Murder. Hunger. Corpses filling streets, making it impossible to walk. Sudan was plunged into an ongoing, devastating war one year ago on 15 April, leaving in its wake almost 15,000 dead, eight million civilians on the run, 25 million in dire need of assistance and warnings from humanitarians about famine, aid blockades and a growing list of atrocities on all sides.

Suffering is growing too and is likely to get worse , Justin Brady, head of the UN humanitarian relief office, OCHA , in Sudan, warned UN News .

“Without more resources, not only will we not be able to stop a famine, we’re not going to be help able to help basically anybody,” he said.

“Most of the rations that people receive from the likes of the World Food Programme ( WFP ) are cut in half already, so we can’t strip more off the bone to try and make this operation work .”

The grim conditions on the ground hit an emergency level soon after the rival Sudanese Armed Forces and the Rapid Support Forces launched air and ground attacks in mid-April 2023, he said, as a tsunami of violence continues to surge across the country today, from the capital, Khartoum, and spiralling outwards.

Not ‘at the bottom’ yet

“Our biggest concerns are around the conflict areas in Khartoum itself and the Darfur states,” he said from Port Sudan, where humanitarian efforts are continuing to get lifesaving aid to those most in need.

The entire aid community was forced to relocate from the capital just a few weeks into the fighting due to the dire security situation.

While a recent famine alert shows that almost 18 million Sudanese are facing acute hunger, the $2.7 billion response plan for 2024 is only six per cent funded , Mr. Brady said.

“It’s very bad, but I don’t think we’re at the bottom,” he said.

Conditions were bad even before the war, stemming back to the coup of 2021, with a drowning economy amid startling waves of ethnic-based violence, he explained.

Except today, although humanitarian supplies are available in Port Sudan, the key challenge is securing safe access to affected populations, currently stymied by looted aid warehouses and crippling bureaucratic impediments, insecurity and total communications shutdowns.

“Sudan is often referred to as a forgotten crisis,” he said, “but I question how many knew about it to be able to forget about it .”

Listen to the full interview  here .

War and children

As hunger washes over the country, news outlets have reported that one child is dying every two hours from malnutrition in the Zamzam displacement camp in North Darfur.

Indeed, 24 million children have been exposed to conflict and a staggering 730,000 children are severely acutely malnourished , Jill Lawler, chief of field operations in Sudan for the UN Children’s Fund ( UNICEF ), told UN News .

“Children should not have to be experiencing this, hearing bombs go off or being displaced multiple times” in a “conflict that just needs to end”, she said, describing the first UN aid mission to Omdurman, Sudan’s second largest city.

More than 19 million children have been out of school, and many young people can also be seen carrying arms, reflecting reports that children continued to face forced recruitment by armed groups.

Too weak to breastfeed

Meanwhile, women and girls who have been raped in the first months of the war are now delivering babies, the UNICEF operations chief said. Some are too weak to nurse their infants.

“One mother in particular was treating her three-month-old little son, and she unfortunately did not have the resources to provide milk for her little son, so had resorted to goat milk, which led to a case of diarrhoea,” Ms. Lawler said.

The infant was one of the “lucky few” able to get treatment as millions of others lack access to care, she said.

Death, destruction and targeted killings

On the ground, Sudanese who had fled to other countries, those who are internally displaced and some who are recording the ongoing suffering shared their perspectives.

“I have lost everything I ever owned,” said Fatima*, a former UN staff member  told UN News . “ The militias looted our house and took everything, even the doors .”

For 57 days, she and her family were trapped inside their home in El Geneina in West Darfur while militias systematically targeted and killed people based on their ethnicity, she said.

“ There were so many bodies in the streets it was hard to walk ,” she said, describing their escape.

‘No sign of a solution in sight’

Photographer Ala Kheir has been covering the war since violent clashes erupted in Khartoum one year ago, saying the “scale of disaster” is must greater than the media portrays.

“This war is very strange because both sides hate the public and they hate journalists ,” he told UN News in an exclusive interview, stressing that civilians are suffering the brunt of the ongoing deadly clashes.

“A year later, the war in Sudan is still going very strong and the lives of millions of Sudanese have completely stalled and stopped,” he said, “ with no sign of a solution in sight .”

‘Get off the sidelines’

While the UN Security Council called for a ceasefire during the holy month of Ramadan, which ended last week, the fighting continues, OCHA’s Mr. Brady said.

“ We need the international community to get off the sidelines and to engage the two parties and to bring them to the table because this conflict is a nightmare for the Sudanese people,” he said, explaining that a famine prevention plan is in the works leading up to a pledging conference for sorely needed funds, to be held in Paris on Monday , the day the war will enter its second year.

Echoing the call of many aid agencies, for the Sudanese people caught in the crossfire, the nightmare needs to end now.

* Name changed to protect her identity

Sudanese youth call for help to fill aid vacuum

Community groups led by young Sudanese men and women are trying to fill the aid vacuum left after the war began one year ago.

Called “emergency response rooms”, these youth-led initiatives are assessing needs and taking action, from medical help to providing corridors to safety, Hanin Ahmed told UN News .

“We in emergency rooms cannot cover all the needs in conflict areas,” said Ms. Ahmed, a young activist with a master’s degree in gender and specialising in peace and conflict, who founded an emergency room in the Omdurman area.

“Therefore, we ask the international community and international organisations to shed light on the Sudanese issue and to put pressure to silence the sound of guns, protect civilians and provide more support to help those affected by the war.”

Read the full story  here .

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How One Family Lost $900,000 in a Timeshare Scam

A mexican drug cartel is targeting seniors and their timeshares..

This transcript was created using speech recognition software. While it has been reviewed by human transcribers, it may contain errors. Please review the episode audio before quoting from this transcript and email [email protected] with any questions.

Hello, James.

Hey. How’s it going?

Yeah. I’m not having much luck. So the problem is funding. And all of my money is in Mexico, all of it.

From “The New York Times,” I’m Katrin Bennhold. This is “The Daily.” A massive scam targeting elderly Americans who own timeshare properties has resulted in hundreds of millions of dollars sent to Mexico.

Once you move forward and make your payment, if anything were to happen, he will directly pay you the full amount of what you’re entitled to, including the gains. He will pay you the full amount.

You’ve got all my money. It’s been sent. I sold a freaking house.

Listen to this. I sold a house that I grew up in so that I could come up with funds to send to Mexico.

I don’t even have anything from the sale, nothing.

My colleague Maria Abi-Habib on one victim who lost everything and the people on the other side of the phone.

That’s it. That’s it. There’s nothing —

You know what? That’s what has been said every freaking time. Every time, just pay this. That releases the funds.

But that’s why we won’t allow it to happen again. This is the last time, James.

It’s Friday, April 12.

Maria, you’ve been looking into this scam that’s targeting Americans. Where did your investigation start?

So several weeks ago, I received a phone call from a lawyer based in St. Petersburg, Florida, who had been contacted by a family who was very concerned that the father, this man named James, was in the middle of being scammed. He’d sent hundreds of thousands dollars to Mexico. And he was considering sending another $157,000 when his daughter decided to call up this law firm and try to get her father to stop, stop sending money to Mexico.

So I called him a few weeks ago as I was trying to understand what was going on.

Hi, James. How are you?

Good. Thank you.

He’s asked that his last name be withheld for privacy concerns because he’s quite embarrassed about the story that I’m about to tell you.

You’re retired now, but what were you doing for work? And if your wife was working, what was her job?

I was with the Highway Patrol.

James is a retired state trooper from California. And his wife Nikki is a former school nurse.

She was born in ‘51. So 71-ish.

Two. She’s just reminded me, 72.

And they’re both in their early 70s. And they own this timeshare that is in Lake Tahoe, California. And they bought it in the 1990s for about $8,000.

And for someone who did not grow up vacationing in a timeshare, remind me how exactly timeshares work.

Timeshares are essentially vacation properties. And they tend to be beach resorts. And multiple people can buy into this property. The ownership is a shared ownership. And this gives you the right to use the timeshare for one to two weeks out of every year.

And so James and Nikki used their timeshare every other year with their daughters. But as they hit retirement age and their daughters are growing up and starting their own families, they’re just not really using it that much anymore. And timeshares require the owners to pay off yearly maintenance fees. And so they’re starting to think about maybe letting go of their timeshare and selling it.

Then one day, in late 2022, James gets a phone call from a company that is purporting to be based out of Atlanta, Georgia called Worry Free Vacations.

Worry Free Vacations?

That sounds enticing.

Yeah. And they start off with a simple question, which is, do you want to buy a timeshare? And James says, I already have a timeshare. And then they say, great. Well, what about selling the timeshare? Do you want to sell? There’s this Mexican businessman, and he’s interested in your timeshare. And he’s willing to buy it for about $20,000.

So we figured, well, what the heck? If we can make a few bucks on it, we’ll go for it.

And James jumps at the opportunity.

And did he do anything to try and verify that this was real?

Yeah. So remember, James is former law enforcement. And he feels very confident in his abilities to sniff out untrustworthy people. So he goes online, and he googles this Mexican businessman and sees that, yeah, he is a real person.

He’s a very well-respected individual in Mexico, very well off. And —

And this makes James feel at ease, that he’s selling to a legitimate person, that Worry Free Vacations are who they claim to be and that he’s going to double his money overnight, essentially.

And what happens next?

Well, a couple of weeks after he makes the agreement with the buyer, he’s told that he needs to send a couple thousand dollars to facilitate the purchase.

What does that mean, facilitate?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I can’t remember specifically whether it was supposed to be cross-border registration —

So he’s being told that there are these fees that are paid directly to the Mexican government.

Or SPID or some other fee that was Mexican government required or not.

A lot of these fees are the same types of fees that you would pay in the United States for a real estate transaction. So he begins wiring money to an account in Mexico.

After that —

— a few days later, we get a notification. Well, everything went well, except that we have to pay an additional fee.

Every time that he sends one fee, he’s being told that he’s got to send another fee right afterwards.

Does he get suspicious at any point?

His wife is suspicious. After the first couple of payments, she starts saying, this does not feel right.

But James is the former law enforcement officer, right? And he’s the one that basically handles the family finances. And he’s confident that all of this is going to work out because he’s being told that the buyer of the timeshare will reimburse James for all of these fees once the sale goes through.

Michael from the Worry Free Vacations was constantly reassuring me the money’s in that account. Check with the commercial escrow account. It’s there. It’s just these fees have to be paid, and you’re being reimbursed for all of this.

They’re sending James documents that show all of the reimbursements that he’s owed and how much money he’s going to get. And this just makes him feel like all of this is kosher.

We have this commercial escrow company that was involved out of New York. So there was an air of legitimacy that I was comfortable with.

Maybe OK, these guys just need one more fee and everything is going to finally be cleared.

But about a year in, James starts to get suspicious. He begins asking questions because he wants his money.

And every time I asked, hey, is there a way I can get a partial release of these funds, there was always no, these funds have to be paid from your account before they’re released.

But Worry Free Vacations, they pivot. And they tell him that, listen, there are all these complications. It’s going to be really hard to get your money out from this transaction.

I could pay about $30,000 and change to reinvest the $313,000 into an environmentally-conscious development in Loreto, Mexico.

Instead, we’ve got this other investment opportunity in Mexico.

And I’m sure you know where that is, over on the East Coast of Baja.

And that is going to make you a huge return, even more money than you had thought that you were going to make, much more than the $20,000.

I’m supposed to have 54 million pesos in a Mexican bank account.

So this is now no longer just about his timeshare. They are now partners in a real estate investment.

Right. And there’s this whole new round of fees and fines associated with that.

So how many payments would you say?

Quite a few. Couple dozen at least, maybe more.

When was your last payment?

It would have been 17 January.

Uh-huh. And what was that for?

Good question.

And all along, he believed it was necessary to pay these costs just to get the money that he’s owed.

The amount of money that I’ve sent to Mexico is just freaking exorbitant. And I mean, it is approaching $900,000 or more.

And at this point, he’s sent about $900,000 to Mexico over about a year and a half.

Nearly $1 million.

That was almost all the money that he and his wife had saved for their retirement.

It also included money from the sale of James’s childhood home and money that he had borrowed from his daughter and son-in-law, about $150,000 from them.

It’s awful. So they were completely cleaned out by these guys.

Yeah. And this is when his daughter asks a law firm to look into this, which is the point in the story when I meet James. And when we start talking, it was clear to me that he just did not know what to think, even after losing this much money.

So this started in 2022. When did it end?

We’re still in it.

And he’s still talking to the scammers.

And as a matter of fact, presently, there was a request for $157,000 and change to clear up this whole thing. It would clear the entire issue out. Now —

And James is even considering putting a second mortgage on his house to send that money that he’d been promised would finally clear all this up — one final payment of $157,000.

It really sounds like he’s still wanted to believe that this was somehow legit.

Yeah. It was pretty clear to me that he was being scammed. But I didn’t definitively know what was going on, so I asked him if he could start recording his phone calls with the scammers.

Would you be so kind as to do me a favor?

Would you be willing to give them a call and record them?

[LAUGHS]: I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’ve been recording them.

And it turns out he already had been.

Worry Free Vacations.

So he shared the recordings of these calls that he’d had with these scammers over the last year or so. And it was just remarkable. It gave me huge insight into how the scam worked and the way that it sounded over the phone.

Is this is Michael in? I think he’s trying to call me. I couldn’t get through pick up.

Yes, I believe he did try to call you, sir. Give me a second. I think he’s only going to be in for a couple of minutes. One second.

There are two main takeaways for me listening to these calls.

Good afternoon. Michael McCarthy.

Michael, I missed your call. I was trying to pick up.

Yeah, don’t worry. Yeah, I figured something was wrong with your phone. Everything OK?

The first is that these scammers had really gotten to know James so well, and they really made James believe that Worry Free was a company that was working for him.

That’s why we need to hurry up and get this money over to you. Because hey, I’m losing my mind too. I’m not even here to convince you, James. I’m not — I’m your broker, and —

One of the things they continuously say is, trust me.

Look, I’m doing everything I can in my power and will on my end. So James, just look — like I told you from the get-go, I’m going to resolve this. And we are doing it. I just need you to focus on the goal.

They would refocus the conversation on what James needed to do to get his money back.

Look, if you make your payment as a security deposit, right away they will release the funds to you. With these —

And the other thing —

I’ve been having so much trouble trying to reach you, and I have not been successful.

— is that the scammers had created this elaborate cast of characters.

Why don’t you answer my calls?

And some of them were really aggressive. James shared a recording of this one man who claimed to be an agent for the Mexican government. And he basically started yelling at James.

I don’t care if your wife is at the hospital. To be honest with you, I don’t give a damn! But you know where I do give a damn? It’s your money, and my name is written all over it! Do you understand?

And he even threatened James. If James didn’t pay off these fines, then he would lose all the money that he’d sent to Mexico already.

You could get the best lawyer you want. You could get whoever you want. And this is not a threat. This is facts. But anyways, who am I to convince you, right?

Well, thank you for the information. And — are you still there? Hello?

Wow. So these scammers were basically doing a good cop, bad cop routine to stop James from walking away and to squeeze every last penny out of him.

If you provide me your email, contact information, I will certainly be happy to forward all of the wire transfer information from my bank account to you so that you can see where those funds went.

Yeah, that would be great. I have your email.

James asks me, a reporter who’s based in Mexico, who speaks the language, if I could help him figure out where his money had gone to.

Thank you very much. I really appreciate your assistance.

I’m just doing my job. Thanks again, and we’ll talk soon.

And the only way that I could figure that out was to understand who was on the other side of the phone.

We’ll be right back.

So Maria, who was on the other side of that phone line?

So by the time that I’d met James, I’d already gotten a tip from US law enforcement agencies that they were seeing a new trend. Mexican drug cartels were getting involved in the timeshare scam industry.

Drug cartels?

Yeah. And not just any drug cartel. This is one of the most notorious, violent, bloody drug cartels that exists in Mexico and Latin America, the Jalisco New Generation cartel. And when I looked at James’s bank records, guess what? All the money that he was sending was going to various bank accounts that were all located in Jalisco state in Mexico.

Wow. So why would the drug cartels get into the timeshare scamming business?

It is a huge business. The FBI told me that it’s about $300 million in profits over the last five years.

But the thing is is that the potential for it to actually be multitudes more is huge. Because the FBI estimates that most of the scams are actually not even reported. In fact, only about 20 percent are. So that means the total timeshare scam business could actually be much larger than the $300 million that they have knowledge of over the last five years.

But wait. I thought the drug business was a pretty lucrative business in itself. So why get into the scamming of elderly people for their properties in Lake Tahoe?

Well, you have to remember that these drug cartels, they’re not just doing one thing. They’re doing multiple things. They’re essentially conglomerates. Because it’s really expensive to run a cartel. You need to pay off officials, both Mexican and American. You need to maintain basically an army in order to secure your routes up to the United States, ports of entry into Mexico from Colombia. And any big business, you need to diversify your income to make sure that you keep the money flowing. Because you never know when one business is going to be shut down by authorities or taken over by your rivals.

We’ve reported that they’re now in the avocado business and the construction business. And timeshare fraud is basically no different than any of those. So we’re seeing that the cartels have their fingers in many pies, the legitimate and the illegitimate economy here in Mexico.

It’s kind of fascinating to think of these drug cartels as like sprawling diversified business empires. But when did the cartels first get into the scamming business?

So Jalisco New Generation started about 15 years ago.

And when they started to consolidate their empire in Jalisco state, they found that there were all these scam timeshare call centers all over the state that were being run by various players, and that this was a huge, huge moneymaker. Because essentially, all you have to do is call up retired senior citizens in the US and Canada. It doesn’t take that much money to run that kind of a scheme. There’s no product you’re making.

So essentially, they conducted a hostile takeover of these call centers. They went in. They kicked down doors and dragged out the people who were managing these call centers by their hair and threatened to kill them unless they gave up the call centers or started handing over a cut of what they made. And slowly, slowly Jalisco New Generation cartel took over the entire timeshare fraud industry.

Interesting. Were you able to find any of these call centers?

So these call centers are pretty hard to find. They look like any other storefront. But I was able to visit two that were located in an upscale neighborhood in Guadalajara, which is the capital of Jalisco state. And it was just really perturbing because it was just so normal. Two villas about a mile away from each other outside. Outside of one villa, parents were walking by, holding their children’s hands as they did drop off at school.

It was right next to a park where people taking their morning exercise or their dogs for a walk. There was no real sign that the cartel was doing business there. But a few months before, Mexican law enforcement had found the bodies of eight young people who had used to work at one of these call centers and said that the Jalisco cartel had killed them.

Wow. What happened?

So I wasn’t able to talk directly to any of the victims’ families. They’re just too scared. But in general, this is usually how it starts.

The cartel seeks out English speakers to work for their call centers. Sometimes they don’t even tell them what exactly they are doing. They would tell the recruits that the job was adjacent to the hotel industry.

You have to remember, Jalisco is a huge, huge tourism magnet for Americans and Canadians and others. And the cartel would get their call lists from bribing hotel employees to give them the names of people who stayed at these hotels and also at the timeshare resorts. And the people who would work at the call centers are provided the names and a manual of what you need to do when you call, like a loose script of how to try to suck as much money as you can out of these people up North in Canada and the States.

So we don’t know for sure what exactly happened with the eight young Mexicans who were killed last year. But through an intermediary, one sibling told us that when their family member knew what their job actually was, they became extremely uncomfortable and tried to leave the call center and find another job maybe.

But the Jalisco New Generation cartel is known for being extremely brutal. They chop off heads, and they’ll put them on the gates of a playground, for instance. So that everybody in the neighborhood knows what went down. And in this case, it’s possible that they wanted to send a warning that there’s no defection from their timeshare call centers.

So basically making a very scary example of these guys, in case anyone else is thinking about quitting one of the call centers.

Exactly. And one man, who runs an organization who advocates for missing people and actually organizes search parties to comb the forests of Jalisco state looking for the missing, says that he knows of about 30 people who have disappeared from the call centers in Jalisco state since 2017. So while Americans and Canadians might be losing much of their life savings, in Mexico, this is actually deadly.

Are the authorities doing anything about this?

Not really, other than the fact that these two call centers were shut down. The authorities haven’t arrested others. They’re not putting pressure on Mexican banks, for instance, to look into these payments coming from senior citizens in the US or Canada. And you have to remember that people are really afraid. But you also have to remember that in Mexico things are not that clear. There is a lot of corruption and government collusion with organized crime and cartels.

And the tourism industry, it is huge in Mexico and particularly in Jalisco state. This is a multi-billion dollar industry. They don’t want Americans or Canadians or Europeans who are coming to Jalisco for its beautiful beaches and its mountains to hear about these stories regarding the cartels being involved in the tourism industry and think, I’m not going to send my family there for that beach vacation. It’s just simply too dangerous.

So everybody has an incentive to have the scam continue, whether because they’re too afraid and don’t want to speak out or because they’re in on it.

So in a way, local authorities have an interest in sweeping it under the carpet in order to just maintain this idea of a tourist destination.

Exactly. I mean, the spokeswoman for the prosecutor’s office was very responsive to me until I told her what I wanted to ask her questions about. And then she just simply never answered any of my texts or phone calls.

So Maria, based on everything you know, all the information you have, would you say that you’re confident that the cartels were the ones who scammed James?

Yes, 100 percent. Everything I’ve seen points in that direction.

What did James say when you told him this?

So it took him quite a while to really allow himself to believe it. On the advice of his lawyers, he stopped picking up the phone calls. And about a week ago, they stopped after the scammers kept trying to call him.

But you said he was in it for over a year. Why do you think it took him so long?

Can you tell me, after all of that had been presented to you, why do you think you weren’t willing to be entirely convinced?

Well, I actually asked him that question.

That’s a very good question. Why wasn’t I able to pick up on that right away? And I think in the back of my mind, I’m finding out that I’m a little more stubborn than I thought I was.

And for him, it was pretty complicated.

And I think that I didn’t want to believe that I had fallen for this. I didn’t feel I was that foolish and stupid when it came to this. You know? I guess I didn’t want to believe that I could be fooled.

To come to terms with the fact that he had lost so much money was to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t the person that he thought that he was, that he wasn’t this kind of clever former law enforcement officer who was used to fighting the bad guys and winning.

I’m disappointed in myself. There’s a huge level of anger towards the perpetrators. And all of those things wrapped into one. And part of that, I think, contributes to not wanting to actually believe that I was wrong.

Hmm. Yeah, I hear you. I’m sorry. I can hear the pain in your voice.

[LAUGHS]: Yeah.

Some of it’s based on shame, right? That he lost all this money, everything that he’s worked for, and the fact that this was all supposed to be money that his children and his grandchildren were going to inherit. And now it’s gone.

And have you told your daughter that you think you’ve come to terms with the fact that this might have been a scam?

Oh, she’s been involved. Yeah. They know.

My daughter does.

I’m sorry. This is a tough time.

So I’ve got to make some sort of arrangement to compensate them for this on top of our regular debt. So yeah. It’s been a swell experience, all of it brought on by my — evidently, my stubbornness to believe that I couldn’t possibly be a victim.

How’s your wife doing throughout this whole process, with this new knowledge?

She’s not real happy, obviously, at all. I hear a lot of “I told you so.” And at this point, I’ve got no defense. She’s absolutely right. There’s no question about it.

Do you worry this is going to affect your marriage?

Yes, there has been an effect.

And do you think that at this point there’s any way for James and his family to get some kind of justice or at least find some kind of closure?

Ay. Justice? Unlikely.

At this point, I’m not necessarily expecting much in the way of restitution.

And as for closure, it’s a little bit too soon to tell. In a way, James has gone through several stages of acceptance for what happened. There’s fear. There’s shame. There’s resignation. And now he’s talking to me partly because he feels like it’s a public service, that he needs to be vocal so that other people don’t go through what he’s gone through and fall for the scam. And I think it also helps him feel a little bit empowered in a situation for over the last year and a half he was at the mercy of these people who were calling him multiple times a week.

I want to try to get as much information to as many of these official organizations as possible. I have a streak of anger through me now that I’ve developed to the point where I’m not going to let this go.

Well, Maria, thank you.

Thank you for having me.

Here’s what else you need to know today. OJ Simpson, the football star who was accused and later acquitted of murdering his former wife and her friend, died of cancer at his home in Las Vegas, his family said Thursday. He was 76.

Today’s episode was produced by Astha Chaturvedi and Will Reid, with help from Clare Toeniskoetter and Lindsay Garrison. It was edited by Brendan Klinkenberg and Michael Benoist, contains original music by Marion Lozano, Rowan Niemisto, Dan Powell, Pat McCusker, and Will Reid, and was engineered by Chris Wood. Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsverk of Wonderly.

[THEME MUSIC]

That’s it for “The Daily.” I’m Katrin Bennhold. See you on Monday.

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• April 14, 2024   •   46:17 The Sunday Read: ‘What I Saw Working at The National Enquirer During Donald Trump’s Rise’
• April 12, 2024   •   34:23 How One Family Lost $900,000 in a Timeshare Scam
• April 11, 2024   •   28:39 The Staggering Success of Trump’s Trial Delay Tactics
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Hosted by Katrin Bennhold

Produced by Asthaa Chaturvedi and Will Reid

With Clare Toeniskoetter and Lynsea Garrison

Edited by Brendan Klinkenberg and Michael Benoist

Original music by Marion Lozano ,  Rowan Niemisto ,  Dan Powell ,  Pat McCusker and Will Reid

Engineered by Chris Wood

Listen and follow The Daily Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music

Warning: this episode contains descriptions of violence.

A massive scam targeting older Americans who own timeshare properties has resulted in hundreds of millions of dollars sent to Mexico.

Maria Abi-Habib, an investigative correspondent for The Times, tells the story of a victim who lost everything, and of the criminal group making the scam calls — Jalisco New Generation, one of Mexico’s most violent cartels.

On today’s episode

Maria Abi-Habib , an investigative correspondent for The New York Times based in Mexico City.

Background reading

How a brutal Mexican drug cartel came to target seniors and their timeshares .

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Katrin Bennhold is the Berlin bureau chief. A former Nieman fellow at Harvard University, she previously reported from London and Paris, covering a range of topics from the rise of populism to gender. More about Katrin Bennhold

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