just good friends case study

‘Just Good Friends’: Managing the Clash of Discourses in Police Interviews with Paedophiles

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• Kelly Benneworth  

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Many individuals operate outside the acceptable parameters of sexual practice in society. However, few things provoke as much public outrage as sexual offences against children. There is considerable social interest in paedophile activity, demonstrated by the widespread media coverage of child pornography, child sex-murders and celebrity child molesters. In 2005, pop star Michael Jackson was acquitted following charges of molesting a thirteen-year-old boy and broadcaster Jonathan King was released from prison after serving three and a half years for sexually assaulting five boys. Incidents of gross indecency with a child are allegedly on the increase with 1,942 cases reported to the police in 2004 compared to 1,880 in 2003 (Recorded Crime Data: UK, Home Office Research Development Statistics, 2004).

I would like to thank the Economic and Social Research Council (ESRC) for funding the Postdoctoral Fellowship during which this paper was written.

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Benneworth, K. (2007). ‘Just Good Friends’: Managing the Clash of Discourses in Police Interviews with Paedophiles. In: Cotterill, J. (eds) The Language of Sexual Crime. Palgrave Macmillan, London. https://doi.org/10.1057/9780230592780_3

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• Just good friends

Not all alliances work as well as Renault-Nissan. But all need similar ingredients to succeed

A STRIKING feature of the business landscape in the past decade or so has been the apparent increase in the number of corporate alliances. Just as it is easier to count marriages than cohabitations, so it is easier to number mergers than alliances—but a study in the late 1990s by Booz-Allen & Hamilton, a consultancy, reckoned that alliances in the United States had grown by 25% a year over the preceding decade, and by more in Europe and Asia. Popular though alliances are, few are as spectacularly successful as that between France's Renault and Japan's Nissan, a triumph so exceptional that six books have already been written about it and another four, together with countless business-school case studies, are on the stocks (see article ). Given the difficulties that car-industry acquisitions have had, managers might reasonably wonder whether alliances are a safer sort of partnership. The answer is that they are—and that they often have a different purpose; but they also require special skills to manage successfully.

Unlike mergers, alliances rarely lead to savings. So why are they so popular?

Unlike mergers, alliances rarely lead to savings. A merger can, at the least, guarantee the loss of one head office, but an alliance offers gains in revenue rather than cuts in costs. So why are they so popular? At a time of rapidly developing technologies, alliances provide a way to dip a toe in the water with minimum risk. Big pharmaceutical companies link up with small biotech businesses, and computer giants with software start-ups, in order to dabble in new markets and to tap into innovative thinking. In addition, alliances fit the current fashion for outsourcing: a company that retreats to its core competences needs plenty of partners to fill all the non-core roles such as (say) manufacture or distribution. And companies that want a global reach need local partners to enter foreign markets. In some industries—notably airlines—global alliances have another use: they allow companies some of the benefits of merging without having to negotiate regulatory barriers.

Not only have alliances grown more popular; they are also in some respects becoming easier to run. One of the less noticed effects of Internet-based technologies is the way they foster collaboration within and between companies, not just at the top but at every level. People in different time zones can share work, even if they never see each other and rarely talk on the telephone; and teams co-operating on projects can store information on a communal website. Communications of this sort are not foolproof—a few badly worded e-mails can trigger an unintentionally bitter war. But they are a big improvement on nothing at all.

Not another corporate dinner, please

To work well, though, alliances need more than nifty technology. They need trust, a clear sense of their goals and diplomatic leadership. Managing an alliance well calls for a different approach from getting a merger to work: note how Carlos Ghosn, the hero of the Renault-Nissan partnership, emphasises the need for each company to retain its sense of identity. Contrast that with the irritations at Daimler and Chrysler over the compromises that each (but especially Chrysler) has had to make. Even with sensitive handling, an alliance offers endless scope for suspicion and mistrust. That can be minimised partly by ensuring that each party feels that it gains roughly the same from the arrangement; and partly by lots of personal contact among the partners. That means chomping through many trust-building lunches and dinners.

Watching Mr Ghosn's success, Daimler and Chrysler must wish that they had lived together for a few months before they tied the knot. However, plenty of alliances turn sour—think of the mess that AT&T and BT have made of Concert, their bid to provide cross-border services to multinationals. But alliances at least offer a way to press ahead and form a closer link, or to retreat gracefully. In the 1960s Sears, a giant American retailer, formed an alliance with France's Michelin, to market and distribute its tyres in the United States. The arrangement lasted for only a few years. Yet by the time it ended, Sears had learnt enough about automobile products to lay the foundations for a strong car-parts business; and Michelin had a solid foothold in the American tyre market. Even an alliance that ends is not necessarily an alliance that fails.

This article appeared in the Leaders section of the print edition under the headline “Just good friends”

Leaders August 18th 2001

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Technology will make war faster and more opaque. It could also prove destabilising

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A snap election in France reveals the flimsiness of his legacy

The exponential growth of solar power will change the world

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Truth, Friendship, and Ethical Responsibility in the Workplace

• Markkula Center for Applied Ethics
• Focus Areas
• Business Ethics
• Business Ethics Resources

A Business Ethics Case Study

What responsibility does an employee have when information they obtained in confidence from a coworker friend may be in conflict with the needs of the company or raises legal and ethical questions.

Natalia Garcia ’23 graduated with a major in economics and minor in international business and was a 2022-23 Hackworth Fellow with the Markkula Center for Applied Ethics.

Ben is an experienced sales representative at a large multinational information technology company. He’s worked there for years and has developed strong friendships within the company, especially with other sales reps. Ben has been good friends with Michael, another sales rep, since they joined the company around the same time.   

Over the last months, Michael shared some personal struggles with Ben, and Ben was doing his best to be a supportive friend. Ben knew that Michael was dealing with some serious financial issues at home and that he was barely making ends meet, trying to support his wife and young kids while also having to financially support his aging parents. Michael let on that he was taking some risky moves at work to come up with some more money and that he was really starting to worry about it. But he never fully disclosed what that entailed. 

Unexpectedly, Michael abruptly left the company, leaving Ben shocked and suspicious about the true nature of his colleague’s activities. Ben was assigned to take over Michael’s sales territories and get back on track. During the transition, he discovered the extent of the financial harm that the company suffered as a result of Michael’s actions. Through careful examination of sales transactions and accounting records, it became evident that Michael had engaged in a fraudulent scheme. 

Michael had orchestrated a deal with an external company whereby he booked a large number of orders with delayed delivery dates. He received upfront commission payments (meaning he was paid the commission when the sale was made but not when the order was fulfilled) by his own company for nearly one hundred orders, and then split that commission with the external company. In collaboration with the external firm, Michael continuously pushed back the delivery dates every few months, ensuring the orders were never fulfilled. Despite the absence of payment from the external company, the tech company continued paying commission to Michael for these fictitious sales. Essentially, Michael was being compensated for sales that were listed as orders but that were never actually fulfilled (payment for the sale was due on delivery).

Reflecting on their past conversations, Ben grew increasingly uneasy, realizing that Michael’s desperate need for quick money through sales commissions had likely driven him to engage in this fraudulent behavior. Ben felt a sense of responsibility and questioned whether he could have prevented the situation, and now, with Michael gone from the company with no repercussions, he wondered what all of this would mean for him.

As Ben assumed the responsibility of taking over Michael’s sales territory, the company began an internal investigation to seek any information that could shed light on the issue. This presented Ben with a moral dilemma. During the investigation, Ben was asked if he knew any information that might help the company understand and resolve the issue. Michael’s actions - the deceit, dishonesty, and disregard for responsibility - deeply troubled Ben as they clashed with his own moral compass. 

While Ben wanted to uphold his personal integrity as an individual and an employee, and disclose all he knew to the company, he worried that doing so might jeopardize his own position and potentially lead to termination if he were deemed complicit in Michael’s actions. Additionally, Ben empathized with Michael’s difficult circumstances, understanding that he only resorted to fraud out of desperation. A part of him felt inclined to protect his friend and maintain their friendship, despite the wrongdoings committed.

Feeling caught between conflicting interests, Ben wondered: should he choose to remain silent and move on as quickly as possible, now that Michael has left the company, and avoid giving any information? After all, exposing the truth could lead to serious consequences for Michael, who was already dealing with significant challenges. It could also cost Ben his friendship. But, even if the fraud was wrong, Ben knew his huge company wouldn’t really feel a big financial hit from the loss and that the product in question was not a life or death matter. Not every wrong can or even should be righted, Ben thought. Moreover, his job and his reputation as a sales rep and his company’s image might all be at stake if he speaks up. 

What should Ben do? 

Questions to Consider: 

Please identify what you think are the most significant ethical values at stake in Ben’s decision? It will be important to identify these values on all sides of this dilemma. 

For assistance in this matter, please consult “ Six Ethical Lenses” from the Framework for Ethical Decision Making by the Markkula Center for Applied Ethics.

What struck you as the most important aspect or element of this case study and why did it stand out to you?

When faced with the knowledge of his colleague’s fraudulent actions, what ethical considerations should one weigh in deciding whether to disclose the truth to the company, even if it may have personal and interpersonal consequences?

What actions can Ben take to reconcile loyalty to his friend, his commitment to integrity, and his own professional well-being?

• 3 Friendship Case Studies

“Friendship is the rare kind of relationship that remains forever available to us as we age,” Jennifer Senior noted in an Atlantic piece last year. “It’s a bulwark against stasis, a potential source of creativity and renewal in lives that otherwise narrow with time.” And yet, despite all of its virtues and joys, many of us find friendship something we puzzle over as grown-ups: how to make friends? How to keep friends? How to care for our friends, and find time to actually enjoy their company? After all, says Senior, once we graduate, “we are ritual-deficient, nearly devoid of rites that force us together.”

And so, as adults, we must develop our own friendship practices, habits, and rhythms. Because I’m personally always looking for inspiration, I thought it might be fun to share a few “case studies” of successful friendships in my own life. They’re anonymous, but only lightly so – if you’ve been here awhile, you’ll surely know who I’m talking about. All part of the fun :)

This post turned out to be extravagantly long, so I’ve split it into two parts – three today and three in a future edition!

Case Study No. 1: The former coworkers turned friends

How we met: We worked together at a small business. I worked there first, and advocated for L’s hiring – we had connected via our blogs while she was still in college. From her writing, I knew she would be perfect for the role, and we were kindred spirits from the start once we finally met in person. (Still are :))

K and I have a particularly good meet-cute: the first time we met, at a reader event I was hosting for work, she came up to me and blurted out, “I know where you live.” Not creepy at all, ha!

How we got close: L and I sat next to each other five days a week for several years, and together the three of us (along with other beloved teammates!) road tripped, squealed over major business victories, survived one particularly painful team-building activity, sweated buckets at photo shoots, celebrated engagements and new babies, frolicked across fields in – there’s no other word for it – ballgowns, and much, much more. Small business life is not for the faint of heart, and relationships often grow deep and strong as you navigate it together.

How we stay close: Though we met as coworkers, we no longer work together. This could have been the end – I have said goodbye to many coworkers throughout my career, and without the regular face time (physical or virtual) of the workweek (and the chance to share the tiny details of life over Slack or while gathering for a meeting), it’s impossible to maintain the same type of relationship.

And so transition becomes necessary. Sometimes this is to a more distant, but benevolent, relationship. Other times – as in this one – you find a way to forge something new AND close.

As COVID lockdowns loosened a bit in August 2020, the three of us tucked kids into bed and met up on L’s back porch with glasses of Prosecco and bowls of popcorn. And then we talked for 2-3 hours, so happy to be together in person. Before we parted ways, we put a date on the calendar for our next get-together, and we’ve been doing it ever since.

What we’ve overcome: Navigating our transitions from coworkers to friends was challenging for me. Because we were used to seeing each other during the workday, we had no established rhythms to be together outside of work, and so in some ways felt we were starting from scratch with figuring out what our friendship would look like.

In both cases, I also dealt with feelings of betrayal when they decided to leave the business (and I stayed behind). It’s painful to admit, but I harbored bitterness for months that poisoned our relationship, at least on my side. To move past it, after clearly feeling God ask me to make a move, I had to initiate a dedicated conversation where I shared what I had been feeling and apologized. It was one of the scariest conversations I’ve ever had, but I’m so glad I had it. We would not have the friendship we have today without it.

What I love about our friendship: We’ve been through a lot together, and these ladies GET me: multi-state road trips leave lots of time for conversation. We’ve met each other’s families. We’ve celebrated and mourned with each other through major life events.

I love that the three of us are both different and the same. Many of the things that matter most to us we hold in common, but we are wildly different in other ways, with different personalities and interests and areas of expertise. I also love that our ages are slightly staggered – between the three of us, we span about eight years – which brings an interesting flavor to our conversations and allows us to speak into each other’s lives in unique ways.

I love that meeting up so regularly allows the tiny dramas of life to spool out in a way that engenders closeness: there’s always something to catch up on when we’re together, and yet there are never big gaps we need to fill.

And finally, if you’ve met these two ladies, you know ANYONE would consider themselves lucky to be their friend. They are supremely talented, extravagantly generous, passionate about all the right things, and just plain fun to be around.

Case Study No. 2: The couple friends

How we met: N was a photographer I met through work practically in my first month on the job. I started to read her blog, and when I saw she and her husband liked to play Settlers of Catan (a somewhat niche interest!), sent a VERY bold and uncharacteristic email offering to get together to play, if they wanted.

How we got close: They did, and we did, and we’ve been playing board games ever since. Things took a turn a few years in when we went camping together – there’s nothing like conversations around a campfire, or seeing someone un-showered first thing in the morning, to bump a relationship up a level. Since we were friends before any of us had children, we had time for long, honest conversations about the things that matter to us, like generosity, marriage, family, faith, travel, and, yes, eventually the decision to have kids .

How we stay close: Camping. Always camping, every year. It’s a guaranteed check-in where we know we’ll be able to connect and go beyond surface conversation, even if we have to brave bugs and dirt to do so.

Other than that, in this season of life we make do with infrequent get-togethers, like dinners at one of our homes with all seven of our kids and the occasional double date night.

I also consider myself the number one fan of her podcast and will frequently text her my commentary and feedback :)

What we’ve overcome: We’ve overcome physical distance. We’ve never lived particularly close to each other, but the distance was easier to overcome in our kid-free days, when no one was paying for babysitters and driving 40 minutes for a game night was nothing.

We’ve also bridged difference. Though we share many important things in common, we’ve also made different choices on church, education for our kids, work, type of neighborhood, and more. It’s easy to judge or feel judged when your loved ones choose differently from you, and I’m proud that our friendship is stronger than that.

What I love about our friendship: One thing I treasure about our relationship is that I like to think we learn from each other. I know I have personally learned SO much from N and from watching N and W’s relationship over the years. And this is the beauty of difference – if you’re exactly the same, there’s no room to grow :)

Case Study No. 3: The group of friends

How we met: A mostly-online friend who had just moved to the area approached me about starting a monthly discussion group, and I enthusiastically agreed. We issued open invitations on our blogs, opened our homes to perfect strangers, and the rest, as they say, is history.

How we got close: Seven years later, four gals from that first night are still in the club. The other eight joined us over time – some, blog readers who responded to periodic open invitations, others who knew someone on the inside :)

The most obvious way that we got close is because 1) we met regularly – every single month, without fail, and 2) every time, we discussed things that mattered over several hours. I mean, if you want a formula for developing a deep relationship, I don’t think you can do much better than that. There were a few other key factors over the years, though:

About a year in, we decided to hold our discussion over dinner instead of over wine and snacks. There’s something about cooking for each other and sharing a meal that engenders familiarity.

During the pandemic, we found creative ways to meet – on Zoom, bundled in ridiculous layers of clothing around a fire pit, on blankets in the park with takeout boxes on our laps. In a time starved for companionship and rife with things to discuss, we had each other.

Finally, we started a group text thread. This might sound inconsequential, but it provided an immediacy to our friendship that hadn’t existed before, as we didn’t chat much outside of our monthly gatherings. Now, we’re a part of each other’s lives in a more mundane way that is beyond delightful.

How we stay close: Yes, it’s the fact that we meet monthly. But to go one level deeper, I’ve got to give credit to my co-founder, who sends the email that confirms our date each month, another a few days before that reminds us where and when we’re meeting and what we’re reading, and creates a SignUp Genius link for our meal. She’d tell you it’s nothing, but it’s not . Organizational skills are one type of glue that holds friend groups together, and that’s certainly the case in ours.

What we’ve overcome: This group has never felt rocky, which is both shocking – considering the controversial, personal, and deeply meaningful things we discuss – and a deep testament to these women. I also think it signals a truth our modern, very online, culture seems designed to conceal: that there are very few people you wouldn’t love if you spent time with them, around a table, in good faith.

What I love about our friendship: I mean, so many things – I’ve waxed poetic many times over the years :) But man – that text thread! Everyone needs one in their life! A smattering of topics from the last week: line-drying clothing, Demon Copperhead , OB/Gyn recs, Amazon + One Medical, someone’s cute new tennis bag , thank you note methodology, an undershirt for sweaters , everyone’s favorite types of butter, where to donate dress pants, and an absolute deluge of hype over one member’s marathon finish that qualified her for the Boston Marathon (!!!). It’s also an official rule that you must share a selfie after you get a haircut.

If you’re in need of a local recommendation, have something exciting to share, something you want to discuss, something you need an opinion on or a cheerleader for anything at all – this is your thread. Everyone needs one!

Up next: a church friend, a neighborhood friend, and either a preschool friend or a long-distance friend – you tell me which you’d prefer! :) I’d also love to hear something that moved you closer to one of your friends, if you’d like to share.

P.S. The best way I’ve found to regularly see my friends .

In search of photos to use in this post, I searched “flower” in my camera roll and these were three favorites that popped up: an iPhone snap from one of the last SW photo shoots, sunflowers at Dix Park, and a backyard centerpiece plucked from our garden. Also, affiliate links are used in this post!

Grateful to be a part of one of these groups! :) Also, did not know you all were Settlers of Catan fans – we love this game as well and have found it’s quite polarizing.

Selfishly, I would be interested in both preschool and distance – currently in the preschool throws and also I have a dear friend moving at the end of this year.

We played so much back in the day, pre-kids – we liked to play a very elaborate combo of original, Cities and Knights, and Seafarers that was pretty epic, ha!

Love it! Vote for preschool friend ????

“I also think it signals a truth our modern, very online, culture seems designed to conceal: that there are very few people you wouldn’t love if you spent time with them, around a table, in good faith.”  Wow, wow, wow. The wisdom in this will stay with me. I love these stories!!

As someone who lives an expat life, where for work reasons we move every few years, I think this is so true. In each new country, we start again, looking for people to be friends with and a community to be part of… and to do that, we honestly cling to any source of connection (oh you also have curly hair, let’s be friends! You also have a garden, let’s get together. Oh your kids also speak English- great, who cares how old they are). We have made such wonderful friends with people much older, much younger, of different faiths, with different values– and each of them adds something amazing to our lives. I wonder what life would be like at ‘home’ if we did this too, and sought out similarities rather than focusing on differences. I bet we would all have richer, more diverse friend groups and far more fulfilling lives.

Love this so much, Danae (and cracked up at the commonalities you’ll leap on to start a new friendship, ha). Seriously, though, one of my friend swears by a genuine clothing compliment as the perfect way to strike up a conversation with someone new, and she’s not wrong!

What a delightful lunch time read! Thank you so much for this lovely post. If my family of origin (including extended family) and family of creation (my spouse and my children) are the goodness that make the cake, than my friends are the icing on the cake. Love that your post inspired reflection on the sweetness that friendship brings to my life!

What a lovely way to describe family and friends!

I love this post! What a clever way to write about friendships. Now I’m thinking about my friendships and how I could categorize them into case studies. I vote for the long-distance friend because all of my friends from school are now long-distance.

I always love your thoughts and truly have felt so lucky to call you a friend! I have found going first to be one of the most potent ways of deepening both old and new friendships- sharing the vulnerable parts of my life rather than keeping the conversation at surface level. Another is praying for that friend before I see her always grows my heart towards her! When I take time to pray for her I find that the conversation and questions are much more intentional and I am a far better listener. :-)

This is the sweetest. So grateful for you, friend!

THE TEXT THREAD THOUGH. Forever grateful to you all for willingly folding me back into the group after our DC departure! ???? (And another vote for the preschool friend!)

Well THAT was never in question! We are just so lucky to have you back!!

Oh I love this so much, it makes me miss all my friends I moved away from recently! I vote for long-distance friend as I feel that everyone else studied are local friends. I’m still in the accumulating acquaintances phase before I start seeing who I really click with.

Love this! I feel very blessed to have a life full of dear friends. I appreciate your honesty about the bitter feelings, and also I would never have thought to be so grateful for Steph’s monthly logistical email and sign up genius, but you are so right! It is not nothing. One of my best friends and I get together most weeks for a walk. Always the same spot and we’ll usually just text until we find a good mutual time that week. Sometimes it varies on the amount of kids that come along and sometimes it’s just us, but walking for an hour is free and easy and great catch-up time!

You know how I feel about walks! The glue that holds so many relationships in my life together!

I really enjoyed this post – it gave me so much to think about regarding my own friendships. My vote is for the long-distance friend! I feel like I am still learning how to navigate being thousands of miles away from friends. I struggle with ways to stay connected (without feeling like I’m the only one making an effort to stay in touch).

You and me both, Sarah!

This couldn’t have been more timely! We‘ll have our very first articles club meeting and it’s about friendship!! This post makes me even more excited about it – if that is possible. I‘d love both preschool and long-distance friend! But if you make me choose, I’ll choose long-distance. Fortunately/unfortunately I have lots of those.

Kerstin, this makes me so very happy!! Steph and I have been helping another articles club get started in our area and it’s the sweetest to see it spread!

Preschool friend, please! Thank you :))

I’d love to hear about your long-distance friend! Most of my best friends are a flight away and it’s a challenge! Would love to hear how you nurture that relationship.

Friendship, a timely topic and so important right now given the significant number of people who have reported having no friends and feeling lonely. You might be interested in this podcast from my job, or maybe you’ve already listened/read about this: https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/happy-life I’d be interested in the preschool friend. Most of my friends fall into the “friends who became moms” category. So I’m curious about how people acquire friends in the “mom from school, who is now a friend” category.

I can’t wait to listen!

I loved this post, it made me think deeply about my own friendships in the best way! Another vote for both preschool and long distance friendship here :)

Like Mary Poppins and Virginia’s cucumber sammy thingies we’ll hopefully get to eat next month, this was practically perfect in every way ♥️♥️♥️

Absolutely loved this post, Em! I love sharing about friendship, and this was an amazing way. Thank you for the inspiration x

Such an amazing and thoughtful post! It was especially refreshing to read the “What We’ve Overcome” sections, as it’s easy to look at established friendships as perfect or without awkwardness, but that’s simply not true!

Well, several parts of this post had me tearing up!! Very, very grateful for your bold email all those years ago that brought us together (and our memorable evening of Winston peeing all over the carpet while we played Catan! Ha! And you still called us friends!!) What a gift you and John are to us, Em. I know my comment just gave us away but since I’m a little late to the comment party, hopefully it didn’t matter too much. Love you and our camping trips more than you know (even when we are the worst at getting dates on the calendar!)

hi! my name is em.

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• Strawberry baby shower picnic in the park
• La Vie en Rose: Versailles
• La Vie en Rose: Paris
• Natural wood dresser
• A spring woodland baby shower for Nancy
• Inspiration Board No. 105: Spring Woodland Baby Shower
• Marvelous summer playlist
• July 2015 Goals
• Happy Father's Day
• No. 45: Go to Europe
• Wilmington and Bald Head Island
• June 2015 Goals
• Packing for Provence
• One Love Organics + new face wash routine
• West Elm nautical collection
• The drinking water game
• Em's camping favorites
• May 2015 Goals
• Thoughts on camping
• Fruit of the spirit: peace
• Natalie + Joe's summer wedding at the Branford House
• Marvelous Money: Start Rich
• Help me choose my new glasses!
• Our wedding album from Milk Books
• Weekend in Beaufort, SC
• Weekend in Savannah
• April 2015 Goals
• Camping 2015 + Texas road trip
• Spring trip to NYC
• Marvelous spring playlist
• Packing for Paris
• March 2015 Goals
• Replacing paper towels
• Cafe curtain inspiration for the dining room
• Fruit of the spirit: joy
• We are going to France!!
• Marvelous Money: Preparing financially for a baby
• Ten year dativersary
• February 2015 Goals
• No. 54: Learn some flower arranging skills
• A family treasure
• Our new rug + foyer plans
• Tips for travel planning
• Fruit of the spirit: love
• Why iPhone notes are genius
• New year, new topics!
• 2014: A year in review
• Tinsel stirrers in the limelight!
• Christmas Cards 2014
• Our new red front door!
• Marvelous Money: Charitable Giving Accounts
• 2014 Em for Marvelous Gift Guide: Littles
• 2014 Em for Marvelous Gift Guide: Neutral Gifts
• December 2014 Goals
• 2014 Em for Marvelous Gift Guide: Colorful Gifts
• Happiest Thanksgiving + Inspiration Board No. 104
• Featured in Emily Ley's Simplicity Series!
• Rethinking our wall of art
• Minted does fabric
• November 2014 goals
• H&M home for the holidays
• My ultimate dream home and other magazine memories
• Marvelous Money: Why do we spend so much?
• Porch party
• October 2014 goals
• Fall to do list
• Caitlin Wilson Designs giveaway!
• 2014 reading list so far
• Top 25 favorite chapter books
• Top 25 favorite picture books
• Six years of blogging
• The houses of Serenbe
• Two years of marriage
• Jackie + George's Wedding
• Puffin in Bloom
• September Goals
• Sailing in Maine
• Replacing my Toms
• August in Maine
• House Tour 2014: Upstairs
• House Tour 2014: Downstairs
• August Goals
• Little adventurer baby shower
• California Dreaming: San Francisco
• Natalie and Joe are married!
• California Dreaming: Yosemite
• California Dreaming: Monterey and Carmel
• California Dreaming: Cambria, San Simeon, Big Sur
• Watercolor house portraits
• California Dreaming: Santa Barbara, Montana de Oro, Cayucos
• California Dreaming: Malibu, Ojai, Montecito
• Planning a point-to-point trip
• Summer fun with friends
• Buckwheat and banana pancakes
• Front porch inspiration
• What we eat, part two
• What we eat, part one
• Pysanky eggs
• Weekend in Charleston
• Our house's colors
• April goals
• Five favorite abstract artists
• Marvelous Money: A Beginner's Guide to IRAs
• No. 49: Canoe down the Haw River
• Dining room table lighting options
• The Well's End and other thoughts on reading
• March 2014 Goals
• 60 Before 30
• Teal and emerald bridesmaid dresses
• A marvelous love story
• Garlands of love
• Birthday presents on the hour
• February 2014 Goals
• Finding your team after a move
• The cure for homesickness
• New kitchen pendant lights!
• California dreaming
• Classic and romantic
• DIY gold dot stationery
• Marvelous Money: Paying off debt
• 2013: A year in review
• Christmas cards 2013
• 2013 Em for Marvelous Gift Guide: Littles
• 2013 Em for Marvelous Gift Guide: Gents
• 2013 Em for Marvelous Gift Guide: Bright Gifts
• 2013 Em for Marvelous Gift Guide: Neutral Gifts
• Blessed to be a Blessing: Giving at Christmas
• December Goals
• Happy Thanksgiving!
• How we plan our meals
• Weekend adventures
• How I organize my blogging
• How I use my Simplified Planner
• Our kitchen chalkboard wall!
• November Goals
• Slightly nautical nursery
• Cozy fall playlist
• Inspiration Board No. 103: State Fair Celebration
• Colorful gallery wall
• Homemade chicken nuggets
• Marvelous Money: A Beginner's Guide to 401ks
• Easy Raised Garden Bed
• Living with kids
• October Goals
• Inspiration board no. 102: Peacock, shale, teal, and emerald
• Sperry Tent Layout
• Observations from one year of marriage
• Traveling wedding friends
• A visit to the cobbler
• On longtime friends and weddings
• Marvelous Money: Why save for retirement?
• The great area rug search
• Tips for hosting an adventure dinner party
• Marvelous Mondays: Gallery wall inspiration
• Two useful things
• An ode to golf course strolls
• Our first apartment
• Camping with friends
• Stepping into the Great Gatsby
• Summertime in Northern Michigan
• Happy Fourth!
• Summer to do list
• Honeymoon in Nevis, Part 2
• Guest post on Snippet & Ink!
• Honeymoon in Nevis, Part 1
• Tried and true recipes, no. 2
• Tips for everyday adventures
• House search update no. 3: The conclusion
• Happy Mother's Day
• Tinsel stirrers at a baby shower!
• Inspiration Board No. 101: A Nevis Wedding
• Pet Nicknames
• Marvelous Monday: Small Backyards
• Marvelous Money: Tracking your budget with the envelope system
• Packing for Nevis!
• Marvelous Money: Tracking your budget with Google Docs
• April Goals
• Inspiration Board No. 100: Anne of Green Gables
• Picks for spring
• House search update no. 2
• Making Things Happen
• Marvelous Mondays: Easter Eggs
• Marvelous Money: How to spend money
• Beyond the Sea: The budget
• March Goals
• The Birthday Party Project
• Inspiration Board No. 99: Beyond the Sea
• Beyond the sea: Reception
• Beyond the sea: Cocktail hour
• Beyond the sea: Our ceremony
• Beyond the sea: First look
• Beyond the sea: Wedding morning
• Beyond the sea: Rehearsal dinner
• Beyond the sea: Final preparations
• February Goals
• House search update
• Marvelous Money: Building a budget
• Tinsel stirrers in the shop!
• Super foods
• Marvelous Money: Managing Joint Finances
• Friends of Em + Graham Terhune Photography
• Board No. 98: Backyard Garden Party Wedding
• Marvelous Money: The emergency fund
• Marget and Seth's Wedding
• Marvelous Mondays: Bedrooms with wood plank walls
• Marvelous Money: What's your story?
• Target Threshold Spring Collection
• Welcome back to the Bachelor
• January Goals
• Daily Goals 2013
• 2012: A year in review
• Merry Christmas!
• Christmas cards 2012
• Board No. 97: Blue and White Christmas
• Em loves you: A Christmas giveaway
• Em for Marvelous Christmas playlist 2012
• 2012 Em for Marvelous Gift Guide: Neutral Gifts
• 2012 Em for Marvelous Gift Guide: Bright Gifts
• Blessed to be a blessing: acts of kindness for Christmas
• Felt mistletoe
• Christmas cupcake flags in the shop!
• Marvelous mondays: wreaths
• Gold party outfit
• Crafting our ceremony: serving communion
• Our wedding film from Inkspot Crow
• Marvelous mondays: kitchen banquettes
• Crafting our ceremony: our vows
• Modern Christmas newsletter
• Minted Christmas Cards
• Crafting our ceremony: music
• Inspiration Board No. 96: Falling for Dahlias
• Christmas trees in baskets
• Hiking in Asheville
• Antiquing in Asheville
• Eating in Asheville
• Pumpkin chocolate chip muffins
• Gilded pumpkins!
• Crafting our ceremony: readings
• Marvelous mondays: caramel apples
• Advice for first time home buyers
• Marvelous mondays: gilded pumpkins
• The hunt is over: Nitsa's
• On the hunt: David's Bridal
• On the hunt: The White Dress by the Shore
• Marvelous mondays: black stair railings
• On the hunt: Maddison Row
• On the hunt: inspiration
• Marvelous mondays: built-in bunks for four
• New beginnings
• Wedding road trip!
• Wedding planning update: 9 days to go
• Our wedding registry
• A good weekend
• Wedding planning update: 16 days to go
• Wedding planning update: 24 days to go
• A picnic bridal shower
• Rehearsal dinner outfit
• Wedding planning update: 1 month to go
• Favorite group portraits
• Our wedding invitations, part two
• Our wedding invitations, part one
• Invitations out of the house!
• Matt & Claudia are married!
• Invitations in the house!
• Dreams do come true
• Paloma's Nest Ring Bearer Bowl
• Ann Taylor tops
• Seasonal Home of Gales Ferry
• Wedding planning update: 2 months to go
• Mike & Antonia are married!
• Seth and Marget are getting married!
• Oilcloth project possibilities
• Wedding day emergency kit
• Happy Fourth of July!
• June Instagram
• Accessories Week: Comb + Veil
• Accessories Week: Earrings + Clutch
• Accessories Week: Bracelet + Necklace
• Classic Groom Essentials
• A Kate Spade Bridal Shower
• Wedding planning update: 3 months to go
• Paper Picks 2012: One Canoe Two
• Paper Picks 2012: Belle & Union
• Paper Picks 2012: Alee & Press
• Paper Picks 2012: Figs & Ginger
• Paper Picks 2012: Mr. Boddington's Studio
• Our engagement photos!
• Cupcake flags + donuts!
• Lot 190 + blue doors
• Wedding weekend welcome packs
• Wedding planning update: 3+ months to go
• Busy week ahead!
• Quaker marriage certificate
• Inn at Palmetto Bluff: Treehouse
• Accessorizing
• Backyard bridal shower
• Lowcountry Produce
• Hunting Island State Park
• 101 in 1001: May 2012
• City Loft Hotel in Beaufort, SC
• Old Sheldon Church Ruins
• Bridesmaid dress recap
• Wedding planning update: 4+ months to go
• Engagement photos!
• The wedding morning, part three
• Get yo' cocktails on
• Vintage silver at the reception
• Sweet peas in weddings
• Drink more water
• Tried and true recipes
• Ways to Personalize a Groom's Formal Look
• Tuxedo junction
• Flea market find: floral frogs
• A Kate Spade Bridal Shower: The Invitations!
• A Kate Spade Bridal Shower: Inspiration
• Tips for hiring destination wedding vendors
• Black and white dance floors
• Inspiration Board No. 95: Pastel Spring
• Wedding planning update: 5+ months to go!
• Method spring soaps
• Spring to do list
• A dress for the mother of the bride!
• Registering for china
• Sweet watercolor paintings
• (Almost) Spring weekend
• Black and White Cheesecake Brownies
• Adorably Small Houses
• Kate Spade Sample Sale
• Valentine's Day Party Invitations
• 101 in 1001: March 2012
• Spring Fling
• Here's to 25
• Colorful Cocktail Napkins
• Wedding planning update: 6+ months to go!
• Mini desserts
• Julie & Julia Dinner Party
• How to Make a Wedding Website Using Blogger
• Happy Valentine's Day!
• Flea Market Finds
• A creative groomsman "proposal"
• Bells will be ringing
• Our videographer + budget realities
• Easy Valentine's Day DIY
• A slightly military wedding ceremony
• Our save the dates!
• 101 in 1001: February 2012
• Wedding shoes: update!
• The wedding morning, part two
• Gowns with netted straps
• Wedding planning update: 7+ months to go!
• Yard sale chairs remade!
• Recycled art!
• Garden bouquet inspiration
• Bouquet wrap inspiration
• A Trip to M&J Trimming
• Bridesmaid Dresses!
• Our wedding photographer: Tanja Lippert!
• Player piano
• Inspiration Board No. 94: Mulberries in Hawaii
• Wedding shoes!
• Em for Gems
• Old Lucketts Store + silver update
• Scenes from the holidays
• Christmas in the apartment
• Our Christmas cards!
• Gift Wrapping Inspiration
• Inspiration Board No. 93: New Tartan
• Em for Minted: Giveaway winner!
• Inspiration Board No. 92: Candy-Colored Christmas
• EFM Gift Guide 2011: Neutrals + Metallics
• EFM Gift Guide 2011: Colorful
• EFM Gift Guide 2011: Cool Tones
• EFM Gift Guide 2011: Brights
• Giveaway: Em for Minted!
• Welcome to Em for Marvelous!
• Christmas tartan
• Watercolor letterpress calendar
• Vintage state towels
• Peppermint drink stirrers in the shop!
• The perfect cardigan
• Thanksgiving dinner inspiration
• More silver for the reception!
• Cayman Islands
• The wedding morning
• Inspiring menus
• Sperry tents
• Faux fur fuzzies
• Eno River fall foliage
• 101 in 1001: November 2011
• Steve Madden flats
• Wedding planning update: 10+ months to go
• Hostess gift idea!
• Minted save the date options
• Rainbow bookshelf
• Ringing the bell
• Makeup bags
• charleston: angel oak & middleton plantation
• charleston: folly beach & kayaking
• Donuts at weddings
• Haw River rock hop
• Green Knob Trail
• Edward Hopper stamps
• Pink in the park
• 101 in 1001: October 2011
• Camping this weekend!
• Bacon + avocado grilled cheese
• Embroidering
• Kendra Scott earrings
• Wedding planning update: 11+ months to go
• Summer to do list: update!
• Venue reveal: our reception site!
• Venue reveal: our ceremony site!
• Wedding prep extravaganza!
• The great venue search (part two)
• The great venue search (part one)
• Berry wedding ideas
• Polka dot gift bags
• Treehouse Point
• Pretty hellebores
• Mini food at weddings, part II
• Amy Merrick
• Rope bracelets
• Charleston: Video!
• Charleston: French Quarter + Battery
• Charleston: Eats
• Charleston: Folly Beach + Kayaking
• Charleston: Angel Oak + Middleton Plantation
• Back Porch Music at the American Tobacco Campus
• Wedding planning update: 12+ months out
• Minted business cards!
• Book baby shower
• Flea market success!
• Flag escort cards in action!
• Back from Charleston!
• Black Bean Mexican Pizza
• Backyard wedding with string lights
• Summer wedding dress
• 101 in 1001: August 2011
• All time favorites: M and C
• All time favorites: Lauren and Joe
• All time favorites: Caroline and Clark
• All time favorites: Liz and Chris
• All time favorites: Dabney and Rob
• All time favorites: Erin and Paul
• All time favorites: Lily and John
• Mini food at weddings
• White bouquet with dusty miller
• My engagement ring!
• Weekend in Beaufort
• You will probably want to watch this video...
• 101 in 1001: July 2011
• Drink stirrers in action!
• Marget + Seth engaged!
• Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad
• Deep dish chocolate chip cookies
• Maine Squeeze: We Toast
• Board No. 91: Green and Cafe Au Lait
• Guest bedroom style
• Fourth of July drink stirrers!
• Apartment garden: June
• Flea market find: faux bamboo table
• Maine Squeeze: More Decor
• Bathroom plans!
• 101 in 1001: June 2011
• Veronica Sheaffer swiss dot gowns
• Market Imports in Raleigh
• Outdoor summer movies
• BHG winners!
• Happy Memorial Day!
• BHG giveaway reminder + recipes
• Seersucker bikinis
• Pedestal sink bathroom
• Apartment garden: baby plants
• Maine Squeeze: We play!
• Better Homes & Gardens site redesign + giveaway!
• National Stationery Show
• Festive brunch ideas
• Cheerful ribbon boutonniere
• Board No. 90: Daybreak
• Ann Taylor Loft Petites
• One-piece swimsuit round up
• 101 in 1001: May 2011
• Blue bedrooms
• Maine Squeeze: We eat!
• Better Homes & Gardens May Issue
• Board No. 89: Royal Wedding Sapphire
• Easter weekend!
• Formal accessories on a budget
• Ombre cakes
• Vintage Village
• Maine Squeeze: Lemonade and Cookies
• Swiss dot wedding fashion
• Nautical bags
• En plein air piano
• Maine Squeeze: They make their vows
• Cherry blossom weekend!
• 101 in 1001: April 2011
• Maine Squeeze: The girls get ready
• Swell towels
• Cherry blossom wedding ideas
• Board No. 88: Soft cherry blossoms
• H&M pillows
• Maine Squeeze: We wake up very early
• On being green
• Board No. 87: Plum and evergreen for Caroline
• I stop writing the poem
• Happy St. Patrick's Day!
• Maine Squeeze: We eat lobster!
• P&P packaging
• Making an inspiration board
• Chebeague Island wedding
• Maine Squeeze: Wharf jump!
• Bridal shower tin cans
• Board No. 86: Beyond the sky blue sea
• Anthro headbands
• Pierrepont Hicks Spring
• My whole heart
• 101 in 1001: March 2011
• Happy birthday to me!
• Maine Squeeze: Rehearsal and wiffle ball!
• Janet Hill Studio
• Bridesmaid dresses
• Long distance maps
• Maine Squeeze: We raise the tent!
• Apartment garden: the seedlings!
• Winter travels: the Old Edwards Inn
• Board No. 85: My Summer Valentine
• Happy Valentine's Day weekend!
• From Song of the Open Road
• Polka dot dress, version two!
• Maine Squeeze: More preparations
• Bow-Bedecked Car
• Anthro Color-Dipped Dress
• Tulle tables
• Maine Squeeze: It begins
• Creative escort card ideas
• 101 in 1001: February 2011
• Board No. 84: Bold Yellow
• Casual wedding portraits
• To paint or not to paint?
• Shower curtain update
• Happy Monday!
• Polka dot dress
• TOMS update
• P&P valentines!
• Board No. 83: The Most Delicate of Delicates
• Colorful dresses
• Robert Allen Khandar fabric for sale!
• Better Homes and Gardens January issue
• John Robshaw Textiles
• New York, New York!
• Pink + gold wedding invitations
• New favorite wedding dress!
• 101 in 1001: January 2011
• 101 in 1001, Vol. II
• Happy New Year's Eve!
• A very merry Christmas to you!
• Black Bean Soup with Cumin and Jalapeno
• Board No. 82: Pinecones and Sage
• Nutcracker tonight + 101 reminder!
• Christmas CD Swap Wrap Up!
• Modern Christmas from JL Designs
• Black and white Christmas
• Comfy winter bedroom
• Christmas cards!
• Board No. 81: Softly Shining Christmas
• P&P Gift Guide 2010: Metallic
• P&P Gift Guide 2010: Neutrals
• P&P Gift Guide 2010: Cool
• P&P Gift Guide 2010: Warm
• Board No. 80: All that Glitters is Gold
• Modcloth for New Year's Eve
• 20x200 on One Kings Lane
• Happy December!
• Colorful blocks
• Thanksgiving Recap
• Sycamore Street Press Announcement
• Recent project
• Board No. 79: Jewel Tone Thanksgiving
• Christmas CD Swap!
• Four weddings...
• Possible Curtain Fabric
• Shutterfly Holiday Cards
• Thanksgiving table inspiration
• Inspiration Board No. 78: Fall Figs
• In which I consider buying a leopard jacket
• Out to Dinner: The Grove Park Inn
• Gifted Magazine
• Happy November!
• The Middle Daughter
• Blues + natural texture
• Cherry wedding
• Minted Holiday Cards
• Tree trunk side tables
• Applique wedding dress
• Someone please have a baby so I can buy you one of these
• Toast & Laurel
• 101 in 1001: Favorites!
• 101 in 1001: Recap, Part III
• 101 in 1001: Recap, Part II
• 101 in 1001: Recap, Part I
• Board No. 77: Rich Fall
• Weekend Project: Closet Cleanup
• Nate Berkus
• Cool and classic cocktail party
• Kitchen ferns
• Basil centerpiece
• Sweet Potato Harvest
• My china pattern
• Navy and Yellow Bunting
• More relaxed portraits
• Gorgeous recipe styling
• Fall Fashion Week: J. Crew
• Fall Fashion Week: Old Navy
• Fall Fashion Week: LOFT
• Fall Fashion Week: Land's End Canvas
• K + C Get Married: The Film
• Dark August
• Breakfast Jewelry
• The Ribbonerie
• Out to Dinner: Vin Rouge
• Monday, Monday
• Inspiration Board No. 76: Black and White Summer
• Happy weekend!
• Happy September!
• Kate + Cormac DIY: Ribbon Drink Stirrers
• Shower curtains
• Blue and white decor
• Peach and Pearl in Brides!
• What I learned
• The bunting is up!
• Loading the truck
• Addison's Vision
• Allow me to introduce...
• Paper wedding bells
• Classically elegant Stephanie Williams wedding
• Peony pave posts
• Retro getaway car
• Relaxed family portraits
• Rubber lace coasters
• Cookie reception
• Classically elegant Cooper Carras wedding
• Neiman picks under $100
• Max & Margaux
• New in the shop!
• Front Door Decoration
• Board No. 75: Spring Green Garden Party
• Casual Interiors
• Welcome to Maine!
• Edible centerpieces
• One Month Out
• Summer camp
• Lewis & Sheron Fabrics
• Weekend Project: Handmade Wedding Signs
• Bright gingham shorts
• Board No. 74: Bold Blue and Red Picnic
• Happy July!
• Buttermilk and friends
• Dream Home: Hideaways + Nooks
• K + C wedding invitation
• Figueroa Mountain Wedding
• Emersonmade Sneak Peak
• Board No. 73: Daisy Blue
• Les petites douceurs
• Good Bones Great Pieces
• How to find fun things to do!
• i love you much(most beautiful darling)
• Oriental rugs in interesting places
• Kate's alphabet bridal shower
• Friend ship
• Board No. 72: Pomegranate + Plum
• Gilded wood blocks
• Alligator stationery
• 101 in 1001: June 2010
• Today I love...
• Alphabet poster round-up
• Dream Home: Outdoor living spaces
• Miyuki Sakai
• Favorite fabric sources
• Honeysuckle perfume
• Board No. 71: Hamptons Pool Party
• Summer dresses
• Lobster welcome dinner
• Dream Home: Exposed beams, open feel
• Sailor's knot bracelet, v. 2
• Board No. 70: Red and orange ranunculus
• On Turning Ten
• The non-toss ceremony exit
• Netflix queue
• Zebra shorts
• Porcelain farmer's market containers
• Bulletin board wall
• Vintage beach engagement session + style board
• Dream Home: Snuggly Beds
• My new favorite...
• Timeless glamour
• Blackberries for Amelia
• Alphabet bridal shower invitations
• Striped paper straws
• Board No. 69: Fruit and Flowers
• Bunting invite + bunting cake
• Dream Home: Kitchen Island
• Indian Summer at Lands End
• DIY: Paper Dogwood Flowers
• Dream Home: Walls of Books
• Bunting Portraits
• Board No. 68: Black and Red Gingham
• Box of sunshine
• Hummingbird
• 101 in 1001: April, 2010
• Dream Home: Filled with light
• Mini bunting
• Dream Home: Deep Window Seats
• Save that date!
• Board No. 67: How Does Your Garden Green?
• New looks from old standbys
• Board No. 66: Zinc and Deep Royal
• Orange you glad
• Bunting 101: Help!
• Vintage silverware garden markers
• And my Oscar goes to...
• Oscar Party Prep
• Bamboo for you (and me)
• 101 in 1001: March, 2010
• DIY Calligraphy
• Bunting cards
• Spring dresses
• K + C: Google Docs
• Persimmon & Pink
• Valentines: A Recap
• Campfire votive
• Board No. 65: Stone Fruits, Baking Tarts
• Valentines: Hearts in nature
• Valentines: Knottedrush
• Dinghy Driving
• John Takes a Hike!
• Board No. 64: Cassie's Sunburnt October
• Valentines: Catbird
• Valentines: Rifle Paper Co
• Valentines: Bird & Banner
• Valentines: Woven paper hearts
• 101 in 1001: February, 2010
• Board No. 63: Woodsy Lodge
• Bright + cheery childrens' bedroom
• P&P Valentines on Etsy!
• I'm headed to New York!
• Quilled marriage certificate
• Enter Maribel
• Fourth&Folded
• J. Crew complaints no more?
• Bold and Happy
• Heart print
• Short, puffy ones
• Board No. 62: Pink and Blue and Gold Tinsel
• Pottery Barn to the rescue!
• Recipe storage
• Bedroom Inspiration, v. 341
• Dress like a cupcake
• 101 in 1001: January, 2010
• Merry, Merry Christmas... one day early!
• P&P Christmas, Day 7: Movies
• StillMotion
• Monday, Monday + Winter
• P&P Christmas, Day 6: Our decor!
• Lovely Love Shoot
• P&P Christmas, Day 5: My favorite things
• Board No. 61: Cherry and Sky Holidays
• Monday, Monday + One Horse Open Sleigh
• P&P Christmas, Day 4: My Cards, Part I
• Holly Farrell
• P&P Christmas, Day 3: Gift Wrap Inspiration
• More Modcloth
• The hunt for the bridesmaid dress is on!
• Board No. 60: Aqua and Green Holidays
• P&P Christmas, Day 2: Wreaths
• Wedding by the Sea
• Board No. 59: Eucalyptus, Cream, and Coral
• P&P Christmas: Playlists
• The 12 Days of Peach & Pearl Christmas!
• Amy Atlas Thanksgiving
• Board No. 5: Blue and Orange Thanksgiving
• Board No. 58: Hello Navy and Yellow!
• Board No. 57: Pumped Up Sherbet
• Board No. 56: Primary Picnic
• Board No. 55: Nautical Knots
• Birch bark chivaris
• Driftwood Ceremony
• Reader Mail: Sweater Dresses
• Thanksgiving table
• Cabbage bouquets
• Board No. 54: Blooming Navy
• Monday, Monday + Heart
• Party time! My dream look
• Party time! The Menswear Look
• Party time! The Runner-Up
• Apple crate side table
• Love never fails
• Board No. 53: Gilded Halloween
• Monday, Monday + Pumpkins
• Happy Halloween!
• DIY Friday: Dictionary Art
• Alterna-Bedding
• Veggie Week
• Balsa wood bouquet
• Falling for fall
• Wedding weekend brunch: the recipes
• Wedding weekend brunch
• Board No. 52: Bond + Baby's Breath
• Monday, Monday + Leaf Portrait
• City Guides + Weekend Plans
• DIY Friday: Painted Furniture
• Moving Announcements
• Board No. 51: Blue and Orange for Catherine
• Monday, Monday + A Writing Desk
• Mulled Cider
• Brunch Inspirations
• Joy + Amy at home
• Board No. 50: Prizewinning Party
• Monday, Monday + Vintage Fall
• DIY Friday: Brunch invitations!
• Fall Travels: Blue Ridge Parkway
• Fall Travels: Serenbe
• Fall Wreaths
• Board No. 49: Wild Roses
• Monday, Monday + White
• Red carpet style
• Monday, Monday + Hydrangeas
• DIY Saturday: Upholstered Headboard
• Flea Market
• Catherine's Blue and Orange Palettes
• Tips for the newly engaged
• Sister Peach & Pearl: Engaged!
• Board No. 48: Bluebell and Buttercream
• Monday, Monday + A Swing
• DIY Friday: Monogrammed Tote Bag
• Haven in Paris
• Upcycled Birthday Card
• Anthropologie for a Wedding
• Tuesday, Tuesday + The Beach
• DIY Friday: Nautical Porch Garland
• Riding boots
• Driftwood Hearts
• Board No. 47: A Formal Affair
• Monday, Monday + RH in Paris
• Happy Weekend + Chalkboard Paint
• Summer Travels: Seaside, FL
• My NEW new favorite...
• Back to school II
• Back to school
• Board No. 46: Alice in Wonderland
• Happy Weekend + Handmade Soap
• Bake It Pretty
• Latte Bowls
• Paint Chip Placecards
• Be My Guest
• Board No. 45: Teal Appeal
• Monday, Monday + Porches
• Happy Weekend + Confetti
• Boston Photographers
• Julie & Julia
• Board No. 44: Orange Sherbet
• Monday, Monday + Flags
• Happy Weekend + A Tree Party
• We've Moved!
• Summer Travels: Island Shower
• Stars in Residence
• Summer Travels: Wildflowers
• Summer Travels: Cherry Republic
• Board No. 43: White Elephant
• Monday, Monday + A Castle
• Happy Weekend + Cotton Candy
• Summer Travels: Amish Country, Ohio
• Board No. 42: Amber in Connecticut
• Board No. 41: Amber on the Vineyard
• Board No. 40: Amber in the Caribbean
• Thursday, Thursday + A Survey
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From "Bestie" to Boss: Managing Friends and Keeping Them

Leadership , Team Management , Uncategorized

If you were offered a promotion, you'd take it, right? Most of us would. More money, more responsibility, more kudos, more influence… career success! Who wouldn't want that?

But becoming a manager isn't always that easy. Yes, you've taken a step up the career ladder, but now it's not just you that you have to look out for. There's a whole team depending on you – and some of them will likely be your former peers. You count them as friends. You've turned to them for advice. Perhaps you've even moaned to them about the job, the boss, or the management.

So, how do you react? Do you dive right in and start throwing your weight around, to "show 'em who's boss"? Or, do you try to stay "one of the guys" by taking a more laid-back approach?

And what about them? Will they be happy for you? Envious? Annoyed?

Managing friends or former peers can be a minefield. In this blog post, two Mind Tools managers share their experiences of taking the leap from colleague to boss…

Case Study One: "Managing Friends Is Not What I Expected"

By kelsey batchelor, senior client success manager.

About 18 months ago, I spoke with my boss about the prospect of me taking up a managerial role on the team. It was an exciting opportunity, but it would mean that I'd be managing one of my closest friends.

I was worried about how it would affect my relationship with my friend. I'd even been Best Woman at his wedding. Now, I would be his boss.

However, after thinking it over for a long time, I decided that the new position was too good an opportunity to turn down.

Lucky for me, he was very excited at the prospect. But I still felt fearful. I was the person that he turned to when he clashed with his previous manager. What would happen now? Would he still talk to me about problems like this? Or, would he start hiding things from me?

To begin with, things were a bit strange and awkward. I spent loads of time trying to find the right balance between being his friend and being his manager. And, there were times when I had to bring up small issues with him, like turning up to work late .

I'm not sure he took it seriously – after all, I was his friend. We had a number of conversations about the fact that, at times, he had to see me as his manager. For example, when we were in one-on-ones , or during meetings.

So, while the dynamics of our relationship did change at work, they didn't change outside of it. At work, I'm his manager. I help him to work through his frustrations and challenges, so that he can continue his professional development and, hopefully, manage a team of his own one day. But outside of work, we're just the same as we were before: good friends, who can have a laugh and a joke.

If I'm honest, managing friends is not what I expected. I thought it would be much easier. I assumed that because he was my friend, he'd be the perfect staff member. In fact, it was a lot harder, because sometimes he acted as if nothing had changed. He didn't always appreciate the responsibilities that came with my new role.

But, though it was hard to start with, now it's so satisfying to see someone whom I care about personally and professionally do so well.

Case Study Two: "I Was Very Driven to Be Liked"

By simon hulcoop, senior manager emea.

When I first became a manager, I was keen to have open and honest conversations with my team members. I wanted to let them know that I empathized with them, and that, if the roles were reversed, I may have felt envious or worried about how the new dynamic would work.

So, I asked them, "How do you like to work? How do you like to be managed?"

Because I already knew them, I understood what they liked and disliked, and what motivated or bugged them. This really helped during the transition period.

And they knew a lot about me, too! They were confident that I knew the job inside out, and that I already had a proven track record for success.

To start with, I was very driven to be liked, and this did impact my leadership style. I became more laid-back than I'd have liked to be.

If you're not careful, being too accommodating toward team members who are also your friends can negatively impact the wider team and even the organization.

For example, I once worked in a company where a sales manager allowed his friend on the team to offer discounts to potential customers. But he wouldn't allow his other team members to do the same. This distorted the team's results, because it looked like she was performing better than the others. Eventually, it caused her colleagues to become resentful and cynical toward her.

Consistency and fairness are vital when you're managing friends. You should make decisions with the entire group in mind, so that others don't feel left out or hard done by. No matter what decisions you make as a manager, you can guarantee that the rest of your team is talking about them and comparing information.

So, it's essential to be as open and transparent as possible. Keep a record of everything, to show that you're being fair. How you delegate work, and the system that you use for granting time off, are particularly sensitive areas.

Occasionally, you'll discover bad practice , and you'll have to call it out. For example, I found out that some people on my team were making random calls just to get their figures up, even though they knew the calls wouldn't end in a successful sale.

I always try my best to avoid arguing publicly, but I couldn't simply ignore this behavior. I had to confront it, and I don't think they expected me to take the strong stance that I did.

But I didn't cut off my friendships completely after I became manager. I still socialized with the team – but I knew when it was time to leave!

Also, there were new, extra pressures on me from senior management. I had my own targets to reach, but I was now responsible for supporting my team's targets, too.

And I was expected to "side" with senior managers' way of thinking. After all, I was one of them now, and I should use the approaches that they thought were right, even if I didn't always agree with them. So, I had some serious dilemmas to resolve. Should I stick up for what I thought was right, or submit to their way of doing things? Sometimes you have to pick and choose, depending on the situation.

And, finally, one of things that I found the most difficult about managing friends was having to delegate some of my old tasks to them. Letting go of projects that I worked really hard on, and made my own, was tough. I still miss some of my old duties, even though passing them on to others has given me more time to focus on my managerial responsibilities.

What are your experiences of managing friends? How did people react when you got promoted? What did you do to establish your credibility as a manager? Share your thoughts, below.

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The case for fewer friends

When it comes to friendship, quality is better than quantity.

by Allie Volpe

After two years of pandemic life, you could find yourself at a fork in the friendship road, choosing between a whittled-down social circle and becoming overextended trying to make up for lost time with everyone on the outer reaches of your network. Amid an ongoing loneliness epidemic , people may feel renewed in their efforts to revive their networks due to the anxiety-inducing realization that their friend group has shrunk to an all-time minimum. Realizing the potential of fostering just a few intimate relationships, however, can be empowering.

Having lots of friends does have benefits: Acquiring a large quantity of friends in your 20s can help inform the quality of friendships you’ll have in your 30s, according to research . “People in their 20s tend to want to build a big roster of friends, because their motive is to expand their sense of identity, and you can do that through different types of people,” says psychologist and friendship expert Marisa Franco , author of the upcoming book Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends . People who regularly interacted with 10 or more friends in midlife have higher levels of psychological well-being than those who had fewer than 10, according to a 2012 study . We also know that maintaining friendships leads to positive life satisfaction , minimizes stress , and even contributes to better physical health outcomes .

But you don’t need a roster dozens deep to enjoy the fruits of friendship. Franco says even having one friend is a net positive. “The biggest return we get in friendship is going from zero to one friend in terms of its impact on our mental health and well-being,” Franco says. “If you can get that deep with one person, it’s going to be powerful and it’s going to be impactful, and you don’t need to have a ton of friends.”

Instead of stretching yourself thin trying to keep in contact with everyone you’ve ever met or feeling pressured to make new friends, it’s worth considering the value of a few close confidants.

All you need is three (or four, or five)

Humans have a limit on how many deep friendships they’re able to sustain. In the 1990s, evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar published a study claiming that humans can cognitively handle up to 150 meaningful social relationships (which includes family and friends) at any point, colloquially known as Dunbar’s Number. Not all 150 contacts are created equally, though. Out of dozens of connections, the number of close friendships people have, Dunbar found , is five . Similarly, a 2020 study found that having three to five close friends is enough to feel fulfilled.

Reaching this level of intimacy with a person requires a significant time investment — around 200 hours, researcher Jeffrey Hall found. To achieve this level of closeness with every person you encounter would be a time-consuming and exhausting task.

Those in whom you’ve invested the most time — say, a childhood friend or a colleague turned tier-one pal — are most likely to compose the inner circle of intimate friends. “Those relationships are very robust because you’ve invested so heavily in them, and they’re so mutual,” Dunbar says. “They’re the ones that you’ve known since you were in kindergarten and you’ve always kept in touch, and even if they go to Australia and you only see them once in a blue moon, you can pick that friendship up where you left off last time as though nothing’s happened.” Dunbar describes getting together with these friends as shifting into “automatic gear” because the relationship is so established.

These are the relationships where you can be unabashedly yourself. There’s no need to self-censor or perform for the most intimate friends, and they accept you for who you truly are, at your best and your not-so-best, says psychologist Andrea Bonior , author of Detox Your Thoughts: Quit Negative Self-Talk for Good and Discover the Life You’ve Always Wanted . The friends who make you feel energized, comfortable, restored, authentic, valued, and vulnerable — the ones you’d call immediately after receiving big news — are those likely to occupy special status. “Our deeper relationships help us feel loved for who we truly are rather than who we are telling everybody that we are,” Bonior says.

Thanks to social media, friendships are easily quantifiable, Bonior says, and it’s only natural to compare. When friends from college are constantly posting about their seemingly packed social schedules, feelings of inadequacy can arise or you may feel pressured to keep in touch with everyone you follow. However, our deepest friendships transcend the grid. The people you spend time with offline — and the care and support you give and receive tangibly — supersedes the curated version of your relationship. “Having 200 people say happy birthday to you online, that can create goodwill and a sense of belonging,” Bonior says. “It doesn’t really match the sense of ‘Things have gone really bad right now and I need somebody to listen and I know that they truly care about me.’ That’s something that’s very profound.”

There’s an element of reciprocity to these relationships, too, Franco says. Just as your best friends build you up, you also delight in supporting them; you initiate a hangout just as often as they do. If they’re distant because they’re going through a rough time, you continue to show up for them anyway, knowing they’d do the same for you.

How to foster these relationships

It’s one thing to say you have friends, but it’s another to actually spend time with them. If you’re looking to deepen select friendships and elevate them to close friend level, you’ll need to share time and space. Most likely, your closest few are those who you see regularly and with whom you do fun activities, says Hall, a professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas. Being available and having the energy to hang out are huge determinants to who makes it into the inner circle. A long-distance friend or one who is going through a major life change might not have the same time and space as you do for maintaining that deep relationship.

Having a reliable routine , like attending a weekly yoga class or grabbing coffee before work, ensures you’re seeing each other regularly, Hall says. Even something as casual as a spontaneous movie night together, Dunbar says, is enough to keep up the consistency. Knowing what’s going on in a person’s life from week to week or month to month helps you better connect in the moment and gives you opportunities to follow up with a quick text in between hangouts. “Knowing another person’s schedule is an act of intimacy,” Hall says.

Each of your close friends can fulfill a different role in your life, Bonior says. One friend may be the one you talk with about work stuff, another you confide in for relationship advice. “There’s not going to be one single friend that’s going to cover all those bases,” she says.

The most important thing to remember about these deep friendships, Dunbar says, is that they require effort. “These are very time-costly,” he says. You can’t expect to have intimacy with someone without spending time with them, knowing what’s going on in their lives, laughing together , and sharing in the hard times, too.

When just a few friends isn’t enough

While there are no hard-and-fast rules about how many close friends a person should have, a telltale sign you need more is if you feel lonely, Franco says. “Because that’s a sign that you’re not getting as much social interaction as your body needs,” she says.

Focusing on your community can help blunt the effects of loneliness. Joining a parent-teacher association at your kid’s school or getting involved with activities in your apartment building fosters a sense of belonging and connectedness “even if you have a best friend that lives far away from the neighborhood,” Bonior says. If you just moved to a new city or are a first-time parent, use these transitional life stages or identities to determine what types of people you can develop relationships with.

An easy and low-stakes way to bolster your social life is to engage in casual conversation with acquaintances and familiar faces — fellow parents at your kid’s soccer practice, the barista at your favorite coffee shop, a hairdresser — which has been shown to improve happiness. These low-stakes relationships have the potential to blossom into close friends, but you don’t have to know someone super well to reap the benefits of interacting with them: Research shows that people are happier and have a greater sense of belonging after chatting with an acquaintance. However, the healthiest “social diet” is one where you interact with folks whom you know well in addition to those you don’t.

Hall agrees that deeply investing in a few people has little downside so long as you’re turning to more than one person, since that sole confidant may have other obligations or conflicts preventing them from being there for you all the time.

If you’re feeling isolated, Hall points to studies that found that supporting others and communicating affectionately helps combat loneliness. So if you’re thinking of sending that encouraging text to a bud you fell out of touch with but who you know is going through a rough time, do it. “You benefit and you grow by the process of investing in that relationship,” Hall says. “I believe we have a fundamental need to belong and to be connected to one another, and if we nourish that need through acts of service to one another, we’re healthier people.”

Even Better is here to offer deeply sourced, actionable advice for helping you live a better life. Do you have a question on money and work; friends, family, and community; or personal growth and health? Send us your question by filling out this form . We might turn it into a story.

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Aellah G, Chantler T, Geissler PW. Global Health Research in an Unequal World: Ethics Case Studies from Africa. Oxfordshire (UK): CAB International; 2016.

Global Health Research in an Unequal World: Ethics Case Studies from Africa.

Chapter 4 friends like how: getting personally involved with participants, learning objective.

To explore personal closeness and boundaries in research relationships, especially at the end of trials

Confidentiality

• FACILITATOR'S NOTES

The story in this case study is about a friendship that develops between an expatriate social researcher and a research participant. It deals with questions of boundaries in research relationships, and with confidentiality and trust. The different backgrounds of the two individuals in this relationship are striking, but similar situations can occur with local researchers and study participants. You might want to point this out in your discussions, and talk about whether this raises similar or different challenges.

The question of friendship and ongoing connections can become particularly important at the end of a study, when research staff have to tell participants that they will no longer be visiting them or seeing them at clinic. In situations where participants are in evident need, or are socially isolated, this can be very difficult, and some staff might choose to remain in contact with certain participants. It would be good to think about the consequences of this, and also to consider the role of culture, and the fact that some participants might live in the same neighbourhood as research staff.

The other key theme this case study touches on is confidentiality, both in terms of disclosing how the two people meet, and how the relationship helps the researcher collect ‘rich’ data for the study. How should the researcher manage this ethically? Should she leave her friend out of her write-up of the research, or just try to ensure she understands that some of her experiences will be included in the research? These are important questions which need to be considered carefully, bearing in mind that different research disciplines use different approaches to data collection

AS JANE SWITCHED ON THE RECORDER, SALLY HANDED HER A CHICKEN

Jane, an overseas social scientist, is attached to a clinical study of HIV positive men and women taking place in an African city. As part of her research she conducts in-depth interviews with some participants and accompanies them on clinic visits. One of these participants is Sally. Jane spends a long time interviewing Sally in Jane's own home, as there is nowhere else Sally feels comfortable talking about her HIV status. During their second interview Sally asks Jane if they could ‘become friends’. Jane is a little cautious about being asked such a direct question; she wants to know exactly what Sally means, and asks, ‘Friends like how?’ Sally replies, ‘Friends who talk to each other.’ In their next few interviews Sally shares a lot with Jane. She tells her about the difficulties she has with her husband, who refuses to talk about his own HIV status and will not go for a test.

A few weeks later, Jane hears that Sally's CD4 count has dropped and she needs to start treatment. Jane knows that this will be upsetting for Sally, because she has talked a lot about the fact she was proud she was not on treatment. Jane knows it will be a shock. She also knows from her interviews with Sally that Sally reacts to shock with initial silence. In one of the clinical study meetings, Jane hears the staff saying that they are worried that Sally will not come to the clinic for the treatment ‘because of stigma from her husband’ and that it is quite an urgent situation. Jane does not know what to do. She feels sure that Sally intends to participate, but is just taking a day to recover from the shock. She considers calling Sally to encourage her, but feels she should not repeat what she has heard about Sally in the clinical study meeting. She also feels that she cannot tell the clinical study staff about what she knows about Sally's character from the in-depth interviews, as this would be breaking Sally's confidentiality. So she waits a few days, all the time quite worried about Sally.

Then Sally herself sends Jane a text message. She just says she has had a big shock and is feeling lost. She does not give any more details. She asks Jane if she would be able to accompany her to the clinic ‘as a friend’. Jane agrees. Jane and Sally arrive early at the clinic. Jane brings a thermos of tea which they share while Sally talks about what has happened. When she found out she needed to start treatment, she told her husband, who already knew her status, but he just walked away and has said nothing more about the issue since then. She says she called Jane because she needed ‘moral support’ to attend the clinic.

Sally asks Jane to come in to see the doctor with her. Jane thinks about reminding Sally that she is also a researcher, and so would be observing with ‘two hats on’, but it does not feel like this is the right moment. Instead, she quickly makes sure that the doctor is happy for her to accompany Sally.

The doctor talks to both Jane and Sally, saying they should speak in English for Jane. Jane finds herself thinking ‘English would be better for my research!’ But then mentally rebukes herself, and tells them to use whichever language they prefer. She pretends she can understand the local language better than she actually can, and wishes she had a tape-recorder to translate later. Jane also accompanies Sally to have her blood taken and to see the pharmacist. Because of the language issue, Jane isn't entirely clear what happens in all these sessions.

Afterwards, Sally tells Jane that she cannot imagine how she could have even entered the clinic alone, as she was still in shock. For the rest of the study, which is nearing its end, the study staff refer to Sally as ‘Jane's friend’. Sometimes they tell Jane things about Sally and her treatment that Sally herself does not discuss with her. Jane feels very awkward about this and does not want to get caught in the middle. While staff praise her for supporting Sally, Jane feels conflicted because although her main motivation is to be helpful, she has also gathered a lot of data for her research from the experience. She is still not clear if Sally understands this aspect of their relationship.

After the study ends, Sally takes courage and goes to register at the HIV Care and Support Centre by herself. Several years later, Jane and Sally are still very good friends; they have met each other's families, slept in each other's houses, and attended funerals and weddings together. Sally is very private about her HIV status. She tells people who ask how she knows Jane that they met as ‘pen-friends’. But she doesn't tell Jane this, so when asked by Sally's father-in-law, Jane says ‘we met just around on the streets’.

How would you describe what happened here? What are the key ethical issues?

Why do you think Jane was initially cautious when Sally asked to be friends?

Why do you think Sally called Jane in particular to go with her to the clinic?

Do you think Jane did the right thing? For whom? Could she have done some things differently? Do you think there could have been any problematic consequences from this situation? For whom? Sally? Jane? The clinical study?

Do you think this was a one-off unique situation for either Jane or Sally?

Do you think Jane's research suffered or benefited from what happened?

What part do ‘rapport’ and ‘relationships’ play in your own work?

• REFLECTION ON YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE

Can you think of any similar situations from your experience? How did you deal with them? Looking back now, what could you have done differently?

Split into small groups and think about the nature of relationships in social research, and how to manage the boundaries between friendship and acquaintance. List the advantages and disadvantages of Jane's agreeing to befriend Sally, and think about what might have happened if she had explained that she could not be her friend due to her relationship with her as a researcher. Discuss and then vote on whether Jane should describe in her research what she has learned from her relationship with Sally.

• FURTHER READING

Madiega, P.A., Jones, G. et al. (2013). ‘She's my sister-In-law, my visitor, my friend’ – challenges of staff identity in home follow-up in an HIV trial in Western Kenya. Developing World Bioethics 13(1), 21–29 [ PMC free article : PMC3674534 ] [ PubMed : 23521821 ]

Global Health Research in an Unequal World: Ethics Case Studies from Africa is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Monographs, or book chapters, which are outputs of Wellcome Trust funding have been made freely available as part of the Wellcome Trust's open access policy

• Cite this Page Aellah G, Chantler T, Geissler PW. Global Health Research in an Unequal World: Ethics Case Studies from Africa. Oxfordshire (UK): CAB International; 2016. Chapter 4, FRIENDS LIKE HOW?: GETTING PERSONALLY INVOLVED WITH PARTICIPANTS.
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Friendship Case Studies Samples For Students

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The Vexing Problem of the ‘Medium Friend’

They’re not our besties, but they’re more than just acquaintances. How much of ourselves do we owe them?

Credit... Photo illustration by Lauren Peters-Collaer

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By Lisa Miller

• June 22, 2024

Most of us maintain an informal mental inventory of our friendships, sorting those closest to us, our intimates, from our acquaintances. My friend R. once went a step further. He ranked his friends on a document on his computer. (R. asked that I use his first initial here out of a sense of propriety, knowing it’s taboo to acknowledge even the existence of such a list, let alone to disclose to friends their positions on it.)

As a younger man, R. found himself dissatisfied with his social life, which kept him busy yet unfulfilled, and he built his friend hierarchy to diagnose why. He found that he had a small group of first-tier friends, with whom he was happy to spend time under any circumstances. And he had a huge number of acquaintances. But the friends who caused him the most strife — as well as the most inner turmoil, yearning, anxiety and guilt — were those arrayed along the middle levels. Call them the “medium friends.”

As an example, R. told me about a certain friend. They were close during college but by their 30s had grown apart. There was no falling-out, no identifiable reason for their friendship to wither. R. simply did not feel as connected to this friend as he once did. And so, without malevolence or even conscious intent, he shuffled her down in his personal friend deck.

When R.’s friend recently reached out, to ask for his support during her addiction recovery, his first impulse was to feel taxed — then vexed at his own irritation. “She wasn’t asking for anything, really. Accountability,” R. said. But she was leaning on him in a way that felt too heavy, given what their friendship had become, and he wrestled with how to be there for her. He didn’t book a flight to visit her. He didn’t even call her. He observed himself not doing these things and felt self-reproach. Emily Langan, a communication professor at Wheaton College who studies friendship, described this feeling as, I’m not willing to go there, and I feel kind of slimy for not going there. But we’re just not that kind of friend .

Medium friends are genuine friends. You share history (such as the same alma mater), circumstances (an employer) or interests (rude jokes, the royals, thrifting or squash). Medium friends make you laugh, bring news, offer insights or expertise. But, unlike the closest friends, medium friends test the limits of your time, love and energy. There are only so many dinners in a week, so many people with whom you can be incessantly texting. Medium friends prove the lie in any naïve attempt to be all things to all people.

And that is the problem with medium friends, the invisible lines you draw around them without ever being explicit — to them or even, possibly, to yourself. Reciprocity is the foundation of every friendship: mutual sharing and caring in a context of trust. The tension embedded in medium friendship is this absence of clarity, allowing for the possibility of what Claude Fischer, a sociologist at the University of California, Berkeley, referred to in an interview as “asymmetric expectation”: You may like your medium friend less (or more) than they like you. With a lover, partner or a very close friend, you may negotiate imbalances, hash out wounds or betrayals. But somehow such conversations feel impossible in the medium realm.

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How a YMCA Gained 173 Recurring Donors in One Week

Creating a robust and effective fundraising strategy is essential for any nonprofit organization. 

One such innovative approach is being demonstrated by YMCA of Bucks and Hunterdon Counties , which encompasses six branch facilities, seven pre-K child care centers and a dozen after-school program sites in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. 

The Y’s Cause Membership Program, an initiative launched over two years ago, is an outstanding example of how nonprofits can mobilize their communities and generate sustainable funding for essential community services beyond their primary missions.

I had the opportunity to interview Meg Tedesco , Associate Director of Development at the YMCA, to learn more about their wonderful program. Watch and read her story below. 

The Cause Membership Program

What is it.

The Cause Membership Program is a philanthropic, non-facility membership that invites community members to support the YMCA’s broader social impact programs through a small, recurring monthly donation of $10 or more. 

This program aims to create a community of supporters who are united in their desire to support their neighbors in need and contribute to the YMCA’s various philanthropic initiatives.

Who initiated it?

YMCA of Bucks and Hunterdon Counties launched the Cause membership program in 2022, after months of social isolation brought on by the pandemic. Cause Membership addressed the rising need for community connection and provided continuous support for neighbors in need.  

When was it launched?

The program was launched on Valentine’s Day in 2022. Since its inception, it has garnered considerable interest and support from the community, facilitating the expansion of numerous Pathway programs and community initiatives across the region.

Cause members support the Y’s Pathway programs, which have helped over 15,000 individuals in Bucks and Hunterdon Counties – from wellness programs for veterans and cancer survivors, to free memberships for 7th graders, and character and confidence building programs for teens.

Purpose and inspiration behind the program

The fundamental goal of the Cause Membership Program is to provide sustaining support for the Y’s Pathway programs and other mission-based initiatives that go beyond the typical “gym and swim” offerings of an average fitness center.

Pathway program participants receive free facility memberships for 2-6 months, depending on the program, and learn about exercise, nutrition, and mindfulness. Graduates leave the program with supportive relationships and tools to continue their wellness journeys.  

Benefits of being a Cause Member

Cause members enjoy a plethora of benefits, including::

• Monthly impact emails with video testimonials from community members who have benefited from the Y’s Pathway and Financial Assistance programs.
• Access to online wellness platform: Members receive a membership to Y Wellness 24/7, the YMCA’s online wellness platform.
• Volunteer opportunities: Access to unique volunteer opportunities that allow members to give back to the community directly.
• Flexible giving options: Members have the flexibility to contribute more than the base $10 a month and have the option or make a one-time annual payment of $120.

Identifying potential Cause Members

Targeted email campaigns.

The YMCA used targeted email campaigns to engage potential donors. Emails were sent to various groups within the community, informing them about the Cause Membership Program and encouraging them to participate.

Word of mouth by staff and board members

Tapping into the power of personal connections, the YMCA’s staff, board members and graduates of the Y’s Pathway programs played a crucial role in spreading the word and recruiting new Cause members. 

They empowered their staff, especially those who have direct interactions with members, to talk about the program. Posters, print materials, and business-card sized “Cause Cards” with QR codes were strategically placed within the facilities to ensure maximum reach.

Standard offering during new member sign-ups

To further integrate the program into their operations, the YMCA included the Cause Membership Program as part of the standard offering when new members signed up for a facility membership. 

This seamless integration ensured that every new member was aware of, and had the option to join, the Cause movement.

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Challenges with initial setup and solutions, cumbersome process in membership database.

Initially, the process of enrolling members through the YMCA’s membership database was cumbersome. Creating records for non-members required comprehensive details, which deterred many from completing the sign-up process.

Switching to a 4aGoodCause donation page

To streamline enrollments, the YMCA transitioned to using a 4aGoodCause-powered donation page . This change made the sign-up process significantly easier, requiring minimal information from new members and offering customizable donation options.

Cause Week and Giving Tuesday Campaign

Regional branch competition.

In November 2023, when many nonprofits were celebrating Giving Tuesday, the Y launched the first annual “Cause Week” campaign. Components of the campaign included regional branch competitions and incentives for both staff and Cause members to inspire others to join the Cause movement. The ambitious goal was for each branch to recruit 50 new Cause Members within a week.

Incentives such as branded hoodies were offered for member-get-member referrals. These exclusive items motivated staff and existing members to actively participate in recruiting new members.

The initiative was a massive success, enrolling 173 new members during the Cause Week campaign.

Many of these new Cause members had never donated to the Y before and have proven to be the Y’s best advocates and cheerleaders, spreading the word about Cause and the tremendous impact that the Y’s programs have in the community. This $10/month program serves as a first step towards identifying and cultivating relationships with prospective major donors.

Current membership numbers and breakdown

The program now boasts around 245 total members, with approximately half contributing monthly and the rest making an annual payment. Some members have even opted to give more than $10 a month, especially those aiming to leverage corporate matching programs.

Stewardship and engagement strategies

Monthly email updates.

To keep members engaged and informed, the YMCA sends out monthly emails. These updates guide members to the Cause Member Portal, which consolidates all relevant information and posts new testimonial videos from program participants who have benefitted from the Y’s free Pathway and Financial Assistance programs.

Cause Member Portal

The portal includes:

• Impact Stories and Testimonials: Highlighting the positive changes made possible through member contributions.
• Fitness Resources: Connecting members to Y Wellness 24/7.
• Volunteer Opportunities and Events: Providing information on exclusive opportunities for members to get involved in meaningful ways.

This targeted communication strategy reinforces the sense of community among Cause Members, making them feel valued and integral to the YMCA’s mission.

Advice for other YMCAs

Assessing community interest and donor base.

Understanding the needs and potential of your community and donor base is vital. Identify niche groups that would be most interested in supporting your cause.

Having proper communication channels

Establish clear and consistent communication channels to keep members and potential members engaged. Monthly emails and a dedicated portal can help maintain regular contact.

Systematic stewardship plan

Implement a systematic stewardship plan that ensures every member feels valued and informed about their impact. Regular updates, testimonials, and exclusive opportunities can help in maintaining member engagement.

Potential for future upgrades and increases

Encourage gradual increases in monthly donations. By demonstrating the tangible impact of their contributions, you can inspire members to give more over time.

Growth plans and goals

The YMCA of Bucks and Hunterdon Counties aims to continue growing its Cause Membership Program. They have set a target of reaching at least 350 members by the end of the year. They plan to conduct annual Cause Week campaigns and encourage existing members to increase their monthly contributions.

Their strategy includes:

• Quarterly “CauseWay Campaigns” to raise awareness about the Y’s free Pathway programs and ways that our in-branch members can support them through Cause Membership.
• Annual Cause Week Campaigns: Celebrate our Cause members, inspire staff and volunteers to serve as Cause Ambassadors with incentives to recruit new Cause members.
• Incremental increases: Encouraging existing members to increase their monthly contributions with simple clicks on their donor accounts.

The transition to 4aGoodCause has made it easier for members to manage their donations, leading to greater satisfaction and retention.

Enhance your fundraising

YMCA of Bucks and Hunterdon Counties’ Cause Membership Program is a shining example of how nonprofits can effectively engage their communities to support broader social initiatives. 

By creating a simple and affordable recurring giving option, they have managed to build a strong community of supporters who are actively involved in making a difference. 

Other nonprofits can learn from this case study by emphasizing the need for streamlined processes, regular engagement, and creating a sense of exclusivity and community among their supporters. 

By implementing these strategies, nonprofits can enhance their fundraising efforts and make a more significant impact in their respective communities.

Ronald Pruitt

Ronald is the President and Founder of 4aGoodCause , the fundraising CRM that makes recurring, monthly giving a breeze for small nonprofits.

For over 25 years, Ronald has had the joy of doing what he loves, building online solutions that make a difference in the world. He’s helped raise millions of dollars online for small nonprofits across the country. Connect with Ronald on LinkedIn .

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