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Modern Love

25 Modern Love Essays to Read if You Want to Laugh, Cringe and Cry

The popular column, which began in 2004, has become a podcast, a book and an Amazon Prime streaming series. Here are some of its greatest hits.

new york times love essays

By Daniel Jones

Whether you’re new to Modern Love or a longtime fan, we think you’ll enjoy this collection of some of our most memorable essays. You’ll find some of our most read and most shared of all time, and others that really got readers talking (and tweeting, and sharing). We present, in no particular order, the quirky, the profound, the head scratching and the heartbreaking. (A handful of these essays and dozens more of our most memorable columns can also be found in the Modern Love anthology .)

To keep up on all things Modern Love — our weekly essays, podcast episodes and batches of Tiny Love Stories, along with other relationship-based reads from The Times — sign up for Love Letter , a weekly email. And check out the “Modern Love” television series , based on this column, on Amazon Prime Video.

1. No Sound, No Fury, No Marriage

By Laura Pritchett

After her peaceful marriage quietly dissolves, a woman comes to appreciate the vitality of conflict and confrontation.

2. Sometimes, It’s Not You, or the Math

By Sara Eckel

He didn’t care that I was 39 and hadn’t had a serious boyfriend in eight years.

3. Am I Gay or Straight? Maybe This Fun Quiz Will Tell Me

By Katie Heaney

A young woman seeks answers to her sexual orientation online, where the endless quizzes she takes deliver whatever label she wants.

4. First I Met My Children. Then My Girlfriend. They’re Related.

By Aaron Long

A former sperm donor, searching online, finds both offspring and love. 

5. What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage

By Amy Sutherland

I wanted — needed — to nudge my husband a little closer to perfect.

6. The 12-Hour Goodbye That Started Everything

By Miriam Johnson

A spurned woman confronts the question: When you lose love, should you even try to get over it?

7. During a Night of Casual Sex, Urgent Messages Go Unanswered

By Andrew Rannells

On one of the most consequential evenings of his life, a young man still finding himself wishes he had picked up the phone.

8. Let’s Meet Again in Five Years

By Karen B. Kaplan

They thought college was too soon for lifelong love, so they scheduled their next date for a little later — 60 months.

9. My Body Doesn’t Belong to You

By Heather Burtman

A young woman who finds herself being catcalled, followed and grabbed at wonders why some men seem to think a female body is public property.

10. Making a Marriage Magically Tidy

By Helen Ellis

At her husband’s suggestion (and with the wisdom of Marie Kondo), a recovering slob discovers the sexiness of cleanliness.

11. Loved and Lost? It’s O.K., Especially if You Win

By Veronica Chambers

It’s O.K. to fall deeply for one loser after another. It’s O.K. to show up at a guy’s house with a dozen roses and declare your undying affection.

12. To Stay Married, Embrace Change

By Ada Calhoun

It’s unrealistic to expect your spouse to forever remain the same person you fell in love with.

13. After 264 Haircuts, a Marriage Ends

By William Dameron

He acknowledged he was gay and left his wife, but he kept returning home for their monthly ritual.

14. In the Waiting Room of Estranged Spouses

By Benjamin Hertwig

An ex-soldier, rocked by infidelity, finds hope in a chance meeting with a mother and her young son.

15. What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity

By Karin Jones

A divorced woman seeking no-strings-attached liaisons learns a sobering lesson about men and marriage.

16. Sharing a Cab, and My Toes

By Julia Anne Miller

During a taxi ride home a co-worker makes a surprising request.

17. On Tinder, Off Sex

By Ali Rachel Pearl

Living a life where secondary abstinence isn’t exactly a first choice.

18. No Labels, No Drama, Right?

By Jordana Narin

The winner of the 2015 Modern Love college essay contest, who was then a sophomore at Columbia University, writes about her generation’s reluctance to define relationships.

19. Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear

By Laura A. Munson

“I don’t love you anymore,” my husband said, but I survived the sucker punch.

20. You May Want to Marry My Husband

By Amy Krouse Rosenthal

After learning she doesn’t have long to live, a woman composes a dating profile for the man she will leave behind.

21. Somewhere Inside, a Path to Empathy

By David Finch

A man learns to deal with Asperger’s syndrome, with the help of his wife.

22. My Husband Is Now My Wife

By Diane Daniel

He took the first step in becoming a woman: surgery to help his face look more feminine.

23. Would My Heart Outrun Its Pursuer?

By Gary Presley

How might a woman love the millstone I believed myself to be?

24. When Eve and Eve Bit the Apple

By Kristen Scharold

A Christian woman’s identity is challenged by her love for church and another woman.

25. To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This

By Mandy Len Catron

What happens if you decide that falling in love is not something that happens to you, but something that you do?

Daniel Jones is the editor of Modern Love.

Modern Love can be reached at [email protected] .

Want more? Watch the trailer for the Modern Love TV show ; read past Modern Love columns and Tiny Love Stories ; listen to the Modern Love Podcast on iTunes , Spotify or Google Play Music ; check out the updated anthology “ Modern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption ;” and follow Modern Love on Facebook .

Stories of Love to Nourish Your Soul

Modern Love Turns 20:  To celebrate the Modern Love column’s 20th anniversary, we put together a special package of articles exploring the column’s history and impact .

Men, Please Stop Talking About Burning Man:  Am I the only woman meeting Burning Mansplainers on dates ?

We Were Just Voices in a Dark Room:  Having barely met, a woman and her partner fell for each other through late-night phone calls. Did that mean they were meant for each other ?

I Decentered Men. Decentering Desire for Men Is Harder:  A woman discovered that organizing her life around some idyllic future husband had always felt wrong .

Friends for 16 Years. Lovers for One Night: Two people realized much too late that they were right for each other .

Looking for My Mother in All the Wrong People: When a woman holds her son for the first time,   a storm of incomplete memories clears .

How Does a Man Buy a Girl’s Swimsuit?: As a gay man who adopted a daughter, I  had gaps in parental knowledge .

new york times love essays

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Modern Love, Revised and Updated: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption

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Daniel Jones

Modern Love, Revised and Updated: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption Paperback – September 3, 2019

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  • Print length 304 pages
  • Language English
  • Publisher Crown
  • Publication date September 3, 2019
  • Dimensions 5.16 x 0.63 x 8 inches
  • ISBN-10 0593137043
  • ISBN-13 978-0593137048
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  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Crown; Updated edition (September 3, 2019)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0593137043
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0593137048
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.16 x 0.63 x 8 inches
  • #75 in Essays (Books)
  • #267 in Love & Romance (Books)
  • #276 in Short Stories Anthologies

About the authors

Daniel jones.

Daniel Jones has edited the Modern Love column in The New York Times since its launch in 2004. His books include “Love Illuminated: Exploring Life's Most Mystifying Subject with the Help of 50,000 Strangers,” “The Bastard on the Couch: 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explore Their Feelings About Love, Loss, Freedom, and Fatherhood,” and a novel, “After Lucy,” which was a finalist for the Barnes & Noble Discover Award. His new book, "Modern Love," is an anthology of many of the best Modern Love columns from the past 15 years. Jones appears weekly on the Modern Love podcast and is consulting producer for Amazon Studios’ show “Modern Love.” He lives in Northampton, Massachusetts and in New York City.

Deborah Copaken

DEBORAH COPAKEN is the New York Times bestselling author of several books, including Shutterbabe, The Red Book, and Between Here and April. A contributing writer at The Atlantic, she was also a TV writer on "Emily in Paris," performer (The Moth, etc.), and a former Emmy Award-winning news producer and photojournalist. Her photographs have appeared in Time, Newsweek, and The New York Times. Her writing has appeared in The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Guardian, The Financial Times, The Observer, The Wall Street Journal, The Nation, Slate, O, the Oprah Magazine, and Paris Match, among others. Her column, “When Cupid is a Prying Journalist,” was adapted for the Modern Love streaming series. She lives in Brooklyn with her family.

Customer reviews

  • 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 5 star 71% 22% 5% 1% 1% 71%
  • 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 4 star 71% 22% 5% 1% 1% 22%
  • 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 3 star 71% 22% 5% 1% 1% 5%
  • 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 2 star 71% 22% 5% 1% 1% 1%
  • 5 star 4 star 3 star 2 star 1 star 1 star 71% 22% 5% 1% 1% 1%

Customer Reviews, including Product Star Ratings help customers to learn more about the product and decide whether it is the right product for them.

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Customers say

Customers find the writing poignant and relatable. They appreciate the variety of stories displaying a multitude of types of love. Readers describe the book as a wonderful, easy read with well-written content. Opinions are mixed on the humor, with some finding it gem-like, while others say it's uninspiring and not worth the time to read.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

Customers find the writing poignant, relatable, and inspiring. They say the stories reflect the depth of the human heart and its ability to feel. Readers also mention the short stories bring them to tears and run the gamut from humorous to heart-wrenching.

"I was blown away at some of the essays in this book. The emotion in them pulled me in ...." Read more

"...They help you to feel things and revel in the idea of love . I hope that there is a sequel." Read more

"...All are well-written, a commitment and run the gamut from humorous to heart-wrenching . Every single one of them had something to offer...." Read more

"...A relatable journey of the heart. Many of the short stories brought me to tears , which is saying a lot, for someone who is not a cryer in general...." Read more

Customers find the stories in the book great, heart-touching, and real.

" Loved the variety of stories , good night time reading before bed" Read more

"I like this book, these true stories . It is like a peek into another one’s love. It is always refreshing to see a different kind of love...." Read more

"... Many of the stories were very moving ." Read more

"...you might not want to put down, but could, because it's appraised of so many short stories ...." Read more

Customers find the book wonderful, easy to read, and relatable. They also say it's the best book of essays they have ever read.

"Loved the variety of stories, good night time reading before bed" Read more

"... A good read , that is at times poignant, and other times completely relatable - sometimes both at once, it is also funny...." Read more

"The show on Amazon Prime is great but this book is amazing . It brought tears to my eyes reading these stories of love in many different presentations." Read more

"Such a great book ! Short stories so you don’t have to sit down for hours to read it. I read it little by little" Read more

Customers find the writing quality of the book well-written and easy to read.

"The authors are magicians with words . They help you to feel things and revel in the idea of love. I hope that there is a sequel." Read more

"... All are well-written , a commitment and run the gamut from humorous to heart-wrenching. Every single one of them had something to offer...." Read more

"...The writing is wonderful , and the vignettes are so heartfelt and relatable. Some I remembered. Some were new to me...." Read more

"Loved the show and the book. Very easy read ! I also enjoyed how they add an update about the author after each essay." Read more

Customers have mixed opinions about the humor in the book. Some mention it's a gem, while others say it's uninspiring and not worth the time to read.

" Brutally honest with laughable moments interspersed . A relatable journey of the heart...." Read more

" Stunningly sad , in fact. These are not stories of love so much as stories of loss and disappointment. The writing is good, as one would expect...." Read more

"...and other times completely relatable - sometimes both at once, it is also funny . My only regret it that there are not MORE stories to read!" Read more

"...But all are gems about a cherished moment in time, filled with warmth, humor , insight, sadness, disappointment, and heartbreak, but most of all,..." Read more

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The 8 Best 'Modern Love' Essays

new york times love essays

Isn't it a fantastic feeling when you stumble upon a column that makes you think, "I can't believe I survived without these stories in my life"? Ever since I read my first New York Times "Modern Love" essay, I was hooked by the series' concept of meditations on connection. The New York Times began publishing essays on the subject, written exclusively by NYT readers, in 2004. However, the series has experienced an upswing in popularity in recent months. This is mostly due to the excellently-produced Modern Love podcast (from WBUR) that's been around since January of this year. In each episode, a talented actor brings a favorite "Modern Love" article to life . Listening to an episode is a great way to freshen up your commute, or provide a soundtrack to your afternoon walk.

But with all these essays, podcasts, and even a Modern Love: 50 True and Extraordinary Tales book out there, I sometimes feel like there's an embarrassment of riches when it comes to "Modern Love." How on earth am I supposed to pick the best stories? Since I know I'm not the only one with this problem, I dug into the "Modern Love" archives from the past three years and picked eight of my favorite stories from 2014-2016. Whether you're a newcomer to the series or you've been a longtime fan, you'll enjoy this assortment of essays on all kinds of unlikely love.

1. Just One Last Swirl Around the Bowl

new york times love essays

Dave Barry, the Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter and author of the New York Times' "This Land" column , wrote this essay about his daughter's dying fish. One of the few Modern Love pieces that isn't about romantic love, the essay explores his memories of his parents' deaths, and how he tried to care for them as best as he knew how during their final days. While his daughter comes to terms with the fish's imminent death, Barry, too, reflects on what it means to watch someone you love die.

You can also listen to Jason Alexander read this on the Modern Love podcast , and he does a bang-up job.

2. All Twisted Up by Genderbending

new york times love essays

Delacey Skinner doesn't know what to think when she discovers that her ex-boyfriend is dating a trans woman. This information causes Skinner to question her own identity as a woman. She's never felt particularly comfortable in her femininity, so what does it mean that her ex now has a relationship with someone who presents herself as far more traditionally feminine than Skinner herself ever has? Skinner's essay is a poignant and thought-provoking take on gender identity.

3. Putting Love to the Stress Test

new york times love essays

What happens when you meet a person so scarily similar to yourself that you assume something has to go wrong? In this essay, Jasmine Jaksic signs up for OkCupid and finds a man who's answered almost every question on the site in the same way as her. Since she and her new beau are both software developers, they decide to implement a real-life version of the "stress test," which is the practice of testing a computer program to its limits. What Jaksic discovers during the four weeks of their stress test changes the way she thinks about the necessities of a relationship.

4. Sharing a Cab, and My Toes

new york times love essays

After abandoning her life as an academic, Julia Anne Miller fulfills her decades-long dream of moving to New York City. While working as a writer for a test-prep company, she sets out to explore the city. Each of her coworkers nurses an artistic dream, and the test-prep job is only a way to pay the bills. Miller's dream: to perform. One night, she shares a cab ride home with a coworker, leading to a bizarre sexual experience. This forms the basis of her eloquent meditation on what it means to get what you want.

5. One Bouquet of Fleeting Beauty, Please

new york times love essays

This stunning and lyrical essay will make you smell tulips and lilies as you're reading. Written by Alisha Gorder, it tells the story of Gorder's time at a floral shop, arranging and selling bouquets to people trying to communicate with their loved ones through flowers. People often send commonplace messages with their bouquets, such as "Happy Birthday" (H.B.), "Happy Anniversary" (H.A.), and "Thinking of You" (T.O.Y.). But sometimes, what they're trying to say isn't so simple. Gorder weaves those anecdotes into the fabric of her own life: when she was 18, her boyfriend of two years killed himself, and she was forced to learn an agonizing lesson about love.

6. One Thousand and One Nights of Laundry

new york times love essays

Wendy Rasmussen, the author of this melancholy reflection on love and loss, married an Iraqi refugee and then divorced him. Her essay captures an episode of her life in which she went to his house with their sons to do laundry, since she didn't have a working laundry machine. One night, her drunk ex-husband told her a story about escaping from Iraq by crossing the Saudi Arabian deserts, and about the man he left behind in the sand. Rasmussen's essay is subtle, but evocative, and it's a read you won't forget.

7. Finding My Own Rescuer

new york times love essays

Anna March brings us this story about the love of her life, a man disabled in a car accident when he was 16. Though he has to use a wheelchair, Adam is anything but helpless: he can cook, walk the dogs, and drive, and he helps keep March's life in order when they move in together. But their new house has more than one story, and while they're waiting for the proper ramps to be installed, the tables turn in their relationship. Now March is the one caring for him - and she doesn't know if she's up to the task.

8. No Labels, No Drama, Right?

new york times love essays

This is the essay that made me start following "Modern Love" - mostly because I've seen the exact same story play out in my friends' lives so many times. The author, Jordana Narin, writes about the man who occupied the space between friend and boyfriend for so long that she hardly knew how to handle her relationship with him - especially because, as a Millennial and college student, she didn't know how to admit her feelings. If you've tried to navigate the muddy waters of hookup culture, this is an essay that will resonate with you.

Images: Caleb Ekeroth , Brenda Helen , Luis Llerena, Daria Sukhorukova , Kai Oberhäuser , freestocks.org /Unsplash; jill111 , Unsplash , ferobanjo /Pixabay

new york times love essays

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