essay on kindness for self

Essay on Kindness

500 words essay on kindness.

The world we live in today has been through a lot of things from world wars to epidemics, but one thing which remained constant throughout was resilience and kindness. Moreover, it was the spirit to fight back and help out each other. Kindness must be an essential and universal quality to make the world a better place. Through an essay on kindness, we will go through it in detail.

Importance of Kindness

Kindness towards nature, animals and other people has the ability to transform the world and make it a beautiful place for living. But, it is also important to remember that kindness towards you is also essential for personal growth.

Kindness is basically being polite, compassionate and thoughtful. Every religion and faith teaches its followers to be kind. Most importantly, kindness must not limit to humans but also to every living creature.

Even nature has its own way of showing kindness. For instance, the trees grow fruits for us and provide us with shade. One must not see kindness as a core value but as a fundamental behavioural element. When you are kind to your loved ones, you create a stable base.

As people are becoming more self-centred today, we must learn kindness. We must try to integrate it into ourselves. You might not know how a small act of kindness can bring about a change in someone’s life. So, be kind always.

Kindness Always Wins

There is no doubt that kindness always wins and it has been proven time and again by people. Sid is a greedy man who does not share his wealth with anyone, not even his family members.

He also does not pay his workers well. One day, he loses his bag of gold coins and loses his temper. Everyone helps him out to search for it but no one finds it. Finally, his worker’s little son finds the bag.

Upon checking the bag, he sees all the coins are there. But, his greed makes him play a trick on the poor worker. He claims that there were more coins in the bag and the worker stole them.

The issue goes to the court and the judge confirms from Sid whether his bag had more coins to which he agrees. So, the judge rules out that as Sid’s bag had more coins , the bag which the worker’s son found is not his.

Therefore, the bag gets handed to the worker as no one else claims it. Consequently, you see how the worker’s son act of kindness won and paid him well. On the other hand, how Sid’s greediness resulted in his loss only.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Conclusion of the Essay on Kindness

It is essential for all of us to understand the value of kindness. Always remember, it does not cost anything to be kind. It may be a little compliment or it can be a grand gesture, no matter how big or small, kindness always matters. Therefore, try your best to be kind to everyone around you.

FAQ of Essay on Kindness

Question 1: Why is it important to be kind?

Answer 1: It is important to be kind because it makes one feel good about oneself. When you do things for other people and help them with anything, it makes you feel warm and that you have accomplished something. Moreover, you also get respect in return.

Question 2: Why is kindness so powerful?

Answer 2: Kindness has a lot of benefits which includes increased happiness and a healthy heart . It slows down the ageing process and also enhances relationships and connections, which will indirectly boost your health.

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51 Kindness Essay Topics & Examples

Looking for kindness topic ideas to write about? The concepts of kindness, generosity, and compassion are crucial nowadays.

🏆 Best Kindness Essay Examples

📌 top kindness topics to write about, 🥰 interesting kindness essay topics, 👍 controversial kindness topic ideas, 🙏 catchy kindness essay titles.

Being a debated subject in philosophy, psychology, and religion, kindness is definitely worth writing about. The topic of kindness is one of the key in the Bible. It has become especially important nowadays, in the era of intolerance and instability. In your kindness essay, you might want to focus on the importance of helping others. Another option is to consider the concept of kindness in philosophy, psychology, and religion. Whatever direction you will choose, this article will be helpful. It contains everything necessary to write an A+ paper on generosity & compassion! There are kindness essay examples, topics, and research titles.

• Acts of Kindness and Happiness in Human Life The research at hand is aimed to prove that, to boost happiness through receiving positive emotions, a person should commit more actions that can be referred to as acts of kindness.
• Critical Response “On Compassion” She is a lawyer, a sign that her level of literacy is quite higher and she able to learn and understand, even by seeing, the situation of other people.
• “The Kindness of Strangers” by Ruben Martinez The USA may promote itself to be the “land of immigrants” with the Statue of Liberty as a shining reminder of what the rhetoric of residency means.
• Stories of Random Acts of Kindness Foundation I made a shopping list and after completing it, I went to one of the shelters to hand over the purchases to its representatives. In addition, it is important to understand that the reaction of […]
• Random Acts of Kindness Foundation and Personal Acts of Kindness This exercise enabled me to reflect on my principles and think about the kind of impact I make in my day-to-day life.
• Acts of Kindness in Society Initially, she wrote a report on this topic, in the preparation of which she visited the shelter and was upset to tears about how depressing the life of animals is.
• Does True Altruism Exist? Therefore, in their experiment, Cialdini and his colleagues sought to separate the feelings of sadness from those of empathy among the subjects in order to assess the reliability of the findings of the former experiments […]
• Altruism and social behavior This shows altruism is not only beneficial to the recipients of the meritorious deeds but also to the doers of the deeds.
• An Anonymous Act of Kindness When speaking about the relation of altruism to psychology, it is necessary to state that altruism is considered to be the issue of social psychology.
• “Selfless Gene” by Olivia Judson and Reasons for Altruism Once people realize that the biology and social life of another race is the same, they tend to be more understanding and kind.
• The Role of Compassion While Anne Fadiman’s this book seems to be primarily related to the impact of linguistic and cultural barriers on the experiences of immigrants, Amy Tan’s essay suggests that their difficulties can be explained primarily by […]
• Happy People Become Happier through Kindness: A Counting Kindnesses Intervention
• How Kindness Shapes One’s Destiny in Million Dollar Baby
• How Patience Can Be Considered An Act Of Kindness
• Important to Treat Patients with Kindness and Respect
• Introspection in A Complicated Kindness and The Catcher in the Rye
• Jacqueline Woodson’s Lovely Letter to Children About Kindness, Presence, and How Books Transform Us
• Job’s Suffering Not Befitting His Kindness and Compassion
• Larry and Friends: An Illustrated Ode to Immigration, Diversity, Otherness, and Kindness
• Love, Kindness, and the Song of the Universe: The Night Jack Kerouac Kept a Young Woman from Taking Her Own Life
• Marcus Aurelius on What His Father Taught Him About Humility, Honor, Kindness, and Integrity
• Muslim Muslims And Muslim People With Kindness And Love Essay
• People Can Still Show Kindness Despite all the Evil Out There Essay
• Portrayal Of The Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment On Kindness
• Positive Interventions: Happiness Attained from Acts of Kindness and Gratitude
• Revealing of the True Identity in Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews and Mister Pip by Lloyd Jones
• Revisiting Kindness and Confusion in Public Goods Experiments
• Roland: A Charming Vintage Illustrated Ode to the Imagination and the Animating Power of Kindness
• Secular Views on the Concept of Kindness
• Self-Indulgence or Kindness as the Keys to Happiness and a Better Life
• Self-Scrutiny Applied with Kindness: Epictetus’s Enduring Wisdom on Happiness and How Philosophy Helps Us Answer the Soul’s Cry
• Shakespeare: Portia’s Kindness Out Shines
• The Disabled With The Utmost Kindness And Compassion
• The Effect Of Kindness During The Iranian Revolution
• The Effect Of Random Acts Of Kindness, And Social Responsibility
• The Essence of Life: Kindness
• The Farmer and the Clown: A Warm Wordless Story about an Unlikely Friendship and How We Ennoble Each Other with Kindness
• The Huge Impact of the Small Acts of Kindness in Mawi Asgedom’s Memoir of Beetles
• The Importance of Kindness and Thankfulness in The Rihla Essay
• The Importance of Showing Kindness Through Acts
• The Importance of the Qualities of Shredders, Adaptability and Basic Human Kindness in Mark Twain’s Novel, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
• The Injustice of Reality: Social Messages in Gilman’s “Wedded Bliss” and Plath’s “Kindness”
• The Issue Of Identity Change In The Novels “Mister Pip” By Lloyd Jones And “A Complicated Kindness” By Miriam Toews
• The Kindness of Strangers? An Investigation into the Interaction of Funder Motivations in Online Crowdfunding Campaigns
• The Kindness of Strangers: The Usefulness of Electronic Weak Ties for Technical Advice
• The Lion and the Mouse who Returned a Kindness
• Themes of a Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews
• The Semblance of Selflessness: The Ingenuity of Kindness in As I Lay Dying
• The Theme of Kindness in The Grapes of Wrath, a Novel by John Steinbeck
• The Toil of Good and Evil: Multi-Faceted Kindness in The Book Thief
• The Value Of Kindness In Bhakti According To Vyasa’s The Bhagavad Gita
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Be Kinder to Yourself

• Alice Boyes

How to steer your inner monologue toward compassion.

Talking to yourself with self-compassion will help you deal with a raft of challenging situations, including those you experience personally and those you need to help your employees or kids through. To use it effectively, follow these practices to build specific, personalized habits of self-compassionate talk: give yourself a gentle and supportive nudge by asking yourself what you need in the moment; use irreverence to challenge your beliefs; reframe a trait or tendency to take a more balanced view; identify your patterns of self-sabotage; borrow language from friends, quotes, or proverbs; and write scripts for common scenarios.

Often, we’re our own worst critic. When we feel anxious or frustrated, we talk to ourselves more harshly than we’d find acceptable by anyone else. I blew that presentation. Everyone on my team has such strong technical skills; I can’t follow the conversation. My kiddo is going to be so mad at me for working late again. We wrongly assume that criticism will motivate us to do better. We become even more of a perfectionist than usual. Instead of talking to ourselves with self-compassion, we raise our standards for our behavior as a defense against our feelings of doubt, anxiety, or frustration.

• Alice Boyes , PhD is a former clinical psychologist turned writer and the author of The Healthy Mind Toolkit , The Anxiety Toolkit , and Stress-Free Productivity .

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Greater Good Science Center • Magazine • In Action • In Education

How Kindness Fits Into a Happy Life

We all know that it’s good to be kind to others. Kindness is an important virtue for sustaining relationships, which helps to build a trusting and cooperative society.

You may have also heard that kindness makes you happier and healthier. But what does that mean for you? What acts of kindness will make us happiest, and who tends to benefit the most?

A newly published review of decades of kindness research provides some answers.

In this paper, researchers analyzed the results from 126 research articles looking at almost 200,000 participants from around the world. The studies they chose all had to meet certain criteria, such as including only adults and reporting good statistical data; some were experiments, where people did a kindness practice to observe its effects, while others just surveyed people about how kind and happy they were. The studies measured well-being in a variety of ways, including both mental and physical health.

As expected, people who were kind tended to have higher well-being. Lead researcher Bryant Hui was surprised the relationship was not stronger than it was, but he was still encouraged by the results.

“Although the overall relationship between prosocial (kind and helpful) behavior and well-being is weak, given that so many people around the world act prosocially, the modest effect can still have a significant impact at a societal level,” he says.

A small effect like this—an average of all the participants’ experiences—can sometimes hide other patterns going on below the surface. So, he and his colleagues considered when kindness might have a bigger impact on our well-being.

One thing they found was that people who performed random, informal acts of kindness, like bringing a meal to a grieving friend, tended to be happier than people who performed more formal acts of kindness, like volunteering in a soup kitchen. It’s possible that informal helping may fill our more basic psychological needs for autonomy and close relationships, which is why it could lead to greater happiness.

The researchers also found that people who were kind tended to be higher in “eudaimonic happiness” (a sense of meaning and purpose in life) more than “hedonic happiness” (a sense of pleasure and comfort). Perhaps this makes sense, given that being kind involves effort, which takes away from comfort but could make people feel better about themselves and their abilities, which would provide a sense of meaning.

Being kind came with greater eudaimonic happiness for women than for men, too. According to Hui, this could be because, in many cultures, women are expected to be kinder than men; so, they may have more to gain from it. And younger participants experienced more happiness when they were kind than older participants, perhaps for developmental reasons, he says. Younger adults are at a stage of life where they tend to be figuring out their identity and actively seeking the purpose and meaning in life that kindness can bring, less so than pleasure and comfort.

What other, specific benefits might kindness have? The researchers found that people who were kind tended to have higher self-esteem and a sense of self-efficacy. To a lesser degree, they also experienced less depression and anxiety and improved physical health—with the links to health being strongest in older adults.

Hui doesn’t know for sure why acting kind might have these different effects on different groups, but he points to theories put forth by researcher Elizabeth Midlarsky : Being kind may make us feel better about ourselves as a person or about the meaning of our lives, confirm our self-competence, distract us from our own troubles and stressors, give us a warm-glow feeling, or help us be more socially connected with others. All of these could potentially improve our well-being—reducing our stress, improving our mood, or providing community—and they could hold more importance at different stages of life, too.

By understanding the connection between kindness and well-being, Hui thinks researchers can design better studies that take into account all of the relevant factors, and innovators could create more effective kindness practices. In the future, he hopes there will be kindness apps or online programs that could reach more people, generating a larger impact around the world.

In the meantime, Hui says, the biggest take-home from his research is something he heard the Dalai Lama say long ago: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

“Helping others is a universal virtue and a very affordable and economic way to benefit others’ and our own well-being,” he says. “As the saying goes, helping others is helping yourself.”

About the Author

Jill Suttie

Jill Suttie, Psy.D. , is Greater Good ’s former book review editor and now serves as a staff writer and contributing editor for the magazine. She received her doctorate of psychology from the University of San Francisco in 1998 and was a psychologist in private practice before coming to Greater Good .

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What Is Self-Compassion and What Is Self-Love?

But is it really that vital? Can’t you get along just fine without all that mushy, touchy-feely self-love stuff?

As it turns out, you can get along just fine—but you will likely never thrive!

Read on to learn more about self-compassion, self-love, and the huge impact both of these concepts can have on our lives.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you increase the compassion and kindness you show yourself, but also give you the tools to help your clients, students, or employees show more compassion to themselves.

This Article Contains:

What is the meaning of self-compassion and self-love (a definition).

• Self-Compassion According to Kristin Neff – A Leading Expert

Self-Compassion and Positive Psychology

• Self-Love & Psychology: Understanding Its Importance

Self-Love is the Best Love: 7 Quotes and Affirmations

• Examples of Healthy Self-Love and Self-Compassion
• How to Love Yourself: Acceptance Is Key
• Practicing Self-Compassion With Meditation

A Take-Home Message

Self-compassion and self-love are two related, but distinct, concepts.

Self-compassion is being “kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings” (Neff, n.d.). It means that you act the same way toward yourself when you are going through a tough time that you would act towards a dear friend: noticing the suffering, empathizing or “suffering with” yourself, and offering kindness and understanding.

On the other hand, self-love is “a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth” (Khoshaba, 2012). It is about valuing yourself as a human being who is worthy of love and respect.

Self-love is a more stable construct than self-compassion; while you can choose to be compassionate towards yourself in any moment, self-love is probably something that you will need to build up.

Self-compassion vs. self-esteem and confidence

If you’re wondering how self-compassion is different from other similar constructs like self-esteem , or self-confidence , wonder no more! Renowned expert and leading self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff explains how they differ.

“Although self-compassion may seem similar to self-esteem, they are different in many ways. Self-esteem refers to our sense of self-worth, perceived value, or how much we like ourselves… In contrast to self-esteem, self-compassion is not based on self-evaluations. People feel compassion for themselves because all human beings deserve compassion and understanding, not because they possess some particular set of traits.”

Regarding self-confidence, it is missing a key component that self-compassion includes:

“While self-confidence makes you feel better about your abilities, it can also lead you to vastly overestimate those abilities. Self-compassion, on the other hand, encourages you to acknowledge your flaws and limitations, allowing you to look at yourself from a more objective and realistic point of view.”

Self-love vs. narcissism

Although we can easily imagine self-love translating into narcissism if taken to the extreme, in reality, they are two vastly different concepts.

Self-love is about loving yourself without needing to make downward social comparisons, taking pride in your performance and your achievements, giving yourself the validation you need and recognizing that it’s okay to feel uncertain and doubt yourself now and then.

Narcissism is the opposite: Narcissists compare themselves to others to feel better, obsess over looking like the real deal instead of becoming it, crave constant validation from others, and see things in black and white (Well, 2017).

Self-love is an honest and authentic appreciation for the self , while narcissism is all about proving that you’re better than everyone else and making sure others see you as you want to be seen. Self-love is self-focused, while narcissism is other-focused.

Self-Compassion According to Kristin Neff – A Leading Expert

The Self-Compassion Scale (SCS) is made up of 26 items rated on a scale from 1 (almost never) to 5 (almost always). Respondents are instructed to rate the items based on how they typically act towards themselves during difficult times.

There are six components to the SCS:

• Self-kindness a. Example: “When I’m going through a very hard time, I give myself the caring and tenderness I need.”
• Self-judgment a. Example: “I’m intolerant and impatient towards those aspects of my personality I don’t like.”
• Common humanity a. Example: “When I feel inadequate in some way, I try to remind myself that feelings of inadequacy are shared by most people.”
• Isolation a. Example: “When I think about my inadequacies, it tends to make me feel more separate and cut off from the rest of the world.”
• Mindfulness a. Example item: “When I’m feeling down I try to approach my feelings with curiosity and openness.”
• Overidentification a. Example: “When I fail at something important to me I become consumed by feelings of inadequacy.”

To create a score for each subscale, simply add up all the items for self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness, but reverse-score the items for the other three subscales before adding them together to create a sub-score (i.e., 1 = 5, 2 = 4, 3 = 3, 4 = 2, 5 = 1). For an overall score, calculate the mean of all items. Higher scores represent higher self-compassion.

Dr. Neff allows free use of her scale to researchers or other interested parties. You can find the scale and the citation of the article in which it was originally developed here .

Self-Compassion Step by Step: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself – Audiobook

Kristin Neff is a brilliant and passionate researcher who has taught us a ton about self-compassion; she’s a great author and self-compassion trainer as well!

Her six-session training on boosting your self-compassion is called Self-Compassion Step by Step: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself , and you can find the audiobook here .

This course will help you build a foundation in self-acceptance , self-love, and self-compassion through guided meditations, experiential practices, and on-the-spot techniques.

Follow the path laid down by this book, and you will open yourself up to a transformative experience and give yourself the opportunity to lead a healthier life full of more love, joy, happiness, and fulfillment than ever before.

For even more from this self-compassion expert, check out these TED Talks from Kristin Neff.

The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

The Components of Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

Mindfulness and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

Research on the topic of self-compassion has discovered that there are three main components to self-compassion:

Self-kindness

Common humanity.

• Mindfulness (Neff & Dahm, 2015)

Self-kindness involves refraining from criticizing and castigating yourself for a mistake or a flaw and being understanding and supportive of yourself.

When we’re in pain, we can recognize the harm of self-judgment and treat ourselves warmly and patiently instead (Gilbert & Irons, 2005).

Self-kindness means recognizing our unconditional worth, even when we fall short of our own expectations (Barnard & Curry, 2011).

Our need to connect is part of what makes us human (Maslow, 1943). Having common humanity means recognizing the broader human experience, rather than seeing ourselves as isolated or separate from others (Neff, 2003).

Common humanity also means remembering that we’re not alone when we feel imperfect, hurt, or lonely; rather than withdrawing or isolating ourselves, when we focus on common humanity, we appreciate that others feel just like we do (Gilbert & Irons, 2005).

Mindfulness

Although mindfulness is mentioned in the three components of self-compassion, some researchers feel it should be at the forefront of self-compassion work, rather than one of its components.

Germer (2009) noticed that mindfulness is often the first step toward self-compassion and that mindfulness and self-compassion combined can take the benefits far beyond what simple mindfulness or self-compassion alone can bring.

Self-Love & Psychology – Understanding Its Importance

Self-compassion and depression

Those with low self-compassion are at risk for greater avoidance of their problems, more rumination over their negative thoughts and feelings, and worse functioning (Krieger et al., 2013).

In addition, self-compassion can act as a buffer between us and self-judgment, isolation, and over-identification—common issues in depression. Those with higher self-compassion are not only generally less troubled by these symptoms, but they are also better able to cope with them than those who do not show themselves as much compassion (Kӧrner et al., 2015).

8 Benefits of having self-compassion

It would take an entire article to chronicle all the different ways having self-compassion can benefit you, so instead we’ll list some of the most common and most significant benefits (Firestone, 2016).

• Greater happiness
• Higher optimism
• More positive affect (good mood)
• A greater sense of wisdom
• More motivation and willingness to take initiative
• Increased curiosity, learning, and exploration
• Higher agreeableness
• More conscientiousness

Download 3 Free Self-Compassion Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you to help others create a kinder and more nurturing relationship with themselves.

Download 3 Free Self-Compassion Tools Pack (PDF)

By filling out your name and email address below.

Everyone loves a good quote! Refer back to these self-acceptance quotes when you need a quick boost of inspiration to love yourself.

“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.”

Robert Morely

“Love yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite their faults.”

“To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now.”

“Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others.”

Wilfred Peterson

If these quotes don’t give you a jolt of self-love and self-compassion, try adopting one of the following affirmations instead.

• “I approve of myself. I love myself deeply and fully.”
• “I am worthy of love and joy.”
• “My life is a gift. I will use this gift with confidence, joy, and exuberance.”

Read about these and discover more sample affirmations .

5 Examples of Healthy Self-Love and Self-Compassion

How do we go about loving and showing compassion for ourselves?

There are tons of examples all around us, including the following:

• A generally high-achieving student who fails a test but tells herself, “It’s alright, we all fail sometimes. You’re still a pretty good student overall.”
• A father who loses his temper and raises his voice to his child might tell himself, “You’re not a bad father. You just lost your temper. Everyone loses their temper once in a while. I’ll apologize to my child, forgive myself, and commit to doing better in the future.”
• A wife who lets slip something insulting about her mother-in-law to her husband shows self-compassion by thinking, “Everyone makes mistakes. I made a mistake and I feel bad about it, but it doesn’t make me a bad person.”
• A person who forgets about meeting up with a friend and feels terrible about it might show herself love by saying, “I can be forgetful sometimes, but I’m always forgiving when a friend forgets something, so I’m going to be forgiving to myself as well. I am still a good friend and I will plan to make it up to her.”
• An employee who does not receive the promotion he was hoping for would show himself compassion by telling himself, “Getting this promotion does not define you. You are still a great person and a good worker. You just need to put some effort into improving your skills in a few areas. You’ll get it next time!”

These individuals are certainly not narcissists or cold-hearted, unfeeling people; they are simply treating themselves like they would treat a friend in a difficult time.

How to Love Yourself – Acceptance Is Key

The first step to working on your acceptance and self-love is to determine where you are on those fronts. You can use Neff’s (2003) scale above to assess your level of compassion toward yourself, but simply sitting and thinking about how you tend to feel about, think about, and talk to yourself can give you a pretty good idea.

Once you know where you are, you can figure out where you want to go and determine how best to get there. Use these tips to get to your desired level of self-compassion/self-love).

Learn more by reading: How to Practice Self-Compassion: 8 Techniques and Tips.

6 Tips for practicing self-compassion and self-love

Self-love expert Margaret Paul (2014) has outlined six vital steps you can take to enhance your love for yourself.

Paul calls this process “inner bonding” and notes its powerful healing abilities. All you need to do is practice these six steps regularly to gradually enhance your ability to love yourself.

17 Exercises To Foster Self-Acceptance and Compassion

Help your clients develop a kinder, more accepting relationship with themselves using these 17 Self-Compassion Exercises [PDF] that promote self-care and self-compassion.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Practicing Self-Compassion and Meditation

Self-compassion and meditation go hand in hand. One of the best ways to build up your compassion for yourself is to understand yourself better, enhance your awareness of what’s going on in your own head, and cultivate a sense of love and a feeling of goodwill to all—it just so happens that mindfulness meditation does exactly that!

Guided meditations for self-love and compassion

Check out the guided meditations if you’re interested in developing a self-compassion meditation practice.

10-Minute Guided Meditation for Self-Compassion from Live Sonima

Guided Meditation for Confidence, Self-Love, and a Better Self-Image from Joe T at Hypnotic Labs

Self-Love: Guided Meditation on Unconditionally Love You from Positive Magazine Meditation

Guided Meditation for Self-Compassion from Green Mountain at Fox Run

If you’ve stuck with me for this entire piece—thank you! I’m so glad you took this winding journey through the information, resources, and techniques for improving your self-love and self-compassion with me.

I hope you found the journey helpful and learned at least a few new things. If you did, I’d love to hear what helped. If you didn’t, I’d love to hear about that too! Leave us a comment about your experience practicing self-love and boosting your self-compassion.

Thanks for reading!

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Self Compassion Exercises for free .

• Barnard, L. K., & Curry, J. F. (2011). Self-compassion: Conceptualizations, correlates, & interventions. Review of General Psychology , 15(4), 289-303.
• Firestone, L. (2016). The many benefits of self-compassion . Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201610/the-many-benefits-self-compassion
• Germer, C. (2009). The mindful path to self-compassion: Freeing yourself from destructive thoughts and emotions. Guilford Press.
• Gilbert, P., & Procter, S. (2006). Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism: Overview and pilot study of a group therapy approach. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, 13, 353-379.
• Khoshaba, D. (2012). A seven-step prescription for self-love . Psychology Today . Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love
• Kӧrner, A., Coroiu, A., Copeland, L., Gomez-Garibello, C., Albani, C., Zenger, M., & Brӓhler, E. (2015). The role of self-compassion in buffering symptoms of depression in the general population. PLoS One, 10.
• Krieger, T., Altenstein, D., Baettig, I., Doerig, N., & Holtforth, M. G. (2013). Self-compassion in depression: Associations with depressive symptoms, rumination, and avoidance in depressed outpatients. Behavior Therapy, 44 , 501-513.
• Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review , 50(4), 370.
• Neff, K. (n.d.). Definition of self-compassion . Self-Compassion.org . Retrieved from http://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/
• Neff, K. D. (2003). Development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity , 2, 223-250.
• Neff, K., & Dahm, K. A. (2015). Self-compassion: What it is, what it does, and how it relates to mindfulness. In B. D. Ostafin (Ed.), Handbook of mindfulness and self-regulation (pp. 121-137). Springer.
• Paul, M. (2014, September 18). How do you actually learn to love yourself? Mind Body Green . Retrieved from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-15295/how-do-you-actually-learn-to-love-yourself.html.
• Well, T. (2017). Is self-love healthy or narcissistic? Psychology Today . Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-clarity/201702/is-self-love-healthy-or-narcissistic
• Wong, K. (2017). Why self-compassion beats self-confidence . The New York Times . Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/28/smarter-living/why-self-compassion-beats-self-confidence.html

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Love the work and appreciate the time and effort you put into this. Thank you!

hello i wanted a clarity, compassion itself is an action word, it means to feel for the other and willing to do something to relieve the sufferings. In such a definition, self- compassion should mean, not just acknowledging with my own negative feelings but also doing something in order to relieve myself from it and move towards higher energy state. Actions are in the form of self-love just because there is a word, otherwise self-compassion itself give the entire meaning. Would you agree?

I would suggest that self-compassion may not always require that you take action. For instance, I might find myself feeling lethargic and unmotivated to act in any way at all. This might be due to any number of circumstances — I could be grieving, suffering from physical pain, or experiencing depression. If I’m to view myself with self-compassion, I would view myself with kindness and understanding, regardless of whether I ultimately took action, rather than beating myself, calling myself ‘bad’ for not doing all the things I should do, etc. That is, I would still know that I am worthy and deserving of love and kindness regardless by virtue of just ‘being’ rather than as a result of anything I am ‘doing’.

And yes, self-love is about the specific actions that we take to show ourselves kindness. So, I’d say self-compassion can exist before or in the absence of action.

Hopefully this is makes sense!

– Nicole | Community Manager

Wow this article is going to change my life. It was so informative with information for ALL different learners. It was not your typical article filled of words, words and more words. I love that there are great handouts, worksheets, tips, references quotes and much more.

Very much informative information thank you

Thank you , this was an amazing article , thank you for taking your time to write this !

Thank you very Nice website article

Thank you for this information. ?? I found this article to be very informative, and easy to understand.

Wonderful insight!! Thanx!!

I did a search for “self compassion” and found your excellent article. Thank you. I am struggling. I am an adult child of emotionally immature parents. Father narcissist (physician). Mother controlling. I’ve recently turned 80 and retired from doing psychotherapy (MFT) and am working on a book. I’ve done two already. “Requiem for a Dying World.” I am dealing with depression. Sadness. Grief. My poor Little Johnny needs compassion and hopefully as I digest your article I can learn to give it to him.

Hello sir, how are you doing now? I hope you are much better, wish you the best.

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3 Self-Compassion Tools (PDF)

• What is Self-Compassion?
• The Elements of Self-Compassion
• Fierce Self-Compassion
• Research on Self-Compassion
• Myths about Self-Compassion
• The Mindful Self-Compassion Program

Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others. Derived from latin, the term refers to how we’re with ( com ) suffering ( passion ). Think about times when you’ve felt compassion for a close friend who was suffering. First, to experience compassion you have to actually notice that your friend is struggling or feeling badly about themself.  Second, if what you feel is compassion (rather than pity), you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience. “There but for fortune go I.” Finally, you respond to your friend with warmth, understanding, and kindness – feeling the desire to help in some way. These are the three main elements of compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness .

Self-compassion simply involves doing a U-turn and giving yourself the same compassion you’d naturally show a friend when you’re struggling or feeling badly about yourself.  It means being supportive when you’re facing a life challenge, feel inadequate, or make a mistake. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality or getting carried away by your negative thoughts and emotions, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?

Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with your failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?

You may try to change in ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness. Things will not always go the way you want them to. You will encounter frustrations, losses will occur, you will make mistakes, bump up against your limitations, fall short of your ideals. This is the human condition, a reality shared by all of us. The more you open to this reality and work with it instead of constantly fighting against it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and your fellow humans in the experience of life

1. Self-kindness vs. Self-judgment.

Self-compassion means being kind and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.  We’re warm and supportive when confronted with the imperfection of life rather than cold or harsh. We’re helpful and encouraging, like a good friend, coach or mentor would be.  This inner support allows us to feel safe and puts us in a better frame of mind to cope with challenges or make needed changes in our lives.

2. Common humanity vs. Isolation.

Self-compassion is rooted in  our common humanity. When we struggle or make mistakes, there’s often an irrational but pervasive sense of isolation – as if “I” were the only person in the world having this painful experience. All humans suffer, however. Not the same way or the same amount, but the very definition of being “human” means being vulnerable, flawed and imperfect. When we are self-compassionate, we recognize that our suffering connects us rather than separates us from others. 

3. Mindfulness vs. Over-identification.

Self-compassion requires taking a balanced, mindful approach to our suffering so that we neither suppress or exaggerate it.  Treating ourselves like we would a friend means we step outside our usual way of looking at things, putting our own situation into better perspective. Mindfulness allows us to turn toward our pain with acceptance of the present moment reality. It prevents us from becoming  “over-identified” with difficult thoughts and feelings, so we aren’t swept away by negative reactivity. 

The quintessential question of self-compassion is “What do I need right now?” and more specifically “What do I need to help alleviate my suffering?” The answer to this question changes depending on the circumstances. Sometimes what we need is to accept ourselves in all our human imperfection, to love ourselves as we are in the moment. But that doesn’t mean we necessarily want to stay as we are in the moment. If a herd of cattle is stampeding toward you, it’s not the time for self-acceptance, it’s time for action. Most people think of self-compassion as soft and gentle, but self-compassion can be fierce as well as tender.

Tender self-compassion involves “being with” ourselves in an accepting way: comforting ourselves, reassuring ourselves that we aren’t alone, and being present with our pain. Fierce self-compassion involves “acting in the world” to alleviate suffering. It tends to involve protecting, providing for, and motivating ourselves. Sometimes we need to stand tall and say no, draw boundaries, or fight injustice. Or we may need to say yes to ourselves, to do what’s needed to be happy rather than subordinating our needs to those of others. And if we’re stuck in a bad situation or habits that are harmful, it means doing something different. Not because we’re unacceptable as we are, but because we care.

If tender self-compassion is metaphorically like a parent soothing his crying child, fierce self-compassion is like Momma Bear who ferociously protects her cubs when threatened, or catches fish to feed them, or moves them to a new territory with better resources. Just as tenderness can be turned inward so that we nurture and care for ourselves, the fierce energy of Momma Bear can also be turned inward to stand up for ourselves. What’s essential is that like yin and yang, these two faces of self-compassion are balanced and integrated so that we can be whole. When both are present, it creates a caring force that can be used to transform ourselves and the world around us.

Dr. Kristin Neff talks about fierce self-compassion

T housands of research studies have shown that people who are more self-compassionate benefit in terms of their mental and physical health. Studies are typically conducted by assessing natural levels of self-compassion using self-report measures like the Self-Compassion Scale and correlating scores with other outcomes, by examining what happens to those who are put in a self-compassionate frame of mind in a laboratory setting, or else following those who learn to be more self-compassionate by taking a training course like MSC. Findings using multiple methods converge to show that self-compassion is very good for you.

Self-compassionate people are more likely to:

• Feel happy, optimistic and satisfied with their lives
• Have a stable and unconditional sense of self-worth
• Be appreciative of and satisfied with their bodies
• Demonstrate higher levels of emotional intelligence
• Be forgiving and compassionate toward others
• Be strong and resilient when faced with hardship
• Be conscientious and take personal responsibility
• Show grit, motivation and determination to meet important goals
• Focus on learning and personal growth
• Cope with work challenges and feel more competent and effective at their jobs
• Maintain healthy work-life balance
• Draw healthy boundaries and say no
• Feel authentic and connected and experience intimacy in relationships with others
• Make compromise solutions in conflict situations
• Eat nutritious food, exercise, and get medical checkups
• Sleep well and have a strong immune system

Self-compassionate people are less likely to:

• Experience intense shame and self-loathing
• Base their self-worth on social approval, perceived attractiveness or success
• Have negative body image or engage in disordered eating
• Ruminate on negative thoughts and emotions or become emotionally dysregulated
• Develop anxiety or depressive disorders or engage in suicidal ideation
• Get overwhelmed by stress or develop PTSD
• Abuse drugs and alcohol as a way to escape emotional pain
• Feel lonely and isolated
• Become hopeless about the future or cynical toward life
• Develop fear of failure or the imposter syndrome
• Procrastinate or give up after failing on important tasks
• Get burned out and depleted by their work as caregivers or professionals
• Be detached, controlling, or verbally or physically aggressive in romantic relationships
• Get colds or experience aches and pains

For a research review, see:  Neff, K. D. (2023).  Self-Compassion: Theory, Method, Research, and Intervention.  Annual Review of Psychology, 74: 193-217.  PDF

Myth: It will undermine my motivation

The number one block to adopting self-compassion is the fear that it will make us complacent or unproductive and that we need to be self-critical to motivate change. What should I use? Reveal the truth now!

Self-compassion is a more effective motivator than harsh self-criticism. We try to achieve not to avoid self-judgment, but because we care about ourselves. This supportive mindset better enables us to learn from our mistakes and failures. Research shows that self-compassion engenders a learning and growth orientation that improves performance.

Myth: It means letting myself off the hook

Many people worry that self-compassion will lead them to avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes or harmful actions. Reveal the truth now!

When we're self-compassionate after doing something that we regret, it provides the sense of safety needed to acknowledge what we've done. Research shows that people who are self-compassionate about their past mistakes are more like to take personal responsibility for their misdeeds and to try to repair the situation.

Myth: It's just feeling sorry for myself

Many people believe that self-compassion involves wallowing in self-pity and simply complaining about how hard they have it. Reveal the truth now!

Self-pity involves "why me?" thinking and is self-focused, while self-compassion frames the experience of imperfection in light of the shared human experience. Research shows that self-compassion reduces self-focus, increases perspective-taking, and helps us feel connected to others when we struggle.

Myth: It's self-indulgent

Some think that being kind to yourself just means taking it easy or doing what feels good in the moment. Reveal the truth now!

Self-indulgence involves giving oneself short-term pleasure at the expense of long-term harm. When we care about ourselves, we're willing to undergo discomfort for our wellbeing. Research shows that self-compassionate people are more likely to exercise, eat well, get regular medical checkups, and generally engage in health-promoting behavior.

Myth: It's the same as self-esteem

People sometimes believe that self-compassion means judging oneself positively and having high self-esteem. Reveal the truth now!

 Typically to have high self-esteem we need to feel special and above average. We have self-esteem when we succeed, but not when we fail. With self-compassion we don't need to be perfect or better than anyone else to feel good about ourselves, we just need to be a flawed human being like everyone else. Research shows that compared to self-esteem, self-compassion is less associated with comparisons with others and is less contingent on appearance, social approval, or successful performance. It also provides a more stable sense of self-worth over time.

Myth: It's selfish

Most of us have been told that we should sacrifice for others, and fear that meeting our own needs is selfish. Reveal the truth now!

Compassion isn't a zero-sum game. The more compassion that flows inward, the more resources we have available to be there for others. Research shows that self-compassion people are more giving and supportive to others in relationships. Professional and family caregivers are more able to care for others without becoming drained and burned out.

Myth: It will make me soft or weak

Some people associate being harsh with themselves as being tough and worry that self-compassion will make them vulnerable or weak. Reveal the truth now!

When you go into battle, what's going to make you stronger - being an ally who has your own back or an enemy who cuts you down? The supportive stance of self-compassion provides strength to face the battles of life. Research shows that self-compassionate people are better able to deal with stressful situations like natural disasters, military combat, health challenges, raising special needs children, and divorce.

The Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) program  was developed by Christopher K. Germer, PhD , leader in the integration of mindfulness and psychotherapy, and  Kristin Neff, PhD , pioneering researcher in the field of self-compassion. MSC combines the skills of mindfulness and self-compassion, providing a powerful tool for emotional resilience. The program includes conceptual learning, meditations, and informal self-compassion practices designed to be used in daily life.

A number of randomized-controlled trials have shown that the MSC program greatly enhances mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. It boosts happiness, reduces anxiety and depression, decreases burnout, physical pain, and much more.

In MSC you'll learn:

• how to stop being so hard on yourself
• how to handle difficult emotions with greater ease
• how to motivate yourself with encouragement rather than criticism
• how to transform difficult relationships, both old and new
• theory and research behind mindful self-compassion
• how to become your own best teacher

MSC is offered in a variety of formats and lengths, both online and in person, across the globe. There are also adaptations of the program for teens and professional caregivers. Please visit the  Center for Mindful Self-Compassion  to take the training online and to learn more.

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Here’s How to Actually Be Kinder to Yourself

By Jenna Ryu

Since childhood, chances are you’ve been expected to be nice to others; to “treat them how you want to be treated,” presumably with kindness and respect. But why do so many people (myself included) struggle to apply this golden rule to themselves?

We talk a lot about self-compassion at SELF—how it can help you  move past your mistakes , for example,  improve your relationship with food and  movement , and  accept yourself overall . 

But being kind to yourself—especially when you feel like a failure—is often easier said than done. Instead, the default for many of us is to be our own worst critic:  You always mess up. Everybody else has their life together—except you.   You’re not doing enough.  Sound familiar? 

That little mean voice in your head is not your friend, and it can hold you back from positive change and inner peace,  Adia Gooden, PhD , licensed clinical psychologist and host of the  Unconditionally Worthy podcast, tells SELF. “It’s hard when that inner critic is so loud that it tunes out the wiser, more compassionate part of ourselves, which really gets activated when we're talking to a friend and offering them kindness in a way that comes really easily,” Dr. Gooden says. 

Learning to drown out self-criticism by turning up the volume on that kinder inner wisdom isn’t easy, but it is worth it. You might think that being hard on yourself will make you more humble, say, or that it’ll motivate you to be better, but it actually tends to work against you, according to Dr. Gooden. In fact,  2019 research found that having self-compassion can buffer the mental health consequences of self-criticism, such as stress and depressive symptoms. And  one study published in 2009 suggests that people with high levels of self-compassion may be more likely to feel happy and optimistic about the future, even in situations of perceived failure and rejection. 

So how do you actually show yourself kindness in a way that doesn’t feel cliché or inauthentic? When self-compassion doesn’t come naturally, consider these practical ways to give yourself a break.

1. Confront your inner critic.

We all have one, but you may not even recognize when yours is infiltrating your thoughts. The first step toward showing yourself more kindness is observing the  toxic voice in your head ,  Andrea Bonior, PhD , licensed clinical psychologist and host of the  Baggage Check podcast, tells SELF. Whenever you start comparing yourself to others, say, or blaming yourself for a work mistake or some other misstep, stop for a second and think about what you’re actually saying to yourself.

“For some people, negative self-talk is so pervasive that it’s like the water they’re swimming in,” Dr. Bonior says. “They don’t recognize that it’s even there, whether it’s  negative body image or just being harsh in other ways.” Simply noticing what your inner bully is saying—and even  acknowledging it by writing it down or by trying a  journaling alternative like voice notes—puts you in a better position to begin to challenge and quiet those thoughts, she adds.

2. Treat yourself like you would a close friend—or your childhood self.

Let’s say your best friend is feeling insecure after a  bad day at work. Would you call them a failure? Tell them they’re incompetent at their job? Insist that they don’t deserve their promotion after one mistake? Chances are, you’d never talk to your friends or family the way you may talk to yourself. So why don’t you deserve the same treatment?

A good rule of thumb when it comes to practicing self-kindness, according to Dr. Gooden: If you wouldn’t say it to a friend who’s going through a rough time, don’t say it to yourself either. When someone you care about slips up or makes a poor-taste comment, for example, you probably respond with compassion and understanding (versus telling them you can’t believe they did that and/or that everyone probably thinks they suck). Try to do the same for yourself, Dr. Gooden suggests. 

Now if you’re thinking, I’m the skeptical, blunt friend who “keeps it real” (even if it isn’t always so nice), then this tactic may not work as well for you. Instead, Dr. Gooden recommends another self-compassion strategy: Considering your inner child as you practice positive self-talk. You can hang up a photo of your innocent, five-year-old self on your mirror (or set it as your phone background) and remind that little person that they’re going to be okay, for example, or that they don’t deserve those unkind words (and neither do you). “We know babies are unconditionally worthy of care and respect,” Dr. Gooden says. “They have not accomplished anything yet, but that doesn’t make any of us think that they are unworthy.” With practice, viewing yourself through a similarly supportive lens can help you lose the negative self-talk, she adds.

 3. Make mindfulness a part of your daily routine.

Mindfulness is ultimately about checking in with yourself and how you’re feeling without judgment, which is a great way to foster self-kindness, according to Dr. Gooden. 

“One of the ways we can be unkind to ourselves is by ignoring what we’re feeling physically and emotionally and just telling ourselves to push through,” she says. “Even the acknowledgment of these feelings shows a level of kindness.” 

Yoga classes, meditation apps, and  deep breathing exercises are popular ways to  practice mindfulness , but they’re not the only options. Sometimes,  grounding yourself in the present can be as simple as paying attention to your body’s sensations (maybe  before, during, or after a meal ) or  sitting with the discomfort of your emotions and acknowledging them head-on. In whatever form, paying more attention to your inner world, without judging yourself, is an act of self-compassion in itself, Dr. Gooden reiterates. 

4. Remind yourself that mistakes are part of being human—and dwelling on them won’t do you any favors.

It can be helpful to acknowledge your mistakes in order to move forward, but ruminating about a perceived failure will just keep you stuck, Dr. Gooden says. The reality is that to err is only human; it’s not preventable, which is why  learning to accept your missteps and move on is a much more useful strategy.

To make that acceptance a bit easier, Dr. Gooden suggests trying to separate your errors from your worth. Just because that one date didn’t go as well as you planned doesn’t mean you’re undateable—and, more importantly, it definitely doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love. “Mistakes are something that all of us experience, and it’s important to remember that they don’t make us unworthy,” Dr. Gooden says. “We’re still worthy of love, of care, and of taking up space and being alive.” 

By Erica Sloan

By Sara Coughlin

By Jessica Kasparian

And if you’re someone who thinks lambasting yourself is a strong motivator, the evidence is not on your side. “People often feel like criticizing themselves is going to help them overcome failure,” Dr. Gooden adds, but  research suggests it can actually destroy your self-esteem and prevent you from reaching your goals. 

5. Make sure to focus on positive stuff too.

The human brain has a natural tendency to fixate on the bad. For instance, you’ll probably remember that criticism from your parents more than the praise for your many accomplishments; that one embarrassing comment you made at a party more than the fun you had overall. In order to counteract this “negativity bias,” it can be helpful to put your “bad” moments into perspective by consciously focusing on the positive. 

If you’re down on yourself for letting a friend down, for example, you can think about or write down three times you were there for that person. Or, if you can’t think of anything positive about the situation you’re fixating on, you can get more general and  note a few things you’re grateful for in your life to help shift your focus away from the negative, says Dr. Bonior. 

Positive affirmations are another way to challenge the negative narrative in your head and remind yourself of your worth. It might feel silly at first, but “after a while when you start repeating them you begin to recognize, ‘Maybe this does make sense. Maybe I am as worthy as anybody else, and I deserve to give myself some grace that I would automatically give to other people,’” Dr. Bonior says. If you’re not sure where to start, try some  optimistic yet realistic phrases like, “I have what I need to succeed” or “I am in charge of how I feel, and right now I choose peace.”

6. If self-affirmations aren’t for you, do an activity you enjoy.

If complimenting yourself or giving yourself a pep talk feels unnatural and scriptlike, that’s totally okay. Instead, Dr. Gooden suggests replacing your negative thinking with an activity that gets you out of your head and leaves you feeling soothed. For example, if you’re drawn to nature, you can  go outside on a leisurely walk and  tune into your surroundings . If you prefer to express yourself with art, maybe try an  adult coloring book . Or maybe you love to blast a  throwback playlist and dance around your living room with abandon. 

What you do doesn’t matter so much, as long as it allows you to shift your focus away from self-criticism. “Generally doing things that ground you in the present moment can be very helpful to give you some relief from all of the mind activity,” Dr. Gooden explains. 

7. Remember that self-compassion is not selfish.

Self-kindness involves making yourself a priority. And no, that doesn’t make you a selfish person. “I think many of us, women especially, believe on some level that we should be there for others first and foremost, and that every minute we spend  taking care of ourselves takes away from helping other people,” Dr. Bonior says. However, the reality is that treating yourself with compassion will only make it easier to be physically and emotionally present for your loved ones, she adds. It’s kind of like a muscle: The more you exercise kindness and care in your own life, the more you have the physical, mental, and emotional strength to show up as your best self for others  

That said, you don’t need a reason—even one as beautiful as wanting to be there for others—to be kinder to yourself. You, as much as anyone else, deserve kindness for the simple fact that you’re alive. Give yourself a break. Take good care of yourself. Things may not always go the way you want, but you still deserve compassion. We all do.

• What Does It Mean to Really, Truly Rest?
• This RAIN Meditation Actually Helps Me Practice Self-Compassion
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SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.

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✍️Essay on Kindness: Samples in 100, 150 and 200 Words

• Updated on  
• Nov 2, 2023

Research says that being kind to someone or vice versa can positively rewire your brain. Kindness is when one is generous to another person. Well, in today’s world, it is very difficult. We can hardly find anyone. Do you wish to bring a change in your lifestyle ? Well, you have come to the right place. Today, we will be talking about kindness in depth. Here, in this article, we have compiled several sample essays on kindness which describe this topic in depth. 

Table of Contents

• 1 Importance of Kindness
• 2 Essay on Kindness in 100 Words
• 3 Essay on Kindness in 150 Words
• 4 Essay on Kindness in 200 Words

Importance of Kindness

Kindness is an effortless yet powerful gesture which put a very positive impact on someone’s life. In the academic community, this gesture is seen as an attitude that can create a huge impact on one’s achievement. 

Speaking in a bit of a medical language, being kind to someone boosts serotonin and dopamine. These brain chemicals, known as neurotransmitters, are what light up your reward and pleasure centres and give you a sense of fulfilment.

This doesn’t end here. Kindness has been shown to have cardioprotective effects. It can lower blood pressure and the stress hormone cortisol, which in turn affects stress levels. 

Speaking of which, here, we have compiled an essay on kindness which will provide you with more information on this topic. Let’s dive in. 

Also Read: Essay on the Importance of the English Language for Students

Essay on Kindness in 100 Words

Being kind is a basic virtue which is very important for humankind to create a world that is more peaceful and compassionate. It is one of the most straightforward acts which can be shown by anyone to others without expecting anything in return. When it comes to showing kindness, there are many ways by which one can show it. These include opening doors for others giving your time to support a good cause or simply being with them during their hard times. 

Always remember that even showing a tiny act of kindness can create a huge impact in someone’s life or simply make their day better. 

Also Read: Essay on Save Environment: Samples in 100, 200, 300 Words

Essay on Kindness in 150 Words

Kindness is a feeling of being generous, friendly and considerate. In a world full of hatred and cruelty, kindness is what one can spread. You never know whom you might someone from a having bad day. One can simply start spreading kindness in the community they are living in. 

One of the best examples to describe the word kindness would be Mother Teresa . She devoted her entire life to caring for the destitute and dying in the slums of Calcutta (Kolkata). She is considered to be one of the greatest humanitarians the world has ever produced.

Speaking of kindness, doing little things such as opening a door for someone. Helping an elderly person cross the street, or holding things of someone are some basic things which can be done.

To conclude, kindness is contagious. It can spread like wildfire. Therefore, in a world where there is so much hatred, and cruelty, where people are fighting. One can be kind which will provoke others to do the same. 

Also Read: Essay on Unity in Diversity in 100 to 200 Words

Essay on Kindness in 200 Words

Kindness is one of the most important qualities which people should have. This is very important to create a more compassionate and harmonious world. The simple act of being considerate towards others and not expecting anything in return is kindness. The word ‘kindness’ can be expressed in many different ways. From helping someone during tough times to helping an old lady cross the street is what best describes this word. 

Other than this, kindness is also beneficial for our well-being. Studies show that people who are kind to people around them tend to be more happy than others. This is because of the endorphins which are released. They contribute towards mood-boosting and pain-relieving effects. Not only this, kindness has also proved to have reduced stress levels and improved cardiovascular health.

To conclude, I would like to leave you all with a thought. In today’s times, we hardly come across kind people. Consider ourselves, we may feel for others around us going through the bad phase but how often do we reach out and assist them? It is our responsibility to nurture kindness in ourselves before we can ask others to do the same for us.

Related Articles 

We hope after reading some of these essays on kindness, your perspective on kindness would have changed. Always remember, everyone is fighting their own battles, so the best you can do is be a little kind and bring a smile to their face. Signing off!

There are certain advantages to our happiness and general well-being for those of us who are kind and caring. Perhaps we will live longer. Additionally, kindness lowers stress and enhances mental health.

These expressions describe persons who are kind, considerate, and considerate of others’ feelings.

Kindness belongs to the human virtue category and is one of the 24 universal character strengths.

For more information on such interesting topics, visit our essay-writing page and follow Leverage Edu ! 

Malvika Chawla

Malvika is a content writer cum news freak who comes with a strong background in Journalism and has worked with renowned news websites such as News 9 and The Financial Express to name a few. When not writing, she can be found bringing life to the canvasses by painting on them.

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10 Keys to Happier Living

Everyone's path to happiness is different. based on the latest research, we have identified 10 keys to happier living that consistently tend to make life happier and more fulfilling. together they spell great dream., you can explore them all below..

Do kind things for others

If you want to feel good, doing good is a great place to start..

Helping and being kind not only contributes to the happiness of others, it can also help us to feel happier ourselves! [1] Studies have shown that when we do kind things it can literally gives our brain a boost, activating its ‘reward centres’ [2] and that feels good. It can take our minds off our own worries too. 

Giving and kindness also help us feel connected to others which is important for our wellbeing and contributes to building stronger communities and a happier society for everyone. [3]

There are lots of different ways we can give and  help others .

Every act of kindness counts

From small acts like a friendly smile, a few kind words, helping with bags, or offering up our seat, through to regular volunteering - there are lots of different ways we can give or be kind. We can of course donate money to good causes if we are able to and we can give in lots of non-financial ways too, such as giving a moment of attention, some of our time, knowledge, ideas, energy or support, or even sometimes by giving people the benefit of the doubt, instead of instantly judging them. Acts of kindness add up for our own and others wellbeing and all contribute to creating happier communities. [4]

Reflection: What’s a small act of kindness you could do today?

Helping others can boost happiness in many ways

Scientific studies show that helping others can contribute to our happiness in different ways. These include: experiencing more positive emotions and satisfaction with life [5]; increasing our sense of meaning [6], and boosting our self-confidence. It can reduce stress and help us feel calmer too. [7] Some studies have found that people who volunteered regularly were found to be more hopeful and experience fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety and may even live longer. [8]  Not all acts of helping boost how happy we feel – to maximise the benefits, it’s important that we’ve chosen if or how we help; we can see or sense that it will have a positive impact; and it helps us feel more connected to others. [9]

So if you want to feel good, find ways you can do good! 

Reflection: When was a time that you chose to give or help others that boosted how happy you felt? What contributed to that?

Everyone needs kindness

Giving and being kind can help us feel more connected to others and contribute to nurturing our relationships - and that’s good for wellbeing all round! [10] Our acts of kindness might be for family, friends, colleagues, or neighbours or even strangers. They could be old or young, nearby or far away. It could be a one-off spontaneous gesture or something we do regularly. It could be a compassionate response in a time of crisis or need or simply because it’s a nice thing to do. There are always ways to be kind.

Reflection: Who have you been kind to recently? Who has been kind to you?

Create kindness ripples

Studies have shown that when we do something kind both the recipient and other people who witness that kind act are more likely to be kind themselves. [11] So our kindnesses are amplified, contributing to a happier world! Expressing gratitude for help others give us also ripples out too. [12]

Reflection: Who can you thank for what they give to you?

Ask for help when you need it

Think about it - if helping others boosts happiness, asking for help when we need it could give the person we ask the opportunity for a feel good boost. It can also mean they are then more likely to ask for help when they need it. Certainly communities where people feel they can rely on others to help are happier and more resilient. [13] Asking for help builds connection - so it isn’t only for when we are struggling. We can also ask for help to share experiences, when we’d value support, or when we want to learn something new. 

Reflection: What’s something you’d like help with? Who can you ask?

Balancing your own needs and those of others

Helping is associated with increased happiness and health, but feeling obligated or overly burdened by it can be detrimental, [14] as can be the case for long-term carers. If you are a carer, taking care of your own wellbeing matters – for yourself and the people you are helping. Even small actions that give you a quick break or a boost can help you sustain your physical and psychological health and so your ability to continue caring for others.

Reflection:  What is an action you can take to maintain your own wellbeing, to help you sustain caring for others?

Sustainable giving

As a general rule, we can be more effective, regular givers if we find ways to help that we enjoy, which are in line with our own strengths and feel worthwhile or meaningful. If we are happier givers, the recipients will likely benefit more, and we are more likely to continue to give. Choosing how we help and give to others, giving in ways that boost our sense of social connection and in which we feel effective and impactful all matter in order to sustain giving and helping others. [15] Happier people tend to help others more, so taking care of your own wellbeing helps you sustain giving too. [16]

Reflection: What ways of helping others do you enjoy or find energising?

1 Curry, O. S., Rowland, L. A., Van Lissa, C. J., Zlotowitz, S., McAlaney, J., & Whitehouse, H. (2018). Happy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing acts of kindness on the well-being of the actor. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 76, 320-329. Aknin, L. B., Dunn, E. W., &; Norton, M. I. (2012). Happiness runs in a circular motion: Evidence for a positive feedback loop between prosocial spending and happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 13(2), 347-355.

2 Harbaugh, W. T., Mayr, U., &; Burghart, D. R. (2007). Neural responses to taxation and voluntary giving reveal motives for charitable donations. Science, 316(5831), 1622-1625.

3 Aknin, L. B., Whillans, A. V., Norton, M. I., & Dunn, E. W. (2019). Happiness and prosocial behavior: An evaluation of the evidence. World Happiness Report 2019, 67-86. Okabe-Miyamoto, K., &; Lyubomirsky, S. (2021). Social connection and well-being during COVID-19. World Happiness Report, 131-152.

4 Aknin, L. B., Whillans, A. V., Norton, M. I., & Dunn, E. W. (2019). Happiness and prosocial behavior: An evaluation of the evidence. World Happiness Report 2019, 67-86. Okabe-Miyamoto, K., &; Lyubomirsky, S. (2021). Social connection and well-being during COVID-19. World Happiness Report, 131-152.

5 Aknin, L. B., & Whillans, A. V. (2021). Helping and happiness: A review and guide for public policy. Social Issues and Policy Review, 15(1), 3-34.

6 What Works Centre for Wellbeing Briefing Paper (2020) Volunteer wellbeing: what works and who benefits? https://whatworkswellbeing.org/resources/volunteer-wellbeing-what-works-and-who-benefits/

7 Luks, A. A. (1988). Helper's high. Psychology Today, 22(10), 39.; Piliavin, J. (2003). Doing well by doing good: Benefits for the benefactor. In C. M. Keyes, J. Haidt, C. M. Keyes, J. Haidt (Eds.) , Flourishing: Positive psychology and the life well-lived (pp. 227-247). Washington, DC US: American Psychological Association.

8 Aknin, L. B., Whillans, A. V., Norton, M. I., & Dunn, E. W. (2019). Happiness and prosocial behavior: An evaluation of the evidence. World Happiness Report 2019, 67-86. Curry, O. S., Rowland, L. A., Van Lissa, C. J., Zlotowitz, S., McAlaney, J., &; Whitehouse, H. (2018). Happy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing acts of kindness on the well-being of the actor. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 76, 320-329. King, V. (2016) 10 Keys to Happier Living – A Practical Guide for Happiness. Hachette. Lyubomirsky, S, Sheldon, K M, &; Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111 - 131

9 Aknin, L. B., & Whillans, A. V. (2021). Helping and happiness: A review and guide for public policy. Social Issues and Policy Review, 15(1), 3-34.; King, V. (2016) 10 Keys to Happier Living – A Practical Guide for Happiness. Hachette.

10 Aknin, L. B., & Whillans, A. V. (2021). Helping and happiness: A review and guide for public policy. Social Issues and Policy Review, 15(1), 3-34.; Helliwell, J. F., Aknin, L. B., Shiplett, H., Huang, H., & Wang, S. (2017). Social capital and prosocial behaviour as sources of well-being. National Bureau of Economic Research Working Paper 23761

11 Jung, H., Seo, E., Han, E., Henderson, M. D., and Patall, E. A. (2020). Prosocial modeling: A meta-analytic review and synthesis. Psychological Bulletin, 146(8), 635

12 Algoe, S. B., Dwyer, P. C., Younge, A., &; Oveis, C. (2020). A new perspective on the social functions of emotions: Gratitude and the witnessing effect. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 119(1), 40.

13 Aknin, L. B., & Whillans, A. V. (2021). Helping and happiness: A review and guide for public policy. Social Issues and Policy Review, 15(1), 3-34.; Helliwell, J. F., Aknin, L. B., Shiplett, H., Huang, H., &; Wang, S. (2017). Social capital and prosocial behaviour as sources of well-being. National Bureau of Economic Research Working Paper 23761

14 Aknin, L. B., & Whillans, A. V. (2021). Helping and happiness: A review and guide for public policy. Social Issues and Policy Review, 15(1), 3-34

15 Aknin, L. B., & Whillans, A. V. (2021). Helping and happiness: A review and guide for public policy. Social Issues and Policy Review, 15(1), 3-34.; King, V. (2016) 10 Keys to Happier Living – A Practical Guide for Happiness. Hachette.

16 Aknin, L. B., Dunn, E. W., & Norton, M. I. (2012). Happiness runs in a circular motion: Evidence for a positive feedback loop between prosocial spending and happiness. Journal of Happiness Studies, 13(2), 347-355.

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• v.474(8); 2016 Aug

Your Best Life: Kindness is Its Own Reward

John d. kelly, iv.

Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania, 34th and Spruce St., Philadelphia, PA 19104 USA

The novelist Henry James was asked by his nephew what he ought to do with his life and how he should live it. The great author responded: “Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind” [ 1 ].

As we all strive to live more peaceful lives, it would be wise to take James’s words to heart.

Kind deeds—a tender word, generous gift, or loving gesture—clearly enrich the lives of those who receive them and can lift the mood of even the most disheartened soul. Perhaps more importantly, being kind brings increased joy and well-being to the giver. If we extend charitable gestures to others, we can make ourselves happier and more joyful. In fact, evidence is accruing extolling the virtues of kindness in promoting happiness [ 4 ].

A Focus Outward

Most of us find it difficult to be kind when we face trying times. A patient’s surgery is not going as well as planned and the next room is ready. As surgeons, we have all gone through this vexing experience. Most of us are prone to descend into negativity, overcome with feelings of distress, anxiety, and frustration. Yet these are the times that afford the most growth.

If a surgeon is experiencing a bad day, a return to the present moment is the antidote. In other words, a mere shift in attention to wholly invest in the story of each and every patient will recalibrate perspective and often terminate a seemingly endless stream of negative thinking.

A pause to breathe, coupled with a decision to focus on all the good one is doing with the singular goal of patient well-being, will tame whatever demons may be lurking in one’s cortex. Michael J. Baime MD, Director of the Penn Program for Mindfulness at the University of Pennsylvania Health System calls this, “Stop, breathe, and be” [ 2 ]. This mindfulness-based tool is an easy way to regain peace in a day that could otherwise be riddled with stress or frustration.

Once we are in the moment, we let go of any frustration that came before us and we do not contemplate the tasks that lie ahead. A simple, “How can I help you?” when entering a waiting room will immediately shift attention from thoughts of frustration, fatigue, tardiness, or fear of failure to the well-being of the patient before you. The patient’s response to your question may offer some perspective. What if your patient’s chief complaint is skin breakdown on the stump of an amputated leg? Not only can we at least momentarily forget our own concerns, but we often recognize that the plight and hardship of another gives perspective to our own perceived difficulties.

A Focus on the Now

As we focus outward and become intentional in bringing goodness to others, we become more present. Kind actions reorients us to this single moment in time. “How can I help you?” does more than shift attention. The question brings with it a return to now—the only moment in which kindness can be executed.

Even unforeseen complications can be portrayed in a kind and loving manner. After surgery, many orthopedists shun speaking to families about the procedure’s outcome. Most would rather be back in surgery where the familiar and comfortable looms. Unexpected outcomes are difficult to embrace and even more trying to convey to a patient’s family or friends. This time can be a wonderful opportunity to extend loving kindness, as one explains the nature and prognosis of a procedure. A focus on the family’s concerns reminds us that we do this for others.

Kindness to Self, Kindness to Others

The greatest barrier to a kind disposition is our own pain. Internal strife does not lend itself well to being kind. However, when we become aware of our own pain, we can decide to be kind anyway.

In order to navigate the marathon journey of a vocation in orthopaedic surgery, self-compassion, or kindness to oneself is an essential virtue. Mistakes are inevitable, but they do not define us. When we become preoccupied with mistakes and exercise self-judgment, we lose confidence and compromise our ability to heal others [ 5 ].

Despite whatever dysfunctional and negative thoughts our brains are manufacturing, our brains can become rewired in time to think more loving and kind thoughts. How so? Interestingly, the most effective way to become kind to oneself is to be kind to others. In his masterful work Getting the Love You Want [ 3 ], author Harville Hendrix PhD elaborates on the phenomenon of how our unconscious mind (brain stem and limbic system) cannot differentiate between acts of kindness to others and ourselves. Our “old brain” as Hendrix refers to, merely processes signals from our cerebral cortex and cannot differentiate from actions directed outward or inwardly. Put another way, kindness to others is perceived by the old brain in the same way as kindness directed to oneself. According to Hendrix, the only way for each of us to truly get the love we all crave and want, is to be kind to others [ 3 ]. Only then will our unconscious mind receive the loving messages necessary for healing of deep-rooted inner pain. We each have the power to continually extend loving kindness to others, and thereby bombard our old brain with healing messages. Just like practicing surgery refines neural impulses so that procedures ultimately flow lyrically, practicing kindness, in time, makes being kind easier.

Generate Uplifts

Wayne Sotile PhD writes extensively on resiliency in medicine, and notes that the most satisfied physicians do not escape hardships any more than burnt out doctors [ 6 ]. What distinguishes resilient physicians from emotionally exhausted ones is the presence of “uplifts” one receives in the course of day [ 6 ]. Dr. Sotile defines “uplifts” as positive and kind gestures, words, or actions that buoy the spirit. When we extend loving and kind gestures to others, they, in turn, will be much more inclined to do the same. Mirror neurons in our brain reflect back impulses they receive [ 4 ]. When we each receive loving gestures, mirror neurons will generate neural impulses, which will lead to loving actions, or “uplifts.”

How does one receive more uplifts in one’s life? The answer is straightforward: Give them. A kind word, gift, loving gesture, or any random act of charity will buoy the spirit of even the busiest of surgeons.

Tomorrow, Try This

• Take the 3-week challenge. Be as kind as you can be for 21 consecutive days regardless of how you perceive others treating you.
• Become aware of and own your negative emotions when they arise. Then be kind, anyway.
• Keep a journal at your bedside and note the occasions you were kind in the last 24 hours. Also note the times when you could have been more kind or positive. Seek to practice more kindness the next day.
• The next time you notice that you are having a bad day, decide to practice a random act of kindness to the next person (or patient) you encounter.
• After 3 weeks, read through your journal entries. Recognize the transformation of your joy and those close to you.

A Note from the Editor-in-Chief:

I am pleased to present the next installment of “Your Best Life,” a quarterly column written by John D. Kelly, IV MD. Dr. Kelly is an Associate Professor of Clinical Orthopaedic Surgery at the University of Pennsylvania. His column explores the many ways that busy professionals—surgeons and scientists—might find peace, happiness, and balance both at work and in their personal lives.

The author certifies that he, or any members of his immediate family, have no funding or commercial associations (eg, consultancies, stock ownership, equity interest, patent/licensing arrangements, etc) that might pose a conflict of interest in connection with the submitted article.

All ICMJE Conflict of Interest Forms for authors and Clinical Orthopaedics and Related Research ® editors and board members are on file with the publication and can be viewed on request.

The opinions expressed are those of the writers, and do not reflect the opinion or policy of Clinical Orthopaedics and Related Research ® or The Association of Bone and Joint Surgeons ® .

Why Choose Kindness

Boost your well-being by being kind—to others and to yourself..

Posted April 11, 2019 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

“Three things in human life are important,” wrote novelist Henry James in the early 20th century. “The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. The third is to be kind.”

As one of humankind’s cardinal virtues and most cherished social currencies, kindness—no doubt—is important. According to one hypothesis, pro-social traits like kindness may have even primed our species for the evolution of language . As children and as adults, we seek kindness from our friends and our mates . We spend our days giving and receiving kindness. We remember kindness, too, its trail of goodwill echoing through our memory banks like sweet perfume, long after the moment has passed. Kindness moves us. It nourishes and heals; strengthens and uplifts. A smile, a touch born of kindness can crack open the most rugged of hearts, unclench the tightest of fists. It has been hailed by poets, philosophers, and spiritual leaders as a gift, a religion, a language audible to the deaf and visible to the blind, a weapon to fight evil, and mankind’s greatest delight. And now, science is showing just why the accolades ring true.

Kindness boosts well-being

If you recall the rush of positive feelings you experienced the last time you performed a kind act, you would likely agree that kindness feels good. This distinct sense of satisfaction, the “ warm glow ” or the “helper’s high” that ignites the brain’s reward systems, is said to be among the drivers of pro-social behavior in humans. Kindness not only feels good but also does us good. To begin with, connecting with others through kind deeds allows us to meet our basic psychological needs of relatedness and belonging. Performing acts of kindness can also increase life satisfaction , positive mood , and peer acceptance . It can stimulate the release of serotonin and oxytocin , which can increase trust , reduce fear and anxiety , and help us read each other’s minds . For the elderly, prosocial behavior can promote longevity . For teenagers , it can boost self-esteem . Kindness also makes us happy. Researchers at Oxford University recently found that we can increase our happiness levels when we are kind to those with whom we enjoy close as well as weak ties (for example, family and strangers). Even observing others perform kind acts and, importantly, being kind to ourselves , can make us happier.

For psychotherapist and author of The Kindness Cure Dr. Tara Cousineau, kindness is a moment of human connection. Since every interaction carries the potential of threat and reward, it takes vulnerability and courage to hold these potentials at the same time in this moment of connection. Perhaps that is why in our modern culture, where it is easy to grow suspicious of kindness, to see it as weak and soft, to be bombarded with messages that the world is an unsafe and unkind place, Cousineau views kindness as “love in action.”

Here are three insights into kindness from Dr. Cousineau.

Start with yourself

In her experience as a psychotherapist, Cousineau has observed how remarkably unkind people can be towards themselves when they talk about their lives. Perhaps worst of all, we don’t recognize how unkind we are to ourselves. “If we would tune into our internal dialogue, most likely we wouldn’t say those same words to someone we love: I am not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I am not something enough. We are mired in regrets from the past or worries about the future. We compare and despair,” she says. Naturally, it may be easier to be kind to others than to ourselves, so it may take some intention and effort to befriend ourselves, too.

The key to learning to be kinder to ourselves lies in self-compassion. Self-compassion stands upon three pillars: self-kindness (treating yourself with the kindness and understanding you would show to someone you love), common humanity (recognizing that you are not alone in your pain and that suffering is a shared human experience), and mindfulness (holding your negative experiences as they are—without suppressing them or over-identifying with them). As a bonus, self-compassion comes with a wealth of well-being benefits: from building resilience , optimism , and healthier stress response, to reducing depression , anxiety and rumination (for review, see Neff & Germer, 2017).

Cultivate your kindness instinct

Some people are inclined to be more empathic than others. In general, however, we all are born with a kindness (compassion) instinct. Our nervous systems have evolved to have a highly attuned sensitivity to caring about others. Darwin considered the “ sympathy instinct ” as one of the strongest human instincts which helped our species survive and flourish. It is this instinct that we need to nurture, according to Cousineau, by strengthening our compassion muscle and its neural wiring. And not only in kindergarten, when children are taught to write thank-you notes and do kind acts but also across the lifespan. “Kindness is not random,” says Cousineau. “We have to intentionally redirect our energy and attention to noticing what is good, pleasant and beautiful about humanity.” We might be surprised at the joy we stumble upon in the process.

One way of cultivating compassion and kindness is through loving-kindness meditation . It involves closing your eyes, thinking of someone in your life who you love dearly and sending them wishes of well-being, love, and safety by repeating silently:

May you feel safe,

May you feel happy,

May you feel healthy,

May you live with ease.

After holding your warm and tender feelings in your heart, send them to someone else, again, repeating silently the four phrases. Don’t forget to tuck yourself in your compassion circle as well, says Cousineau. Repeat the phrases for yourself, “ May I feel safe, may I feel happy …” Gradually expand your circle of people to whom you are sending your well-wishes and love to include people in your neighborhood or community, and then even further to all living beings. ( Here is a guided loving-kindness meditation from psychologist Barbara Fredrickson). Practicing this meditation regularly can increase self-compassion and decrease self-criticism . Other well-being benefits of the loving-kindness meditation include increases in positive emotions , empathy , social connection , as well as a decrease in negative emotions , chronic pain and PTSD symptoms . It doesn’t take much for us to wish well upon others, whether in meditation or as we throng through crowded streets on our daily commute. And yet, we might just spill some of that goodwill on ourselves by the time we reach our destinations.

Find ways to be kind

To cultivate kindness as a practice, Cousineau invites us to reflect on one key question:

How can I bring kindness into my day, whether to me or another person, in any small way?

We could look for something generous to say about the people with whom we are interacting. We could find ways to be of service. We could recharge our days with moments of gratitude and appreciation, caring and curiosity. We could show ourselves the kindness we crave from others through self-compassion and self-care. This includes becoming aware when we feel overwhelmed, depleted and when our threat systems are ignited. After all, as Cousineau notes, stress is often what gets in the way of kindness. “It’s harder to bring online our sense of caring when we are in survival mode, even if it’s a mental state,” she notes. At the end of the day, Cousineau suggests bringing front and center of our consciousness the things that went well – the moments when we gave ourselves and others the gift of kindness – and to notice what happens. Perhaps, as Scottish biographer James Boswell wrote in the 18th century, we could witness our vessels being filled drop by drop with acts of kindness, until, at last, our hearts run over.

Many thanks to Tara Cousineau for her time and insights. Dr. Cousineau is a clinical psychologist, staff psychologist at Harvard University, and author of The Kindness Cure: How the Science of Compassion Can Heal Your Heart and Your World .

Cousineau, T. (2018) The Kindness Cure: How the Science of Compassion Can Heal Your Heart and Your World. New Harbinger Publications. Oakland, CA.

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Boellinghaus, I., Jones, F. W., & Hutton, J. (2014). The role of mindfulness and loving-kindness meditation in cultivating self-compassion and other-focused concern in health care professionals. Mindfulness , 5(2), 129-138.

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Neff, K. D. & Germer, C. (2017). Self-Compassion and Psychological Wellbeing. In J. Doty (Ed.) Oxford Handbook of Compassion Science, Chap. 27. Oxford University Press.

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Marianna Pogosyan, Ph.D. , is a lecturer in Cultural Psychology and a consultant specialising in cross-cultural transitions.

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