how to describe a dead body in creative writing

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How to Describe a Dead Body in a Story

By A.W. Naves

Are you writing a murder scene in your novel? We want to help. We’ve included some words you can use below. Continue reading to find out how to describe a dead body in a story.

Decomposed, rotten ; in a state of physical breakdown.

“The decayed body had been lying in the basement for weeks before the caretaker discovered it.”

“The smell of the decayed corpse filled the room and wafted down the hallway.”

How it Adds Description

The word “decayed” creates an image that evokes a sense of repulsion in the reader. It highlights the passage of time since death and the natural process of decomposition that followed. The advanced state of decay can introduce plot points related to why the body remained undiscovered for an extended period or show that the death occurred under mysterious circumstances.

2. Mutilated

Disfigured, mangled ; having suffered severe damage.

“The mutilated body of Emily’s former lover was barely recognizable.”

“Sheila screamed as she stumbled upon the mutilated corpse deep in the woods.”

The word “mutilated” suggests that the dead body has been severely damaged or disfigured. It indicates a horrible death that may create a sense of shock, horror, or revulsion in the reader. This might serve as a catalyst for the story’s plot, as it often indicates foul play or an unforeseen external force at work that must be sought out and brought to justice.

3. Desiccated

Dried up, withered ; lacking any signs of moisture.

“The desiccated body was found in the scorching desert, but police had no idea how it had ended up there.”

“The desiccated corpse resembled a mummy from some late-night horror flick.”

The word “desiccated” imbues a dead body with a sense of extreme dryness and deterioration, as if it has been drained of life and moisture for a prolonged period. It can set the scene and signal the passage of time or hint at the cause of death. The discovery of a desiccated body may prompt an investigation, forcing characters to confront dark secrets or sinister powers.

Foul-smelling, rancid ; having a strong, offensive odor.

“The putrid stench led them to the bodies of the missing hikers.”

“Flies swarmed around the putrid corpse as it lay hidden for days among the rows of corn.”

The word “putrid” serves to underscore the vile nature of the corpse’s condition. It paints a clear picture of the nauseating smell, bloated and discolored flesh, and the presence of maggots that often accompany such a scene. This sets an ominous tone for the story, signaling that something sinister or tragic has occurred.

5. Skeletal

Bony, emaciated ; resembling a skeleton due to extreme thinness or absence of flesh.

“The skeletal remains were all that was left of the man policed believed to be Keith Sanderson.”

“The body appeared skeletal as if it had been starved for weeks before succumbing to death.”

The word “skeletal” adds a vivid description of a body that has been stripped down to its very essence. It underscores the finality of death but also hints at a backstory, where the body has lain undiscovered for a long time. This might be a pivotal moment in the story, as it creates a sense of mystery and intrigue regarding how the body died and remained hidden for so long.

Rigid, inflexible ; lacking in free movement.

“Tom’s stiff body showed that rigor mortis had begun but it was a mystery how he died.”

“He tried to move the stiff corpse but couldn’t, so he resorted to dismemberment.”

The word “stiff” conveys the lifeless state of the corpse, emphasizing the rigidity that comes with death. This chilling detail not only sets the scene but also hints at the amount of time since the person’s demise, as rigor mortis has set in. It can aid the plot by introducing a timeline around a death that has occurred, tying it to other elements of the story that have occurred.

Swollen, distended ; abnormally enlarged.

“The bloated body floated in the water among the debris from the crash days before.”

“He was taken aback by the sight of the bloated corpse as it bumped against his fishing boat.”

The word “bloated” implies that the death occurred during a certain timeframe, thus prompting an investigation, or triggering a chain of events that drives the narrative. This single word not only sets the tone for the scene but also paves the way for character reactions, interactions, and subsequent developments, making it a powerful tool in storytelling.

8. Unrecognizable

Indistinguishable, distorted ; impossible to identify or recognize.

“The body was so unrecognizable that they needed dental records to confirm the identity.”

“The unrecognizable corpse made it difficult to determine the cause of death.”

The word “unrecognizable” evokes a sense of horror and mystery for readers. It conveys the extent of the damage or decay inflicted upon the body, often implying a violent or gruesome end. This can further the plot, prompting characters to find out what occurred and consider whether they may also be in danger.

9. Festering

Rotting, putrefying; undergoing decay or decomposition.

“The festering body was a breeding ground for maggots and had begun to attract vultures overhead.”

“He covered his nose as he approached the festering corpse of the body that had remained undiscovered until neighbors complained of the smell.”

The word “festering” enhances the reader’s sensory experience but also effectively communicates the passage of time, suggesting that the body has been left to decay and smell. This level of detail may foreshadow a darker, more sinister turn in the narrative, as the decomposing body may symbolize a metaphorical decay or corruption that permeates the story’s setting or characters.

Pale, ashen ; lacking color or liveliness.

“The pallid body looked lifeless and cold against the gray concrete of the abandoned factory.”

“Her once rosy cheeks were now pallid and sunken in a mask of death.”

The word “pallid” effectively conveys the lifeless appearance of a dead body, providing readers with a vivid mental image. It emphasizes the contrast between the vibrant hues of life and the dull, colorless tones of death. This detail not only enriches the narrative but also serves to heighten the reader’s emotional response to the character’s demise.

How to Write Death Scenes (Ultimate Guide + 21 Examples)

Writing death scenes adds a new meaning to the popular writing phrase, “Kill your darlings.”

Here is how to write death scenes:

Write death scenes by focusing on sensory details, context, and symbolism. Use words like “eternal” or “finality” to set the mood. Incorporate elements like scent, sound, and even texture for added realism. Poetry often allows for greater symbolic exploration while prose offers deeper nuance.

In this guide, you’ll learn everything you need to know about how to write death scenes in your stories.

7 Types of Death Scenes

Table of Contents

There are many different types of death scenes you can put in your story.

Each type of death scene serves a unique narrative function and comes with its own set of considerations for how to approach it effectively.

By understanding the different types of death scenes, writers can choose the one that best serves their story’s needs.

Here are 7 popular types of death scenes.

Emotional Death Scene

In an emotional death scene, the focus lies primarily on the inner feelings and psychological impact surrounding the character’s death.

The atmosphere is often heavy, filled with sorrow, love, or even a sense of tragic inevitability.

Characters may have the opportunity to say goodbye, allowing for moments of vulnerability or closure.

Sudden Death Scenes

Sudden death scenes jolt the reader with their abruptness.

There’s little or no time for emotional preparation; the death happens quickly, leaving characters and readers alike to grapple with the aftermath.

In such scenes, the focus is often on the shock and the immediate ripple effects of the death.

Sacrificial Death Scene

In sacrificial death scenes, a character willingly gives up their life for a cause, greater than themselves.

These scenes can be emotionally intense as they often involve a noble or courageous act, defining the character’s legacy.

The focus is on the magnitude of the sacrifice.

Also, its impact on the surviving characters and the narrative as a whole.

Funny Death Scene

Contrary to the generally somber nature of death, funny death scenes aim for humor without making light of the act of dying itself.

These scenes often involve irony, comedic timing, or unexpected outcomes that bring a dark levity to the narrative.

The goal is to provide emotional relief without trivializing the event.

Tragic Death Scene

Tragic death scenes carry an air of inevitability and futility, often resulting from a flaw or decision made by the character.

Such deaths are meant to provoke pity and fear, serving as a cautionary element in the story.

Build a crescendo of events that lead to an inescapable, devastating conclusion.

Heroic Death Scene

Heroic death scenes showcase characters dying in a manner that highlights their bravery, ethics, or special skills.

These deaths often occur during climactic moments, and serve to inspire other characters or resolve a critical plot point.

Heroic deaths linger in the memories of the characters and the readers alike.

Ambiguous Death Scene

Ambiguous death scenes leave room for interpretation, raising questions about whether the character has actually died, how they died, or what the implications are for the story.

This type of death can serve as a complex narrative device.

It leaves characters and readers in a state of uncertainty, which can be either resolved later in the story or left as an enduring mystery.

21 Tips for Describing Death in Writing

Here are 21 tips to guide you through the intricate process of describing death in your writing.

Tip 1: “Soulful Strings” – Create Emotional Resonance

A death scene should be emotionally charged.

Think about how you want the reader to feel and tailor the scene to invoke those emotions.

Whether you aim for sadness, anger, or even relief, the key is to make the scene resonate emotionally with the audience.

Example : Instead of just saying “She cried,” you could describe the scene with more emotional depth: “Tears blurred her vision as she held his lifeless hand, a torrent of emotions washing over her as she remembered their shared laughter, their shared dreams, now shattered.”

Tip 2: “The Echo Chamber” – Show the Ripple Effect

A death isn’t just a singular event; it has ramifications that affect other characters and the plot.

Make sure to highlight how the death alters relationships, prompts action, or deepens themes in your story.

Example : After the protagonist’s mentor dies, you might write: “John picked up the fallen sword, its weight heavier now. Every clang of metal was a reminder, every battle cry an echo of a lesson learned from the man who was no more.”

Tip 3: “Veil of Authenticity” – Be Accurate

If your story involves a death based on specific conditions like an illness or historical event, research is crucial.

Accurate details lend credibility and depth to the scene.

Example : If a character is dying of a specific illness, describe their symptoms and the medical procedures accurately: “The pallor of his skin, the visible jaundice in his eyes, and the constant beeping of the dialysis machine painted a picture more poignant than words could describe.”

Tip 4: “Time Warp” – Consider Pacing

The pacing of a death scene should match its emotional and narrative importance.

A sudden death might happen quickly, while a more emotional or dramatic death could benefit from a slower pace.

Example : For a sudden, unexpected death you might write, “The shot rang out, and Mark fell.” For a slower-paced, emotional death: “As she took her final breaths, each second stretched on, a lifetime of memories flashing before her eyes.”

Tip 5: “Color of Emotion” – Use Symbolism and Metaphor

Symbolism can add layers of meaning to a death scene.

Consider using objects, colors, or settings that have symbolic significance either to the story or the character who is dying.

Example : “As Emily died, the fading sunlight cast long shadows on the walls, mirroring the darkness that slowly enveloped her world.”

Tip 6: “Final Curtain” – Match the Tone with the Story

The tone of the death scene should align with the overall tone of your story.

A gritty crime novel and a whimsical fantasy will have very different kinds of death scenes.

Example : In a dark thriller, you could describe death as, “His last breath was a gasp, a futile grasp for life in a world filled with darkness.” In a comedic setting: “He tripped over a banana peel, plummeted off the cliff, and met his maker in the most absurd way possible.”

Tip 7: “Eclipsing Event” – Make it Unforgettable

A memorable death scene often contains an element that makes it stand out.

It could be a final line, an unexpected twist, or a significant action by the dying character.

Example : “With his last ounce of strength, he pulled the locket from his pocket and placed it in her hand. ‘Never forget,’ he whispered, before succumbing to the darkness.”

Tip 8: “Orchestrated Chaos” – Use Sensory Details

To make a death scene vivid and immediate, use all five senses.

Describe not just what is seen, but also what is heard, smelled, touched, and even tasted.

Example : “ The air smelled of gunpowder and sweat. As he lay dying, the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth, and the distant cries of his comrades sounded like a forlorn farewell.”

Tip 9: “Chiaroscuro” – Play with Light and Darkness

The contrast between light and darkness can provide a dramatic backdrop for a death scene.

Light and darkness can serve as a metaphor for life and death itself.

Example : “As her life ebbed away, the room grew darker, as if each flickering candle knew that its light was no longer needed in a world that would be devoid of her radiance.”

Tip 10: “Language of Loss” – Choose Your Words Carefully

The words you choose can heavily influence how a reader experiences a death scene.

Words with strong connotations can deepen the emotional impact.

Example : Instead of saying, “He stopped breathing,” you might write, “His breath surrendered to the relentless grip of death.”

Tip 11: “The Chain Reaction” – Set Up the Dominoes

A well-crafted death scene often has elements of foreshadowing that make the event feel both surprising and inevitable.

Setting up these “dominoes” can make the actual death more impactful.

Example : If a character has been coughing throughout the story, hinting at a deadly illness, their eventual demise will feel like a tragic but logical conclusion: “He coughed again, each hack more desperate than the last, as if his lungs were pleading for a reprieve he knew would never come.”

Tip 12: “Inner Worlds” – Tap Into Inner Monologue

Incorporating the dying character’s inner thoughts can offer a poignant, intimate perspective on their death.

This works especially well for the main characters or those with whom the reader is emotionally invested.

Example : “Is this it? he wondered, as the edges of his vision began to blur. A lifetime reduced to this singular, fateful moment.”

Tip 13: “Unspoken Words” – Use Dialogue Wisely

Dialogue can be a powerful tool in a death scene, revealing character, emotion, or plot points.

However, it should be used wisely, as overly dramatic or unrealistic dialogue can break the reader’s immersion.

Example : “‘I love you,’ she said, her voice tinged with a sadness that conveyed more than any eloquent farewell could. With those final words, her eyes closed, forever.”

Tip 14: “The Elegy” – Give Time for Reflection

After the death occurs, allow room for the surviving characters—and the reader—to reflect.

This could be a brief moment of silence, a poignant observation, or a memory.

Example : “As they lowered her casket into the ground, Maria remembered the way her grandmother’s eyes had always seemed to sparkle like the ocean on a sunny day. That sparkle was now a legacy, etched in her memory.”

Tip 15: “The Undercurrent” – Use Subtext to Your Advantage

Subtext can add an additional layer of complexity to your death scene.

The unsaid words, hidden motivations, or lingering questions can add depth and richness to the experience.

Sometimes what isn’t said speaks volumes, leaving room for interpretation and drawing the reader further into the emotional fabric of the story.

Example : “He looked into her eyes one final time. Words failed him, but his eyes conveyed a lifetime of love and regret, a silent conversation only they understood.”

Tip 16: “Sound of Silence” – Consider the Role of Absence

Sometimes the most powerful moments in a death scene come from what is left unsaid or undone.

The absence of sound, movement, or even emotional response can be as telling as their presence.

This emptiness can create a haunting atmosphere, adding a layer of complexity to the scene.

Example : “As the life ebbed from his eyes, the room fell eerily silent. Even the clock on the wall seemed to pause, as if paying its respects to the gravity of the moment.”

Tip 17: “Interlude of Reflection” – Insert Moments of Inner Monologue

Providing an inner monologue can serve to deepen the emotional impact of the death scene.

Whether it’s the dying character reflecting on their life or another character grappling with the impending loss, these internal thoughts can serve as an emotional focal point.

Make sure the monologue fits the character and adds something meaningful to the scene.

Example : “In those final moments, Lisa’s mind danced through the years—childhood summers, love’s first kiss, her daughter’s smile—each memory a bittersweet note in the symphony of her life.”

Tip 18: “Fading Echoes” – Use Repetition for Emotional Impact

Repetition of a word, a phrase, or an action can add dramatic weight to a death scene.

This literary device can emphasize the emotional or thematic significance of the moment.

In a way, it acts as a refrain that hammers home the scene’s impact.

Example : “He fell to his knees, repeating her name over and over, as if each utterance could bring her back. ‘Emily, Emily, Emily,’ he whispered into the void.”

Tip 19: “Mosaic of Memories” – Incorporate Flashbacks

Skillfully interwoven flashbacks can enhance the emotional texture of a death scene.

By juxtaposing the past with the present, you can illuminate the significance of the dying character’s life, their relationships, or their dreams.

Flashbacks can serve as a poignant reminder of what is being lost.

Example : “As Anna took her last breaths, her mind transported her back to the day they first met. The sunlight in his hair, the promise in his eyes—gone, but never forgotten.”

Tip 20: “Harmony in Discord” – Use Contrasts to Highlight the Moment

Contrasting elements like joy and sorrow, noise and silence, or life and death can magnify the emotional stakes of your death scene.

By putting two contrasting elements side by side, you create a tension that captures the reader’s attention.

And, at the same time, underscores the tragedy or poignancy of the moment.

Example : “Amidst the joyous laughter and celebration of the festival outside, Mary closed her eyes for the final time, her world dimming as the fireworks burst into the night sky.”

Tip 21: “Ode to the End” – Pay Attention to the Final Sentence

The final sentence of a death scene holds a significant responsibility—it’s the lingering note that stays with the reader as they navigate the aftermath of the character’s demise.

Craft this sentence with care, making sure it encapsulates the emotion, the significance, and the finality of the moment.

Example : “As her heart gave its final beat, the room seemed to exhale with her, releasing a lifetime of love, sorrow, and unspoken dreams into the universe.”

Just when you thought we were done, here are 10 more tips for how to write death scenes:

How to Describe Death in a Poem

Describing death in a poem allows for a condensed but emotionally charged exploration of the subject.

Poetic forms often lend themselves to capturing the essence of death in a manner that’s more focused on emotional and sensory experiences than straightforward narrative.

The use of metaphors, similes, and symbolism can elevate the emotional stakes.

Meanwhile, the poem’s rhythm and meter can mimic the heartbeat or breath of life itself.

Example : “In twilight’s dim I softly tread, My breath a cloud, my heart like lead. The sun retreats, as must I too, Into night’s arms, where dreams are few.”

How to Describe a Dead Person in Writing

The description of a deceased character can set the mood and offer a poignant moment for both the characters and the readers.

Details such as facial expression, position, and surrounding scenery should be considered.

You may want to highlight whether they look peaceful or tormented, how their clothes lay, or even the color of their skin and the temperature of their body.

These details contribute to a vivid and respectful rendering of death.

Example : “Her face was a waxen moon in the dim light, eyes closed in eternal contemplation. Her once vibrant auburn hair lay flat, framing her face like a fading halo on a long-forgotten saint.”

How to Describe the Stages of Death in Writing

Describing the stages of death can add a layer of realism and gravitas to your narrative.

It’s crucial to handle this with care and sensitivity, keeping in mind that different cultures and individuals have their own perceptions and experiences of death.

The physical stages—such as pallor mortis, algor mortis, and rigor mortis—can be depicted to show the inexorable progression of death.

The emotional and spiritual stages can illuminate the internal experiences of the dying or those left behind.

Example : “As the minutes ticked by, John’s skin turned an ashy gray, the warmth retreating from his limbs like a fading summer. His breathing grew shallow, a slow rattle that signaled his spirit’s negotiation between two realms.”

How to Describe the Scent of Death

The scent of death can be an unsettling but powerful detail in your writing.

This sensory element immerses your reader into the scene and underlines the finality and biological aspects of death.

Depending on the circumstances, the smell could range from the antiseptic scent of a hospital room to the sickly-sweet smell of decay.

Injecting this olfactory detail can provide a visceral realism to your death scene.

Example : “The air was thick with a cloying, metallic odor, a mixture of fresh blood and the acrid tang of decay. It hung around them like an unspoken truth, inescapable and deeply human.”

How to Describe the Death Rattle in Writing

The death rattle is a specific respiratory sound that can occur shortly before or during death.

It’s a haunting, unforgettable auditory detail that can add a layer of stark realism to your scene.

The sound can serve as a countdown of sorts, each raspy breath a solemn drumbeat leading toward the end.

But tread carefully—while it adds to the sensory experience, it can be unsettling for some readers.

Example : “Each breath he took sounded like a distant thunderstorm, a low, guttural rattle that seemed to echo the turmoil within his failing body. It was a sound both alien and profoundly sad, a final refrain in the symphony of his life.”

30 Best Words to Describe Death in Writing

Selecting the right words can make a significant difference in conveying the tone, emotion, and atmosphere of a death scene.

Choose words that resonate with the mood you want to create, whether it’s peaceful, tragic, horrifying, or uplifting.

Here are some of the best words for death scenes:

30 Best Phrases to Describe Death in Writing

Just as single words can be powerful, phrases can deepen the emotional and thematic resonance of your death scene.

Phrases offer the chance to capture more nuanced feelings or reactions surrounding death, adding a lyrical or poetic layer to the narrative.

Best death scene phrases:

• Eternal rest
• Gave up the ghost
• Passed away
• Snuffed out
• Breathed his last
• Met his maker
• Crossed the threshold
• Laid to rest
• Gone to a better place
• Pushing up daisies
• Ascended to heaven
• Taken too soon
• Reached the end of the road
• A light extinguished
• Embraced oblivion
• Final curtain call
• Left this mortal coil
• Fading away
• Found peace
• Walked into the light
• Sank into darkness
• The sands ran out
• Time’s up
• Closed the book
• The last chapter
• Left the stage
• Cut the thread
• A life complete
• Shuffled off this mortal coil

Death Scene Writing Example

To bring all the tips, words, and phrases together, here’s an example of a death scene to illustrate how you might incorporate all these elements into your own writing.

Amelia sat by her grandfather’s bedside, her heart pounding in a strange mixture of dread and tranquility.

His skin was almost translucent, a fragile parchment that had recorded ninety years of joys, sorrows, and ordinary miracles. His breath came in shallow bursts, each one a raspy whisper that seemed to fill the room with an almost sacred reverence—a death rattle that served as the final curtain call in the grand theater of his life.

The room was permeated with the metallic scent of decay, but Amelia didn’t mind.

It felt natural, a part of the cycle that began with the sweet aroma of birth and concluded with this. The air was heavy , as if it too was burdened with the weight of impending finality.

He opened his eyes once more and locked his gaze onto hers.

No words were spoken, yet an entire lifetime seemed to pass between them in that lingering moment. The silence was their last shared language, a poignant interlude of reflection before the inevitable.

Then, with a soft sigh, he crossed the threshold.

His eyes remained open, but Amelia knew he had left the stage, departing this world for whatever lay beyond.

She felt a rush of sorrow, followed by an unexpected serenity, as if he had bequeathed to her a small part of his newly found eternal rest. The room seemed to exhale with him, releasing a lifetime of love, sorrow, and unspoken dreams into the universe.

Final Thoughts: How to Write Death Scenes

Death scenes are as unique as each story, character, and writer.

Blend the tips, techniques, and examples in this guide to write your next epic death scene.

Related Posts:

• How to Write Chase Scenes (13 Best Tips + Examples)
• How to Write Battle Scenes: The Ultimate Guide for 2023
• How To Write a Funeral Scene (Ultimate Guide + 20 Examples)
• How To Write a Sad Scene: A Full Guide With 10 Examples

PEW Research on Death and Dying

Writing Nestling

How To Describe Death Scenes In Writing (12 Steps You Need To Know)

Writing a death scene is a delicate yet potent art form within the realm of storytelling.

It is a pivotal moment where emotions run high, and the narrative takes a dramatic turn. Crafting a death scene that resonates with readers requires a skillful blend of character development, plot consideration, and emotional depth.

In this exploration of the craft, we will delve into the intricate facets of creating a memorable death scene, one that not only tugs at heartstrings but also serves as a catalyst for the narrative, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

From character selection to scene composition, dialogue to emotional resonance, we will uncover the secrets of this powerful storytelling device, striving to strike that elusive balance between shock and satisfaction, while ultimately leaving a lasting imprint on the reader’s soul.

Table of Contents

How To Describe Death Scenes In Writing

Certainly, here’s a step-by-step process for writing a death scene:

Establish the Context

Begin by setting the stage for the death scene. Describe the location, time, and any relevant circumstances leading up to this moment.

Character Development

Ensure that the character facing death is well-developed. Readers should have a strong emotional connection to the character.

Emotions and Inner Thoughts

Show the character’s emotions and inner thoughts as they confront their mortality. This is a key element in making the scene poignant.

If there are any final words or exchanges between characters, write meaningful and authentic dialogue that fits the context.

Physical Description

Describe the physical sensations the character experiences, such as pain, difficulty breathing, or fading consciousness.

Surroundings:

Incorporate sensory details to convey the environment – sights, sounds, smells, and even the weather – to create a vivid setting.

Other Characters’ Reactions

Depict how other characters present react to the impending death. Their emotions and actions can add depth to the scene.

Symbolism and Metaphor

Consider using symbolism or metaphor to enhance the scene’s meaning and impact.

Control the pacing of the scene to build tension. You may slow down to emphasize significant moments and speed up for intensity.

Decide how the scene concludes, whether with acceptance, regret, or other emotions. It should feel emotionally satisfying.

Revise and edit the scene to ensure clarity and emotional resonance. Eliminate any unnecessary elements.

Reader Impact

Reflect on the impact you want the death scene to have on your readers. Aim to evoke the intended emotions.

Remember that writing a death scene can be emotionally challenging, so approach it with care and sensitivity, keeping your overall narrative and character arcs in mind

Character development is the artist’s palette, the symphony’s crescendo, and the novelist’s alchemy. It’s the art of breathing life into words, weaving the ordinary into the extraordinary.

Through every turn of the narrative, characters evolve, their hearts and minds laid bare like a treasure map waiting to be explored.

It’s the magic that turns ink on a page into a living, breathing soul, inviting readers to embark on a journey where empathy blooms, flaws reveal their beauty, and the human spirit unfurls its wings.

In the realm of storytelling, character development is the heartbeat that resonates, the catalyst for emotional investment, and the thread that weaves tales that transcend the bounds of mere words.

Choosing the right character for the death

Selecting the right character for a poignant death scene is akin to choosing a note in a symphony; it must strike the perfect chord.

It’s a delicate balance of narrative impact and emotional resonance. The character chosen should be one whose presence has been deeply etched into the reader’s heart, someone whose absence will leave a palpable void.

Whether it’s a beloved hero sacrificing for a noble cause or a complex antagonist finding redemption in their final moments, the character’s journey and connection with the audience must be profound.

This choice is not only about the shock value of death but the profound impact it has on the story’s tapestry, evoking emotions that linger long after the final page is turned.

Building a strong emotional connection with the audience

Building a strong emotional connection with the audience is the architect’s blueprint of storytelling.

It’s the art of crafting characters whose dreams, fears, and triumphs mirror the reader’s own, forging an unspoken bond that transcends the page.

It’s about giving life to characters with whom the audience can laugh, cry, and grow. Through shared experiences, vulnerabilities, and aspirations, the reader becomes not just an observer but a participant in the story’s unfolding drama.

It’s in these moments of connection that the words on the page transform into a mirror reflecting the human condition, reminding us that within the vast tapestry of fiction, we find echoes of our own joys, sorrows, and, ultimately, our shared humanity.

Plot Considerations

Plot considerations are the labyrinths of imagination, where every twist and turn holds the power to captivate or confound the reader.

They’re the strategic maneuvers of storytelling, the hidden levers that propel a narrative forward with unrelenting momentum.

It’s the dance of cause and effect, where each event ripples through the story like a stone thrown into a pond, creating intricate patterns of consequence.

As a writer, it’s not merely plotting points on a graph but orchestrating a symphony of emotions and revelations.

Plot considerations breathe life into the tale, from the first page’s tantalizing setup to the climactic crescendo and the lingering notes of resolution.

They are the heartbeat of storytelling, where the author’s artistry lies in crafting a journey that keeps readers on the edge of their seats, eager to unravel the enigma of what happens next.

Incorporating death into the storyline

Incorporating death into the storyline is akin to weaving the shadowy threads of mortality into the vibrant tapestry of life. It’s a narrative alchemy that can evoke profound emotions and challenge the very essence of the human experience.

Whether it’s a tragic loss that shatters the protagonist’s world or a poignant farewell that brings closure, death is a powerful catalyst for transformation and reflection.

When deftly integrated, it can serve as a compelling narrative device, prompting characters to confront their fears, reevaluate their priorities, or embark on quests for justice and closure.

It’s the ultimate reminder that in the intricate web of storytelling, death isn’t merely an end; it’s a beginning, a catalyst for growth, and a testament to the enduring power of human resilience and the enduring impact of those we’ve loved and lost.

Foreshadowing and suspense

Foreshadowing and suspense are the masterful strokes of a storyteller’s brush, painting intrigue across the canvas of narrative.

Like whispered secrets in a dimly lit room, they tantalize the reader’s imagination and invite them to delve deeper into the unfolding mystery.

Foreshadowing is the subtle art of planting seeds of anticipation, dropping breadcrumbs of clues that leave the audience eager to decipher their significance.

Suspense, on the other hand, is the pulse-quickening heartbeat of uncertainty, where the unknown lurks in the shadows, heightening emotions and keeping readers on the edge of their seats.

Together, they create a symphony of tension and release, a delicate balance that transforms storytelling into an exhilarating journey where the thrill of discovery lies just beyond the next page, encouraging readers to turn it with bated breath.

Scene Composition

Scene composition is the playwright’s stage, the filmmaker’s frame, and the novelist’s canvas. It’s the choreography of storytelling, where words are brushstrokes and setting becomes a character in its own right.

It’s about choosing the perfect backdrop, orchestrating the play of light and shadow, and harnessing the sensory arsenal to immerse readers in a vivid, multisensory experience.

Scene composition isn’t just about describing a place; it’s about invoking a mood, setting the emotional temperature, and creating a space where characters and plot can flourish .

It’s where a dilapidated mansion becomes a haunting metaphor, a moonlit forest a sanctuary of secrets, and a bustling city street a symphony of human drama.

In the hands of a skilled writer, scene composition transforms the mundane into the magical, making readers not just observers but active participants in the unfolding narrative, stepping into a world where every scene is a masterpiece waiting to be explored.

Selecting the location and time

Selecting the location and time in storytelling is akin to choosing the stage for a grand theatrical performance. It’s the cornerstone upon which the narrative’s authenticity and atmosphere are built.

The location becomes a character in its own right, influencing the story’s mood and characters’ actions. Whether it’s a sun-soaked beach at dawn, an eerie forest beneath a silver moon, or a bustling metropolis at the height of rush hour, each setting imparts its unique essence to the tale.

Simultaneously, the chosen time period is a lens through which we view the characters and their dilemmas, reflecting the social, cultural, and historical context that shapes their lives.

Together, the location and time create the backdrop against which the drama of the narrative unfolds, painting a vivid, immersive world that draws readers into its embrace, making the story’s magic all the more palpable and profound.

Utilizing sensory details for a vivid portrayal

Utilizing sensory details is the writer’s secret incantation for conjuring worlds that live and breathe within the reader’s mind.

It’s the difference between merely reading words on a page and stepping into a vibrant tapestry of sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures.

When expertly wielded, sensory details transform description into immersion. The rustling leaves whisper secrets in the reader’s ear, the aroma of freshly baked bread can transport them to a bustling bakery, and the chill of a winter’s night can send shivers down their spine.

By harnessing the senses, a writer can create a vivid, multisensory experience that goes beyond storytelling, inviting readers to feel, taste, and breathe the very essence of the narrative.

It’s the art of making fiction tangible, and in doing so, it turns words into worlds, and readers into travelers on an unforgettable journey through the power of imagination.

Dialogue and Monologue

Dialogue and monologue are the lifeblood of character revelation, the symphony of voices that echo the human condition within the confines of a story.

Dialogue, like a lively debate between souls, is where characters breathe life into words, revealing their quirks, passions, and innermost thoughts through conversation.

It’s the art of crafting words that dance like music, with every exchange carrying the power to ignite sparks or mend wounds. On the other hand, monologue is the character’s unfiltered confession, a soliloquy where secrets, dreams, and fears are laid bare.

It’s the intimate whisper to the reader, a window into the very essence of a character’s soul.

Together, they create a harmonious dialogue, a duet between the fictional and the reader’s imagination, where every word becomes a brushstroke, painting the portrait of the human experience in vibrant and unforgettable colors.

Crafting poignant last words

Crafting poignant last words is the writer’s ultimate symphony of emotion, a fleeting crescendo that lingers in the reader’s heart long after the final page is turned.

These words are the character’s swan song, a culmination of their journey, and a poignant reflection of their essence. When done with mastery, they transcend mere text, becoming a profound moment of vulnerability and truth.

Whether it’s a hero imparting wisdom, a lover expressing their eternal devotion, or an antagonist revealing a hint of redemption, last words encapsulate the character’s entire arc and purpose within the narrative.

They are a profound reminder that even in the face of mortality, words have the power to transcend time and etch themselves into the reader’s memory, forever echoing the character’s legacy and the emotional impact of their journey.

Internal thoughts and reflections

Internal thoughts and reflections are the quiet whispers of a character’s soul, the hidden chambers where the true essence of a narrative resides.

It’s through these intimate moments that readers gain access to the innermost sanctum of a character’s psyche, witnessing their fears, hopes, regrets, and dreams.

These internal monologues become windows into the depths of human complexity, allowing us to empathize, connect, and even challenge our own beliefs through the character’s introspection.

They are the moments of profound vulnerability when characters grapple with their choices and confront the moral dilemmas that define their journey.

In the hands of a skilled writer, these internal musings become a tapestry of emotions, painting a rich, authentic portrait of the human experience and, in turn, inviting readers to explore the labyrinth of their own hearts and minds.

Emotional Resonance

Emotional resonance is the storyteller’s alchemy, the elixir that turns words on a page into indelible imprints on the human soul. It’s the heartbeat of a narrative, the secret ingredient that transforms tales from mere stories into unforgettable journeys.

When a writer masterfully crafts a narrative with emotional resonance, it’s as though they’ve harnessed the power of empathy itself, allowing readers to walk in the characters’ shoes, feel their joys and sorrows, and carry the echoes of their experiences long after the book is closed.

It’s the universal language that unites us all, reminding us that beneath our differences, we share the same hopes, fears, and dreams.

In the tapestry of storytelling, emotional resonance is the thread that binds us to the narrative, leaving an enduring mark on our hearts and inviting us to explore the boundless depths of our own humanity.

Evoking empathy and sorrow

Evoking empathy and sorrow in storytelling is like weaving a tapestry of human connection. It’s the art of inviting readers to step into the shoes of characters, to see the world through their eyes, and to feel the weight of their burdens as if they were their own.

Through vivid portrayals of characters’ struggles and vulnerabilities, a skilled writer can ignite a profound emotional response, stirring empathy that transcends the confines of the narrative.

Sorrow becomes the shared experience, a poignant reminder of the universality of pain and the beauty of resilience.

When done with finesse, this emotional alchemy doesn’t just bring tears to the reader’s eyes; it forges an enduring bond, reminding us all of our capacity for compassion and the power of storytelling to illuminate the profound depths of the human spirit.

Symbolism and Themes

Symbolism and themes are the hidden gems of storytelling, the cryptic codes that unlock the deeper layers of a narrative’s meaning.

They’re the breadcrumbs scattered through the story’s forest , urging readers to venture deeper into the woods of thought. Symbolism is the art of infusing objects, motifs, or events with hidden significance, turning them into metaphors that resonate with universal truths.

Themes, on the other hand, are the narrative’s beating heart, the philosophical questions it poses, and the lessons it imparts.

Together, they create a tapestry where every element serves a dual purpose – advancing the plot while inviting readers to explore profound questions about life, morality, and the human condition.

In the hands of a skillful writer, symbolism and themes transform a story into a multidimensional puzzle, where the act of unraveling becomes as rewarding as the tale itself, leaving readers not only entertained but enriched by the layers of meaning beneath the surface.

Linking the death to the overall narrative

Linking a character’s death to the overall narrative is akin to connecting the threads of fate in a grand tapestry of storytelling.

It’s the moment when the narrative’s disparate elements coalesce into a profound and resonant whole. A well-crafted death serves as more than a mere plot device; it becomes an integral piece of the narrative’s thematic puzzle, amplifying the story’s central messages and character arcs.

It’s the point where the story’s themes find their zenith, where characters confront their deepest fears or discover newfound purpose through the loss.

The death, whether tragic or redemptive, weaves itself into the narrative’s very fabric, reminding readers that within the ebb and flow of life and death, there is an enduring and intricate beauty that transcends the bounds of fiction.

Reader Experience

Reader experience is the sacred alchemy where words on a page transform into a vivid, immersive journey that transcends the limits of reality.

It’s the moment when a reader steps through the looking glass into a world where time stands still, where characters become confidants, and where every plot twist quickens the heartbeat.

A well-crafted narrative isn’t just a story; it’s an invitation to embark on an odyssey of emotions, a thrilling rollercoaster of empathy, laughter, and tears. Reader experience is the spark that ignites the imagination, making it soar to places unknown and return forever changed.

It’s a testament to the transformative power of storytelling, where each page is a portal, and every word is a magic spell, leaving readers not as they were before, but as explorers of the boundless landscapes of the human spirit.

Balancing shock and satisfaction

Balancing shock and satisfaction in storytelling is akin to walking a tightrope suspended between surprise and fulfillment.

It’s about offering readers unexpected twists and turns while ensuring that these narrative acrobatics remain deeply rooted in the story’s internal logic and character development.

Too much shock without satisfying resolutions can leave readers disoriented and unsatisfied, while an overdose of predictability can render a narrative dull.

Striking the perfect equilibrium involves crafting surprising revelations that feel earned and resonate with the overall narrative’s themes.

It’s the art of keeping readers on their toes, providing them with moments of exhilaration, and ultimately rewarding them with resolutions that leave a lasting impact.

In the realm of storytelling, it’s the delicate dance that transforms a good tale into an unforgettable masterpiece.

Leaving a lasting impact on the audience

Leaving a lasting impact on the audience is the holy grail of storytelling, the beacon that guides writers through the creative labyrinth.

It’s about crafting narratives that, like timeless melodies, continue to resonate in the hearts and minds of readers long after the final page is turned.

A story that endures isn’t merely a sequence of events; it’s an emotional rollercoaster that forges deep connections, challenges beliefs, and stirs the soul.

It’s in those moments of reflection, when the book is closed, that the true power of storytelling is revealed—the ability to inspire, provoke, and leave an indelible mark on the reader’s consciousness.

A narrative that lingers is a testament to the writer’s artistry, a gift that keeps on giving, and a reminder that stories have the power to transcend time, bridging the gaps between generations and cultures, and echoing through the annals of human experience.

Editing and Refinement

Editing and refinement are the sculptor’s chisel and the jeweler’s precision, where raw narrative potential transforms into a gleaming gem of storytelling.

It’s the phase where the rough edges are smoothed, the superfluous stripped away, and each word, sentence, and paragraph honed to perfection.

Editing isn’t merely a chore; it’s a symphony of revisiting, revising, and reimagining—a process that transforms a manuscript from a diamond in the rough into a sparkling literary masterpiece.

It’s the art of tightening the narrative’s grip on the reader, where every word carries weight and every plot twist finds its resonance.

In the crucible of editing, a story evolves, not just into its best self, but into a work of art that can enthrall, enlighten, and endure the test of time.

Polishing the death scene for maximum effect

Polishing the death scene for maximum effect is akin to crafting the crescendo of a symphony. It’s the culmination of careful character development, plot intricacies, and emotional resonance.

This process is about finetuning the details—the choice of words, the pacing, the atmosphere—all to create a moment that lingers in the reader’s soul.

It’s where the art of storytelling converges with the art of emotional manipulation, aiming not just to evoke tears but to provoke profound introspection.

The polished death scene isn’t just a moment of departure; it’s an emotional epicenter that reverberates through the narrative, shaping the characters and their journey, and, ultimately, leaving a powerful imprint on the reader’s heart and mind.

FAQs About Writing Death Scenes

What is the purpose of including a death scene in a story.

A death scene serves various purposes, such as advancing the plot, character development, and evoking emotional responses from readers. It can symbolize sacrifice, redemption, or the impermanence of life, adding depth to the narrative.

How do I choose which character should die in my story?

Selecting the right character for a death scene involves considering their impact on the story , emotional connection with readers, and how their demise advances the plot or themes. The character’s journey and significance should guide your decision.

What are some common mistakes to avoid when writing death scenes?

Common pitfalls include gratuitous violence, deaths lacking emotional depth, and abrupt or unrealistic deaths that don’t align with the narrative. Avoid clichés and ensure the death feels organic to the story.

How can I make a death scene emotionally resonant for readers?

Crafting poignant last words, exploring the character’s inner thoughts and emotions, and utilizing sensory details can all contribute to making a death scene emotionally impactful.

Should every death scene be tragic, or can they be redemptive or even uplifting?

Death scenes don’t always have to be tragic. They can also be redemptive, heroic, or even bittersweet, depending on the story’s themes and the character’s arc.

What role does foreshadowing play in preparing readers for a death scene?

Foreshadowing is essential for creating anticipation and emotional buildup. It can subtly hint at the impending death, preparing readers emotionally for the impact.

How do I balance the shock value of a death scene with satisfying resolutions for readers?

Striking a balance involves surprising readers while ensuring that the death’s impact aligns with the narrative’s overall goals. Avoid cheap shock and ensure that resolutions feel earned and emotionally resonant.

Is it essential for a death scene to have symbolism and tie into the story’s themes?

Incorporating symbolism and connecting the death to themes can deepen the narrative’s meaning and leave a lasting impression. It’s a powerful tool, but not all death scenes require it, depending on the story’s context.

What is the role of editing and refinement in perfecting a death scene?

Editing and refinement are crucial for polishing a death scene, ensuring that it aligns with the story’s tone, pacing, and emotional impact. This phase helps you fine-tune the scene for maximum effect.

How can I leave a lasting impact on readers through a death scene?

Leaving a lasting impact involves creating a death scene that resonates emotionally, challenges readers’ perspectives, and reflects the larger themes of your story. It’s about crafting a moment that lingers in readers’ hearts and minds long after they finish reading.

In the world of storytelling, the art of writing a death scene is a profound endeavor, one that requires the writer to masterfully navigate the tumultuous waters of emotion and narrative impact.

As we conclude our exploration of this craft, it becomes evident that a well-crafted death scene is not merely a moment of finality, but a profound exploration of the human condition, a reflection of life’s impermanence, and a mirror through which readers can examine their own experiences and emotions.

Through careful consideration of character development, plot dynamics, and emotional resonance, writers have the power to leave an indelible mark on the audience, reminding us all that even in the face of mortality, stories have the enduring power to evoke empathy, provoke contemplation, and resonate for generations to come.

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• How To Describe Foreshadow Death In Writing (13 Best Ways)
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• How To Write Reunion Scenes (10 Best Ways You Need TO Know)

How To Show Surprise In Writing (10 Best Steps)

• How To Describe Fear In Writing (13 Steps You Need To Know)
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corpse - quotes and descriptions to inspire creative writing

• bullet wound
• Dead People

She had been a flower all her days, the good seed that grew and bloomed. Only upon seeing her corpse did I really see that all that was her spirit, that all this time it was her soul I'd been in love with.

She was pure water in an elegant glass, her vessel stands empty, her water has moved on. Corpse and spirit each recycled.

I wanted him to laugh, to giggle, to say that this was all a big joke. No such luck. He had passed on, this was not him but a corpse, the vehicle he drove around all his life, his material home upon this plane of existence. I touch his skin, so cold. Whilst I am thankful for the time we had, when a one you loved passes on you grieve. There is a time of mourning, the ancients were right about that. Healing from loss takes more time than broken bones.

The corpse, the cadaver, was missing that soul-spark that made it a person, yet once it had been. Once it had laughed, played, been loved. There was a day they were born, a day they learned how to walk. There was a day they spoke their first word. Perhaps they danced and love music. Perhaps they were fond of sweet foods and exciting movies. Whomever they were, I hope they had good times and knew the beauty that living should be.

If you've never seen the transition from human to corpse, the moment the soul passes on, it is a very moving experience. If it is one you love there is a moment of grief, as if all the love you ever felt for them, every good memory sparks up, as if the soul makes this SOS for them to return. The cadaver, the corpse, the body without them is so very different. Seeing it makes it real in ways that are hard to transmit to the deep subconscious self in other ways. I guess this is why many cultures have open coffins.

To the corpse comes the welcoming earth, her loving brown arms to cherish what she birthed. To the soul comes the light of heaven and a chance for rebirth and transformation. This is death. All matter and energy is recycled, that is both science and faith.

Upon the face of the elderly corpse were deep set lines of laughter, and though we had come to return him to earth, I was harkened by this notion of the good times he'd been part of.

The light upon her petal skin, the heart that beat no more, the sound of her laughter still playing in my ears and soul. God, I miss her. God, I love her. Take good care of her. I pray you bring us back together in some other time and place.

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The Story Corpse: How to Raise Your Novel from the Dead

At this year’s annual YALLWrite (a conference for YA writers) V.E. Schwab led a writing process masterclass. In it, Schwab likened the writing of a story to necromancy, to the creation of a person, a la Frankenstein. There are four major parts to the “story corpse” as she calls it: bones, muscle, flesh, and clothes/makeup. Starting with the skeleton, the parts guide the order in which one drafts and revises.

Schwab’s method easily applies to different long-form writing projects. Additionally, her method intuitively describes story elements and their importance at different writing stages.

You start with the “story skeleton,” the foundational pieces that frame the body’s shape. This is the plot that will help writers map their way through the difficult first draft.

These bones are scenes or moments, ones that make your story unique. To identify these, Schwab asks: What 5-10 moments can this story not exist without? These original 5-10 ideas should be special and specific to your story. They should be moments that you cannot imagine your story existing without.

This list will guide you through the difficult moments of writing. Its skeletal nature gives you structure, but still room to experiment and find your story as you write.

Although you may end up with anywhere from 50-200 bones throughout the book, it’s good to not have them all written out at this point. As you revise, you’ll likely get rid of, change, or move around these initial plot points, so don’t overthink the list. It’s designed to act as a series of lighthouses, of signposts, to organize your creativity without being overly prescriptive.

At the bare minimum, however, try to include a clear beginning and end . The former, for obvious reasons, and the latter so you have something to work towards throughout the first draft. Defining your ending ahead of time also allows you to work backwards from the end on plotlines and character arcs.

This is the most basic of stress tests for your story idea. By starting with the beginning and the end, then filling in a series of bones between, you start the process of writing with assurance that your story ideas is big enough , that it has enough space , to fit into this one book. And if you can’t think of the story bones , or other problems, this prevents you from discovering that 10,000 words in.

Story Bones Checklist

• A short, descriptive title
• 3-4 sentences that describe the bone and its importance
• 1-2 sentences that explain how this is connected to the scenes (or bones) before/after

Be as specific or general as is useful to you, but make sure you have enough written for each bone to remind you of your initial idea when brainstorming it.

Muscle & Tissue

The muscle & tissue accord with the first draft process. When you add words to the page, you’re adding muscle and tissue to the body that represents your story. In this stage, there will be a lot of unexpected development, and that’s good , as it keeps the story fresh and exciting for you and your reader.

Schwab offers the following technique to keep your story bones and story draft clearly organized:

• Create a master doc with your skeleton bones all in order.
• When it is time to write a scene, grab the bone paragraph from that document and paste it into a new word document.
• Write the scene or chapter in that other word document with the bone at the top, using it to guide your writing.
• When you’re done, slot the newly written scene or chapter into the place that the bone was, before.

This keeps everything neat and prevents stagnation from the immensity of the work you have done or still have to do. It also mechanizes the more stressful parts of the writing process to save energy for actual writing.

Schwab doesn’t actually talk about skin, but I added this to discuss voice and tense , a subset of the drafting process. Schwab points this out as part of the aesthetics that need to be an early concern. Deciding what tense and point of view you’re telling the story from has a massive effect on the bones and the process of creating words.

When it comes to skin, it’s worth it to write in different tenses/ POVs to make sure you’re picking one appropriate to your story. If you’re on the fence about what to choose, try writing small snatches of scenes in different tenses and POVs. Combine them in obvious and unexpected ways, and give yourself room to experiment. Not only will this help you learn more about your story, but it will exercise your writing muscles and assure you that whichever you finally decide on is the right choice (at least for this drafting stage).

After slapping a bunch of muscle onto the story bones, you must now make this a specific person rather than a generic human-size blob. You’ll be adding or carving out pieces of story to give the draft shape and body.

This can also help you actually organize the revision process. For me, I know I get easily overwhelmed by the immensity of the revision process. Separating it into different rounds can help, but it can still feel overwhelming when you’re talking about novel-length revisions.

Instead, think about each revision aspect as a part of the story’s body that you’re designing. You visualize the process of revision much more clearly this way.

This will be different for everyone, but I used the (admittedly crude) diagram below to set up the revision process for my current novel draft. It’s quite basic and I have no pretensions that it covers everything necessary in the revising process, but it’s an example to help me (and you) organize the importance and order in which to revise aspects of the story.

Makeup & Clothes

Makeup & clothes refers to the actual prose of the story. At this point, you are done with major changes, so you can focus in on the sound, style, and feeling of the words you’ve written.

This may involve cleaning up the words, to make them consistent in tone and voice. For some, it may involve hours meditating on whether a single word should be swapped out for two. Whatever works for you is fine, but I do recommend taking the time to consider “beautifying” at least a bit.

Even if that means distilling your prose to be simple, clean, and clear, that’s perfectly fine. Everyone and every book has its own sound, but you should make sure you spend a little time to find yours and make sure that your book’s sound is serving the story.

Final Thoughts

Like any metaphor or method of writing, this won’t resonate for everyone, but I hope that it gives you more ideas and more tools to make it through the writing and revision process. I’ll be using it to revise my NaNoWriMo project, for sure. If you try it out, tell us about in the comments below!

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• Writing About
• Tips For Writers

August 10, 2015

Writing about: a corpse, 84 comments:.

Wonderful post. A thorough description of a corpse is a must. LOL I do read and review a lot of books with corpses. :-) sherry @ fundinmental

So do I. :)

Sometimes you don't know when a body is going to show up in your book, so this is always great information to know! Good tips.

Thanks, Nick!

great tips, haha, though I don't know if my books will ever have one...great question, I think I'm always finding I have some element of celebrity-hood in my books! :) also, makeup. lol

Liuke Nicek said, you never know. ;) I've never written about celebrity-hood or makeup but books with both are a lot of fun!

Sorry the sign up didn't work as advertised. I've not placed a dead body in any of my books, but you've given me points to consider if I ever do.

Thanks. It was really frustrating when I found out it didn't work right.

I've had corpses scattered about during battles, on death marches, and in concentration-camps, described in a variety of ways. The corpses from a battle like Tarawa stink in the Pacific heat the morning after, whereas the corpses from a battle like the Normandy landings are just scattered across the beach the morning after, in various stages of dismemberment or wounding, without that same kind of intense stench.

I've written about battles too and describing the dead bodies that result from these fights is a must.

Love this post! Fabulous tease in the 'position' paragraph :-) Excellent tips,have you ever interviewed anyone in the field? For me, whether implied or expressed, elements of supernatural-coincidental-karma tend to sneak, creep or astonish right into many of my stories. So far, bodies of the dear departed have never been found...Ha!

No, I haven't interview anyone yet. But it would be interesting and very informative to do so. Bodies never been found is an intriguing concept.

It's weird actually seeing a corpse in real life. I've seen a couple in my day. One was when I was training nurses during a midnight shift at a hospital, and I saw a patient pass away. The second one was when I was meeting a client who happened to be a crematorium, and he gave me a tour of the place. I saw the room where they process the bodies. Yikes!

I've never seen a corpse in real life and hope I never do. The corpses in my imagination are enough. lol

I've offed people, but mostly just that, never found any real corpses. Lots to think about with them indeed though

I've done both. ;)

Great tips! The closest thing to a corpse I've written about was a character stumbling upon someone who was almost dead (it was a fantasy & they were able to bring him back to life). No real dead bodies yet (in writing or real life, actually...)

Oh! That sounds really good, Sarah! I've had one of my characters stumble upon a dead person who comes back to life.

Useful tips! Thanks for sharing. :-)

You're welcome. :)

I write about space travel a lot so I have to keep days straight. It gets complicated. Don't usually have too many bodies to write about.

Well, I guess that's good. Unless you write about a body floating around in space. Now that could be fun! ;)

Really insightful thanks for sharing!

Thanks for visiting!

One thing I've ALWAYS loved about your posts is the way you really think about each and every aspect of a topic. And then, you explain it so well! Once again, great post.

Thank you so much, Cherdo! I try my best. :)

The position of ghosts is interesting. Hadn't thought of that before. I've never had to view a corpse in a morgue or at the scene. Viewing bodies at a funeral is hard enough because of what funeral homes do the body to preserve them. Never touch a preserved body! At least that's been my advice. I was 'haunted' for years over one experience.

Yikes! The only funeral I went to was my grandmother's when I was a baby, so I don't have any memory of what she looked like.

Hi Chrys, I thought you said this wouldn't be gruesome, LOL. Slit throat? Bloatiing? Blood spray? ;) Excellent tips as always. You'll be very proud of me writing my fiction this last week while on a blog break.

HAHAHA!!!! Well, just mentioning those things shouldn't be too gruesome. But I didn't go into great details about those things like I could have. ;)

Terrific information. I try to keep my corpses off stage since I write about crime from a psychological perspective. That said, my first novel opens with a mutilated and flayed college student hung nude and spread-eagled from a wooden slab. So much for off stage. ;) I write about the weather a lot. I choose words that reflect what’s going on in the story. Cliché, but it’s the only time I really feel comfortable getting “literary.” VR Barkowski

YIKES! I feel sorry for that college student. Haha! I write about weather a lot too...especially in my Disaster Crimes series. ;)

What a great write? not that I could write about a corpse in my poetry. I usually write about what has or is happening in my life. Yvonne.

And that's great! :)

I wondered about that, as there's always an email verification. Done did it again! Looking forward to your first issue!

Thanks, Yolanda!

I signed up again, hope it works. Great information for describing a corpse.

Thanks, Jeffrey! But I think yours had already gone through. If you get a verification email than it worked the first time. :)

Hmm. I have to think about this, but I can't recall writing about a corpse. Not yet at least, but I'm keeping your suggestions at the ready in case I need to one day.

Maybe you will write about a corpse one and those corpses' ghost. ;)

I'm not a writer but I think its super cool to give helpful hints like this to fellow writers!!

Thank you so much, Holli! :D

Signed up again because I hadn't gotten a confirmation email; waiting to see if I get one this time around. I think your descriptions of how to write about corpses were all good ones. betty

Thanks for signing up again, Betty. I had manually added you. :)

I don't write about corpses at the moment. In fact, I'm kind of avoiding death in my current WIP.

That's all right. Not every story needs one. :)

One of my novels starts with a scene in a morgue. I go through the whole jazz of the tint of the skin being different, colder. But he was embalmed and on ice, so no funky smell at that point. I'm thinking of adding details now because of your post, thanks!

That's awesome! This may sound weird, but I like detailed corpses. lol

Doesn't sound weird to me. Anything that pulls the reader in completely is what I like best :)

Great post. In my WIP, my character walks into an arena filled with corpses. So this post is very helpful in describing in more detail of that scene. As for the question, I tend to write more about characters, mostly female, trying to find their path in life. And how they go about it is usually the source of trouble.

An arena filled with corpses? Whoa! That'll be an interesting scene.

I don't expect to be writing about corpses. Yet, I found it interesting to consider what you'd need to consider in order to do so. #WeekendCoffeeShare @ Life & Faith in Caneyhead

Thanks for commenting, Barbara!

This is important because people who read the books will know if you know how a corpse is really supposed to look. You have to get it right. Doctors, nurses and all other types who deal with dead people will know. In the film Psycho, when Marion lays dead on the floor and there is a close up of her, Hitchcock got many letters from people in the field saying that her eyes were not dilated. If she were dead, they would be. Excellent info!

Exactly! It's important to get it right. Just like it's important to get anything in the medical field right. I had no idea about that Psycho/Hitchcock story. Thanks for sharing!

Those tips are great even when you're not writing about corpses. I write a lot about chickens, so I'm sure the clothing tip will be useful, but who knows???

Haha! I'll let you know when I see a chicken in clothes. ;)

I'm currently reading a whodunnit where you don't even know who was murdered until half-way though the book. It's fascinating because it takes place in a Big Brother-style house with cameras everywhere and the killer somehow managed to get away with it.

That's sounds like a strange but interesting book.

I have to admit, just the word gives me the willies.

It can do that.

I had a corpse in one of my books. I Googled how long she had been dead so that I could look at pictures and descriptions of corpses with that same level of decomposition. It wasn't fun research.

Ick! Not fun research at all.

Great tips! All the little details make such a difference. Have you ever read Stiff by Mary Roach? It's a funny nonfiction book about different things that are done to cadavers after death. I learned a lot about corpses!

No. I haven't read Stiff, but I've wanted to for years!

I follow the cozies rule of bodies off stage. So I guess I write about the whodunit with using gossip,wacky witnesses, etc. It adds more humor than terror. :-) Anna from Elements of Writing

Humor is awesome!

I haven't had to do any corpse descriptions yet, but I loved reading the tips. The details are so important in things like that.

I agree! And I'm glad you liked my tips. :)

Excellent tips for writing about corpses. There are so many details to think about.

There sure are.

Very good points. I'm saving them in case I ever write about corpses. Mostly I write about teenage angst and middle grade wanting to belong or family problems. I don't recall any corpses in my stories, maybe a ghost or two, which means they're dead. :)

Thanks, Beverly! There can never be enough stories about teenage angst. I love ghosts! I've included a few of those in my stories too. ;)

I thought I'd signed up but couldn't find a record, so I signed up again. I get confused easily. :)

That's okay, Beverly! I believe I added you manually. :)

Great tips. I like reading the gross details too.

You need gross details when it comes to a corpse.

Ooh, good information - I have corpses in my current WIP but it's not a crime scene kind of MS - just a couple of bodies lying around so I mentioned flies and the smell. yuck! :)

The smell has to be the worst thing and so hard to describe with words.

ew! dead people! but i guess i have a few in my thriller series or it wouldn't be much of a thriller series! i should probably do more research, thanks for helping us refine the details!

Good point! Thrillers need dead people. ;)

Great post as always Chrys. Yes you did do a great job with the dead in Witch of Death. Very graphic and believable, sorta.

Thank you so much, Denise! :D

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10 Tips on How to Write Believable Crime and Murder Scenes

We’re starting a fun series covering a number of weeks featuring guest posts from professionals who work in medical, police investigation, and legal arenas in order to help writers get “real” in their fiction. Take a peek inside their worlds and ask questions!

Today’s guest post is from Garry Rodgers, who spent years working as a homicide investigator and fornesics coroner and has a lot of great advice for writers who plan to write about crime scenes.

I’ve been around the criminal investigation world for three decades—first as a homicide detective, then as a forensic coroner. I was also the trigger-man on Emergency Response or SWAT Teams and now, in “retirement,” I’m reinventing myself as a crime fiction writer. So I’ve got hands-on experience in life, death, and writing.

I’m also a voracious reader. Not just technical, forensic, and legal stuff but lots of crime fiction. I’m fortunate for on-the-street and in-the-morgue background to draw from, though it’s a curse when I read stuff that I know is improbable or just plain baloney.

I’m not here to knock other writers. Quite the contrary, I want to help fellow crime-fiction writers through my real-life experiences. And I’d like to assure aspiring writers that you don’t need to be an old cop or forensics wizard to write electrifying crime stories. I’ll bet that 99% of the best-selling crime writers never saw a dead body, let alone smelled one. But that doesn’t matter. The best don’t necessarily write what they know . . .  but they all check what they write .

So I’ve compiled my top ten tips on writing believable crime stories.

1. Understand the mechanism of death .

Every human dies because the central nervous system gets unplugged. This happens in many ways, but primarily either the cardiopulmonary system stops, which tells the brain to shut down, or the brain stops, which tells the heart and lungs to give up.

In reality, this is harder to accomplish than it sounds, and it’s human nature not to check out without a fight. So people are actually hard to kill. A bullet to the head is effective, but stabbings, for instance, are time-consuming, difficult, and messy. Poisons are slow, strangling is tough, and folks just don’t stand there while being axed. So when you write the “perfect murder scene,” think about how realistically you kill your victim.

2. Understand time of death.

I’ve read (and seen on the screen) moments in which the coroner/pathologist declares the victim dead at a specific time, such as 10:05 pm. Uh . . . no—not unless someone was there with a stopwatch. Many mortis factors are considered when estimating time of death. Temperature is the biggie, followed by body mass.

A dead body will naturally adjust temperature (algor) to achieve equilibrium with its surroundings and will display time-telling factors, such as muscle stiffening (rigor), blood settling (livor), color (palor), and tissue breakdown (decomp). The presence of toxins also effects body changes. Cocaine amplifies the mortis process, while carbon monoxide retards it. Be careful in getting your forensic guru to commit on specific time.

3. Understand scene access.

Crime scenes are tightly secured. Absolutely no one goes in unless they’re necessary, and then they’ll wear complete personal protective equipment (PPE) to avoid contaminating the scene or themselves. This business of a gumshoe detective in a trench coat, smoking a cigar and leaning over the body, doesn’t happen. Neither does a fifteen-year-old sleuth tagging along to help solve the case.

4. Get the terminology right.

I see writers get basic terms wrong, and it’s the little mistakes that seriously affect credibility. For example, calling a 9mm pistol a “revolver” or saying the body was “prone” on its back on the floor. So much is available through Internet searches or, better yet, having beta readers pick up on errors. Remember: check what you write .

5. Crime-lab results are not so quick.

Processing crime scene evidence is a cumbersome, frustrating, and time-consuming event. First of all, yours is not the only case the lab has, and it will sit in queue to get developed. You’ll probably get bumped to the back of the bus by more urgent files and it could be months before your DNA profile comes in. And, no, a phone call from the scene to your buddy in the lab is not going to speed things up. He’d probably get canned for playing favorites.

6. Don’t get creative with investigational aids.

Most writers fail to consider the multitude of resources used in criminal investigations. DNA is today’s darling, followed by AFIS (the Automated Fingerprint Identification System). Don’t just write in the usual things like forensic autopsies, toxicology, ballistic matching, and document examination. Expand your story by using informants, wiretaps, room bugs and wires, polygraphs, undercover operators, police agents, hypnosis memory enhancement, psychological profiling, computer analyzing, satellite surveillance, and one that’s a real bugger—entomology. Stay away from using psychics, though. I’ve never heard of a case in which psychic information was anything other than a wild goose chase. I think psychics are as toxic to a believable story as a “dream” ending.

7. Use the five senses.

The best page-turners happen when you connect with your reader’s senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. This seems to be the key to pulling off the show-over-tell thing. I keep a little sticky note on the bottom of my screen to remind me to make the most of the senses in each scene—it sure helps in editing.

Smell is the strongest link to emotional connection. It’s one thing to see gruesome photos of a gut-shot corpse, but once you’ve actually whiffed a maggot-crawling, gassing-off decomp, you’ll never forget it. Try writing out that sock-puking stench. Show the detective dumpstering his $500 leather jacket because the putrefaction permeated the calf-skin pores, and dry cleaning it just made it stink worse. True story—happened to me.

8. Craft believable dialog.

Be honest. Cops and crooks swear like sailors, and that’s the reality of the crime world. And some of the most foul-mouthed friends I have are females. One lady pathologist used to slip in some beauts while dictating and dissecting. Fortunately, her assistant was a good editor and covered her butt in reports.

There’s a balance, though. If every fourth word is four letters, it’ll get a little overpowering, but none at all is unrealistic. I read a prominent crime writer’s best seller on a recommendation. I picked up right away that something wasn’t quite right. Then I came to the part where a character had to use profanity—no way around it to be true to the character—and the author wrote it as ‘F@#*!’. I quit reading and I’m sure others did too.

9. Create compelling characters.

Something that’s as true as the fact that you’re going to flush the toilet before bedtime—the best cops and crooks have vibrant personalities. And they’re not entirely good or bad either. One of the Hell’s Angels I know should be a stand-up comedian, and a fellow coroner, who looks like frump-woman, is like travelling with Yoda. She has a terrible drinking problem, though, and sleeps with her incontinent ferret.

10. Understand the science of story.

I can’t stress this enough. There’s every much a science behind storytelling as there is in doing autopsies. Why readers stay up—and can’t put  novel down—is that writers work words that release endorphins in the reader’s brain. One book that all writers, not just crime-writers, MUST read is Wired for Story by Lisa Cron. I promise you’ll never look at storytelling the same.

11. Bonus tip:

This gem is from Joseph Wambaugh. He’s the ex-LAPD guy who wrote The Choir Boys, The New Centurions, and The Onion Field, and invented the character Roscoe Rules, whom every cop loves . Wambaugh said, “The best crime stories are not about how cops work on cases. They’re about how cases work on cops.”

I hope these tips help you to be authentic in your “crime scenes.”

What bits have you seen on TV shows or movies, or have read in novels, that seem inaccurate or unbelievable to you? Got any specific questions?

Garry Rodgers is a retired Royal Canadian Mounted Police homicide detective and forensic coroner. He also served as a sniper on British SAS-trained Emergency Response or SWAT teams and is a recognized firearms expert. He’s now an Amazon top ten10 best-selling crime writer and blogger.

Feature Photo Credit: projectexploration via Compfight cc

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81 Comments

How fun! I don’t currently write mystery fiction, or any fiction at all. My primary skill set is in nonfiction. But I am moving quickly back toward fiction, and hopefully back toward mystery fiction in the future, with a much deeper understanding than I had the first time I wrote something in that field.

Hi Angie & thanks for commenting. I’ve written mostly non-fiction over the years – investigation and forensic reports, legal documents, and research articles. It was a really big learning curve when I set out to write my first novel and I know I’ll never stop learning. Hopefully you and others get some good from these tips.

Top-rate advice, Garry; thanks. I’m familiar with most of your suggestions, especially about attention to research and getting the details right, but what really caught my attention was point #10. I take free online courses for entertainment, and psychology and brain science is my favorite topic. I’ll be ordering the book you named, just for my own endorphin rush. If it helps my writing, so much the better.

Compliment appreciated, Curtis. ‘Wired For Story’ will change the way you look at storytelling. I highly recommend all writers, fiction & non-fiction read this book by Lisa Cron. Here’s a link to her YouTube TED Talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74uv0mJS0uM

Excellent post. A couple of other things: Crime Scene Investigators don’t solve cases in the field. They are scientists and work in a lab on dozens of cases at time. Leave them in the lab. Second, be sure to get technical facts right. I was lost in the middle of a mystery novel when the main character ‘clicked the gun’s safety off’. Fine, but the gun was a Glock. No safety.

I try to remember that readers are smarter than writers and one gaffe can ruin the reader’s experience and damage their trust in the author.

By the way, I had to check to see how the word ‘gaffe’ was spelled. Do your research!

Good point about the CSI people. In my jurisdiction. British Columbia, Canada, we use a cooperative role between the police Forensic Identification Section (FIS) and the coroner service. The coroners have investigative field agents who visit the scenes along with the “Ident” members and examine the bodies. Depending on the seriousness, these same investigators maintain continuity of the body all the way through to the morgue & autopsy.

Hey – you had me going with the ‘gaffe’ word. I thought I had used it & misspelled it so I went back through the post looking to see how I screwed up. Check what you write 🙂

I mean I had to check my own work. I used the word gaffe. Sorry for not being clear.

So nice to see you here, Garry! Kate Becket on Castle recently said she was putting an APB out for a suspect. What is this the 1980’s? It’s a BOLO! Why the writers didn’t catch it is beyond me. Excellent post as usual, my friend. Sharing widely!

Imagine seeing you here, Sue 🙂 OK, I admit it. I had to Google ‘Kate Becket Castle’ (I rarely watch the CSI / cop shows since Hill Street Blues finished up). We never used APP & BOLO is more of a US term. 10-40 is the radio code.

And here’s another dose of reality for crime writers. Very, very few detectives look as good as Stana Katic 🙂

Well, few women are as attractive as she is! I love watching Castle, but I wonder just how realistic the show is. However, I don’t watch for the realism but to see Nathan Fillion do his thang (loved Firefly!).

I had to Google Nathan Fillion, too. Looks like I have to get out of my Canadian igloo more often.

Totally agree with you, CS. I love Castle being Castle. It’s the best part of the show. Garry, for no other reason, watch it for the laughs. I think, like most writers, you’ll get a kick out of it.

I know who to follow. *wink* This is one of my favorite blogs!

Hi, Garry, Thanks for the link to the Ted Talk by Lisa Cron. It was a very powerful message indeed. I also appreciated your top 10 tips on writing believable crime stories. For someone who knows that the devil is in the details and can spend far too much time trying to get her facts right, can I play devil’s advocate and suggest that while accurate details help to form a story, create atmosphere, transport us to a different place and time, that a writer has to know when to stop being a stickler for detail; that 90% of your readership will not know that a 9mm pistol should not be referred to as a revolver and that in terms of passing on the essence of your story, knowing that a gun was used to commit the crime is as much as most of us need to know to ‘get’ the message from the story. Rightly or wrongly, I do sometimes have to mentally stop myself from chasing down some minor details in the pathological need to ‘get it right’, reminding myself that it is ‘only’ a novel (don’t scream!) and ‘so what’ if I get it wrong, no one will get hurt in the process. I guess what I am talking about is knowing how to strike a balance, when to know which details are important to conveying the message and which are less so. To use Lisa’s example of the dangers of eating red berries, I’m sure that details such as size and color of berries, where they grow are more important than say the fact that the Neanderthal who ate the berries and died wore a wooly mammoth skin verses a generic ‘animal skin’. Would love to hear your feedback on when/if there is such a things as too much detail.

And Brian, I do appreciate your comment, that ‘some’ readers will have the knowledge to know that a Glock does not have a safety, but the vast majority of us wont. Again, it comes back to how sloppy the writer is considered to be because, yes, gone are the days when a writer could ‘create’ their own history and facts deliver a story full of action and inaccuracies and expect the reader to accept them, as opposed to one where the author makes a slip here and there. I would hate to think that one gaffe would break a line of trust, for we are only human after all (isn’t that an interesting saying??). Is it better then to use the generic term ‘gun’ rather than Glock, to steer clear of muddy waters?

You make a great point, Karen. There is a limit to getting the minute details correct. At some point you have to do the best you can, ship it, and get on to the next work.

I’m obviously anal about the correctness of evidence given my background and I agree that most readers wouldn’t have caught Brian’s remark about the Glock safety – I had to do a double take because I’ve never owned a Glock but he’s right about most readers being smarter than a lot of writers take them for. I’d say that they more detailed you write, the more time you have to spend checking the facts and that can be hugely time consuming.

I guess it ‘comes down to letting small errors slide and watching for something as big as calling the red berries ‘blueberries’. That could be fatal.

Hi Garry, Thank you for the article it has made me think about the crime novel I am busy writing. Being authentic is so important. Writing is hard work. It requires a lot of research and I appreciate the advice you have provided in your article. My uncle was a police reservist for the SAP and I am a biometrics officer I hope that this will help me to create authentic stories.

Susanne has been very encouraging and I hope my novel will turn out to be a page turner! Thank you.

I hope these tips help, Angela. Susanne is a wealth of knowledge and experience. I’m looking forward to reading her newest craft book “The 12 Key Pillars of Novel Construction”. It’s available on Amazon at

http://www.amazon.com/Key-Pillars-Novel-Construction-Blueprint/dp/0991389476/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Best wishes for your work.

Thanks for mentioning my book (and the workbook is out too!). Now, you really don’t know who Nathan Fillion is? You’ve never seen Firefly? I highly recommend it for some great plots, characters, and dialog!

I feel like a cave-dweller being exposed. I had to Google Firefly, too. My TV time is limited to the news, NFL, American Idol, and Big Bang Theory. God, I love BBT – talk about great writing & characters.

Well, there’s your problem right there: watching American Idol and the NFL. Sheesh!

Thanks for the post, Garry. I learned so much in that short list. I’ve written one crime novel and had to interview quite a few people to get my facts straight but still wonder if I did a very realistic job of it. I think it’s challenging for a writer to tackle something that requires a lot of research to be accurate on so many levels. But it’s great to have help from pros like you, websites, and agencies willing to answer questions.

Love doing these posts, Susanne. Thanks for the opportunity & exposure. Looking forward to reading other in this series.

I guess I write what I know… it’s my comfort zone. I can’t imagine me trying to write romance or God forbid, erotica. I’d probably turn out something like ’50 Shades Of Guts’ 😉

Thank you Garry, for such an inspiring post, and I loved the Lisa Cron video. I am working on my first novel and I am plotting a murder, but the body will not be discovered for thirty years. Yes, this is a very cold case! Since it is set in Nevada, the body will be found in an old mine shaft. My question is: Would it still be possible to test for DNA on remains that old? How could what is discovered link back to a suspect in the present? Thanks for your help. 🙂

I’m thrilled that you found the information helpful, Rebecca. And I think Lisa Cron’s science is bang-on.

Now you’ve got a interesting concept going on here. I’d think that a body left in a Nevada mine shaft for 30 years might be pretty well preserved. The temperature would be pretty cool & uniform which would seriously effect the rate and method of decomp. So much then would depend on the relative humidity. If it were high – say over 30% then the body would be intact but skeletolized. If the RH were very low, say 5-10%, then it would be mummified.

Regardless of skeleton or mummy, there would be lots to work from in DNA. Teeth are the best source of historic DNA material – being extracted from the pulp. Also, the bone marrow would likely be present, so there’s going to be a whack of DNA available.

30 years later it would be unlikely that the subject’s DNA standard would be kicking around to compare, but that’s where the relatives come in. Once the investigators have a name, then they’d look to the maternal upline for mitochondrial DNA from the mother or other female relations. Failing that, the subject’s children (if any) would be matched.

Something to keep in mind in criminal investigations is that there are only 4 ways of getting caught.

1. The suspect leaves something behind that incriminates them. 2. The suspect takes something away. 3. Someone is a witness and identifies the suspect. 4. The suspect confesses.

Here’s a link to a popular post I did called ‘How To Get Away With Murder’.

http://dyingwords.net/murder/#sthash.DigQIsqH.dpbs

I’ll leave it up to your imagination 🙂

Hi I have bookmarked. One question cost of consultancy advice?

There’s no cost, vivienne. I do this to give back to the writing community. If you have any questions about crime scenes, autopsies, bodies, firearms, just send me an email at [email protected]

I’m guessing you don’t want attached the bodies or firearms though…

Firearms are fine – lots of room left in my collection, but the backyard is full-up with bodies 🙂

This is a really interesting article. I was critiquing a novel someone had written about a gun crime that took place, and I realised then how little I knew about police procedure after an incident like that. You don’t realise what you don’t know until you try and write about it.

Hi Elise. I’m with you on realizing what I don’t know so I’m not going to try writing vampires, wizards, erotica, or politics.

I don’t often comment on blogs, partly because so many are alike and give the same or similar messages about writing. But this one? Totally different! A brilliant exposition of the things to look for and avoid. I’m a little bit fortunate having spent years in criminal jury trials but even then, techniques and scientific approaches change. Many thanks Garry, much appreciated.

Mark, I’m really touched by your comment. Thank you so much!

I took a look at your website and a bit of your work and I see that we’ve walked a common line. For reader’s info, Mark McGinn is a Christchurch, New Zealand crime-writer who comes from a legal background. Here’s a look at Mark’s work:

http://www.mcginncrime.com/

Your look at crime from a courtroom perspective enthrals me, Mark. I’ve focussed my writing from a blood & guts POV, but there’s a fascinating angle to the crime/legal genre from your expertise. Courtroom dramas are as riveting as crime scene stuff. They take it to a higher psychological level.

As a cop on the stand, I watched jury member’s eyes and then watched them again as a coroner holding inquests. I’d die to be a fly on the wall in a jury room.

Det. Rodgers, you’ve justified why I find “The First 48” more compelling than “NCIS.” My parents are big fans of the latter, and yes, I’ve watched it, too. But I have to laugh at the rapid pace in which the “investigators” find information, sort through forensics and DNA, and then nab the perpetrator. I understand the reality of forensic testing and analysis, as well as the difficulty interviewing suspects and witnesses. Even though I don’t write crime fiction, every scribe of that genre should keep this list of tips within reach. They’ll prove invaluable.

Thanks for the reality check, Alejandro. Crime scene investigation is a slow, methodical process that has only one chance to get it right – but has years after to rip it apart in courtroom second-guessing.

I am a HUGE fan of crime fiction, and am hopelessly addicted to learning the technique. It is an EXTREMELY difficult genre to pull off. I agree with P D James, who said that a good crime novel should also be a good novel.” Thanks for the advice!

Hi Deborah,

PD James was one of the masters of storytelling, not just crime writing. I’ve never tried writing anything outside of the crime genre so I have no idea how difficult things like YA, Romance, or especially erotica would be. I’m sure they have their idiosyncrasies.

Great post. It drives me crazy that many critiquers will tell me things like ‘you have the lead detective going into the crime scene. But they can’t do that until the CSIs process the scene and check for DNA and fingerprints. Then the CSI will give the detective permission to enter.’ (Not outside CSI-New York, my friend.)

One thing I would point out is that the pointers are correct from a modern standpoint. I had had people say ‘you forgot to have your detective put on plastic booties before they entered.’ My books are set in the early 1980’s. AIDS was first identified in the US in 1981 and the concept of blood-borne pathogens wasn’t understood outside some in the medical community for a while after that. In the 1980’s, detectives often wore latex gloves, but more to keep from touching decomp or cooties. Blood wasn’t considered a danger. I think we started using booties about 1992.

Thanks for the comment & compliment, Mike.

You bang-on about the lead detective role. Any crime scene that I’ve been to, the lead investigator takes control and directs who’s doing what, who’s coming & going, and who collects evidence. That’s why they’re the lead. Somebody has to be in charge and it’s not Forensics anywhere I’ve been.

You’re also right about PPE. I started in the business back in 1978, long before we heard about bb pathogens. I used to carry a couple pairs of rubber dishwashing gloves in my briefcase for the really messy stuff and once I had to crawl inside an airplane wreckage that had been down for eleven days in the summer before being found. There were six bodies inside in advancing state of decomp that had to be pulled out through disarticulation. My PPE was a pair of mechanics coveralls and an army gas mask with Vics Vapo-Rub in the filter. The smell of Vics still makes me want to puke. Today we’d wear a full biohazard suit with a power-vented E-Z Breathe hood.

I’m definitely not saying the good ol’ days were better but when writers set their scenes they should do it with accuracy for the time and location. Good points, Mike!

Eww!! TMI! Let’s keep this blog site clean shall we! Lol. All I know after reading all this technical info, is as you said, Garry, if you are going to write in detail, stick to what you know. Otherwise, keep to generals and hope you stay out of trouble. I do have an investigation as part of my second novel, but other than letting readers know that there is one going on, I am not delving into the details and I am now very glad I made that decision.

You shouldn’t watch Fringe then, Karen! Great show but gory!

Talking about gory, avoid watching the church scene in the movie Kingsman. They have redefined the word gratuitous violence! I have heard the the TV show The WIRE is very good for character development. Difficult to run down up here in Canada though unless you do the online streaming thing but we have something called Crave, a Netflix look alike, which I think does carry it. Will stay clear of Fringe though. Thanks for the tip. Lol

Garry, It’s so nice to find someone in Canada who writes mystery or detective novels. I just started mine and it’s based in Saskatchewan and find that watching crime shows on TV is not necessarily a good thing when police forces work differently in different countries. Luckily I have a cousin in the RCMP whom I hope will help with procedure. This is very different from my usual writing, but I love to push the envelope! marilyn

Hi Marilyn. Hopefully some of these tips will help you and don’t worry about the TV shows. They do get a fair amount right – it’s just that they’re pressed for time so they shorten things up.

I’m curious about your setting in Sask. Which part?

Wonderful post followed by excellent discussion. I’d like to add that when I had questions about a gun fight, I querried the members of the crime writers group on Linked-In and got wonderfully helpful responses. Most writers are very generous with their knowledge. Second point. Novels should be careful not to imitate tv crime shows where the protagonist finds the telling piece of evidence right away. Garry can correct me if I’m wrong, but solving most crimes is like putting together a jig-saw puzzle. A lot of pieces need to fall in place before the picture becomes clear.

You’re 100% right about investigations being like putting a jigsaw puzzle together, Peter. It’s all about the collection of information and how they form the picture of what went down.

Something that most civilians probably don’t know is that the first 24-48 hours after a crime is committed is the most valuable time in an investigation. As soon as the scene is secured and the basic details are correlated, the investigation team will hold a ‘Blitz’ where everyone assembles and throws out ideas. This is a no-rank affair where everyone’s ideas, no matter how far out, are valued. I remember one Blitz where I looked around the room and counted over 300 years of combined police service. One of the junior members came out with a suggestion that led to solving the case. So you never know unless you listen.

One other thing – once a crime is solved and a person has been charged, it’s vitally important to anticipate and investigate all defences that an accused person may raise as well as eliminate all other outstanding suspects. Lawyers, like readers and writers, love red herrings.

I was involved in a case, a quite famous murder, that was run completely the opposite to how you describe. There was no ideas blitz, the only opinion that received any consideration was that of the senior detective in charge of the case. On Day One, several of us on the specialist search team (all uniform branch officers) had previously been working on a case with distinct similarities in another area of London. This was pointed out but dismissed out of hand. The chief investigators favourite suspect was arrested, tried and acquitted, with a multi-million pound law suit following on. Ten years later the suspect for the previous murder we had highlighted on the first day of the murder enquiry was convicted of it on DNA evidence.

It would be worth a book in itself but British officers are gagged for twenty years by the Official Secrets Act.

I took a MOOC on Forensic Psych and they set up a hypothetical daylight robbery/kidnapping, fully enacted and filmed. Two investigators were assigned, and one of them was methodical and followed the best procedure while the other had a preconceived perp he wanted to bust. He cherry-picked information and led the witnesses in questioning. Lousy procedure.

The course is coming up again:

https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/forensic-psychology

and they have another, that I haven’t taken:

https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/forensic-crim-justice

Interesting stuff; the one I took covered a lot of the problems with human perception and how it makes witnesses unreliable, and they have you experience it for yourself with perceptual tests.

You can never know too much.

Peter, I would add one thing. Sometimes you DO find the telling piece of evidence right away, the thing that will make the entire case. But you don’t often KNOW that it’s the telling piece, or even significant. Sometimes, you have the key right in your hand (or in the evidence room) and you don’t realize it until some other pieces put it in perspective.

Excellent observation Mike. That gives authors another path to portray how our protagonists discover what they need to know to solve cases.

To what extent do the rest of you match your protagonist’s personality with the discovery process. In other words, if you character is a Sherlock Holmes type, does he always see it right away? If your character is a beginner and unsure of himself, does he find it fast, but not trust his instinct? Do you go with type or against? So many options!

There are definitely excellent points here but I will admit the hardest issue I have involves the use of foul language. The crime fiction books I’ve written in the past, though, are typically of a Christian-fiction nature. I suppose I can get away without using swear words in such a genre as to write the words would offend most of the audience. Thoughts?

Norma, it is an interesting dilemma because you really can’t predict reader reaction. I once had a woman email me on behalf of her book group. She said that, while the group liked my book generally, they couldn’t recommend it to their friends because the antagonist used the ‘F-word.’ I would have been a little more concerned had not the antagonist committed murder by laying his victim open from shoulder to hip. So apparently, a woman being eviscerated didn’t bother them, but the ‘F-word’ did.

While there is no need to gratuitously pepper the language, you have to stay true to the character. You can probably get away without using swear words at all, but you may be cutting off one avenue that defines the character. But everyone uses explicatives on occasion and the fact is, murders, rapists and robbers don’t normally say things like “Shucky darns” and “Golly gee whillikers.”

Mike is right about staying true to your character. If you’re going to write realistic crime-fiction, then your dialogue has to reflect an accurate portrayal of how that person would act. Every writer is in control of their own work but I think that by leaving out all swearing, the end-product would suffer. I also think that if a writer can’t handle the four letter language, then the crime genre isn’t suited for them.

Here’s a quote from Stephen King “If you intend on writing as honestly as you can, then your days as a member of polite society are numbered.”

I have attended more crime scenes than I can remember and finger-tipped some horrific murder scenes over thirty years. It is not the description of the scene that is the problem it is the ever evolving protocols and procedures due to new technology or ‘stated cases’ in court. I retired in 2011 and I think my knowledge became time-expired within six months and even then it was limited to the way things are done in just one country.

As for a member of the public/PI telephoning his favourite cop to ‘run some plates’ (He was a devil, that Rockford guy) Sgt Becker would be doing a two year stretch for data protection offences and corruption in office.

TV has a lot to answer for.

Thank you very much for taking the time to share your knowledge, sir.

Great post Gary, I only wish you had written it this time last year when I was writing my first book! Not too late though, I’m sure it will be helpful as I squelch my way through the second one. I think I have got most of your points down, but I am going to make my current D a bit more cautious about contaminating the scene. The swearing thing is a bit of a bugger isn’t it 🙂 I only slipped the occasional swearword into my first story for character credibility. I have been avoiding foul language altogether in the second one — but maybe I shouldn’t be so tight about it. I know teens and grandparents read my books, but as you point out, shouldn’t they be more traumatised by the violence than the language? Seems a bit kooky.

There is nothing stopping you producing an abridged edition Greg, however I would not do so again on Amazon. They are incapable of correctly linking titles despite ISBNs so it is a coin toss as to which version is delivered to your reader. I withdrew all of my abridged and the large print versions after many complaints.

Hi Greg, Thanks for your comment.

My feeling about coarse language is that you have to write to suit the genre. The nature of cops & crooks is that they continually use foul language and that’s the reality of it. Of course you can go overboard but to leave all 4-Letter words out just for the chance that it might offend someone will, in my opinion, diminish the effectiveness of the story – certainly from the subconscious effect of realism.

I know what you mean about teens & grandparents – I was once caught in a dilemma where my character had to use the C-Word. I struggled with ‘What would my mother think?’ but I made the decision to stick to my character and, in that situation, there was no other response that character would make.

I have to say that my writing is peppered with 4-Letters because that’s what my true voice is like (I promised Susanne that I’d keep it clean here 🙂 and in all the critiques I’ve had of my writing – good, bad & otherwise, I’ve never had anyone comment that they thought the language was too foul. Also, the demographic of my readers is about 75% middle-aged women.

So, I’d say that you have to go with what you’re comfortable with and stay true to your style. I don’t know if you read Stephen King but he can get really crude. He’s probably offended a lot of people but he’s made a @#$%-load of money off of others.

Greg Read my 3/10 post above about violence v. language.

Thank you for this great article. I’m working on my second book, but first crime fiction. I have been doing research but still have doubts. Any help is welcome.

Thank you for the great article. I’m working on my second book, but first crime fiction. I did a lot of reached but still have doubts.

Very interesting, but can not agree with all of it. Columbo leans over body, smoking etc but very popular, made writer a fortune. Patterson’s characters the same, and as for Lee Childs Jack Reacher does things that are impossible. They are all very, very popular. As long as the story is good you do not need to be correct. One comment said that a “Glock has no safety” but who cares 99.9% of readers have never seen a real gun so why worry.

All good points and adequately made. Many readers require entertainment rather than up to date realism.

In Columbo’s time the majority of serious crimes were solved by continually kicking in the doors of known villains every 4am until someone told you who you were looking for (no honour among thieves, etc).

Crime Scene, cold, wet, no toilet available and certainly none of the coffee shops nearby that TV shows seems to have.

Murder Enquiry, interesting but certainly not exciting and rarely complete in thirty minutes. The enquiry is based in an old and grubby Victorian era building with no heating in the winter and no A/C in the summer. No flashy IT, hot female detectives, or male ones either for that matter, no leads thrown up in the first 5 minutes by a hot/quirky/super intelligent Scene’s of Crime Officer either.

No surprise that many prefer their novels to mirror the TV version BUT you can still provide a level of realism that both the CSI fan and the discerning thinker can enjoy.

Yes, I agree, you can have realism and a good story. That is what I try for. I think that is best, but it does not alway’s produce good book sales.

Stephen, if you’re writing a crime novel, your target audience probably has a very high percentage of readers who are sticklers for correct detail. Fans of other genres may not know or care, but why risk being shredded when you can get things right?

Besides, I get a great deal of enjoyment out of the research itself.

Thank you, I take your point. I also enjoy the research, but I do not think it is always needed.

Is it OK if I write a crime novel with a fantastic character (EX: He/she has a special ability like Nicholas Cage in the movie “Next”, or has an imaginary friend that helps in the crimes.)

If not, is it OK if I make ONE of the characters a bit fantastic, but not the detective/investigator?

Thanks so much for sharing Garry – very useful indeed.

I am in the prepping stages of my first crime novel. I don’t have the years of experience in law enforcement. However, I do my research. TONS of it. I found this article and comments to be extremely helpful. This is going to be a long process. But, seems like it will be fun taking tiny pieces to create a bigger picture of what looked to be a harmless well-known guy to many. FUN FUN FUN! LOL

Sounds great! And if you need an expert to help you, you can hire Garry as a consultant!

Hi Garry – just discovered your website, great work. I guess there is a similarity between us as I used to be a Murder DCI in the UK and now advise writers on police actions and procedures. I think your site is really good and will be subscribing to receive your posts. If you ever get anyone who needs help from the UK police perspective I’m happy for you to point them in my direction. I have a website at http://www.gibconsultancy.co.uk Cheers Stuart

Great advice! After writing a children’s book which I didn’t get published, I thought I’d try a murder mystery novel. I’ve been totally put off the idea though as I don’t think I’m good enough to do all of that research!

Wow! This has been very enlightening and, not to mention, scary. I don’t mean that in a bad way. Honestly, I mean that I am afraid that my first and current novel will fail to capture the actuality of the investigative field. I do have a strong fear of failure. However, I am hopeful. I believe that it will all work out through the extensive use of coffee, Google, and blogs. Thank you for your tips! Perhaps, I could email you for further help? If you don’t mind, of course. 🙂

How fun! I don’t currently write mystery fiction or any fiction at all. My primary skill set is in nonfiction. But I am moving quickly back toward fiction, and hopefully back toward mystery fiction in the future, with a much deeper understanding than I had the first time I wrote something in that field.

Hi, this helped a lot, I am writing a murder mystery but I am having a hard time adding more detail to it or even coming up with reasons the people were killed. Also how to let the reader try to figure out the murder and leaving clues leading to the murderer. Thanks again for the article.

Great article and replies, make you really think more into crafting a crime scene. What about Robin Hood motivations. What were some of the more original motivations you’ve seen over the years for people committing acts of robbery for money and not for greed or drugs or thrills. Like, i.e, saving the farm, paying a mortgage.

I really enjoyed the article and a lot of the replies/comments. I’m putting together a crime scene for a mystery short story, so I’m doing my research. By the way, you mentioned that you didn’t want to write about wizards and vampires, but you may have a winner with vampire and wizard politicians in an erotica novel…just a thought.

This has stirred up some dormant story plans for me. I’ve been a paramedic since the tail end of the Reagan administration. So I suspect I’ve every wrong or stupid thing humans can do to each other. Most of my story ideas lean much closer to science fiction that crime fiction. But I keep considering writing something based on the actual murders that have happened around my social circle growing up. The fist girl I had a crush on was killed by her stepfather the summer after I met her. But he was rich so he got off. Several books and a few movies were made about the case. But they all seemed to minimize the person I was most focused on in the real case. Then a few years later, a guy at the end of my block was a known schizophrenic whose parents tried and tried to get committed. The insurance companies refused because he’d never acted like a danger to himself or anyone else. Then he killed five people. He was eventually executed. And finally I was sent on a call to check on someone who wasn’t answering calls from out of town family members. We call those kinds of calls a ‘welfare check’ and much more than 90% of them are benign. This one wasn’t. She’d been killed. The killer was later executed.

The catch is that these things happened in the 70’s, the 80s, and the early 2k’s. I can’t imagine how the science changed over those years.

Gary, I was happy to find this page. I have a murder case i was set up on in Oregon and its Cmplex but when a Person had ADHD- and Dyslexia it seems the courts can use that against a person. How can a person who cannot formulate a well writen timeline when they cant write well.

After what I had gone thru in Oregon how many other people are in the same boat.. you cant write well so you can’t get justice. And if you cant write well people will not read it. And so on..

It seems to me in a murder case when the Person Close to the victim believes that the Police and DA are not honest that there would be a Person who writes the facts… but they did not..

When you are also a victim of the crime it’s hard to know what else the police had so that your able to connect the dots .. how can you get the FOIA filled when the DA and Police are coruopt… (like my case for a murder in Oregon) they will not give one single thing… and its a closed case…

Anyways I wanted to thank you for the article …

Thanks for the tips! This really helps. Just a question here: do you see anything wrong in The X Files related to this post?

Thank you for the advice! I love writing and forensic studies so I’ve been trying to smash them together in one book ;). I currently have only scary things written, but if you have any links that could help me with any kind of other writing, that would be amazing. Thank you! -Lissy Depp

Thanks Gary. Because I like to write crime, for me it was an interesting article. I was writing about bones found and checked missing persons on goggle. I emailed a sergeant who worked in the area. I asked basic questions and he gave me all the answers I needed. Like what equipment do they set up at a crime scene, who attends etc. I realised these guys are very helpful if you have a question. I have approached the police force a few times now and once you tell them it’s research for a novel they are really helpful. Thanks Gary and I just ordered one of the books you suggested.

Regards Desley Polmear

Hi Delsey – Thanks for commenting. It’s nice to hear this post is still being read and appreciated this long after being published. Best wishes for your crime writing! ~Garry

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Describing Blood in Writing: Personification, Metaphors, Similes, Color, Scent, Texture, and Imagery

By Happy Sharer

Introduction

Blood is a vital part of the human body, essential for life and health. As such, it is an important element for writers to be able to describe accurately and vividly in their works. In this article, we will explore different ways to describe blood in writing, from personifying and metaphorizing to colorizing and texturizing. We’ll look at examples of how to use each of these techniques to create compelling descriptions of blood.

What is Blood?

Blood is a complex fluid composed of red and white cells, platelets, and plasma, among other components. It carries oxygen and nutrients throughout the body and helps to regulate body temperature. It also helps to fight disease by carrying antibodies and other immune system components.

Why is it Important to Know How to Describe Blood in Writing?

Being able to accurately and vividly describe blood in writing can be an important tool for authors. Whether you are writing a horror story, a medical drama, or a romance novel, being able to accurately and effectively describe blood is essential for creating believable characters and settings. Knowing how to describe blood in writing also allows authors to evoke strong emotions in their readers, as blood has long been used as a symbol for life, death, love, and violence.

Personify Blood

One way to describe blood in writing is to personify it. Personification is when you describe an object or idea as if it were a living entity. When describing blood, you can use personification to make it seem alive, as if it were a character in your story. You can describe how the blood moves and behaves like a living creature, giving it human-like qualities.

Examples of Personifying Blood:

• The blood rushed through my veins like a wild animal, surging with energy.
• The blood was a slow, steady river, flowing through my body with a peaceful rhythm.
• The blood moved in waves, ebbing and flowing with each beat of my heart.
• The blood pulsed through me, a vibrant, living force.

Metaphorize Blood

Another way to describe blood in writing is to use metaphors. Metaphors are comparisons between two different things, often using the words “like” or “as.” When describing blood, you can use metaphors to compare the characteristics of the blood to something else. This can help to give your description more depth and make it more vivid.

Examples of Metaphors for Blood:

• My veins were rivers of fire, the blood rushing through them like molten lava.
• My blood was a raging storm, surging through me with a fierce intensity.
• My blood was a deep ocean, its depths unknown and mysterious.
• My blood was a raging river, carrying me away on a wild journey.

Simile-ize Blood

Similar to metaphors, similes are comparisons between two different things using the words “like” or “as.” However, similes are generally less intense than metaphors, making them a good option for describing blood in a more subtle way. With similes, you can create comparisons between the qualities of the blood and other objects, ideas, or feelings.

Examples of Similes for Blood:

• My blood felt like silk, flowing through me with a gentle grace.
• My blood was like lightning, coursing through my veins with electric energy.
• My blood was like a raging bull, charging through my body with raw power.
• My blood was like a river, winding its way through me with a calming rhythm.

Colorize Blood

When describing blood, you can also use color to create vivid images. Blood comes in many different colors, depending on the context in which it is seen. You can describe the color of the blood and how it changes in different contexts, such as when it is exposed to air or mixed with water.

Examples of Describing the Color of Blood:

• The blood was a deep, dark red, like a pool of ink.
• The blood was a bright crimson, almost glowing in the light.
• The blood was a dull brown, fading quickly as it mixed with the water.
• The blood was a pale pink, its color growing brighter as it was exposed to the air.

Scentize Blood

Another way to describe blood in writing is to use scent. Blood has a distinct smell that can be used to evoke powerful emotions in readers. You can describe what the blood smells like and how it changes in different conditions, such as when it is exposed to air or mixed with water.

Examples of Scents Associated with Blood:

• The blood had a metallic scent, like rust and iron.
• The blood had an earthy smell, like freshly turned soil.
• The blood had a sweet smell, like copper and honey.
• The blood had a sharp odor, growing stronger as it was exposed to the air.

Texture-ize Blood

You can also describe the texture of the blood in your writing. Blood has a unique texture that can be used to create vivid descriptions. You can describe how it feels when touched, as well as how it changes in different contexts, such as when it is exposed to air or mixed with water.

Examples of Textures Associated with Blood:

• The blood was thick and sticky, like tar.
• The blood was slimy and slippery, like oil.
• The blood was thick and viscous, like syrup.
• The blood was smooth and silky, becoming thicker as it was exposed to the air.

Imagery-ize Blood

Finally, you can also use imagery to describe blood in writing. Imagery is the use of vivid language to paint a picture in the reader’s mind. You can use imagery to create a vivid description of the blood, from its color and texture to its smell and movement.

Examples of Imagery Related to Blood:

• The blood was a deep, dark red, like a sea of rubies.
• The blood rushed through my veins like a raging river, its currents surging with energy.
• The blood had a metallic scent, like a forge burning hot in the night.
• The blood was thick and viscous, coating my skin like a warm blanket.

In conclusion, there are many ways to describe blood in writing. From personifying and metaphorizing to colorizing and texturizing, there are plenty of techniques that can be used to create vivid and accurate descriptions of blood. Knowing how to describe blood in writing can be a valuable tool for authors, allowing them to evoke powerful emotions in their readers and create believable characters and settings.

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Hi, I'm Happy Sharer and I love sharing interesting and useful knowledge with others. I have a passion for learning and enjoy explaining complex concepts in a simple way.

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Writing GRUESOME Injury Descriptions

How do you describe an injury so that the reader can see it, smell it, feel it?

Let’s look at some examples then write some gruesome descriptions together!

During the last stream, a subscriber requested that we write some descriptions of gruesome injuries

Watch a short version of the stream here or scroll down for what we wrote.

Describing injuries is tough: you need to make sure to not only evoke the imagery of the wound, but the feeling of it too, plus you can’t go too overboard or else the description will get confusing/silly

So let’s practice it together! But first, some examples:

Hunger Games: “I can see the tear Cato’s sword made in the fabric over his thigh, but it in no way prepares me for what lies underneath. The deep inflamed gash oozing both blood and pus. The swelling of the leg. And worst of all, the smell of festering flesh . … Within minutes of pressing the handful of chewed-up green stuff into the wound, pus begins running down the side of his leg.”

Game of Thrones: “He began to scrape away the black leaves and dried blue mud from Drogo’s chest. A foul, sweet smell rose from the wound, so thick it almost choked her. The leaves were crusted with blood and pus, Drogo’s breast black and glistening with corruption. Black blood ran slow and thick from his open wound.”

• Note how each description uses more than one sense to really make it evocative for the reader
• The use of words like “oozing” and “crusted” that aren’t usually used with human body vocabulary also amp up the gross levels
• Takeaway: Use more than 1 sense, use gross/unnatural vocabulary!

After that, chat came up with a bunch of gruesome injuries, then voted on the ones they liked best for us to describe.

First up, (the aftermath of) being mauled by a bear/lion/large animal.

Here’s what we wrote:

The woman lay on the forest floor after the bear attack, unfortunately still breathing. The skin of her face had been peeled upward, now a flat, bloody sheet of stringed flesh dangling back over her forehead, flapping with her labored breaths. The putrid stench of exposed meat had already summoned a horde of buzzing flies, burrowing under the skin every time it rose and fell with another wet, squelching flop. COZYROGERS Tommy had a threefold gash across his face, each gap wide enough to accommodate a dime lengthwise. Gnarled crevasses with dark walls and bone-white depths, where the beast’s claws had scraped the flesh away, exposing his bare skull. Out gushed a waterfall of blood, coating the man’s formerly handsome face in a crimson mask as he groaned weakly for his mother. JOE The lady sat in the dirt. She had no nose, no lips, no cheeks. Not much of a face anymore. Her mangled flesh barely clung to her exposed skull. Globs of dark blood throbbed, the remaining veins still pumping what they could. One brown eye among flaps of skin. That was the only recognizable part of her.

Next was acid burns on the face.

Her face dripped downward, as if made of putty, flowing into a discolored pool of flesh that had once been her neck. The weight of it dragged down all of her features, pulling her ears, eyes, and mouth into long gaping holes. A sharp, acidic smell still permeated from her skin. No matter how hard anyone scrubbed. Only a faint gurgle escaped from her mouth, unable to ever close again. JUSTINTOONZ Her face was a bulbous, raw chicken breast covered in red and pink scabs of dry, crusted flesh. COZYROGERS You think that’s a burn? Buddy, you’ve never seen a burn before. Remember those acid attacks a dozen years back? Well, I worked in emergency response and… tell you what. Take a look in that mirror. Yeah, that one right there. What do you see? You see a face, right? Good. Now, replace that face with a scab. Just a giant scab. Boiling, bubbling, popping at first, and then… it all… melts together. Smooths out. Like a sheet of glass. And then? It rots. And – if you’re lucky – it all… falls… off.

And last, a disease that eats away flesh from the bone.

His foot looked like it was covered in a thick layer of raw ground beef. Red and orange meat spaghetti with chunky yellowed bits poking out, reeking of old piss and puss. Most terrifying was the healthy skin around it — the plump toes and ankle and shin — like untouched trees waiting for the forest fire to take them too. It was only a matter of time until his entire leg was nothing more than a rancid skin sack brimming with bacterial broth.

Be sure to check out the video for some dramatic readings!

If you want to join us and help write a story by trolling in chat, or share your own writing for feedback, then we’d love to have you join us on Twitch .

And you missed the stream, you can still watch them on the  YouTube channel  or  watch the full stream reruns .

Hope to see you next time, friend!

Columns > Published on August 16th, 2016

Writing the Crime Scene: Dead Bodies

Every murder needs a victim. If you’re writing a crime story, there will undoubtedly be a character dropping dead in your manuscript. But when your dashing detective walks into that seedy hotel for the first time to examine the corpse, you need to make sure you have the technical details right to maintain your authority.

In order to properly set up the crime scene for the reader, you’re going to have to ask some questions about the recently deceased before you start writing. How will the room smell? What colour will the dead person's skin be? Will there be flies buzzing around the corpse? These questions require you to make some decisions about your fictional victim and your plot, and then start doing some research. When writers rely on television shows and Hollywood films for this type of information, they greatly increase their chances of getting things wrong. I've read writers who've described blood flowing from a body where the heart has been stopped for ten minutes, rigor mortis that sets in immediately and lasts forever, and a pale, beautiful victim who's face should have been swollen and black. They must be using Weekend at Bernie's for research material.

Finding the correct answers sometimes requires extensive research, but this article will give you a head start on the basic info and identify some places to turn to for questions about the biological processes of death and the forensics involved.

The Five Faces of Death

The main changes that occur in a dead body are stiffening ( rigor mortis ), lividity ( livor mortis ), cooling ( algo mortis ), skin color ( palor mortis ), and decomposition.

Everyone has heard of rigor mortis , but a lot of authors get the timing wrong. It's often used by experts in determining time of death. When a person dies, their circulatory system stops pumping blood around the body. Carbon dioxide builds up in muscle tissue and lactic acid is created which coagulates. But it isn't instantaneous. Rigor doesn't start for at least two hours after death and comes on slowly, visible in the smaller muscles first, until the whole body is stiff. Contrary to popular belief, the lactic acid eventually dissolves and the body goes limp again. It typically lasts for 24-72 hours depending on the surrounding temperature. This can vary greatly, especially given extreme circumstances. As a general rule, a lower temperature will delay the onset and prolong the duration. In a very hot environment, rigor mortis may not even have a chance to set in before decomposition begins. Figure out how long your fictional cadaver has been dead and you'll know how stiff they need to be.

Within a half-hour of death, gravity takes effect on the stagnant blood. This process is called livor mortis or lividity. After six to twelve hours, the victim's blood will pool and settle in whatever position they died in. Areas with less blood will appear white while pooling areas look crimson and purple, creating a blotchy pattern. Even a corpse with most of its blood drained will still show some traces of lividity. Forensics experts often use these markings to tell if a body has been moved after death. The whole process can last up to 12 hours, but if the body is moved in the first six hours it may be possible to avoid leaving tell-tales signs of tampering. It is also one of the key factors in determining time of death.

Once the heart stops beating, the human body begins to cool almost immediately in a process known as algo mortis . But it doesn't happen fast. As a general rule, the human body will drop a few degrees in the first hour and cool at roughly one degree Celcius per hour after death. This can be complicated if the victim had a high internal temperature at the time of death, but using this rule of thumb and some common sense can help a writer figure out if his fictional victim is still warm when the detective touches it. 

The body doesn’t begin its major breakdown, known as decomposition until a few days after death. Most recently deceased people don’t actually smell any different from the rest of us. Except that they may have voided their bladder and bowels. It is a long and complicated process with many stages that I can't do justice in a short article. For a more accurate view of the process, this online book has a detailed breakdown and this basic overview on body decomposition is also very useful.

Location, Location, Location

While the breakdown of a corpse has a general time frame that you can abide by when describing the body in your story, the environment in which a dead body is found will drastically affect the rate of decay and appearance of the corpse. My recent manuscript featured a young girl who died of strangulation and was then left to freeze in a harsh Arctic climate. The timing and extent of the changes to her body after death would have been much different if she was dumped in the scorching desert, buried in a shallow grave, or chained to a cinderblock and tossed in a lake. A sumo wrestler and an anorexic person will also decay at much different rates based on body mass alone. Even the clothing worn can be a factor, so make sure you figure out your victim’s circumstances before you start researching.

Where to do research?

The basic three things a writer should determine before researching are the location of the body, the time elapsed since the heart stopped and the cause of death. Once you have these facts nailed down, you can really focus your research for your manuscript. The internet is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to forensics, but be careful where you get your information. You’ll find conflicting and downright wrong answers at every turn. Government and university websites are generally the most reliable, as well as blogs maintained by forensic experts. Image searches online can provide dozens of examples of lividity marks, decomposition stages and various poses of rigor mortis for you to describe in your work. Just don't eat while you surf through them.

I call friends in law enforcement or medicine for really difficult or odd questions, but I keep a forensics book on my shelf for quick reference on more general issues. Howdunit Forensics is a good basic one for writers, and there are a number of other similar and more in-depth books on the market. A great textbook on forensic pathology or crime scene investigation like Underwater Forensic Investigations, 2nd Edition might prove useful for your novel about a cop who recovers bodies at sea, but it will set you back $100. And while that might be a good investment if you plan to make your character's adventures into a series, I’d try checking your local library. I found a copy of that particular book at mine for free. I also suggest bookmarking the Explore Forensics website for some great articles on related topics.

A Final Note

The internet can be a wealth of information on this topic, but it can also be a great excuse to procrastinate. If you find yourself reading dozens of articles on rigor mortis and looking at thousands of corpse images, you’re not doing research. You’re just goofing off. Know when to stop surfing and get back to your writing. Also, too much technical information in a crime scene can overwhelm the reader and detract from the scene. Leave some things to the imagination and find a balance that feels right. And remember, even the best crime writers get it wrong sometimes, so don't be too hard on yourself. Happy murdering!

About the author

Repo Kempt has worked as a criminal lawyer in the Canadian Arctic for over ten years. He is the author of a book about seal hunting, a member of the Horror Writers Association, and a guest columnist for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. He lives on a cricket farm with his wife, Joy and his little dog, Galactus. In his spare time, he looks for an agent for his latest manuscript.

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Master List of Physical Description for Writers

I created this list of ways to describe people

because physical description, when done well, helps the readers see characters in their minds. But sometimes when you’re in the middle of writing, it can be hard to think of physical adjectives and distinguishing features for characters. I find that describing facial features can be especially tricky!

That’s why I created this long list of physical characteristics. It’s kind of like a character description generator, and it’ll help you when you’re trying to think of how to describe a character’s appearance.

Eyes – General

 For all the words about describing facial features, I’m focusing more on physical descriptions rather than emotional expressions, though there’s a little crossover! You can also check out my long list of facial expressions.

heavy-lidded

fringed with long lashes

with sweeping eyelashes

with thick eyelashes

By the way, this post on how to describe (and not describe) the eyes of an Asian character  is really great. Check it out.

Eyes – Color

Brown is the most common eye color by far. Green is quite rare.

chocolate brown

cocoa brown

coffee brown

sienna brown

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cornflower blue

Arctic blue

glacial blue

crystal blue

electric blue

slate blue / slate gray

storm blue / storm gray

silver / silver gray

concrete gray

gunmetal gray

Skin – Color

Josh Roby made a great chart of skin tones and descriptor words, and I got a lot of these words from him. You can get that here .

The quote from N.K. Jemisin interested me: “I get really tired of seeing African-descended characters described in terms of the goods that drove, and still drive, the slave trade—coffee, chocolate, brown sugar. There’s some weird psychosocial baggage attached to that.” 

cream / creamy

rose / rosy

Skin – General

Some of these are better for the face, and some are better for other parts of the body.

translucent

luminescent

with large pores

weather-beaten

Face – Structure

heart-shaped

high forehead

broad forehead

prominent brow ridge

protruding brow bone

sharp cheekbones

high cheekbones

angular cheekbones

hollow cheeks

jutting chin

pointed chin

receding chin

double chin

dimple in chin

visible Adam’s apple

People don’t write much about noses, but they can be distinguishing features for characters!

Cupid’s bow

straight teeth

gap between teeth

gleaming white teeth

Facial Hair (or lack thereof)

clean-shaven

smooth-shaven

mutton-chop sideburns

a few days’ growth of beard

five o’ clock shadow

Hair – General

I threw a few hairstyles in here, though not many.

shoulder-length

neatly combed

slicked down / slicked back

buzzed / buzz cut

widow’s peak

Hair – Color

There are some repeats here from the eye color section!

salt and pepper

charcoal gray

brown sugar

tawny brown

toffee brown

Titian-haired

strawberry blonde

butterscotch

sandy blond

fair-haired

Body Type – General

average height

barrel-chested

heavy / heavy-set

pot-bellied

full-figured

leggy / long-legged

broad-shouldered

sloping shoulders

stubby fingers

long fingers

ragged nails

grimy fingernails

ink-stained

This list and many more are in my book Master Lists for Writers: Thesauruses, Plot Ideas, Character Traits, Names, and More . Check it out if you’re interested!

And if you don’t want to miss future writing posts, follow the blog, if you aren’t already — there’s a place to sign up on the lefthand side of the blog. Thanks for stopping by, and happy writing!

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127 thoughts on “ master list of physical description for writers ”.

Thanks, Bryn! This list has sparked a spark in my brain. I haven’t seen one of those for a while. I was getting worried I’d lost my flint!

I’m so glad you like it!

I love this, do you mind if we share on our blog WritersLife.org ?

Thanks for the positive feedback! You can’t reproduce it on your blog, but you can share an excerpt of 200 words or less plus a link to my site.

As a new novel writer all I can say is thank very much for sharing with us this wonderful list.

Ah you’re welcome! Thanks for visiting!

This is amazing! Thank you very much!

Thanks for the kind words–glad it seems helpful!

Reblogged this on looselyjournalying.

Reblogged this on Of Fancy & Creativity .

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Aw thank you for this it helped so much! I’m 15 and I’m trying to write a novel and this was sooooo helpful so thank you a billion 🙂 Best wishes.

Ah you’re welcome! Thanks for stopping by. Good for you for working on a novel, and good luck–I bet it will go great!

Hi, Bryn Thank you for doing these lists. They helped me a lot. Can you make a list on how to describe emotions like sadness or anger.

It’s funny you should ask 🙂 There’s a list like that in my book MASTER LISTS FOR WRITERS coming out this fall! I haven’t officially announced it yet, but hey 🙂

You can get a free copy when it comes out if you agree to give it an honest review. SIgn up for my newsletter if you’re interested!

Reblogged this on Kalynn Bayron and commented: Yes! This is great!

Was just looking for this type of lists.Great work.

This is so helpful.

I love your blog, btw. Your posts are informative and/or inspirational.

Are you on any social medial where I can follow you?

Oh, thank you so much! I just checked out your blog — I love the dream casting post! http://sbhadleywilson.com/blog/pull-ideal-cast-2/

I’m @BrynDonovan on Twitter, just followed you!

VERY helpful. I need to get basic descriptions of people done and out of the way to move on with plot. This quickens any details that might have taken me a long time to think through, or strain a sentence. Yuck. I know my females characters would pay attention to lots of physical details. not so with the males. Thanks!

Oh, so glad it’s helpful! That’s always what I’m trying to do with my lists — speed things up. I hate getting stuck on a detail and losing my momentum 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

godsent list! Bryn, I wish you more brains.

Reblogged this on Jessica Louis and commented: This list is beyond helpful. Who knew there were so many eye colors!?

Thanks Bryn your list was amazing. I’m an aspiring writer and it really helped me a lot. When I can I’m going to get a copy of your book. I think it would help me become a better writer. My genre of choice is erotic, but it is so hard to get out there, but I’m hopeful one day I will. It’s what I love to do and I’m going to keep trying.

Hi Beth! Thank you so much for the kind words. If you do get the book, I hope you like it! And good luck on writing erotica — I’m doing a “WIP Wednesday” this Wednesday where you can share a bit of your work in progress, if you like 🙂

That would be great. I have some short stories publish on a site called Literotica. I have some editing issues that I’m trying to work out, nothing a few classes wouldn’t help. How do I share my work.

I am so sorry! I missed this comment before. The next WIP Wednesday on the blog is Dec. 2… if you’re following the blog you’ll see the post! (The follow button is on the righthand side of this page.) Hope your writing’s going well 🙂

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Reblogged this on PRINCE CHARMING ISN'T HERE and commented: what an amazing list! I always have a hard time describing features! words sometimes fail me!

i loved this list! thank you so much for making it! 🙂

So glad it was helpful!

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Thank you! This is so helpful to have for reference. Occasionally I’ll have a particular word in mind and can’t think of it, and I can usually pop over here and find it right away!

I absolutely love your master lists. They have helped me so much in diversifying the words I use when I’m writing. 🙂

Ohhh thank you! That is so great to hear. 🙂 Hope your writing projects are going great!

Thank you, and they are. I’m just about to publish a works I’ve been working on for the past couple of months, which is so exciting. XD Hope all your writing projects are going great as well. 🙂

What a wonderful and thorough list Bryn. Thanks for sharing it! I will at some point ‘link back’ to this fabulous article (I’ll let you know when I do.) I’m new to your site, but will certainly be back for more! I’m fascinated to learn that you’re also a home-grown KC girl. =0) Although, I remarried and moved to California 9 years ago, KC still tugs my heart-strings.

Hey, so glad you like it! Yeah, Kansas City is a special place. Come visit anytime 🙂 And thanks for visiting my blog! — I LOVE your username, by the way. Made me smile.

thanks for following my blog!

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Reblogged this on A Blissful Garden and commented: I find this very important!

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Reblogged this on Insideamoronsbrain and commented: Wow!!

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Thanks for sharing this list! It is amazing and so helpful !

I’m going to save this as a favorite. You always provide great information Bryn. Continue with your success.

Oh, thank you so much, Christopher! I really appreciate the kind words. So glad you like this!

This list is so complete! I haven’t worked on fiction in a long while, but lately I’ve been wanting to get back into it. I know this is going to be a great help when i sit down to create my characters!

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This is absolutely perfect for aspiring writers so that we don’t have to use Microsoft Word synonyms that tend to nit have what we’re searching for. Your introductory paragraph about readers falling in love with characters’ personalities and not theit physical attributes was spot on. Thank you thank you, thank you!

Chunny! Thank you so very much for the kind words. I’m so glad you found it helpful!!

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This is amazing! Thank you! I hope it’s alright if I use this as a reference in a blog post for character development.

Hi Jacquelyn! So glad you like it. That’s fine, just please link to the post!

I read this over and over, thank you for creating this! Can I just ask, when thinking of clothing and how to describe it, what are some things you would put? (I’m making a book draft and have never needed clothing described to me as much as now)

Thank you! It’s so important that we don’t reuse the same words too often, so this will help a lot with that problem.

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Thanks for helping me. It really made a big difference of helping me come up with something.

Hi Joseph! Sorry for the delayed reply! I’m so glad you liked it. Thanks for the kind words!

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Your book “Master Lists for Writers” has helped me incredibly. I’ve always wanted to be a romance writer but didn’t have the nerve until now. I am currently working on a short story about a college girl who is assaulted by a classmate. It was based on a dream I had a few nights ago. I haven’t developed how she gets her revenge on him. I know the story line seems dark but the dream stuck with me so much, I felt the urge to turn it into a story. Thank you again for your awesome book. What a great resource

Rhonda! Thank you so much for the kind words. I am so happy that the book is helpful, and even gladder that you’re going for it and writing! Sending you best wishes on your story!

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Great advice in this post, Bryn! Thank you.

Used this for school! It was really helpful!

Oh yay! So glad it was helpful!

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This is a great list! So comprehensive, and just what I was looking for. I struggle with physical descriptions of people and have a tendency to write the same kins of attributes. So this list is fab!

This is great!

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keep up the good work

Hey thanks 🙂

This is so helpful!!!!!

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Tiptoeing out there to publish my first book (I’ve been writing a long time). This post helped so much. Thanks!

oh my gosh, thank you! You have put a lot of effort in this list. I def appreciate it 🙂

Thank you I´m always using this when I´m creating new characters.

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Incredibly helpful! Thanks a lot :3

Thank you for sharing this!

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More extensive than my general list. My wizened goatee and elder Fu Manchu thank you for sharing your time and devotion to the craft.

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Very useful for ready reference. Thank you very much.

Thanks, Mohan! So glad you liked it!

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I’ve been writing for a while, mostly for fun, but this was the one thing I could never get down, but this list is great! all around solid, and incredibly useful, I see myself using it every time I need to make a new character, good job!

You’re a legend! This is fantastic, thank you!

Hahaha, thanks for the kind words! 🙂 Glad it’s helpful!

I am following your prompts and valuable advice for writing a fantasy teen fiction novel. I think you are amazing. You might not know it but I was able to clear hundreds of my doubts through your help. Please keep up the good work and providing your valuable support to all of us upcoming writers.

Hey, thank you so much for the kind words—you made my day! It’s wonderful to hear that you’re working on YA fantasy. I’m so glad I could help, and I wish you every success!

I honestly would not recommend this as good writing advice. The focus is too much on describing someone’s physical features using analogies for food. That is not a good thing, it becomes trite and overdone. If used sparsely it’s okay but almost every word in this list is food related.

Hi, Larissa! Thanks for taking your valuable time to share your opinion.

You have done a great job preparing this Master List. Those who think such precise words for describing someone hurt their sensibilities, move on to another URL. I appreciate every bit of your effort.

Hi, Pradeep! I am so glad you like the list. Thanks so much for commenting!

Bryn, I love your master list book and use it all the time!

Ohh, thank you so much! I’m so glad it’s helpful!

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This is a godsend. I owe you my soul.

I work 20 hours per day, (regular business and writing the memoir). Just ordered the Master List–seems like having my own research assistant. I may be able to get 5 hours sleep now. Thanks

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No jaw descriptions? ;(

You saved my day with your wonderful, descriptive words! Now I’ve found the perfect features for my handsome male character. Thank you!

That is a lot of hours for books but I guess if you keep pushing it will happen.

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Hi Bryn, thanks so much for this information! I always appreciate your lists because I like comprehensive material all in one location as a reference (then if I decide to break the rules, at least I know what the rules are “supposed to be” first!). Have you considered making comprehensive lists of creative writing genre conventions (tropes, archetypes, settings, devices, etc.)?

Hello, and thank you for the valuable and useful information. I agree with Eleanore regarding the list of genre conventions. I’m more than pleased I found you website.

Thank u so much ❤️ that was so helpful

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KitanKaboodle New Member

Describing death.

Discussion in ' Word Mechanics ' started by KitanKaboodle , Mar 11, 2017 .

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); When moving from a living individual to a dead individual, yet they maintain a sense of consciousness, how would you draw the line for the reader? Is it enough to describe the inability to re-open your eyes and discuss the cliche white light?  

NoGoodNobu Contributor Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); To be perfectly frank, this is what would make or break a book for me. This is the sort of thing that's really a test for a writer & their ability and ingenuity and imagination. You can reach for the familiar or on hand cliches to get the idea across quickly & easily, sure But as a reader I'm hoping for the author to do something different, unique, and so creative that I just want to admire their craft. I would suggest you experiment, really think about what you think the difference between live consciousness and what it is to be other beyond this life—whatever that means to you. Depending on how you (specifically in your story/world, but even your general worldview typically bleeds through) view the seperation of life & death, methods to illustrate the transition alters. Consider the distinction between Life and Death. And then fiddle with depicting your view of that distinction. Cheering for you~  

zoupskim Contributor Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); I mean... How do they die? Is it violent, or do they just sort of nod off during a nap at 90?  

Homer Potvin A tombstone hand and a graveyard mind Staff Supporter Contributor

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); You talking a linear POV of a character "crossing over" from life into death or just a posthumous character overseeing the living world?  

Forinsyther Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); I think the white light may be a little too cliche unfortunately. Think about the universe you're writing in and then use your imagination. If it's a fantasy world then you can do literally anything you want you can make the transition peaceful, or painful, or overwhelming, or so calm that when they have crossed the line they don't realise at first. But if you're using our world, and you don't want it to be too extreme, you could maybe just tweak the white light cliche. Zoupskim makes a good point; how does the character die? If it's violent, like a gunshot to the head, you could have the change to be instantaneous. The gun goes off, but he doesn't even feel it, the whole world around him just seems to freeze. When he tries, he can certainly move, but everything apart from him, even time, has stopped. And then he looks at the man who pulled the trigger and contemplates his situation, he's not in pain, so perhaps he didn't shoot? Only, his heart was racing with fear a minute ago. Etc etc etc If it's a peaceful death, like in their bed, you could have their lasts thoughts to be of family, or of unfulfilled goals. If he knows it's his time, then maybe there's just this feeling you get and suddenly you're very conscious of the fact you've passed on. You could let the reader know that everyone feels this. Or if you don't want that, you could have one minute they're lying there, and then the next, they're still in bed but they slowly realises that they're no longer breathing. Their senses are heightened or stopped. And then when he's come to grips with the afterlife he struggles with the fact that he'll never get to face the things he was last thinking about.  

Pinkymcfiddle Banned

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); I imagine the moment before death would be sheer panic, your survival instinct in overdrive, a desperate and futile search for some reprieve. It would be a few moments of consummate terror, and that would be your last memory of life. Or you might go in your sleep.  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); Thank you for the responses! I am avoiding the 'white light'. The issue I am having is that I had someone read the switch from the person dying, to describing the feeling of death, and they got confused. They read it the way that I meant for it to be read, but he did not understand as to why I described death and then carried on with the character. This also could be due to the fact that he hates reading, and isn't the best source for constructive criticism, but it had me thinking. The character dies in a very formal way; due to old age. She has lived a happy and fulfilling life with a family, starts to slip away when the loss of her pain is replaced by the feeling of falling. She is blinded by the lack of light, wakes up strapped to a metal bed and the first voice she hears is a woman over an intercom. All the woman says is “Greetings, Prisoner 11384. You have served your sentence. You are free to go.” Once her awareness returns, she realizes she is back to being 23 with absolutely no family, completely alone, and the memories of her current life return. When the reader finished the short story, his only critique was that he "didn't understand". I can't tell if the lack of understanding would be from the type of writing prompt I was responding to, or the detail of the death being confusing whenever the character turned out to be alive.  

Mental Landscaper New Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); I have a rather macabre quote from an anonymous source that may be of interest to you. As somebody who's been clinically dead before, let me describe what it feels like. A "death rattle" is what you hear when the air is released from somebody's lungs because they can no longer hold it in. I've heard my own death rattle. Prior to the death rattle, you get tunnel vision. Your brain is wired on so many chemicals that your vision starts to blur and get hyper focused. Around that time, you start losing motor functions and probably focus very hard on one limb or on your injury. They stop being able to move after a while. The reason isn't just your nerves - it's bloodflow. I think. All I know is when I died I felt my heart beating fast and then slow and hard. You start to feel, after or during your death rattle, your blood slowing down. You feel it slow to a crawl and thicken and you know that if you could move you could pound on your chest and everything would get moving again, but you can't move. You feel it stop and it -hurts-. It burns, because it's sticky and gumming up your veins. You feel your heart stop and then you feel it burn because it's being tugged on by the blood inside of it giving in to gravity and pulling on it just like the rest of the blood in your body. You feel yourself go. If your brain doesn't go first, if you don't fall asleep, you feel yourself die. I'm just lucky I died in a hospital surrounded by doctors. I was dead for only a few seconds, but I died. No heart activity, no brain activity. I was gone. I neglected to mention your lungs. Your death rattle happens because all the air leaves your lungs. When that happens, they start to burn too. Death is burning and death is slow, no matter what. Unless your brain goes, you feel it until you feel nothing ever again. Click to expand...

sprirj Senior Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); I don't understand either lol Why 23? Who held her prisoner? I hope you just washed over this because it's a forum and your book answers it.  

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); sprirj said: ↑ I don't understand either lol Why 23? Who held her prisoner? I hope you just washed over this because it's a forum and your book answers it. Click to expand...

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); Mental Landscaper said: ↑ I have a rather macabre quote from an anonymous source that may be of interest to you. Click to expand...

JE Loddon Active Member

googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('funpub_19e2c566dd9e0f2222d5d5046d815c1f'); }); I would have them decribe the feeling of all weight and burden suddenly lifting.  

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How To Write About the Body in Creative Nonfiction

Feb 06, 2018 by Kayla Dean published in Writing

Do you remember the old advice you heard from writing teachers or craft books: make all five senses—taste, touch, sound, sight, and smell—part of the scene ? It may not seem like it, but this advice invites you to write about the body in such a way that your readers feel physically present in the prose.

Take this opening passage from Flaneuse by Lauren Elkin as an example (And check out my previous column for more about this book as it relates to writing creative nonfiction!):

“On a street in Paris, a woman pauses to light a cigarette. She holds up a match with one hand, its box and a glove in the other. Her tall figure aligns with the shadow of a lamp post, two forward slashes on the wall behind her as a photographer closes the shutter. She is fleeting; pausing; permanent.”

What’s so lovely about this moment is its physicality. We’re aware of Paris as a place and asked to consider it as a cultural archetype. But then Elkin takes us beyond that. She details the actions the woman must take to light the cigarette, giving the moment significance instead of delivering a reported action. The last line portrays the woman as a moving figure, and we are engaged.

This is just one example. There are so many places you can take writing about the body and physical space. Let’s get into the details.

Be in The Moment

Think about a great narrative you read recently, fiction or nonfiction, with a scene that made you feel engaged. What made it great was probably its immediacy, physicality, and inclusion of the senses. But there’s something more to writing about a moment. Sometimes it helps to imagine the moment several times as you are writing it. If you can, use tools to make you feel its immediacy.

For example, you can use Google Maps to stand on that street corner and feel the emotion of the place through you or your narrator’s eyes.

Bonus: when you’re taking a walk to inspire yourself, take this advice to heart .

Focus on Identity

Our bodies fundamentally affect our identities. The way we navigate in the world. The way we see ourselves. There’s so much more to writing about the body than simply making your readers be present. What about writing about illness, sexuality, trauma? As Ruth Ozeki says in this writer’s roundtable hosted by Literary Hub , “the body is filled with stories.” It’s definitely an element you can’t forget about when you’re a writer.

Ashley Perez also has great advice in this roundtable on writing about the body :

“As with other writing, narrow your focus. Determine what specific thing your essay is about. That one thing defines this piece of writing. Don’t worry that it defines you or all of your writing.”

In a single piece of writing, there is one you. Embody it. You may also find it helpful to research trauma, illness, or sexuality alongside your own discussion of your personal experience to inform your direction. Sometimes this step can impact the way you write the piece.

Don’t Dismiss Your Experience

In the back of your mind, you may feel that what you’re going through has already been written about. You may be surprised. Sometimes when we try to write about experience we encounter a wall of language, unsure of which figure could tell our experiences in the most compelling way. The body and language can be at odds, but writing about it is powerful.

Virginia Woolf suffered from depression, migraines, and fevers. Her work is filled with references to these moments in her life, but her essay “On Being Ill” beautifully illuminates why we should be writing about the body:

“Literature does its best to maintain that its concern is with the mind; that the body is a sheet of plain glass through which the soul looks straight and clear, and, save for one or two passions such as desire and greed, is null, and negligible and non-existent. On the contrary, the very opposite is true. All day, all night the body intervenes.”

In The Atlantic , Joe Fassler wrote about this particular Woolf essay alongside Leslie Jamison’s The Empathy Exams . When writing his first novel, Fassler’s editor told him that he wrote the word “sweat” too much and included too many mentions of plum-colored bruises. The essay is about his “daily dramas of the body,” and it’s a must-read. He writes,

“I imagined myself the bard of swelling; I wanted to write toothache lyrics for swelling—to evoke the chronic panic of its deforming sculptural practice: it shapes you into something like you, but not you. I wanted to bring that aching knowledge to my nonexistent reading public.”

Whether you are writing about illness or the experience of existing in your body, an important step is simply listening to yourself.

Essay Recommendations:

• https://granta.com/kettle-holes/
• https://lithub.com/walking-while-black/
• https://hazlitt.net/feature/year-plagues
• Hunger by Roxane Gay
• The Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison
• Brain on Fire by Susanna Cahalan

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Describing Breathing in Creative Writing

By: Author Paul Jenkins

Posted on April 7, 2022

Categories Writing , Creativity , Storytelling

When writers talk about how they infuse their work with sensory detail, it’s usually about describing the color of something or what a character’s hair looks like. Let’s face it: breathing is one of the things we take for granted as humans. We do it so unconsciously that most people don’t even realize when or why they’re breathing. Our breathing rate changes with our emotions – it can be fast and shallow when we’re anxious, and deep and calm when we’re relaxed. As a creative writer, you can make your descriptive writing more vivid by incorporating more sensory information into your novel or story.

What’s in a Breath?

When thinking about how to describe breathing in your novel, ask yourself what you want to convey. Word choice matters.

If your character is having a panic attack, she takes short, shallow breaths.

A character preparing for a fight will have more controlled breathing; their breaths will be slow and steady and then become faster and shallower as the adrenaline kicks in.

Shallow breathing can also indicate stress or panic, as the fight starts to go badly, for example.

At a lull in the fight, the character might start heavy breathing, to get enough wind to continue.

During or after the fight, pain can come through the breath.

Just as the reader can get information about a character through their actions, they can also find out who they are by the way they breathe.

This technique is useful when you’re writing a suspenseful scene and building tension or fear.

If there’s something sinister under the bed and your protagonist’s heart is racing, you should express it through her breathing: “heart-pounding,” “breath coming in short gasps.” When you describe their breathing in this way, the reader senses that something is wrong because it deviates from normal behavior.

Take a Deep Breath

That was a deep breath, and you’re still reading. Good!

Now let’s go over the basics of describing breathing in creative writing:

• Sensory details can tell you a lot about a person’s state of mind. For example, when you take a deep breath through your nose before speaking in public, what does it smell like?
• What does it sound like as the person exhales?
• Describing breathing in terms of sensory input is an effective way to convey the main character’s thoughts to readers and help them understand why the character does or doesn’t feel prepared for the challenge that awaits them.
• As with any literary device like an allusion or a metaphor (and yes – breathing is a literary device), don’t overdo it. A character who takes a deep breath more than once per scene may be perceived by readers as weak-willed or indecisive, and that’s not always what you want them to think of your main character; again, use this technique judiciously unless that’s exactly the aspect of his or her personality you want to emphasize!

In the context of creative writing, holding your breath means that tension is rising. As we’ll see in the last example, you can achieve this effect by describing exactly how long someone held his or her breath.

But what else happens when someone holds their breath? How do they feel? What’s going on inside him or her?

• The first thing that happens, of course, is that they stop breathing. The need to breathe becomes stronger and stronger as the oxygen level in the blood decreases. This causes blood pressure to rise and pulse rate to increase. Over time, the body compensates for the lack of air supply by increasing the carbon dioxide content in the body; it’s easier to keep the blood pumping with an increased CO2 content than with low oxygen content.
• Soon this leads to headaches, dizziness, and disorientation (which can make breathing difficult).
• After a few minutes of not breathing, your heart starts beating irregularly due to the low oxygen level in the blood: fast or irregularly at first, then slower and slower until it stops completely – and when your heart stops beating, you’re dead.

There may be scenes where you can use physiology to increase tension, but be careful not to overdo it. Emphasize the characters’ reactions, not their physical reactions.

Breathing on Other Characters

Another approach is to describe how one character’s breath affects another character. You might focus on how another person’s breath affects your narrator: “The scent of her perfume filled my nostrils as she approached me, and a hot breath came from her lips as she spoke.”

You could also write about how your narrator’s breath affects another character, “His eyes widened as he smelled the alcohol on my breath. When I sighed, he froze and stared at me. My sighs quickened as I watched him for a reaction that didn’t come.”

Some more examples:

• The warmth of her breath sent shivers up and down my spine.
• His words hit me like blows to the stomach, each one robbing me of breath.
• A breath of warm air tickled the back of my neck, making me tense in anticipation before relaxing again with a sigh.

Let It Out Slowly

Once you take a deep breath, how should you exhale it? Here are a few ways:

• Through the mouth. This could be an expression of relief, frustration, or exasperation. It could also show that the person is trying to maintain control. A controlled breath can be indicated by exhaling through pursed lips like a whistle.
• Through the nose. This is often described as a snort of derision or disbelief and is used to show that your person finds something ridiculous or silly.
• The actual sound of breathing can also be described as a sigh, laugh, sob, groan, gasp, sharp breath, or even a scream or laugh (we’ll get to that later).

Where the Breath Happens

It’s most natural to inhale through your mouth. If your character needs a deep, restorative breath or a soothing sigh, mouth breathing will probably suffice.

Nose Breathing

If you want to fine-tune your character’s breathing, you can have them breathe in or out through their nose. Nasal breathing can bring smells into the character’s awareness and draw attention to sensory details in the text.

Exhaling through the nose lends a sense of sophistication and refinement to characters who otherwise lack such qualities (e.g., snobby professors and refined criminals).

Pursed Lip Breathing

Pursed lip breathing is an interesting technique because it evokes certain emotions such as frustration, anger, annoyance, and sadness…

When you’re forced to breathe this way, certain emotions are naturally evoked, making your text more organic without having to tell you exactly what’s happening on an emotional level in every scene.

Breathing Is Automatic and Easy to Forget About, but It’s Important to Life and Your Writing

Breathing is a reflex action that’s automatically controlled by the central nervous system. That means you don’t have to consciously think or make an effort to perform it. It’s basically as important to life as water and food.

On average, a person breathes in and out between 12 and 20 times a minute when at rest. Whether you’re running, sleeping, or sitting down to read this article, your body is constantly taking in oxygen and releasing carbon dioxide.

Respiration is a reflex that’s constantly going on in the background, keeping us alive as we go about our daily activities – it’s easy to forget about it and only notice it when something goes wrong.

Breathing can be considered an involuntary activity, meaning it happens without us having to make the conscious decision to breathe.

However, since breathing has both a voluntary and an involuntary component (you’ve to decide when to speak or sing), there are some ways your character can control breathing.

It’s Used as a Literary Device in Fiction

As you may recall, literary devices are the tools fiction writers use to create meaning, emotion, and imagery.

Examples include:

• Similes and metaphors.
• Onomatopoeia and alliteration.
• Personification is also included. Personification involves ascribing human characteristics to an object or idea.

Authors may use a short breath to show tension or nervousness: “She could barely catch her breath.” The author uses this phrase to convey how tense and frightened the character is.

A long breath can also be used to express relaxation: “Her breathing was slow and deep.” In this case, it’s not so important what the character is feeling, but where their thoughts are.

When someone says that their heart is beating or pounding in their chest, we understand that he or she’s nervous or excited about something. If a character in your story breathes loudly, it means he or she’s worried or anxious-or that he or she may even be looking forward to something.

Reveal a Lot About Their Emotional State, Physical Condition, Health Status, and More

You can use breathing in any piece of writing that features a character. For example, if you are writing a novel, short story, or play, you could consider showing the reader how a character is feeling by describing their breathing.

This will not only tell the reader what your character is experiencing but also reveal different things about their emotional state, physical condition, and health.

Your character may experience several different reactions throughout your writing and the quality of their breathing will change depending on these experiences.

• “The nurse held the stethoscope to his chest and listened carefully as he breathed in and out.”
• “The man had been following her for blocks now, and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck.”

Of course, you can use breathing as more than just an indicator of emotion and health. It’s a great metaphor for lots of things: life or death situations, taking on too much work at once, or even being afraid to take chances on love.

• Think about the bigger picture. Should you describe your character’s breathing at all? Will it help the reader know what your character is feeling?
• Consider how much information to give the reader. Do you want to give more information or less?
• Decide which perspective to use (first person, second person, or third person) and decide whether to use multiple perspectives in one piece of writing.

Showing how a character reacts can be very useful for readers as well as for showing a sense of time and place. In creative writing, this often means describing a moment that shows us something about a character like her nerves, her anxiety, or her excitement.

Describing Breathing Creatively

A compelling description in your story can be the difference between an otherwise forgettable scene and an engaging one.

The best way to do this is to keep a few things in mind.

• When characters breathe in creative writing, try to avoid using “breathe” repeatedly by simply replacing it with synonyms like “gasp.” Start by opening a thesaurus
• Use action verbs to make your character’s breathing sound more like a natural part of their surroundings.
• Use descriptive adjectives to describe the feeling of exhaling. Describe the rate and rhythm of the breathing. For example, someone might be “panting” or taking “shallow breaths.”
• Don’t be afraid to use metaphor or simile when describing breathing in creative writing-it will add life and color! You could also use similes to create an analogy, like comparing someone’s breath to steam on a cold morning. You could also compare it to waves lapping on the beach or butterflies fluttering. But keep it within the realms of your genre and context!
• The more creative you are with your description of breathing, the more effective your writing will be at bringing your reader into the scene!

Make Readers Feel What Your Characters Are Feeling

I hope some of these suggestions will help you add excitement to your description of breathing and make readers feel what your characters are feeling.

In general, it should be used to draw attention to a character’s emotional state or when the character is excited or stressed. It’s one of those writing skills worth developing.

A few more options include:

• Describe how far apart breathing becomes. When people are nervous, their heart races and they take rapid breaths. This is a simple way to show that a person is anxious without having to write out their inner thoughts.
• Does someone’s age affect their breath? An older person might become short of breath with strenuous activity, whereas a younger person could be fine with the same amount of exertion.
• Don’t forget body language combined with breathing as a way to depict character or situation.
• How about using other senses in combination with breathing? If someone has just eaten spicy food and needs water, describe how every time they try to breathe, the scent of hot peppers wafts into their nose.

Breathing Sounds and Words for Creative Writing

• Hyperventilate